I thought I was gay since I was 16, but then I actually kissed a guy… and now I am not so sure. Gay images still arose me, but I am no longer checking out other men or noticing them.
I also no longer have any interest in having a relationship with another man (or woman).
I am now 25 and wondering, can it be possible that I am not gay like I thought?
Why I No Longer Want To Be Gay
I no longer want to be gay. I know that on the surface this statement reeks of the denial, self-loathing and internalized homophobia commonly associated with accepting and integrating ones gayness but truth is, I just don’t want to be gay anymore. It has outlived its usefulness. I have experienced all aspects of the life and can safely say that it no longer speaks to the person that I am or want to become. I didn’t always feel this way.
Initially I came to this community searching for love, intimacy and brotherhood. In return, I got shade, infidelity, loneliness and disunity. The self-loathing in this community forces you to encounter a series of broken men who are self-destructive, hurtful, cruel and vindictive towards one another. I have struggled to adapt my moral code to fit the behaviors concomitant with the lifestyle but it seems that the lifestyle is forcing me too far away from everything I love and value. No matter how many times I try to purge my perception of its firmly held beliefs and skewed biases, the same classic stereotypes of gay men keep rearing their ugly heads. The indiscriminate sex, superficiality, unstable relationships, self-hatred, peter pan syndrome, closeted connections, ageism, shade, loneliness, preoccupation with sex, prejudice, aversion to intimacy all seem to come out of the ground I thought they were buried under. Gay men just seem to find it difficult to transcend the stereotypes and clichés attached to the life and it is becoming disheartening.
It has been seven years since I decided to live my life as an openly gay male and it has not been an easy road. It has been fraught with much pain and misery that I initially tried to mask with alcohol, drugs, sex and parties. In the beginning it was hard to admit that I liked other men. But I did and it was a very freeing experience. It gave me the opportunity to assert my identity when for years I struggled with this. It gave me a chance to be my own activist and stand up in the face of opposition from family, friends and society as a whole. I took pride in my gay pride and felt as though I were apart of something greater than myself, a movement of men who loved other men and who were unafraid to show it. Our love was supposed to be a revolutionary act. But the truth is, we didn’t love each other; we were just infatuated with the idea of belonging and going against the grain. We loved the freedom and taboo of rebelling against societal mores. The love that we thought was intricate to the spelling of our revolution was just a knife that we turned in on ourselves under the guise of fun and good times.
Personally I believe that love is sacrifice and not many gay men are willing to sacrifice for their brethren nowadays. Initially this spirit of self-sacrifice was salient during the AIDS crisis in the early 80’s and 90’s when resources were scarce and people were afraid. But now, there seems to be a preoccupation with the seduction of risk, as gay men play with matches, hoping to ignite meaningful connections in their never ending self-discovery. The grand prize of intimacy is often forfeited for the immediate gratification of a casual encounter on craigslist or a geo-social hook up on Grindr. Cars have become the new bedrooms and sex is not followed with pillow talk but rather phrases such as: “Blo and Go,” “Pump and Dump” and “Skeet and Leave”. The life is starting to look a lot like a slow death simmering on low heat and it doesn’t hold the same appeal that it once did to me. It is a life in serious need of renovations.
Men also used to be men and approached you with a modicum of chivalrous courage. Now they hide behind electronic masks or position themselves in close proximity to you at clubs hoping you initiate contact only to arrogantly dismiss your advances in an attempt to project their own discomfort. I have noticed that a lot of gay men seem to only want a challenge and live for the elusive. They want men who do not want them, men who resemble the emotional distance or absence of their fathers.
I am too young to long for the good old days but this life makes you miss what it meant to be gay. It makes you long for the times when a guy would greet you and offer you a drink as opposed to his cock size and sexual stats. The middleman of courtesy has been eliminated and replaced with an immoral devil who chaperons your destruction daily. It just isn’t worth it anymore. And while I recognize my attractions to men, I choose to no longer associate myself with a life that lives outside of morality and goodness. The gay life is like the love of a bad boy whose attention and love you initially covet but eventually outgrow. It’s just not where I see myself anymore.
I’m No Longer Gay: Can a Gay Man Become Straight?
In the midst of my dating life, I’ve dated men before who are now officially gay. I dated these men during various parts of my late teens and early twenties; before I knew any better. I knew in the back of my head that something wasn’t quite right, so later when I found out they were gay; it was no surprise to me. I can’t help but to wonder can anyone truly renounce being gay or lesbian? I know that men and women date the opposite sex as they try to figure out who they are, but once you’ve figured it out, and you’ve been gay almost your whole adult life, can you truly wake up one day or read the bible and say “I’m no longer attracted to men? I’ve seen supposedly straight men turn out to be gay (because they were living a lie) but I rarely hear of gay men turning straight.
As a woman, I know that we all at some point desire companionship. However, I don’t think I could date, be in a relationship, or marry a man who was once gay. Not Bisexual but gay! Not only would I have to worry about thirsty (desperate) women, but now I would have to worry about men as well. Not to mention that I would be scared of him dropping me like a damn hot potato while he rides off into the sunset with the man of his dreams. Someone may hide their attraction for the same sex, but I don’t think it ever truly goes away! I think you spend your life living a lie.
If Antoine Dodson has found God and believes that his life would be better as a straight man then that’s his choice; I have no judgments. But I would like to believe that God or whatever higher being you believe in loves us all despite whom we choose to love. I honestly believe no one can choose to be straight.
Do you believe a gay man can renounce his homosexuality and would you date a man who was once known to be gay? And last but certainly not least, am I the only one loving that peacock necklace?
Does this mean I am no longer gay?
I was confused and always thought I was bisexual in high school. But then after a while I stopped having feelings for women and found out I was actually gay. I have always been gay and always dated guys because this is just the way I feel about guys. BUT so many times (before I accepted myself) I have tried to force myself to date women just so I can convince myself that with a little convincing I can turn myself straight or at least bi.
Of course that failed so finally one day I accepted that being gay is not something I can ever change. No matter how much I wanted to deny it. But recently more so then ever I find straight couples turn me on. If a guy kisses a girl it turns me on. If I see a guy make love to a girl in a video it turns me on. But now come back to me and REask me if I would go out with a female and I would still say no because I am not sexually or physically attracted to them.
I could never picture myself doing anything with a girl let alone kiss a girl (yikes sorry ladies) but for some strange reason I only get turned on when a guy and girl both kiss do sexual things together. Why would this be? I don’t replace the image of a girl with me and the guy I simply see two straight people making love and it turns me on. Does that mean I am bisexual? Am I still gay? What does it mean?
How to Know if You Are Gay
This article was co-authored by Eric A. Samuels, PsyD. Eric A. Samuels, Psy.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in private practice in San Francisco and Oakland, California. He received a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology from The Wright Institute in 2016 and is a member of the American Psychological Association and Gaylesta, the Psychotherapist Association for Gender and Sexual Diversity. Eric specializes in working with men, young adults, and people with diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. There are 20 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 4,511,613 times.
Figuring out your sexual orientation can be really confusing, but there’s no rush to label yourself. Your sexual identity is personal, and it’s okay to explore how you feel. If you suspect you may be gay, examine your thoughts and behaviors to figure out if you’re attracted to the same sex. Additionally, consider experimenting with your sexuality. If you identify as gay, be proud of who you are and come out when you feel ready.
I’m not gay…
I really want to upvote this comment but it’s at 69 upvotes so
If you have to say „I’m not gay but…“ to begin with then chances are you’re gay. I’ve been there. Cultural background has very little to do with sexuality. 1 out of every 10 people you see is gay. There are gay people everywhere, whether or not they are open about it is another question altogether though. Muslim countries are pretty notoriously unaccepting though so I don’t blame you for wanting to rationalize it away and not explore it. I wish you the best. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk. 🙂
You could be bi, gay, or it’s just a fantasy because you’re just curious what the other side is like. Just remember, don’t be hard on yourself. At of the day, you get to decide who you are.
sounds pretty gay to me. you can still be a naughty muslim girl though.
I don’t blame you, girls are the best. It’s perfectly natural for two girls to get it on once in a while. Laudable, even.
I think a lot of woman fantasize about sexual relationships with women because we have been bombarded by the porn, movie, and music industry with lesbian performativity. In reality most of us are just straight. I struggled with my sexuality for a decade, but when it came down to building a life with someone, it was always going to be a man because I’m actually just straight with an early onset addiction to lesbian porn.
Could be bicuriosity to me. I’m definitely straight sexually and mostly romantically, but have had fleeting romantic feelings for 1 of my male friends that I had really good chemistry with. It’s all on a spectrum, no one is 100% straight. 99.99% probably but not 100%
So….straight girls don’t think about that. I asked
Lasizwe No Longer Gay, Entertainer Confuses Fans After Showing Off New Bae
South African social media personality and Youtuber, Lasizwe Dambuza has left many confused after he posted a picture of himself with his new ‘love’. The post has left many fans questioning whether the entertainer is no longer gay or whether he is playing for both teams, so to speak.
The confusion started when Lasizwe took to multiple social media platforms to show off seemingly romantic pictures in which he is carrying a young lady while the two gaze affectionately into each other’s eyes.
Just US! You and I??#SheSaidYesToUs#LuckiestGuyInTheWorld
Unsurprisingly, the posts caused confusion among his followers since Lasizwe has never been shy about his sexuality or his identity. It did not help matter that Lasizwe once declared that he was turning straight and giving up on men, particularly, South African men, because he felt that they were too much of a stress. The declaration may have been made in jest, but with Laziswe one never knows.
Many people responded to Lasizwe’s post with confusion. SOme begged the entertainer to come out and set the record straight on where he stands while others congratulated him for finally seeing the way.
Below are some of the reactions from social media to Lasizwe latest post,
— ♡ #Tukisho Leshega ☆? ☆ (@JuniorLeshega) October 24, 2020
Kodwa i son iphelile ngemuva…sekzoba nzima ukuyjwayela ngapha ngakthina
— Ice Cold Hart (@IceColdHart_Rap) October 24, 2020
Finally he has seen the light… May God bless @Lasizwe for the light has come in his heart.
— Wiseman Ntlhari?? (@NtlhariWiseman) October 24, 2020
Loooooozah !!!!!!! Please take you advice. Put God first. But in this case you are heading to hell.??
I didn’t think men had hormones ?, ai we learn something new every day ?
Welcome back home Mr, and I know dat traffic was a big mess
— Long Live ProKid.?? (@ProKidFan1) October 24, 2020
Uya bona when they say men are dogs this is what our lasizwe is doing. But let us tool
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Weibo Administration: “We’re No Longer Targeting Gay Content”
After a storm of critique following a ban on gay content, Weibo announces it will no longer specifically target cartoons, games, or videos relating to homosexuality.
Three days after Sina Weibo announced a clean-up of its platform that included a ban on homosexual content, it has announced that it will no longer target displays of homosexuality specifically.
Just now Weibo annouced it would not target topic of homosexuality anymore.
Weibo administration (@微博管理员) wrote on Monday afternoon (Beijing time): ” This time, the cleanup of anime and games won’t target gay content. It is mainly [meant] to clean up content related to pornography, violence, and gore. Thank you for your discussions and suggestions.”
On Friday, the announcement that, along with violent and pornographic content, homosexual content would be targeted in a new online clean-up campaign, ignited a storm of discussion. Thousands of netizens then responded to the campaign with the hashtag “I am gay” (我是同性恋#).
The announcement and its aftermath show many similarities with a Weibo campaign of 2017, in which the platform said it would ban “displays of homosexuality” in online videos. Then, an official account of the Communist Youth League replied that “being gay is no disorder.”
Although comments on Friday’s Sina Weibo announcement have been locked for viewing, the responses to the new announcement on Monday were open to see.
Within three hours after Weibo’s Administration posted the rectification, it had been forwarded more than 33,000 times and received over 7500 comments. “I hope you’ll never announce discriminatory guidelines again,” some netizens said.
The Weibo account LGBT (@LGBT) responded to the new notice, writing that: “Weibo’s homophobic storm has settled,” and that this was a “step forward” in showing “respect for people who are different.”
©2018 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at .
Weibo’s New Online Guidelines: No Homosexual Content Allowed
Manya Koetse is the editor-in-chief of . She is a writer and consultant (Sinologist, MPhil) on social trends in China, with a focus on social media and digital developments, popular culture, and gender issues. Contact at , or follow on Twitter.
Former LGBTQers Testify: If You No Longer Want to Be Gay or Transgender, You Don’t Have to Be
CAPITOL HILL—A number of former homosexuals and transgendered people gathered recently outside the U.S. Congress to say sexual identity can be changed, and their changed lives are proof.
Here are excerpts from their remarkable testimonies of change.
APRIL LOCKHART FROM ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO:“I am a former lesbian. I’m very passionate about this topic because I really embraced that life. I won’t talk about how or why I went into that lifestyle. But I fully embraced it, and I was confident in who I was and I sought it out. I was a champion for the LGBT and I really even liked to just be out there and promote it.“
„I had fully believed in this lie that gets perpetuated that people don’t change, they can’t change, and if you try to change them, it’s detrimental to their health. And I just want to say that’s a lie.“
„I almost missed out on some of the best and most precious moments of my life. I wasn’t going to get married. I wasn’t going to meet my husband. I wasn’t going to get to have my own children. This is not something that my mind was even open to. I didn’t know that it was a possibility for me. And I stand before you now a changed woman. I don’t struggle with same-sex attraction. It’s almost like it never was for me. And so I would like for that lie to stop being perpetuated. It’s just simply not true. People can and do change if they want. And we need to be allowed as free Americans to seek that out. Nobody has the right to tell you you can’t be what you want to be. And I did want change. And through the power of God, the Creator of heaven and earth, this was able to happen. These days we’re able to happen. These moments. And I’m a happy woman. I don’t suffer depression. I don’t suffer with anxiety. I don’t drink myself into stupors like I used to have to.“
LUIS RUIZ FROM ORLANDO, FLORIDA:“For a long time, I was very broken and hurt. I found out that I was HIV positive because I was promiscuous. My generation would say a ‚ho.‘ While I was searching for men, sleeping around a lot, I didn’t realize that there was a man looking for me.“
„And His name is Jesus. I was able to find a church where they loved me. And they taught me that my identity is not my behavior. My identity was not who I thought it was. But it was a child of God. So I stand here to say that I was a homosexual, a former ‚ho.‘ And now I am a child of God.“
KEVIN WHITT OF DALLAS, TEXAS:“I’m a former transsexual, drag queen, and prostitute. I lived a life of much gender confusion, much abuse — verbally, physically, sexually — by my father.“
„Over the years I had had probably 5,000 sexual partners because I was a sex worker. I hated myself. I hated the fact that I was a man. I never knew how to accept myself or truly love myself. And then about six years ago, someone invited me to church.“
„And God began to change my life. Began to change my heart. And began to change my sexual identity, my gender confusion. And I began to heal from all those things.“
„Change is possible. Because if God can change me, He can change anybody.“
ANGEL COLON, A MASS SHOOTING SURVIVOR:“My name is Angel Colon. I am a former homosexual. I am a survivor of the Pulse Nightclub shooting on June 12, 2016. I was shot six times, sustained a shattered femur and suffered nerve damage. A day I will never forget — a big turning point in my life. Even in the midst of chaos, I prayed and prophesied over my life that I would survive and live free. And here I am today, standing here with no pain, here in the Capitol with my Changed family. Many think I’ve made my decision to leave the LGBT community lifestyle because of the shooting. But I was desiring change way before June 12, 2016. Going through this horrible tragedy made me make the biggest decision in my life, which I’m very happy with. I made this decision a year after the Pulse nightclub shooting — finding what was the most important thing in my life, which was finding my true identity. Which was in Christ. And today I stand here in the Capitol, sharing to the world that change is possible. Yes, I am known as a Pulse survivor, but I really want to be known as living proof that God does transform lives.“
KATHYGRACE DUNCAN OF PORTLAND, OREGON:“My name is KathyGrace Duncan, I’m from Portland Oregon and I’m a former trans-man, former transgender. Before I went to kindergarten, at a very early age like three or four, I believed that I should have been a man. I felt that I should have been a man. Dysfunctional family situations: my dad was very emotionally and verbally abusive to my mom, which told me that women were hated, women were weak and they were vulnerable.“
„I was then molested by a family member which went on for two years, also confirming that women were weak, vulnerable and hated. At age 18, I finally surrendered and went into the lifestyle, took hormones and changed my name. From there, I began to live as a man. Two weeks later, I got saved. However, because I didn’t hear from the Lord, I thought He was okay with my lifestyle.“
„Four years later I was confronted by the church, and they asked me ‚Who are you? Who are you really?‘ And at that point, I told the truth and said ‚I’m a woman living as a man.‘ And the Holy Spirit blew into me. And I realized at that point I needed to go back to being the woman that He created me to be. The next day I started that journey out. Five years later — it took five years for the hormone effects to really wear off — and at that point, I crossed over and began to live fully as a woman. That was 26 years ago. And I have to say, I’m changed I’m free. I no longer struggle with the attraction to women.“
ELIZABETH WONING, CHANGED MOVEMENT CO-FOUNDER:“I was often suicidal or out of control. I came out during my early 20s and found solace and comfort in the LGBTQ community. They were my family. I was pursuing the path of an ordained pastor in the LGBT-affirming church movement when I began questioning my faith. That long journey led me ultimately to question my sexuality as a lesbian. Over time as my faith brought deeper emotional health, I also experienced an unexpected change in my sexual desires. Today I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years. I no longer experience same-sex desires and I no longer have symptoms of bipolar disorder. I’ve seen the restoration I have in countless lives of other Christians. Our faith compels us to share what we have received. We simply want to offer a vision to those who feel conflict in their sexual orientation. But also to ask that America recognize there are multiple options for people who experience LGBTQ. People deserve the right to choose their own path and follow their religious convictions, especially in matters of their sexuality.“ EDWARD BYRD OF WASHINGTON, DC:“I was born to a mother who had me at 15 years old. My home was very dysfunctional. It was abusive. I actually have seen my father put his hands on my mom. It left mental scars and emotional scars in me. It got to the point where my dad ended up abandoning us, and that left me really, really sad. As a young child, I can only remember wanting to have a relationship with my father. And him continually not showing up and being there. It was very tragic to me. So I grew up with a single mom. She was one of my only influences. And I was the guy who was not into sports. I was not going to get dirty, I was like ‚that’s not for me.‘ I want to dance and I want to sing and I want to be an actor.“
„I never had the desire to be a homosexual. But it wasn’t until people began calling me homosexual, it wasn’t until they began planting these seeds and saying, ‚Hey, you like hair, you like to dance, you over there with the cheerleaders instead of the football players. You’re a homosexual.‘ And so that began to create curiosity. I already suffered emotional wounds from my dad not being there, that abandonment, and I was looking for male affirmation.“
„For most of my teen years, I was abused by a close family member; physically abused, which led to more pain and more hurt. And so I dived into the lifestyle. I really gave myself over to promiscuity. By the time I was 18, I was stripping, I was into living the nightlife, drinking every night, partying from Sunday to Sunday.“
„I knew there had to be more. And then I encountered the love of God. And He came and radically changed my life. The person you see here today is not the person I used to be. I am changed, I am fulfilled, I am living my best life. I’m smiling and I’m dancing and I’m loving life. And I want to tell the government that you cannot make decisions that will block people who were like me, who needed to change and who want to change, to find freedom.“
CHRISTOPHER SIMS, WAS TORTURED BY HIS PARENTS:“I’m a person who formerly had a same-sex attraction. When I was very young in New York City, my father – who is a pastor – raped me. And when I got to kindergarten, my mother and my father decided to take me out of school. And I was taken out of school for a total of eight years. And during that time, I was tortured by my mother. My mother was very hurt by men. So any sign of masculinity was a trigger and a threat to her. I can remember her beating me with a wire hanger until I was bloody and putting alcohol all over my body as I stood in front of a mirror. And I learned at that moment that I could not be masculine. I learned that I had to be effeminate. I had to emulate my sisters to avoid triggering her and so that I could survive.“
„By the time I was 18, I had been living in Alaska for a year. I had been through foster care. That was a time where the things that I had suppressed began to manifest themselves through pornography addiction. By that time I had a restraining order. I was in anger management. I was in counseling for PTSD. And I had a measure of gender dysphoria. And it was also that year that a friend who was 18 decided to force me to go to church. I wanted nothing to do with church. But when I went to that church, I saw something in those people’s eyes that I had never seen before. I saw a God that my parents did not tell me about. Those people in that church – they didn’t hate me or anything. They loved me. I saw life inside of them and I wanted that freedom and that life. The love that I saw inside of their eyes convicted me of the error of my ways. And I remember for three weeks just telling God how sorry I was for all the wrong that I had done. And He said ‚Christopher, I love you.'“
GREG QUINLAN, PRO-FAMILY NETWORK FOUNDER:“I grew up in a dysfunctional American family like most everyone else. But my father was emotionally, physically, verbally abusive. I’m the oldest of four children, and he took his venom out on me…and his rage. I was eight years old and my dad was…it was an autumn day kind of like this…my dad was working on the car in the driveway, and he was about to explode. And I knew I was going to be the target of his venom. I just looked at him and said, ‚You hate me, don’t you?‘ He looked back at me as he took the Lord’s name in vain and laughed, ‚Yes, I hate you.‘ That wasn’t a revelation. That was like ‚Yeah, I knew that.‘
„Then at 10 years old, the neighborhood boys found their dads‘ Playboys. You see, Hugh Hefner was my first molester. I was introduced to porn, and I became instantly addicted. At 10 years old, I was sexually active with boys in the neighborhood.“
„My father, on his death bed, the night before he went into a coma, said to me…I said, ‚Bye, Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow.‘ He said, ‚Bye, Greg. I love you, Greg.‘ I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. The very man who told me he hated me now told me he loved me. From that point on, that was my journey: when I finally forgave my father, that’s when the same-sex attraction started to wane. That’s when it started to leave. There are so many people trapped in homosexuality who want out, that have stories so similar to everything you’ve heard here. And standing right here on this stage is proof that homosexuality doesn’t have to last a lifetime. Ex-gays, formers, ex-trans, prove that change is possible.“
These folks came to Capitol Hill to warn Congress is considering legislation banning some counseling that could lead LGBTQ people out of those lifestyles. They’re leery of legislation they feel discriminates against former gays and transgenders. They said they oppose HR5, HR3570 and Senate 2008.
PASTOR JIM DOMEN, CHURCH UNITED FOUNDER: „I was in the lifestyle for five years, and I was so desperate to love and be loved, I didn’t care if my partner was HIV positive and Hepatitis C positive. Thankfully, I was protected and I didn’t get any of those terminal illnesses. Yet, June 8, 2002, an incredible experience happened to me. Jesus transformed me. I chose to go the route of Christ. I chose to change my sexual identity. I needed help to do that. I chose to follow my faith, my belief in the Bible. I received professional counseling, psychiatrists and psychologists, as well as pastoral counseling. And bills like HR5, HR3570 and Senate 2008 would not have allowed me to get the help that I needed. Or anyone on this stage or anyone who wanted to change their sexual attraction or behaviors. I dealt with same-sex attraction since the seventh grade. No one ever forced me to change. No therapist. My parents did not. My pastor did not. My heart, my mind — I chose to change.“
KEN WILLIAMS, CHANGED MOVEMENT CO-FOUNDER:“Our rights are being threatened in America. Governors think that they know better how I should identify sexually than I do.“
„Apparently, we’re inappropriate. It’s okay for everyone else to choose their sexual identity, but not with us because we’re not going with the narrative. How disrespectful of us not to go along with the narrative. Well, with all due respect, what gives you the right to decide what I’d like to pursue with my sexuality? Why in the world would you or someone sitting with a gavel or someone in an elected office decide what therapy I should or should not be able to get?“
ANGEL COLON, MASS SHOOTING SURVIVOR:“This morning I want to tell the US that the Changed movement loves gay people. America needs to hear there is a diversity of experience. We just want our rights as well.“
ELIZABETH WONING, CHANGED MOVEMENT CO-FOUNDER:“We have chosen a different route for our lives. And in following that path, either through professional counseling or faith-based discipleship, we’ve obtained levels of fullness and fulfillment that most assume is impossible. We’ve all experienced a life-altering change that has impacted our sexuality. Many of us are in happy marriages to our opposite-sex spouses. Some even would say they no longer experience any same-sex attraction. Several of us have de-transitioned. We no longer identify as LGBTQ. And many, many people upon hearing our testimonies of fulfillment are seeking what we have.“
PASTOR JIM DOMEN, „All of us up here, we love, we absolutely love the LGBTQ community. We understand you. We know what it’s like. We’ve lived there. We’ve walked it. We’ve been from gay bars and back. We know the journey. We know the pain. And we’re not telling you that any of you have to change. But if you’ve ever thought or needed help or desired to change, we would want to talk to you.“
For further help or information contact Changed Movement.
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It’s official: Chicago no longer has a ‘Boystown’
Chicago’s LGBTQ ‘hood has long been called ‘Boystown’, but business leaders have decided its time for a re-brand.
The move comes after a petition gained steam over the summer which described Boystown as the “only gendered nickname” of any city’s LGBTQ district.
“Systemic transphobia, racism, and sexism have plagued our neighborhood for decades, and it begins at the top, with the all-male board of the Northalsted Business Alliance. It begins with the BOYSTOWN signs down our street announcing that this neighborhood is ‘for the boys,’ though the signs hang above our diverse Legacy Walk of several LGBTQ icons in our history.
“To promote the inclusion of transgender, nonbinary, lesbian, and intersex individuals, we submit this petition for the Northalsted Business Alliance to simply follow the other LGBTQ neighborhoods across the world by marketing the area based on its location, North Halsted, not the majority gender of those people who sit on the Northalsted Business Alliance board This is only the beginning of the many changes needed in the North Halsted area.”
The petition gained over 1,500 signatures, although a counter-petition to keep the name had over 2,000.
After the initial petition was launched, the Business Alliance conducted an online survey around the name “Boystown”; 1,580 people reported feeling unwelcome by the name.
“It definitely felt like we should be doing something about it,” Northalsted Business Alliance spokesperson Jen Gordon told the Chicago Tribune. “If it was making even a small percentage of people feel uncomfortable, it’s not something we should be using to promote the neighborhood.”
‘Boystown’ was a nickname that the area earned in the late 80s and early 90s. It became so common that it was formally adopted by the Northalsted Business Alliance, and adorns banners around the area. In 1997, then Chicago Mayor Richard Daley affirmed the area (Halsted Street from Grace Street to Belmont Avenue) as the first official gay neighborhood in the U.S.
No Longer LGBT, They Now Proclaim Freedom in Jesus: Amazon Prime Allows Pulse Survivors‘ Testimonies
Even as a new ruling from the US Supreme Court muddies the waters and redefines sex as just about anything you can imagine, two survivors of the attack on the Pulse gay nightclub in Orlando, FL, four years ago are telling a different story, one of how they found a new identity in Jesus Christ and walked away from the homosexual life. Their stories are being streamed this month — which is designated as LGBTQ Pride Month — on Amazon Prime.
The documentary is titled More Than A Victim: The Angel Colon and Luis Ruiz Story, and in it, Colon and Ruiz tell how the massacre of 49 people celebrating Latin gay pride night led them on a miraculous journey out of homosexuality to a new life and freedom in Jesus Christ.
„I should have been number 50!“ Ruiz wrote in a Facebook post about the slaughter at the Pulse on June 12, 2016.
The Christian Post reports Colon was shot several times and Ruiz was trampled resulting in both men being hospitalized. The film recounts their experience and features firsthand testimonies from them and others, such as former police officer Omar Delgado who is credited with saving Colon’s life.
„We hear noises, actually like firecracker noises,“ Ruiz recounted earlier to CBN News.
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„You see people running and screaming and my friend that passed away pushed me towards the door and told me to run for my life,“ he continued.
As he made his way through a tiny exit, Ruiz says he was trampled by other partiers.
When he finally was able to stand he escaped to a 7/11 convenience store down the street.
„I remember a lady coming up to me and she looked towards Pulse and she said ‚what’s going on?'“ he recalled.
„She lifts up her hands and starts praying over Pulse. She looks back at me and she was like ‚You’re not supposed to be here,'“ he remembers.
Ruiz, raised in a Christian pastor’s home, knew her message had a deeper meaning. For him, it represented an intense call to come to the Lord, and repent of his sins, which he later did.
As CBN News reported last year, realizing he had miraculously survived the terror attack, Colon thanked God and promised to use his life to share the gospel,“ he said in a podcast.
„I look around again and everybody that was around me was dead and I am alive,“ he said. „And I just started thanking God: ‚Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord. … The moment I get out of here, I’m testifying about you. I am worshipping you for the rest of my life.'“
But his transformation wasn’t immediate. Weighed down by fears of how those around him might react to his decision to abandon the gay lifestyle and embrace Christianity, his conversion took time.
Today Ruiz and Colon are Christian ministers with an outreach to the gay community called Fearless Identity in which they hope to share with others the transforming love of Jesus.
MUST SEE Pulse Nightclub Survivor to CBN News: ‚It Wasn’t a Gay to Straight Thing. It Was a Lost to Saved Thing‘
„I chase Jesus and He is my freedom and He becomes my God,“ Ruiz told The Christian Post.
„For a long time we tried this pray the gay away and we’ve tried all these things to pursue freedom. We’ll put our faith in church and books and resources, and they’re all great. But at the end of the day, they’re not Jesus, they’re not that intimate place where you can be free. Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom,“ he declared of his newfound identity. Ruiz told the CP he now looks forward to one day having a Christian marriage with a „Godly wife“ and experiencing „true sexual relations.“
„I’m now getting to understand the meaning of sex. God created sex. Sex was good. He gave it to us, something from Him. Of course, we’ve perverted it,“ he noted. „I never knew sex, I’ve known sin.“
As for feedback from the streaming of their testimonies on Amazon Prime, Ruiz says he’s surprised at the response on social media.
„The reactions that we’ve been getting from this have been amazing, intense. I’m very surprised! I’m very surprised that we have not gotten any kind of backlash,“ he told CP.
He encouraged people to watch the documentary since the ratings and reviews at this point are vital to keeping their story playing on Prime.
„The reviews are super vital right now because that’s going to be the make it or break it if they take it off of Amazon because of our message,“ he said.
Even as it plays, the men are already looking forward to a new project, another documentary about their radical Christian transformation, produced with former lesbian and filmmaker M.J. Nixon.
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Fred Penzel, Ph.D.
OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A 1998 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that among a group of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers et al, 1998). In order to have doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I have observed this symptom in young children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly, Swedo et al., 1989 found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden, aggressive, or perverse sexual thoughts.
Although doubts about one’s own sexual identity might seem pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious form is where a sufferer experiences the thought that they might be of a different sexual orientation than they formerly believed. If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual. If, on the other hand, they happen to be homosexual, they may obsess about the possibility that they might really be straight. Going a step beyond this, some sufferers have obsessions that tell them that they may have acted, or will act on their thoughts. A variation on doubt about sexual identity would be where the obsessive thought has fastened onto the idea that the person simply will never be able to figure out what their sexual orientation actually is. Patients will sometimes relate their belief that, “I could deal with whatever my sexuality turns out to be, but my mind just won’t let me settle on anything.” Some people’s doubts are further complicated by having such experiences as hearing other people talking or looking in their direction and thinking that these people must be analyzing their behavior or appearance and talking about them – discussing how they must be gay (or straight).
For those with thoughts of being homosexual, part of the distress must surely be social in origin. Let’s face it: gay people have always been an oppressed minority within our culture, and to suddenly think of being in this position and to be stigmatized in this way can be frightening. People don’t generally obsess about things they find positive or pleasurable. I have sometimes wondered if those who experience the most distress from such thoughts as these do so because they were raised with more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attitudes to begin with, or if it is simply because one’s sexuality can be such a basic doubt. I suppose this remains a question for research to answer. The older psychoanalytic therapies often make people with this problem feel much worse by saying that the thoughts represent true inner desires. This has never proven to be so.
Doubting something so basic about yourself can obviously be quite a torturous business. When I first see people for this problem, they are typically engaged in any number of compulsive activities, which may occupy many hours of each day. These can include:
Compulsive questioning can frequently take place, and usually involves others who may be close to the sufferer. The questions are never-ending and repetitive. Some of the more typical questions sufferers are likely to ask can include those in the following two groupings:
For those who obsess about not knowing what their identity is:
For those who obsess that they are of the opposite sexual orientation:
In terms of the last question above, one of the most difficult situations for this group of sufferers is when they experience a sexual reaction to something they feel would be inappropriate. A typical example would be a heterosexual man who experiences an erection while looking at gay erotica. It is important to note that it is extremely common for people to resort to all sorts of fantasy material concerning unusual or forbidden sexual behaviors that they would never actually engage in, but that they do find stimulating. Under the right circumstances, many things can cause sexual arousal in a person. The fact of the matter is that people react sexually to sexual things. I am not just talking about people with OCD here, but about people in general. I cannot count the number of times that patients have related to me that they have experienced sexual feelings and feelings of stimulation when encountering things they felt were taboo or forbidden. This, of course, then leads them to think that their thoughts must reflect a true inner desire, and are a sign that they really are of a different sexual orientation. This reaction is strengthened by the incorrect belief that homosexual cues never stimulate heterosexuals. One further complicating factor in all this is that some obsessive thinkers mistake feelings of anxiety for feelings of sexual arousal. The two are actually physiologically similar in some ways.
Things become even more complicated by a number of cognitive (thinking) errors seen in OCD. It is these errors, which lead OC sufferers to react anxiously to their thoughts, and then to have to perform compulsions to relieve that anxiety. Cognitive OCD theorists believe that obsessions have their origin in the normal unwanted intrusive thoughts seen in the general population. What separate these everyday intrusions from obsessions seen in OCD are the meanings or appraisals that the OCD sufferers attach to the thoughts. As I like to explain to my patients, their problem is not the thoughts themselves, but instead it is what they make of the thoughts, as well as their attempts to relieve their anxiety via compulsions and avoidance.
Some typical cognitive errors made by OC sufferers include:
The effect of the questioning behavior on friends and family can be rather negative, drawing a lot of angry responses or ridicule after the thousandth time. One young man I know questioned his girlfriend so often that she eventually broke up with him and this added to his worries since he now wondered if she did so because he wasn’t a “real man”.
The compulsive activities sufferers perform in response to their ideas, of course, do nothing to settle the issue. Often, the more checking and questioning that is done, the more doubtful the sufferer becomes. Even if they feel better for a few minutes as a result of a compulsion, the doubt quickly returns. I like to tell my patients that it is as if that information-gathering portion of their brain is coated with Teflon©. The answers just don’t stick.
In addition to performing compulsions, one other way in which sufferers cope with the fears caused by the obsessions is through avoidance, and by this I mean directly avoiding everyday situations that get the thoughts going. This can involve:
Needless to say, it is crucial for all OCD sufferers to understand that there is no avoiding what they fear. Facing what you fear is a way of getting closer to the truth. The purpose of compulsions is, of course, to undo, cancel out, or neutralize the anxiety caused by obsessions. They may actually work in the short run, but their benefits are only temporary. OC sufferers cannot process the information they provide, and it just doesn’t stick. It is sort of like having only half of the Velcro. Also, it is important to understand that compulsions are paradoxical – that is, they bring about the opposite of what they are intended to accomplish. That is, to help the sufferer to be free of anxiety and obsessive thoughts.
I like to tell my patients that: “Compulsions start out as a solution to the problem of having obsessions, but soon become the problem itself.”
What compulsions do accomplish is to cause the sufferer to become behaviorally addicted to performing them. Even the little bit of relief they get is enough to get this dependency going. Compulsions only lead to more compulsions, and avoidance only leads to more avoidance. This is really only natural for people to do. It is instinctive to try to escape or avoid that which makes you anxious. Unfortunately, this is of no help in OCD.
Another problem that arises from performing compulsions is that those who keep checking their own reactions to members of the opposite or same sex will inevitably create a paradox for themselves. They become so nervous about what they may see in themselves that they don’t feel very excited, and then think that this must mean they have the wrong preference. When they are around members of their own sex, they also become anxious, which leads to further stress and, of course, more doubts about themselves. The flip side of this is when they look at things having to do with sex of an opposite orientation and then feel aroused in some way, which they then conclude to mean that they liked it, which means that they are gay (or straight). This is the mistake I referred to earlier when I stated that people react sexually to sexual things.
People like to ask if there are any new developments in OCD treatments. Aside from a few new medications since the last article, treatment remains essentially the same. The formula of cognitive/behavioral therapy plus medication (in many cases) is still the way to go. The particular form of behavioral therapy shown to be the most effective is known as Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).
ERP encourages participants to expose themselves to their obsessions (or to situations that will bring on the obsessions), while they prevent themselves from using compulsions to get rid of the resulting anxiety. The fearful thoughts or situations are approached in gradually increased amounts over a period of from several weeks to several months. This results in an effect upon the individual that we call “habituation.” That is, when you remain in the presence of what you fear over long periods of time, you will soon see that no harm of any kind results. As you do so in slowly increasing amounts, you develop a tolerance to the presence of the fear, and its effect is greatly lessened. By continually avoiding feared situations and never really encountering them, you keep yourself sensitized. By facing them, you learn that the avoidance itself is the “real” threat that keeps you trapped. It puts you in the role of a scientist conducting experiments that test your own fearful predictions, to see what really happens when you don’t avoid what you fear. The result is that as you slowly build up your tolerance for whatever is fear provoking; it begins to take larger and larger doses of frightening thoughts or situations to bring on the same amount of anxiety. When you have finally managed to tolerate the most difficult parts of your OCD, they can no longer cause you to react with fear. Basically, you can tell yourself, “Okay, so I can think about this, but I don’t have to do anything about it.” By agreeing to face some short-term anxiety, you can thus achieve long-term relief. It is important to note that the goal of E&RP is not the elimination of obsessive thoughts, but to learn to tolerate and accept all thoughts with little or no distress. This reduced distress may, in turn, as a byproduct, reduce the frequency of the obsessions. Complete elimination of intrusive thoughts may not be a realistic goal, given the commonality of intrusive thoughts in humans in general.
Using this technique, you work with a therapist to expose yourself to gradually increasing levels of anxiety-provoking situations and thoughts. You learn to tolerate the fearful situations without resorting to questioning, checking, or avoiding. By allowing the anxiety to subside on its own, you slowly build up your tolerance to it, and it begins to take more and more to make you anxious. Eventually, as you work your way up the list to facing your worst fears, there will be little about the subject that can set you off. You may still get the thoughts here and there, but you will no longer feel that you must react to them, and you will be able to let them pass.
There are many techniques for confronting sexual and other obsessions that we have developed over the years. Some of these techniques include:
These are some typical exposure therapy homework assignments I have assigned to people over the years:
Some typical response prevention exercises might include:
Some typical exposure homework for those with doubts about their own sexual identity might include:
Some corresponding response prevention exercises to go along with the above would be:
Many of the above therapy tasks can sound scary and intimidating. Obviously, you don’t do these things all at once. Behavioral change is gradual change. Recovering from OCD is certainly not an easy task. We rarely use the word ‘easy’ at our clinic. It takes persistence and determination, but it can be done. People do it all the time, especially with proper help and advice. My own advice to those of you reading this would be to get yourself out of the compulsion trap, and get yourself into treatment with qualified people.
I benefited very much from the program. My therapist was just outstanding, and Saharah was also very professional, kind, and accommodating. The whole staff really cared about me and my progress. I felt like the exposure therapy was the key to my improvement along with learning ways to cope with my worry cycle and anxieties. In short, I thought it was a great and caring program, and I would not hesitate to recommend it to others, or to return there myself if ever the need would arise.
McLean OCD Institute // Houston 708 E. 19th Street Houston, TX 77008 | (877) 488-2467 | [email protected]
When gays are no longer gay
Perhaps I’m being too harsh on my fellow gays. I do understand that many countries do not provide anti-discriminatory laws that protect us and in some cases there are some countries with laws that permit the killing and imprisonment of homosexuals. Our yellow brick road is long. But unity is a must!
So the next time you’re clubbing or hanging out in a place where there are gay men around, remind yourself that even if you’re not interested in some of the men you see, they are still your friends and your people and not the enemy.
About This Article
If you’re not sure how to know if you are gay, think about any past romantic experiences you have had. If you have had only had crushes on people of a different gender, you are probably straight. If you have had romantic experiences or fantasies involving people who are the same gender as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but it’s okay if you’re a little confused. Also, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to label yourself at all. You like who you like, and you can leave it at that. It may help to think of loving people, rather than their gender. To learn more about how to be comfortable with your sexuality, keep reading!Did this summary help you?YesNo
Can a person leave homosexuality behind?
“CHANGED” began as an effort to highlight the uncommon journeys of men and women who have confronted that question in their own lives. Finding themselves sexually attracted to the same sex, or uncertain of their gender, the men and women featured on this site took unusual paths of self-discovery that led to transformation.
Today, many face this daunting question alone. Sometimes answers seem beyond reach—you are not alone.
Why We Exist
God is making himself known to our generation through stories of freedom and wholeness from within the most unlikely people group, LGBTQ+. There is no more provocative testimony than that of men and women who have chosen identity in Christ above that of LGBTQ+. We are CHANGED. And we’re growing in number every day.
Men and women from across the world send us their stories every day and we are compiling them for this site. Join the movement to declare God’s love for LGBTQ+ people and share the power of His work in your life.
As churches become more accepting of LGBTQ people, gay men are becoming more accepting of the faithful
I work for a nonprofit. That’s what I’ve been telling guys when I’m chatting with them on dating apps. It’s an accurate statement, but I’m ashamed to say it’s a line I use to skirt around the full truth: I am a gay man who works for a church.
For as long as I can remember, if I told guys I work for a church, I would get responses ranging from the finality of silence to anger and bewilderment.
The reality is I work for a church that is 100% accepting and affirming of LGBTQ people and their rights. Not in the sense that, “All are welcome, regardless of their sins,” but more like, “being gay is how God made you, and we love you for who you are.” It’s a place where lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and transgender people can feel at home and comfortable, by themselves or holding hands as partners.
It sounds as if you may in fact be asexual: not sexually interested in members of either sex.
Perhaps, instead, you are (or will eventually be) attracted to people for their personality, regardless of their gender?
Maybe you didn’t like the kiss because he wasn’t the right guy to kiss, or he was a bad My first time in gay sex was a disappointment, but I still am gay, it’s something unchangeable. If you’re gay, then you’re always gay, you just didn’t find the right guys for you. Seek for the right guy and see what happens with you.
Have you actually had sex with men, or was that one kiss nine years ago the basis of your identifying as gay?
Not to be crass or indelicate, but the key to deciding one’s sexual orientation lies in what they think about when they’re masturbating — whichever gender is in your fantasies is a reliable indicator.
At any rate, I think people spend far too much time trying to decide which label to slap on themselves. Just live your life day-to-day, and see what happens — and see who crosses your path.
It is possible, but you should try stuff with a girl and if you don’t like that at all or don’t even want to try it then you are totally gay or just not some one who likes kissing.
Put the sex issue aside, the arousal issue aside and try to figure out who you want to be with. Hot sweaty sex is great and all but you can find it easy to be turned on by odd images. Instead think, who do I want to be with, who do I want to spend a quite evening alone with, that will go much father in determining your sexuality then „who do I want to have sex with.“
It is possible you where never gay. It is possible you are bisexual, it is possible you are turned off by physical sex. We peoples on the Internets don’t really have a way to tell.
Really you are basing all this on one kiss and non-discriminate feelings and then you want us to come to a conclusion.
You have written you don’t have any interest in a relationship with a woman too!!!!
Please be clear with images still arouse you are a gay IF you don’t admire if you do so then you are a bi.
Sure. I’m the same way. It’s called homophilia, not homosexuality, i.e. being attracted emotionally or mentally to one’s own sex but not genitally.
Well, if you aren’t sexually or physically attracted to women, only men, then you are gay. This whole thing of you being turn on with heterosexual couples is kinda of a fetish if you wanna call it that way. There is straight woman that get turn on when they watch gay men or women doing something and there is straigh guys that get turn on buy watching two girls doing sexual stuff. I think it is perfectly fine you get turn on by that but it doesn’t mean you are straight now. It just mean that if you partner is okay with it you and him might watch straight porn to get things going in bed.
You’re still Gay!!! Maybe you’re becoming a voyeur!!! I LOVE watching ANY combo of people having intimate moments. You don’t want to kiss me (or anything else) yet it excites you to watch my bf kiss me (or whatever)??? That right there rules out your being bi!!! I think you just like watching!!!
possibly he gets asked that each and each physique the time and is uninterested in folk leaping the gun through fact hes thinking himself. Thats what took place to me, I continuously have been given mad while human beings asked me whilst i became thinking myself, yet when I made the change I reported „confident i’m gay“ with self assurance!
maybe its just the love that turns you on. you see people kissing and something sparks in your head and you want to be doing things with someone at that moment. if you feel like its men you want than go for it. you may not want anything at all right now, and that’s healthy, experiment and maybe you’ll figure yourself out 🙂
A lot of people thik they are gay/bi in highschool and find out later they arent. Its a thing.
A lot of porn is „forbidden fruit“ and you’re watching out of your league.
Try a girl, they’re really neat, p*&sy is what ash wants to be when it grows up.
Method 3 of 3:Identifying as Gay
If you’re questioning your sexual identity, seek out people you know will be supportive. That might be a friend, a teacher, a leader in your community, or a mental health professional. If you live in an area where you don’t feel you’d have a lot of support, look for online resources, support groups, and forums that could help you.
REad our stories
My favorite part about being a redeemed man is that I don’t have to fit into the stereotypical boxed-in version of American masculinity.
Today I absolutely love being a feminine woman. The Lord healed me so gently yet radically!! Even when I was ashamed of how weird I looked and the fact that I had a 5 o’clock shadow and no breasts, I told everyone I could about what Jesus had done
I became part of a family—something foreign, yet beautiful that transformed me over time. Love transformed me.
Today, I feel like a new man. The manhood I saw demonstrated by Jesus was a version that I could connect with and in submitting my life to Him, I have adopted His manhood.
God quickly began showing me that I was created to be holy. From that moment forward I could no longer live as a gay man.
I asked God to teach me how to be a man and He taught me what godly manhood looks like.
God has given me a freedom that I thought I would never, ever experience.
In front of a holy God, I knew I had to make a choice about everything I’d actually come to identify myself as. It wasn’t just something I did anymore–this was me. How was I going to bring it into the light?
I cried out, asking for forgiveness and a silencing of tormenting dreams. This is the moment things started to drastically change. I awoke to the reality that I’m female, always have been and always will be, a woman designed to love a man.
Eventually, I found myself wanting to change. I was in a relationship with a woman and made a vow to God that, if the relationship didn’t work out, I would leave lesbianism. I was unfulfilled and I knew that only God could fill that void.
My life was pure hell. Though I knew that I was supposed to die to my flesh, I never could reconcile my faith with that of the gay lifestyle. In every relationship I had, God was a problem.
My life is great today. I haven’t been with women in 12 years and haven’t desired to. I desire to get married to a man and have children. It took a few years of healing before my outward appearance changed, but it has been a wonderful process. I now love my femininity and wear it well.
Before I became a Christian, I looked like I was relatively happy and comfortable with myself. But the reality was that I was very broken inside.
After surrendering my life to Christ, I kept pursuing healing and restoration. This search included going to counseling, seeking out prayer/healing ministries, and starting to share my testimony with others.
This ministry was my place of healing. They loved me every step of the way. This kind of love offered me hope, not just something to numb my pain.
I did not come to Christ seeking change in my sexuality. I simply came to Him with the desire for a healthy life. He did the rest.
My sexuality belongs to Jesus. I feel comfortable and at peace embracing being a man. I am free.
Today, I am wholly content in a female body with no desires to be a man. I love my femininity and thoroughly enjoy being a woman. I am completely free from the desire for a sex change. I’m comfortable with who I am and content as a female in a female body.
God has used so many people to love, encourage, counsel, and help me. Now I have a gentle, kind, and loving husband whose love has brought out a new woman within me.
I was able to recall certain behaviors that had been ruled out for me early on, like wearing nail polish, which had severely affected my self image. I realized I was no longer bound by those rules, but had the freedom to make my own decisions for my womanhood.
I didn’t know my own body had rejected me. I didn’t realize that my body was simply responding to abuse.
In contrast to what most people would think, I actually found great freedom to stop acting on my same-sex desires.
Today I live knowing that what once brought me the most shame is completely taken away by a God who didn’t avoid my pain or questions. I was addicted and now I’m free. I was depressed and now I’m full of joy. I was full of hate and now I’m moved by love.
My life without sex addiction or lesbian attractions is more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined. I have never felt so whole.
I had been wanting to pursue change for quite some time before the tragedy at Pulse happened. I can now say I know what true happiness is, what true love is, and most importantly, what true peace is.
I learned that I had built my life on so many fabrications, and I had to deconstruct the false realities to discover my true identity. I am a whole new person inside and out.
During the years I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body, my heart was closed and isolated. But now, I realize I truly am a woman. I no longer am sexually attracted to other women.
The gay identity I once explored had only limited my ability to fully express myself. Now I feel comfortable in who I am as a man.
I’m no longer in a place of hopelessness, shame, and regret. Instead, I feel happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance.
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In the 1950s and 1960s, some therapists employed aversion therapy of the kind featured in A Clockwork Orange to „cure“ male homosexuality. This typically involved showing patients pictures of naked men while giving them electric shocks or drugs to make them vomit, and, once they could no longer bear it, showing them pictures of naked women or sending them out on a „date“ with a young nurse. Needless to say, these cruel and degrading methods proved entirely ineffective.
First published in 1968, DSM-II (the second edition of the American classiifcation of mental disorders) listed homosexuality as a mental disorder. In this, the DSM followed in a long tradition in medicine and psychiatry, which in the 19th century appropriated homosexuality from the Church and, in an élan of enlightenment, promoted it from sin to mental disorder.
In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) asked all members attending its convention to vote on whether they believed homosexuality to be a mental disorder. 5,854 psychiatrists voted to remove homosexuality from the DSM, and 3,810 to retain it.
The APA then compromised, removing homosexuality from the DSM but replacing it, in effect, with „sexual orientation disturbance“ for people „in conflict with“ their sexual orientation. Not until 1987 did homosexuality completely fall out of the DSM.
Meanwhile, the World Health Organization (WHO) only removed homosexuality from its ICD classification with the publication of ICD-10 in 1992, although ICD-10 still carries the construct of „ego-dystonic sexual orientation“. In this condition, the person is not in doubt about his or her sexual preference, but „wishes it were different because of associated psychological and behavioural disorders“.
The evolution of the status of homosexuality in the classifications of mental disorders highlights that concepts of mental disorder can be rapidly evolving social constructs that change as society changes. Today, the standard of psychotherapy in the U.S. and Europe is gay affirmative psychotherapy, which encourages gay people to accept their sexual orientation.
Neel Burton is author of The Meaning of Madness and other books.
Have you been in a situation where you were reluctant to reveal your faith?
I recognize it hasn’t always been that way. For a long time, affirming churches were few and far between. The church has a lot of reconciling to do when it comes to its past treatment, and in many cases its current treatment, of the LGBTQ community. But just as there has been a paradigm shift in the church’s relationship with gays, there has also been a mood change in the strange world of online dating.
Over the past five years since Obergefell vs. Hodges, the landmark Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage, I’ve noticed a gradual shift in the way guys accept my vocation with less disdain and much more openness, curiosity and welcome. Not only that, I now see more and more men openly identifying and embracing their faith on dating apps, proclaiming their dedication and devotion to Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu and all sorts of other faith traditions.
Whether swiping right or swiping left, I am bound to find many men who list their religion on their profiles. Some even shout their faithfulness from their digital rooftops, proclaiming, “man of God,” right between “family is super important” and “I love to travel.”
It both fills my heart with joy and reassures me that gay men are finding a way to return to their faith of their origin, or even a new faith altogether. Though it likely isn’t the same tradition of their childhood, it’s faith nonetheless.
There are, of course, those who can’t stomach religion at all. And I don’t blame them. They have every right to feel disdain for religion. Most religious institutions have both abandoned and mounted crusades against our community for decades, even centuries. But the churches that are truly open are emerging at an increasingly rapid pace, matching society’s increasing comfort with those who are marginalized.
As a chosen family that has been deprived of the luxury of fully displaying who we are for far longer than any of us can remember, it’s an exciting moment for the religious gay man. We are finally able to express our faith in the open with comfort and ease.
I no longer hide my vocation with vagueness, telling half-lies to potential matches and, if I am honest, to myself. I am open, having come out of my gay-Christian closet. I seek out those who openly express their faith, in hopes that we will have one more thing in common, that what might be the most important aspects of our lives might complement each other.
It’s now normal in the gay community for the faithful to be open about their religious convictions. So come out. Be comfortable in this new atmosphere of acceptance. Be who you are, who God made you to be. Be honest, be loved, and be your full self.
Understandable but just taking the legal name away doesn’t mean the boys need to stop using the name. It’s a designation that deserves respect regardless of the outside forces that aren’t gay boys. Gay men are the biggest number of visible lgbt’s and the most attacked and are on the forefront of the battle lines against discrimination, we deserve recognition for that, even if self imposed.
Gay men- we just don’t matter any more. We did ALL the heavy lifting 70s-90s and now we’re told to shut up and take a back seat…[email protected]% of society is gay…@0.8% is trans- and yet, the T’s are running the show now. We’re done.
And gay men now have the right to serve in the military, get married, adopt, and most areas have laws blocking gay men from being fired.
Trans people are now being kicked out of the military again, can’t change gender on their documents, etc.
I don’t’ think that gay men are being silenced, it’s just that as a group the folks with the most barriers still existing are catching up in getting attention.
As for boystown. I only agree with a change if the name still signifies that it is a traditionally LGBTQ neighborhood. I would not want it to lose it’s name if it’s going to be called something like “northtown” or “centerville”. In that case it’s erasure and f*ck that.
@wiredpup : Translation: You can’t dispute my comment.
@dhmonarch89: That’s why I said “Most areas”. There has been success in many areas for that, but not federally and it is something that still needs to be fought. The issue is, I don’t see that Trans people getting some attention for fighting their battles takes away from gay/lesbian/bi people pushing their rights forward.
This is the same B.S. Republicans try to push out to their base, telling them that if any black or LGBTQ people succeed, it is taking something away from them. Trans people getting more rights doesn’t take rights away from LGBs in my opinion.
So, let’s get something straight here (no pun intended). It used to be that anyone who wasn’t straight was gay. EVERYONE. Little by little, people have self-sorted and created their own label, even though they protest labels, they instead create over 100 labels from sexual “preference” to gender identification, etc. It used to be gay and bi. Then gay, bi, and lesbian, though my lesbian friends still accepted gay to refer to them. Then the T was added. Now we have an entire alphabet two times over because everyone wants to say “me, me, me! Look at me!”
We really need to remain a community because there is power in number.
I would love to go. I don’t care what it’s called. Everyone can call it what they want. In Dallas, Oaklawn, Cedar Springs or Throckmorton depending on your scene back in 1989 anyway. Hell, I don’t know what it’s called now? Nickname it as you and your friends wish. It’s more gay male history. It will always be history.
My take on this: Establishing and promoting an area with businesses that catered to the needs and desires of GAY MEN (sorry, “cis” isn’t part of my vocabulary) didn’t come easily; it meant years of effort and investment. If trans people, lesbians, and others want to have a neighborhood of their own, WHY DON’T THEY LOOK FOR SOME PLACE IN WHICH THEY CAN ESLABLISH IT?
Back in the old days, our community was just the “gay community” and then the lesbians wanted to be included so we became the gay and lesbian community and then the lesbians said their name should come first so we became the lesbian and gay community and so it has kept going until I am tired of it all. When somebody tells me they are gender fluid and start to tell me their pronouns, I just tell them I am racially fluid and that I am a different race from what I obviously am and walk away.
My sense is it will always be called BoysTown irregardless of non gay men complaining about the name due to their own insecurities around gender identity. This is a blatant discriminatory jab at gay men and all they have accomplished throughout history.I totally promote that gay men world wide keep calling it BoysTown irregardless of the toxic faux pc crowd.