1. Dating us doesn’t make you gay. Unless you’re a guy, of course! But ladies, if you’re attracted to men, fancying a trans guy doesn’t suddenly change your sexuality. It means you’re seeing them for the man that they are.
2. It isn’t the ‚best of both worlds‘. I’ve heard some girls say a trans man would be the perfect man because they can relate to women. Regardless of our bodies, in our heads we’ve never been female. If only I understood women as much as people may think I do!
3. We’re not all into girls. Some trans guys are into guys, or both. Some people struggle with this one but the thing to remember is your sexual orientation is a totally separate thing from your gender. It’s pretty simple, really!
4. We don’t all have surgery. Our bodies change on testosterone treatment to become more masculine. Sometimes that’s enough for a trans man to feel comfortable and surgery isn’t necessary.
5. We’re not all on hormones. Someone could be in the process of waiting to get on testosterone, or have their own reasons not to be on it. Sure, that makes a difference physically but it doesn’t make them any less of a guy!
6. Sex isn’t scary. It’s understandable to feel nervous before your first time with a trans guy… but then again it’s nerve-wracking with anyone for the first time! Everyone likes different things in the bedroom, regardless of being trans or not. Communication is key.
7. Don’t be ashamed. If we’re open about being trans, there’s no reason for you to hide it either. Obviously I don’t mean you need to shout it from the rooftops… but we want someone who supports our transition, not someone who is embarrassed of it.
8. We have insecurities. Going through the wrong puberty would give anyone certain body hangups. But then again, we all have our insecurities. It’s good to be open and honest with one another about what triggers them.
9. There are different kinds of lower surgery. Most people know about the phalloplasty – where a skin graft is used to create a penis. Many people are unaware that the clitoris grows into a small penis on testosterone, and there is a surgery that works to enhance what you have naturally, called the metoidioplasty. And there are different variations of both!
10. We’re not just trans. Being trans is just one small part of who we are. There are so many other aspects that are more important – our personalities, interests, sense of humour… first and foremost, we are human!
11. We have a sense of humour. I am really comfortable with myself as a guy, so I often joke about my transition with my girlfriend and friends. I’m always camping it up and am not afraid to be feminine! I can’t speak for everyone but I can tell you that being with a trans guy isn’t all about walking on egg shells.
12. We are pretty boring, really. Yeah, we aren’t anything exotic… being with a trans guy is really just like being with any guy. We are all different in our own way. We are all, simply, men.
How to Date a Trans Guy
That Guy Kas gives us the DL on dating a trans guy.
For the same reasons he would date anyone: good chemistry. We will challenge you to be more communicative. For our own emotional and physical security, we will probably ask a lot of questions. And we will turn you into better listeners too.
Don’t fetishize us. It’s creepy, and it objectifies us. Approach your questions with more politeness than you normally would, even if you’re on a cruising app. Never open a conversation by asking:
• How long have you been on T?• Have you had / are you going to have / do you want surgery?• Do you have a dick? Can I see it?• Can you get pregnant?• What does your family think about you being trans?• Shouldn’t you be attracted to women?
Don’t assume anything. Trans guys’ identities and bodies change as we transition, and often so do our likes and dislikes. Like cis guys, we’re all different, and that’s part of the fun.
Most trans guys have not had any surgery to their lower half, and many of us are satisfied with our original plumbing. Some guys call their parts a “pussy.” Some use other terms, like “front hole.” But everyone’s different and these terms can be triggering. Taking testosterone causes the clitoris to grow, and so guys may call it different things, like “dick,” “dicklit,” and “boy cock.” Ask your partner how they refer to whatever parts they have — but wait until it’s relevant to bring it up.
This is a far more common procedure, but don’t assume that a guy has had surgery unless you see him shirtless. It’s a good idea to call it his “chest” and ask him what his boundaries are.
Trans guys can be any of these! Don’t assume that he is a bottom just because he has his original plumbing. He may enjoy using a strap-on with partners. Ask him what he enjoys. If he tells you he likes penetration, that gives you a clue. If he tells you he enjoys topping other guys — another clue!
Trans men with their original plumbing may be more susceptible to STIs than cisgender men who have anal sex. Front holes are temperamental and sensitive, so it’s really important for you to be mindful of your hygiene and to practice safe sex. Trans men may also be capable of getting pregnant, so make sure you protect yourself and your man.
Most of the gay dating and hookup apps have ways for trans people to make themselves known as trans (if they want to, of course) and also have ways to search for trans people. Scruff has better filtering options and is more user-friendly than the others. OkCupid and some of the other dating sites have these same options as well.
As a bisexual trans man who passes, I deal with a lot of „surprise“ reactions from all sorts of people when I reveal my status. When it comes to sexual and romantic interactions — from dance parties to apps — a majority of the time I have to do a little trans 101. Cisgender gay men seem to lack an understanding of trans etiquette and manners.
Of course, I’ve dated a few lovely cis gay men, but 8 out of 10 times, our conversations lack dignity on their end. Here are eight outrageous things gay cis men say to trans men.
Red flag! This tells you everything you need to know about this guys‘ understanding of trans people. He’s obviously not taken any initiative to learn more about being transgender.
Are you intentionally misgendering me to hurt me, or has the gender binary severely affected your sight, brain and manners?
Really?! A boy like me? Well, interestingly enough I’m not a flavor of ice cream. I am a man with feelings, and more than a fetish for your entertainment.
Cisnormative standards of beauty are boring, ya’ll.
My dick is not a figment of my imagination. Last I checked, it worked fine. Sometimes it’s not very big and other times I have to strap it on, but it’s definitely real.
Oh, let me guess… you’re really curious about my genitalia. Surprise, surprise.
Transgender is not a category of music or a physical activity. It’s fine to have preferences but you just spoke to me as if I was an inanimate object. By the way, trans men or all trans people are not all the same. Ya know, we’re people.
Yeah. By what you just said, I can tell I am new territory to you. Don’t take this the wrong way but we’re not coming into physical contact … at all. Like, ever.
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Sexplain It: My Partner Came Out as a Trans Man. Does That Make Me Gay?
Zachary Zane helps a guy grappling with labels in this week’s Sexplain It.
This is the one time I grant permission to say “no homo,” because in this particular instance, it’s relevant and it made me laugh. (But a note to all you straight men: Cut that shit out. Oh, and we all think you’re secretly gay after you say “no homo,” so you’re not helping your cause.)
While you may think your situation is unheard of, it’s not that uncommon among lesbian couples. I know of a few lesbian pairs who’d been together for years, then one partner transitioned, and they stayed together. The person who transitioned was very “butch,” so it wasn’t that big of a surprise or change, and the person dating them was always attracted to their masculine energy.
Your situation is slightly different because you’re straight. You’re not a part of the LGBTQ+ community, whereas lesbians are. They were queer before the transition, and they’re still queer after. You’re going from being perceived as “straight” to being perceived as “gay,” and not because of any internal introspection or sexual feelings; rather, your identity is based on one person who happened to transition. I get why you’re confused!
To help guide you, let’s talk about the two main reasons people rely on labels. The first is the categorical aspect: labels inform the world which group you’re a part of. (Millennials and Gen-Zers hate feeling “put in a box,” which is why they actively eschew labels.) Calling you “gay” isn’t accurately putting you into the correct box, because you’re not a man who’s attracted to men. You’re a man who’s fallen so deeply in love with a single person that their gender is inconsequential. It’s not your partner’s parts or even their masculinity you’re attracted to. It’s them. (Honestly, I find this beautiful. People only like me for my smokin’ hot bod.)
The second and far more important aspect of labels is how it makes you feel. I embrace the bisexual label because it adds stability to my identity. I used to “not do labels,” but bitch, that was fucking confusing. I needed a label to feel secure in myself, and once I embraced the bi label, I was able to embrace my attraction to all genders. I also felt part of the larger LGBTQ+ community, which was something I desperately craved.
Calling yourself gay would only cause more internal strife. It would neither make you feel more connected to a queer community, nor accurately describe your attractions and identity. In short, it’s not right for you. If you want, you could try out bisexual and see how you feel. After all, you like women, but you’re currently married to a man.
But if „straight“ still feels best to you, there’s a world where you can keep it. There’s just one big thing you need to consider: if you go overboard with affirming your straight identity, you may be inadvertently hurting your partner emotionally.
“It’s a tricky situation,” says Jor-El Caraballo, a licensed mental health professional and co-founder of Viva Wellness. “On one hand, it’s important to be able to identify as you see fit, but I imagine you also do not want to invalidate the very present reality that your partner is now a trans man.”
As his partner, you want him to feel seen as a man. If you go around screaming „I’m straight!“ to every friend who jokes that you’re gay now, you risk making your partner think you view him as a woman, which you don’t. The key here is finding a balance where you both feel validated for your identities. He needs to respect how you sexually identify as much as you respect his gender identity.
To strike that balance, start by asking him if he would feel uncomfortable if you continued to identify as straight. “Reaffirm to your partner that you honor his transition but also remind him that this is a journey for you as well and that you do not see yourself as a gay man,” Caraballo says. “It’s important that you both respect each other’s identities.”
If he says he’s comfortable with you identifying as straight, then you’re in the clear to continue identifying as such (in a chill way). If he does take issue with it, and there aren’t any other labels that feel right to you, get rid of ‚em altogether! That’s what the kids are doing these days. (That, or they have 5,000 labels, which ironically, is kinda the same as not doing labels.) You’re in a monogamous relationship with a person you love. The rest doesn’t matter.
During this conversation, you can also ask your partner to stop teasing you about being “gay,” since it’s not the right label for you. It’s a pretty simple fix.
Now, as for your friends who call you gay? Tell them to stop. Say: “Guys, this is all new to me, and I love my partner, but I don’t need the added stress of you calling me ‘gay.’ That label isn’t right for me, and frankly, it’s not that funny. Could you cut it out?”
No Homo, I’m proud of you. Not that you need nor wrote in seeking my validation. I do, however, think a lot of men in your situation would bail. You are not. You’re leading with your heart, and I respect that immensely.
6 things trans men really wish you’d stop asking them
3 trans men answer these questions so you don’t have to ask them.
Thanks to incredible trans womenLaverne Cox, more and more people are feeling empowered to change their biological form to match their gender identity. But what is it like being (and dating as) a trans man? I chatted to pansexual, heterosexual trans male, Knon-binary, transmasculine person, Cas, to ask them what questions they’re constantly asked by cis people. FYI, these kinds of questions can be intrusive, offensive and disrespectful – so please, just don’t’ ask them.
What is it like dating a trans man?
Jessenia Vice and Jaimie Wilson reveal what it’s like dating as a transgender man and cisgender woman.
Transgender singer and activist Jaimie Wilson and cisgender actress and presenter Jessenia Vice fell in love when Vice slid into Wilson’s Instagram DMs and he replied with his phone number.
The pair are now in a serious relationship and live together with their dog in New York.
Vice and Wilson want to show that relationships like theirs are normal and that dating a trans man is no different from dating a cisgender man.
Vice explains that dating Jaimie has been different but not because he is transgender.
“I think it’s mainly because of our connection, I think we share a lot as creators, as artists. Our feelings and our connection, it’s deep-rooted [more] than just the physical… and that’s great and different,” she says.
Transsexuelle Partnersuche bei Gleichklang
Mithilfe unserer Transgender-Option haben Trans-Frauen und Trans-Männer sowie alle Menschen mit nicht-binären Geschlecht bei Gleichklang besonders hohe Chancen bei ihrer Partnersuche. Ebenso erleichtern wird so die Partnersuche für Menschen erleichtert, die gerne eine Trans-Frau oder einen Trans-Mann kennenlernen möchten.
Bewusst wird Transgender bei Gleichklang nicht direkt als Geschlecht abgefragt, weil es viele Transgender gibt, die sich vom Geschlecht her zum Beispiel als Frau oder als Man sehen und keine besondere Chrakterisierung wünschen. Eine transsexuelle Frau ist insofern vom Geschlecht eine Frau. Es gilt das Geschlecht, dem sie sich zugehörig fühlt. An späterer Stelle erfragen wir dann, ob jemand Transgender ist und wir erfragen ebenfalls, ob jemand gerne auch Transgender-Menschen kennen lernen möchte. So wird eine optimale Vermittlung möglich.
Oftmals ist die Partnersuche für transsexuelle Menschen nicht leicht. Trotz vieler Fortschritte und einer erhöhten Toleranz steckt in vielen Köpfen noch immer ein starres biologistisches Geschlechtstereotyp. Dies reduziert die Offenheit, sich gegebenenfalls auch auf eine Partnerschaft mit einem transsexuellen Menschen einzulassen. Andererseits gibt es nicht wenige, die anders denken und die gerne eine Partnerschaft mit einem Trans-Mann oder einer Trans-Frau eingehen möchten.
Wir erheben von allen unseren Mitglieder, ob sie gerne einen Partner oder eine Partnerin mit Transgender-Hintergrund kennenlernen möchten. Auf dieser Grundlage erfolgen die Vermittlungsvorschläge.
Unseres Wissens sind wir die einzige Partnervermittlung, Singlebörse, Partnerbörse oder Partneragentur, die eine entsprechende systematische Unterstützung der Partnersuche für Menschen mit Transgender-Hintergrund beinhaltet.
Ebenfalls ermöglichen wir als einzige Dating-Plattform im deutschsprachigen Internet eine pansexuelle Suche. Pansexualität ist eine sexuelle Orientierung, bei der das Geschlecht keine Rolle mehr spielt, sondern es nur um den Menschen an sich geht. Bei pansexueller Orientierung kommen entsprechend als Partner Frauen, Männer, Intersexuelle und andere Menschen mit nicht-binärem Geschlecht (beispielsweise Transgender) infrage.
Bei Gleichklang legen wir großen Wert darauf, inklusiv alle Menschen mit den unterschiedlichsten geschlechtlichen Identitäten und sexuellen Orientierungen zu unterstützen. Die Förderung der Partnersuche von transsexuellen Singles ein wichtiger Teil dieser Aufgabe, die wir uns gegeben haben.
New Research Shows a Vast Majority of Cis People Won’t Date Trans People
Considering the discrimination trans people face on a daily basis, it comes as no surprise that trans people are overlooked when it comes to dating. Two Canadian researchers recently asked almost 1000 cisgender folks if they would date a trans person in a new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. This is the first study to ever attempt to quantify the extent of trans discrimination when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships.
958 participants (all but seven cisgender, ranging in age from 18 to 81, with an average age of 26) were asked to indicate which genders they would consider dating. The options included cisgender man, cisgender woman, trans man, trans woman, or genderqueer, and participants could select as many genders as they wanted.
Only 12% of all participants selected “trans woman” and/or “trans man.”
Those who would consider dating a trans person didn’t differ in race/ethnicity, but were somewhat older, more likely to hold a university degree, and, unsurprisingly, less likely to be religious than those who would not date a trans person. But some of the most striking differences were in regards to participants’ gender and sexual orientation.
Virtually all heterosexuals excluded trans folks from their dating pool: only 1.8% of straight women and 3.3% of straight men chose a trans person of either binary gender. But most non-heterosexuals weren’t down for dating a trans person either, with only 11.5% of gay men and 29% of lesbians being trans-inclusive in their dating preferences. Bisexual/queer/nonbinary participants (these were all combined into one group) were most open to having a trans partner, but even among them, almost half (48%) did not select either ‘trans man’ or ‘trans woman.’
Of the seven participants who themselves identified as transgender or nonbinary, 89% were willing to date another trans person.
Romantic relationships are one of the most important sources of social support for adults. The fact that most cis people would not consider trans people as potential dating partners is yet another serious risk factor for increased psychological and physical health problems among the trans population.
Surprisingly, among the 127 participants open to dating a trans person, almost half selected a trans person of a gender incongruent with their stated sexual orientation. For example, 50% of the trans-inclusive straight women and 28% of the trans-inclusive gay men were willing to date a trans woman, even though one wouldn’t expect either straight women or gay men to be attracted to women. Similarly, 50% of trans-inclusive straight men and 69% of trans-inclusive lesbians said they’d date a trans man, even though both groups are presumably only attracted to women. And 33% of the trans-inclusive bisexual/queer participants said they would only date a trans person of one gender but not the other, even though one may expect this group to be attracted to multiple genders.
Digging even deeper into the choices of cis folks willing to date trans people, an interesting pattern of discrimination against trans women in particular emerged among those who would be expected to be attracted to women: 28% of trans-inclusive bisexual/queer/nonbinary folks and 38% of trans-inclusive lesbians said they wouldn’t date a trans woman — only a trans man. There was no similar discrimination against trans men among those expected to be attracted to men: 0% of trans-inclusive gay men and only 5% of trans-inclusive bisexual/queer/nonbinary folks excluded trans men from their dating pool.
The high rates of trans exclusion from potential dating pools are undoubtedly due in part to cisnormativity, cissexism, and transphobia — all of which lead to lack of knowledge about transgender people and their bodies, discomfort with these unknowns, and fear of being discriminated against by proxy of one’s romantic partner. It is also possible that at least some of the trans exclusion is due to the fact that for some people, sexual orientation might be not (just) about a partner’s gender identity, but attraction to specific body types and/or judgment of reproductive capabilities.
Of course, this is just one study with a non-representative sample (participants were recruited using online advertisements, listserv messages, on-campus announcements, in-print magazine ads, snowballing methods, and invitations sent to previous study participants), so more research is needed to understand the extent of this form of trans exclusion and the reasons driving it.
But despite the limitations, these results clearly indicate that although the visibility of transgender people is on the rise, we still have a long way to go to reach trans equality.
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When You Say “I Would Never Date A Trans Person,” It’s Transphobic. Here’s Why.
There has been a lot of discussionabout transgender people, specifically about whether you are transphobic or not if you have a “preference” against dating trans people. Many well-meaning allies, friends, and family members of transgender people will say things like: “Well, I’m glad that Sara is living her life out loud, but I just don’t think I could ever date a trans person. It’s just a really personal preference for me.”
These people, and many others in the world, feel that it’s okay if trans people want to be out and live their life as a woman, a man, or a non-binary person, but ultimately, they say that they are just “not attracted” to any transgender people. Before we talk about how that sentiment alone is transphobic, I want to be direct about the fear that trans people, especially trans women, face in the world of dating cisgender people.
Dating as a trans woman (online or in person) often means an exhausting stream of inappropriate, fetishizing, dehumanizing, and sometimes violent messages asking about my genitals, people expecting praise for fetishizing me, and others assuming my identity is either not authentic or repulsive in some way.
This gets even more complicated when trans women are trying to date straight cisgender men. These interactions (usually beginning online) can quickly lead to defensiveness as they backpedal to explain how they aren’t gay, usually including insults and slurs that dehumanize me for even daring to list myself as a woman. These men are interested in my femininity, even though they may be worried about being seen as gay just for hitting on a woman with a penis, or having sex with a girl who used to have one.
Some of these things can be dismissed as annoyances or just well-intentioned people being ignorant, however, such a sliding scale of transphobia can sometimes slide all the way down to justifying the murder of trans women with comments like the ones made by comedian Lil Duval recently on New York’s Power 105.1 FM radio show The Breakfast Club, in response to what he’d do if he found out a woman he’s been sleeping with was assigned male at birth:
“This might sound messed up and I don’t care,” Duval says. “She dying. I can’t deal with that.”
“That’s a hate crime,” Charlamagne says. “You can’t do that.”
“You manipulated me to believe in this thing,” Duval says, before continuing, “If one did that to me, and they didn’t tell me, I’mma be so mad I’d probably going to want to kill them.”
This is also an important time to remind you that in 48 states, it is an admissible, legal defense in a courtroom to say you were driven temporarily insane by the revelation that a trans person is a trans person. You can even use this defense to avoid charges for the violence you’ve caused to a trans person in such a state of “insanity”. The so-called “trans panic” defense is still widely used to reduce sentencing and plea for lesser charges in cases of violence against transgender people.
It’s pretty terrifying to navigate a dating pool where you’re both disqualified from people’s dating preferences when you disclose your trans status up front, but then also threatened with violence when you choose not to share the details of your genitals before the other person can “accidentally” fall in love with you. In this context it makes sense for trans women to wait when you know you’ll be excluded up front, but if you don’t disclose your trans identity instead, you are punished for not telling, possibly by death. Huh…It’s almost as if trans people lose either way.
Some trans women, for example, are given the message that they are trying “too hard” and since they “pass,” or look cisgender to most people, they must really be men who are “tricking” people. These accusations come mostly from cisgender men who are insecure in their own masculinity/straightness. This group can also potentially include cisgender people who are insecure about being attracted to something they say they aren’t attracted to, in this case a woman, who they see as a man, because they assume she has a penis (even though many trans women haven’t had a penis for years).
Other trans women (or sometimes even the same trans women who “pass” on one day and not on another), are also told that if they have facial hair, a visible Adam’s apple, a deep voice, a small chest, or other visible markers of being assigned male at birth, then they are “not trying hard enough” to present as feminine, and therefore must be lazy, mentally ill (which is ableist), or predators tricking people into believing that they are a woman in order to “access women’s spaces” or otherwise infiltrate and harass otherwise designated safe spaces where men aren’t allowed.
Transphobic people will assert practically anything to get away from the much simpler truth, what trans people have been saying for decades: that trans women are simply women who were mistakenly assigned male at birth.
The problem with both of these social stereotypes for the “too good” and “too bad” trans woman is that they both infer that a trans woman is really a man, which creates an impossible balancing act for trans women. On the one hand, we punish trans women for being “pretty”, accuse beautiful trans women of lying by passing, and say that trans women are perpetuating misogyny by being stereotypically feminine.
But, on the other hand, we also punish trans women who aren’t “pretty” in the context of a cis-centric media landscape by saying that they “look like men”, they aren’t worthy of respect, can’t work a service job, can’t be in visible media roles, are complicated to provide healthcare for, and more artificial barriers created for trans people.
This happens because we, as a culture, seem to want trans people to both be cis-appearing enough to be invisible, but also we expect trans people to out themselves at every possible moment, just to make them even easier to avoid.
When I came out as a trans woman, the first concern I heard from many close friends and family members were two things: “How will you ever get a good job?” and “Will you be able to find anyone to love?” These fears are very real things that many trans people struggle to find in their lives. It also says a lot that these are the first things I heard, much louder and more common than excitement, gratitude for my trust, and celebration of my trans identity.
And even more importantly, these barriers are not a problem for trans people because we have universally bad work ethic or because we aren’t worthy of love, these barriers exist because many cisgender people imagine us as a burden, a drain on resources, a political liability, something “weird” to tolerate, a challenge, confused, mentally-ill (which is ableist), sexual fetishists, and so many other frameworks that place the burden on trans people for navigating a world that doesn’t respect us, doesn’t validate us, doesn’t support our basic human rights to free expression, and doesn’t empower us to be in positions of leadership in society.
If you’re someone who says “I would never date a trans person,” I’m talking directly to you right now.
It’s ok, other people, you can stay and listen in too.
Here’s the deal: it is not transphobic to decide that you don’t want to date a specific trans person based on your preferences in personality, hobbies, social beliefs, body type, etc. Consent is really cool, and believe me, no one wants to date you or fuck you, if you don’t want to date or fuck them. Trans people are not trying to force you to date us.
It is, however, deeply transphobic to decide that you never want to date any transgender person ever, and the choice to draw such a line is rooted in ignorance, fear, and disgust of trans people.
The transgender community is a massively diverse group with all kinds of body types, genital configurations, personalities, hobbies, and relationship styles. To categorically exclude all people from that group, who would otherwise align with your sexuality (trans men for a straight woman, trans women for a lesbian woman, etc.) is not only missing out on many potential connections you could have with people who you would otherwise have a wonderful time dating, but also reinforces the oppressive social system that says transgender women aren’t “really” women because they were assigned male at birth, and vice versa for trans men.
When you’re on the dance floor, or on Tinder, or flirting with someone at a work function, you can’t truly “tell” if someone is trans just by looking at them, no matter how much you think you can.
How do you know the cute girl you were flirting with at the bar last night isn’t a trans woman? How do you know that cute boy you’ve been flirting with on Grindr isn’t a trans man? How do you know that person you have a crush on in your Astronomy class isn’t non-binary? Short answer: you don’t.
If you’re only attracted to transgender people until you learn what we were arbitrarily assigned at birth, you’re still attracted to us, it just means your attraction is overridden by your repulsion against trans people. To act like you can be the arbiter of what feelings are true feelings and what are “fake” feelings created by someone you see as lying to you just for being authentic is a truly sad dismissal of all the beauty and joy contained in trans communities.
Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Non-binary people are whole and valid identities outside of our western colonialist sex and gender binary. Repeat this to yourself over and over. This is the root of all trans liberation.
I know attraction is complicated, and again, no one is saying you should be forced to date someone you’re not into. However, if you hold these transphobic attitudes, I invite you to examine in yourself why those beliefs are there and what you are really afraid of when you say you “won’t date trans people.”
Are you afraid of genitals you’re not familiar with? Some trans women have a penis, some don’t. Some trans men have a penis, some don’t. You can’t assume someone’s genitals based on their identity, and more so, you might be missing out on sex that’s fun and pleasurable just because you’re unable to see a penis as feminine or a vulva as masculine. How is my permanently attached strapon functionally any different than a cis woman’s detachable strapon?
Are you afraid of being seen in public with a trans person? What would it mean for you to truly step into the fight for trans rights? How can you grow your empathy for us enough to believe we deserve public, joyful, shameless love for ourselves and from our partners? How can you be public and vocal in your support for trans lives?
Are you afraid of people challenging your identity as a straight person, a lesbian or a gay man? What does it mean for trans people that you refuse to see us as “real” men or women? How can you shift your thinking to truly validate trans people as a natural human variation instead of see us as an outlier, an aberration, or a mistake?
Are you afraid of believing yourself to no longer be a lesbian or gay man? What does “lesbian” or gay mean to you? Does lesbian mean “loving women” or “loving vulvas”? By that logic, do you also see trans men as women because they have a vulva? That would also be an intensely transphobic assumption. Identity categories are only as useful as they are freeing you, not limiting your authentic desires and attraction. Plus, it’s possible to be a lesbian and date a trans woman and also be a trans woman who is a lesbian. When you are a woman, everything you have is a woman’s body part, including your cock (or clit, or ladycock, or click, etc).
I offer you these thoughts in order to challenge you to challenge yourself. I ask you these questions so that you can ask them of yourself when our transphobic culture refuses to acknowledge us in media, in sex ed, in public life, in history, in politics, and everywhere else.
The first step to dismantling transphobia is dismantling your own internalized transphobia. The second step is being honest and accountable to that process of growth in your allyship to help other cisgender people around you to grow with you.
10 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Transgender Woman
The dating scene for transgender women offers a unique set of challenges that cisgender — someone whose gender identity matches their biological sex — women don’t have to deal with. Fetishization, discrimination, harassment, and even homicide aren’t unheard of for us, but it doesn’t have to be this way. In order to spare my fellow trans women from the often harsh reality of our attempts at finding love, I wish the people who dated us would keep these things in mind:
Save the Bedroom Talk For the Bedroom. Christine Jorgenson was a World War II veteran, but ask anyone familiar with Jorgenson and they’ll be surprised. No one knows anything about her other than the fact that she was the first trans woman to receive genital reconstruction surgery. The preoccupation with trans women’s genitals has been lengthy and disturbing. We’re tired of being objectified over what’s in our pants, and genital reconstruction surgery is often a deeply personal topic. Besides, should the topic of discussion on your first date really be a woman’s vag? Awkward. There’s a time and place for everything. Know when it’s appropriate or necessary.
The Best way to find an answer for your questions is a Google Search. If you treat the date like a dictionary, we’re probably already shuffling in our purse for our car keys and telling you we have to run to the bathroom. Know what trans means and don’t expect trans women to be your professor on gender studies, because who wants heavy discussions on a date when you could be drinking wine? I Googled everything I wanted to know as I came to terms with my gender identity, so spare the textbook talk with a Google search, a book, or an actual classroom. There are vast amounts of tools for knowledge — don’t be afraid to use them. In fact, consider being educated your responsibility.
Don’t Let Watching Sex Online Be Your Study Guide. The job market is a huge barrier for trans women and poverty is high among our demographic. In fact, a whopping 57 percent of trans people have faced some form of discrimination in the workplace. As a result, researchers say that trans women are the highest demographic to turn to the sex trade to find meaningful work. If nothing else, trans women in the adult sex movies and the sex trade remain a top-seller among straight men. According to the sex site P*rnhub, the “shemale” category ranks 22nd in most searched — that’s a lot of sex on the interent. Let’s not forget, however, that the adult sex movie industry is often unrealistic. Know what labels are respectful to us and which ones aren’t.
Backhanded Compliments Are Not Cute. “Wow, I would have never known you were a man — you look just like a woman!” or something similar isn’t a compliment — it’s just rude. The message that is being conveyed to trans women with this type of exchange is that we’re engaging in a form of trickery, a disguise to pass as something we’re not. As Janet Mock, author of Redefining Realness put it: “I am a woman. I live my life as a woman and that’s how I should be perceived. I’m not passing as anything — I’m being. Being myself.”
We Didn’t Transition Just to Date Straight Men. This is a terrible yet too often perpetuated myth. Trans women don’t transition to fool straight men into sleeping with us. This disgusting form of ignorance has been sensationalized in both television and film. It’s one of the many reasons why I personally choose to openly state that I’m a trans woman on my tinder profile. And what about Trans lesbians? Trans women aren’t likely to change our sexual orientation after transitioning. Those of us who were attracted to women before transitioning are still likely to remain attracted to women. The numbers show that between 40 and 60 percent of trans women identify as bisexual or lesbian, so whether it’s men, women, both or none, we can date whoever we want.
Gender and Sexuality Are Two Different Things. Dating us doesn’t mean you’re gay. Dating us doesn’t even mean you have to be bisexual. If you’re attracted to trans women then you’re attracted to women. Trans women are women — end of story. Many people confuse gender and sex or don’t understand the difference between the two. Gender is fluid while sex is biological and rigid. Sexual orientation is shaped by your attraction to a person’s gender identity. If you’re a cis man or woman attracted to someone who’s trans, it doesn’t change your sexual identity.
We’re Not a Secret Society. When Tyga allegedly cheated on Kylie Jenner with trans model Mia Isabella, the media went crazy. Tyga’s sexual orientation was called into question and he was shamed by virtually the entirety of the hip hop community. Society shames men who are attracted to trans women by attacking their masculinity, labeling them as gay, or accusing them of having a fetish. Trans women are taught that we only deserve companionship through secrecy. Being open about your relationship with us conveys the message to society that we deserve to be seen. That trans visibility deserves a safe space to exist which can then foster easier acceptance from others.
You should treat Us with the Respect You Would Give Any Other Woman. One of my favorite interviews to date is when Janet Mock turned the tables on Fusion reporter Alicia Menendez, asking her the kind of inappropriate questions that Mock is constantly subjected to by interviewers. Menendez was overwhelmed with questions such as, “Do you have a vagina? Do you use tampons? When did you begin to feel your breasts budding?” If you find these questions alarming, take note that trans women are the subject of this type of questioning all the time. A rule of thumb to ask yourself is, “Would I ask or expect this of a cisgender woman?” If the answer is no, you probably shouldn’t ask trans women either.
Dating a Trans Woman is a Catch. Did you know that trans women face some of the highest risks of becoming victims of domestic violence? An underlying issue is the idea that trans women have nowhere else to go, as if abusive men are the only ones who will ever truly love us. I’ve been a witness of too many trans women in abusive relationships at the hands of men. A common response when these women choose to leave them is, “Where will you go? Who’s going to be attracted to you like I am?” Don’t ever assume we’re below the bar. Know that you’re not the only fish in the sea. We have standards too.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and We’re No Exception. So take us to a movie, a concert — hell, even a rodeo. Being trans doesn’t mean we are miserable — we just want to have a good time like anybody else.
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Serena Sonoma Serena Sonoma is a transgender freelance journalist by way of Raleigh, North Carolina. She is a dog mother to two fur babies and a somewhat deranged fan of Game of Thrones.
Schwule Apps: Tinder, Gayromeo App, Grindr und vieles mehr!
Egal ob Mann nur Spaß haben will, einfach mal wieder ein Date möchte oder sich nach einer festen Beziehung sehnt, für so ziemlich jedes Bedürfnis gibt es mittlerweile die richtige App. Bei der Fülle an Möglichkeiten verliert man schnell die Übersicht. Deswegen stellen wir euch hier die vier wichtigsten Apps für homosexuelle Männer (und Frauen) vor, die Gleichgesinnte suchen.
How to Date a Transgender Person
This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 73,665 times.
For the most part, dating someone who is transgender is like dating anybody else. However, if you are cisgender (not transgender) and it’s your first time dating somebody who is trans, you may want to keep a few things in mind. Think about why you want to date them. If the answer is anything other than because you genuinely like them and want to get to know them better, consider whether your reasoning is a healthy basis for a relationship. Be sensitive when asking personal questions about your date’s body or history. Focus on getting to know them as a person. Most importantly, listen to them: your date will be able to guide you better than anyone else.
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Dating a Transgender Person: How is it Different?
Dating a transgender person is just like dating anyone else.
No, seriously. Really. I promise. As someone who has dated my fair share of trans people, I can be honest and say that the gist of things are essentially the same as with a non-trans person.
Of course, if you zoom in a little to the specifics, then naturally there are some differences. This varies from person to person, though. For instance, let’s say you want to date a trans woman (MTF). Her preferences when it comes to what kind of man she likes, what she likes in bed, what kind of hobbies she has, her personal world view, and so on can vary from the next trans woman. You can’t really take anything for granted.
There are a handful of things that are nearly universal among trans people, though, and you should probably familiarize yourself with these tips before you jump into the dating pool:
2) Ask About What Your Date is Comfortable With and Respect That
This goes with non-trans people, too, of course, bit it’s important to not assume certain things when it comes to trans people. Ask them what pronouns (“he/him,” “she/her”) they use if you’re in any doubt, and always make sure the person is comfortable before you escalate physically with them.
Most trans people have body dysphoria, which means that they have an inherent discomfort with certain parts of their body, usually their primary and secondary sex characteristics. This goes beyond simply not liking a part of their body—it may feel absolutely alien to them. Which parts someone is uncomfortable with will vary from person to person.
For example, a trans man may be extremely uncomfortable with your touching his chest, and a trans woman may not want you to look at her you-know-what. (Yes, contrary to what random Internet videos of naked people doing naked things might indicate, most trans women do not like to use their natal anatomy.) Sometimes people can adapt a little as they become more familiar with you, but don’t count on it.
Crossing these boundaries can quickly turn the person off. For someone who doesn’t have this kind of dysphoria, it may be hard to understand, but if the trans person you’re dating says that a certain body part is off limits, respect that, even if it doesn’t fall in line with the fantasy situation that you hoped for. You can always try doing something else, or you can always simply date another person who has no such objection.
Holding hands is the easy part. When you get a little closer, sure that you check to see that your partner is comfortable with what’s going on.
3) Remember That Your Date is More Than Just a Trans Person
If you have a strong preference for trans people or have an unfulfilled fantasy of some kind that has to do with them, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, this also makes it easy to fall into the trap of objectifying your date.
At the end of the day, this person doesn’t exist solely to date you or to give you some kind of gratification, so don’t be surprised if they run away from you the moment they suspect that you’re fetishizing them. Do your best to see them as what they are: human beings, with their own wants and agendas.
As with dating anyone else, if you acknowledge their needs, they are more likely to help fulfill yours. Unless your date is also looking to objectify you and they have no interest in anything deeper, try to get to know them and learn more about them. This will also help prepare you for the next trans person that you get together with.
Get to know your love interest beyond just the whole trans , you know, it’s just a one-off encounter.
4) Accept That You May Be Judged by Others for Dating a Transgender Person
If you date a trans person for long enough, unless the trans person is deeply “stealth” (meaning that they keep their trans status a secret from everyone), then people you know are bound to find out eventually.
Moreover, if you’re dating the same person for any length of time, eventually they’re going to want to meet your family and so on. To deny them this may give them the impression that you’re ashamed of them.
So be ready for the social consequences. Depending on where you live, these may be minimal. For instance, a few uneducated people might misunderstand and think you’re gay if you’re a man who is dating a trans woman. In such a case, who cares? Let them think that. Being attracted to a trans person is just part of who you are; have the courage to honor that part of yourself.
However, in some cultures around the world, the consequences could be more severe. Dating a trans person may put you at nearly the same risk of judgment and ostracization as the trans person that you’re dating, and maybe even physical danger. In this case, you may have to take steps to protect yourself and the person you’re with, and unfortunately this may involve a paranoid degree of discretion.
Weigh your options well, but try to avoid making the mistake of blaming the person you’re dating if people do find out someday and judge you for it. It’s not the trans person’s fault, and they don’t deserve to be thrown under the bus.
Some people might be surprised if they find out that the person you’re dating is trans. They may even judge you for it.
5) Accept That a Trans Person’s Body May Undergo Changes
Maybe you like the body of the person that you’re dating just the way it is, and you can’t imagine why they would want to change it. You may think that by telling them how wonderful you think their body is, they might decide to forgo surgery altogether. How nice!
Rarely does it work out this way, though. If you’re in a relationship with someone and subtly pressuring them to not alter a body that they are uncomfortable with, you may be unknowingly preventing the person from moving in a direction that is closer to who they truly are.
As I already mentioned, most trans people have body dysphoria, which means that most of them will seek to change their bodies one way or another. Hopefully, if you’ve gone so far as to get into a relationship with someone, you love them for more than just their body, but if you don’t, then learn to let them go so that they can be who they are.
Dating a Transgender Person is Just Like Dating Anyone Else
They’re not necessarily going to understand you better or worse than anyone else. They’re not necessarily extra easy to get into the sack. They’re not necessarily what you may have thought they would be.
Transgender people are just people. Keep that in mind, treat them with compassion as you would anyone else, and you should be fine!
I am interested in dating transwomen. I am out of a 3 year straight relationship. During that time I had 3 trans friends who always said if I wasn’t w someone they’d date me, and I def was interested bc all 3 were beautiful and fun. I hung w them alot. Now that I want to date transwomen,I can’t find one. I’m a great guy who treats these women well, and am not in it for kink, and I’m not embarrassed to hold hands n show affection in public. I jkinda got close with one,and it def became a bit more than we expected and we had relations a few times. Yes I cheated on my gf. My gf knew I had more interest in transwomen. She met all 3,who helped give her rides sometimes. Now I am sitting alone ready to
Coming out to Jessenia Vice’s parents
One of the hardest things Vice and Wilson had to go through as a couple was coming out to Vice’s parents.
Vice’s mother wasn’t sure what being transgender meant. “I had to explain in full depth what it all meant and then she respected the fact that this was still the same person she had initially met months and months and months prior,” explains Jessenia.
Wilson no longer has a close relationship with his family since coming out as transgender when he was 19 years old. He was kicked out of his parents’ house and forced to fend for himself. As a result, for Wilson, being accepted by Vice’s family makes all the difference.
Laura* and Oli* have been together for two and a half years and are getting married next summer. Like all couples they’ve had their ups and downs, but being in a trans relationship brings its own unique complications…
When Laura first met her boyfriend Oli she had no idea the well-dressed guy she’d been eyeing up from across their seminar room was trans.
‚I actually assumed Oli was a gay, cis [non-trans] man, so I was delighted [when I found out] he was straight!‘ she says. ‚I added him on Facebook that evening, and realised he was trans; I’d had no idea. But once I got my head round the idea I wasn’t fazed at all.‘
Now 22 and 24, Laura and Oli have been together for two and a half years and are getting married next summer after the final stage of Oli’s genital reassignment surgery. Like all couples, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs, but being in a trans relationship brings its own unique complications.
‚When it came to us actually getting together, she had no idea what to expect in terms of my body,‘ Oli says. ‚She knew I was on testosterone, but I avoided going into detail by never wearing less than a T-shirt and boxers around her, and just focusing on her sexually.‘
For Laura, sex with Oli was a revelation. ‚It was completely different to any other relationship I’d been in before – but not for the reasons you might expect. He was the first partner I ever had who really put my enjoyment first.‘
She adds: ‚I literally had never even had a boyfriend who went down on me, and I was shocked to learn that I could actually orgasm with a partner too!‘
When Oli eventually felt comfortable revealing all, they were both pretty anxious. ‚I kept thinking „she won’t see me as a man anymore and she’ll leave me“,‘ Oli says, while Laura was just terrified she wouldn’t know what to do. She needn’t have been.
‚Without being too explicit about Oli’s junk,‘ she giggles, ‚let’s just say that hormones change things a lot down there, and I had no problem transferring my previously acquired skills!‘
Testosterone treatment, Oli explains, causes what used to be the clitoris to grow into a small penis – and he remembers feeling relieved when Laura’s reaction was „oh, it’s just a tiny dick! I know what to do with this.“ ‚It’s not usually what a guy wants to hear from his girlfriend,‘ he laughs, ‚but in my case it was a huge relief.‘
After the initial awkwardness, their sex life went into overdrive – possibly helped by the early stages of Oli’s testosterone treatment giving him the sex drive of ‚a typical teenage boy‘.
Two and a half years on though, they say sex is now far less regular: ‚My discomfort and distress at having the wrong genitals [known as gender dysphoria] has become worse and worse,‘ Oli explains.
‚I’m having my first stage of lower [genital] surgery next month, and the closer it gets, the worse I feel about what I currently have. Thanks to testosterone and chest surgery, the rest of my body is now so ‚male‘ – I have a flat chest, I’m really hairy, I have facial hair, more muscle mass, and then there’s this one vital area that hasn’t caught up yet.‘
He adds: ‚I know Laura thinks I’m desirable as I am, but it’s very difficult to want and enjoy sex when you have the wrong genitalia.‘
For Laura, Oli turning down sex was initially really difficult. ‚He can be relatively closed about his dysphoria, so my self-esteem took a bit of a blow. We did get better at communicating about it eventually, after a couple of sob-fests from me,‘ she says.
‚As a partner, it’s very hard to know what to do when your other half has to interrupt sex because they feel so distressed and alienated by their own body,‘ she adds.
‚It’s really difficult to comfort them about something that’s so impossible to get away from, and that you’ll never fully understand or experience. When it’s really bad, he can’t talk, move or be touched, and I just have to put some pants on and give him the space and support he needs.‘
But sex isn’t the most difficult part of being with a trans guy; for Laura, it’s been other people’s reactions. Early on in the relationship, she faced ignorant and intrusive questions from friends, relatives, and even acquaintances, wanting to know ’so are you a lesbian now?‘ and ‚what does he have down there?‘
‚Our relationship is constantly under scrutiny,‘ she says. ‚Friends and family do perhaps take us more seriously as a straight couple since Oli had surgery, but it’s unfortunate that trans people are held to such high standards of presenting as their true gender.‘
Despite the ongoing wait for lower surgery, Oli’s chest surgery last year was a major bonding period for them as a couple. ‚I’m a lot more cuddly with Laura now I don’t have this ‚danger zone‘ on my torso. It’s absolutely wonderful to have her fall asleep on my chest,‘ he says.
Laura agrees: ‚He seems more himself, and our physical intimacy has definitely improved. I do quietly hope that once Oli’s had lower surgery our sex life will have a bit of a revival, but I definitely feel more secure and comfortable in our relationship now than ever,‘ she says. ‚Plus we’re probably more productive now we can keep our hands off each other for longer than ten minutes!‘
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In time, she softened. She said hey to me. Then she graduated and disappeared. A few years later, I learned that she transitioned. Dae found his truth, came out as transgender and found his queer family in a city not far from there. We are still friends today. While our journeys are different, we both more or less found the things we needed — the right words to call ourselves, the chosen families we belonged in — at the same time. Dae has become a remarkably handsome man, and in many ways, he was my first sign that others were out there — back when I simply knew I was „other“ and that was all I had.
Other sexy trans men came later — casual hookups and kinky playmates — who taught me some of my most important lessons about being queer. Here are some of them.
2. Don’t assume anyone is straight because of how their gender is presented.
When we talk about gay and bi men, that includes gay and bi trans men, too. Assuming anyone is straight because of how their gender is presented is an unhealthy hetero projection — one we don’t need.
My ability to detect whether or not someone is gay or bi (what some call gaydar) is faulty, so unless I meet someone on a sex app or at a queer-heavy bar, I face the task of expressing interest and seeing if they’re interested back. Thankfully, hookup apps usually do the work for me. If you meet an out trans man on an app like Grindr or Scruff, it’s safe to bet he’s interested in other men.
5. Everyone has different words for their body parts. Ask what his are.
I told him that when I get in submissive headspace, I like when guys call my hole a pussy or cunt. I also know some cis gay guys who hate the word „cock“ and bristle at its use. Everyone has words they prefer, and those words may change depending on the kind of sex they’re having or who they’re with. Some trans men say „vagina,“ others say „front hole“ and „back hole.“ By asking for his words, you’re getting the language you need to talk about sex.
7. Don’t know how to break the ice? Ask what he’s into.
You know the common Grindr script: Sup? Looking? Into? These days, guys seem to dislike one-word messages because they’re economical and efficient and no one likes to be reminded of how they’re one of many options. But you are — everyone is. Maybe it’s brisk and to-the-point, but I ask „Into?“ almost immediately. Someone can reply with what sex role they like, list their kinks, or say they’re looking for love. At least two men have listed their hanky code colors, which I appreciated.
If you’re gay or bi, a trans gay/bi man is likely into many of the same things you are. Start there. This is the same script you’d use to flirt with anyone because trans men are men.
11. Sex is so much more than penetration.
Gay cis men tend to focus on anal sex as the base requirement of sex — many do not consider other sex acts, like oral sex, to be „sex“ at all. As a result, sides often feel embarrassed, ashamed, or left out. But the fact is, anal sex is just one kind of sex, and there are a variety of reasons why one might not find it fun. Some people have health conditions that keep them from enjoying anal sex — others simply don’t enjoy it.
I’m not a big fan of oral sex, and could happily cut it from my repertoire without much concern. Some guys feel the same about anal. Thankfully there is massage, rubbing, mutual masturbation, rimming, licking, fingering, and literally endless non-penetrative kinky sex acts you can do. Sex is a miles-long buffet table — why choose only one thing?
A majority of my experiences with trans men have been dominant-submissive with me as the sub. In none of these encounters did a penis go in my butt — and they were all fun.
14. In kink, trans guys are not automatic submissives.
I know many dominant trans men and have played with some of them. Suggesting a man with a vagina wants to be dominated is like assuming every cis gay muscle guy wants to top. If those are your assumptions, good luck.
Kostenlose Dating Apps für Schwule: Die Top 6 – inklusive Gayromeo und Grindr
Das hier sind die vier populärsten Dating-Apps von schwulen Männern und wofür sie im Schnitt genutzt werden – für Android und iPhone:
Trotz der Sicherheitslücken, die 2014 bekannt wurden, ist Grindr immer noch die beliebteste und am weitesten verbreitete Dating-App für homosexuelle und auch bisexuelle Männer. Das Gute an Grindr ist, dass sie einem anzeigt, welcher schwule Mann sich gerade in eurer Nähe befindet. Problem an diesem unglaublich praktischen Feature war die Tatsache, dass man Standorte auch dann ausfindig machen konnte, wenn man nicht eingeloggt war. Von Regierungen, die Homosexuellen kritisch gegenüberstehen, kann das perfekt ausgenutzt werden, um bestimmte Bevölkerungsgruppen ausfindig zu machen. Die Firma ließ damals verlautbaren, dass man proaktive Maßnahmen unternehmen würde und die Entfernung automatisch verstecken werde. Händisch deaktivieren konnte man diese Funktion schon immer – wenn man eben will. Die App eignet sich, um unverbindliche und spontane Abenteuer zu finden.
Natürlich sind schwule Männer auch auf Tinder aktiv. Aber anders als Heterosexuelle. Für Schwule ist Tinder eher die App für jeden, der nach etwas Ernstem sucht – eine Beziehung eben. Es gibt zwar keine eigene Tinder-Gay-Version, allerdings könnt ihr eure Präferenz in den Einstellungen umstellen. Dort wählt ihr beim Feld Anzeigen einfach Männer aus (oder bei einer Bi-Orientierung könnt ihr euch auch Profile beider biologischen Geschlechter anzeigen lassen). Dass das sogenannte Gay-Tinder recht fruchtbar ist, zeigen verschiedene Erfahrungen der Nutzer. So findet ihr im entsprechenden Reddit-Thema viele Rückmeldungen, dass homosexuelle Männer deutlich häufiger auf Matches und Nachrichten reagieren und auch zurückschreiben, um sich zu treffen.
Sucht ihr Alternativen, könnte auch Nearox etwas für euch sein. Diese Pinnwand für Schwule hält euch über Events und News in Channels auf dem Laufenden, ihr könnt aber auch an Events in eurer Nähe teilnehmen oder Chats mit anderen sexy Gays starten. Die App zur mobile Gay-Community gibt es als kostenlosen Download.
Kostenlose Lesben Apps: Wie steht es um die Frauen?
Für Frauen, die auf Frauen stehen, haben wir hier drei Apps mit denen ihr garantiert jemanden findet. Legt einfach ein Profil an, ladet Bilder hoch und los geht die Suche.
Wenn ihr queer, bisexuell oder lesbisch seid, könnt ihr mit der Her-App weltweit nach gleichgesinnten Freunden oder Partnerinnen suchen. Ähnlich wie bei Nearox werden euch auch LGBTQ-Events angezeigt.
1. “Aren’t you just a lesbian?”
Urm, can a man be a lesbian? In short, no! J describes the difference between sexual identity and gender identity as “two distinct things”. J explains, “Gender is who you are. Sexuality is who you do.” Some trans men can even find a sexual awakening once they begin their physical transition. K describes himself as a heterosexual male.
“I would have dreams about marrying women and being their prince,” he says. “But I just attributed that to an overactive imagination. Once I found the language to describe the discomfort I was feeling, I began to slowly love myself enough to start seeing myself as a sexual being. At that point, I started realising that I was attracted to women.”
4. “Will taking testosterone just make you more angry?”
Many trans men who take T explain it’s like going through a ‘second puberty’. As well as physical changes like increased hair growth, periods stopping and even changes to muscle formation, there can also be some emotional changes too – just like being a teenager. This can be challenging in relationships. J says, “It’s helpful to understand that when we begin hormone treatment, it is basically second puberty, so forgive us for acting like moody teenagers at times.”
Just like a relationship between cis-gendered people, if you’re dating a trans man, it’s important to check in with each other about how you’re feeling. Taking hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is an important step on the road to a physical transition, and if you’re dating a trans person, be aware they might need supporting through these changes.
Wenn heterosexuelle Menschen Kontakte knüpfen, flirten und jemanden für schöne gemeinsame Unternehmungen suchen, gibt es inzwischen auch mehr als eine Dating-App für lesbische Frauen und schwule Männer – für Android und iPhone. Wofür ihr die verschiedenen Apps konkret nutzt – die Suche nach Seelenverwandten oder Sex – ist dabei euch überlassen. Gibt es eine Gay-Tinder-Version? Wir stellen euch hier die besten Apps für schwules Dating fokussiert auf die Gay-Community und ihre lesbischen Pendants vor.
Wapa: Lesban Dating
Welche App ist euer Liebling? Habt ihr interessante und dauerhafte Kontakte kennengelernt oder heiße Affären begonnen? Empfehlt unseren Lesern eure Top-Dating-Apps für Schwule und Lesben in den Kommentaren.
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