12 Gay TV Characters Who Never Said They Were Gay

Way before characters—and actors—could be out of the closet, there was a spate of them on TV that gave every indication of being gay without actually saying so. For the generation that grew up without a lot of LGBT visibility, these coded personas provided some refreshing gayness in an otherwise exclusively hetero landscape. The dishonestly opaque way they were presented made them a titillating taunt rather than a liberating breakthrough, but they still made a difference. Here’s a dozen of the most memorable ones (and by the way, some of the characters were given opposite-sex love interests, but that didn’t fool me a bit):

Because The Toothbrush Is The Last To Go

Last month I ended a serious relationship. One that lasted over a year and at its most surreal state became a pseudo engagement of sorts. The engagement was a desperate attempt to mend something that was lost the moment we began to hurt each other and become men we could no longer love.

You see it in movies, listen to it in songs and read about it in books, but you never honestly feel the pain of a break up until it happens to you. Days become uneventful and quiet. Your body feels numb and exhausted.

I find myself sleeping more and more. Perhaps it is my body recovering from the trauma of a toxic ending or my heart wanting to catch one last dream of us together.

Suddenly, everything he ever gave me or left at my place is hurtful to use or see. Like the wine opener he brought over for our first month anniversary and never took back. A relic that kept on being used on nights-in together, more anniversaries, days were I was mad at him and needed a drink, and nights after making love.

Or his toothbrush. A blue bristle brush covered with a plastic top. The first purchase that really marked a long-term relationship. I remember the night we went out to buy it. It was a weekend during our first month of dating. A time when we would spend hours discovering how much we loved each other. How perfect it all seemed. Nights would turn into early mornings after sex, but this time instead of parting ways, an intimate question was asked. One that required courage but never a second thought because it felt right and the trust was there. “Would you like to spend the night?” His smile said everything. We rushed to a nearby 24 hour pharmacy and bought an overpriced toothbrush that today is an overvalued sentimental object.

It has become a daily reminder that he was in my life. As I get ready for bed every night, his brush stands next to mine. He used it religiously. Always worrying that his breath was never good enough for me. It was always minty fresh. The brush reminds me of his gorgeous smile, his sultry kisses, the sex that lead after those kisses, and the mornings after. And unlike the stuffed animals or CDs he gave me, this has been the last object I have not packed up.

Perhaps in my heart I still feel like this breakup is not real. That one gloomy evening he will show up at my door, things will be said, it will all be forgiven, we will laugh, hug, and kiss. He will excuse himself to the restroom and brush his teeth. We will make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Only for him to wake up before me in the morning, rush into the restroom, and brush his teeth again – just to kiss me a little more passionately – just to be mine for one more day.

My heart wishes this, but my mind tells me to take his brush and throw it away. It is for the best. After all, it’s just a toothbrush, an insignificant object.

One night as I get ready for bed and brush away my impurities my heart will catch up with my mind. That night is not tonight.

Because The Toothbrush Is The Last To Go

2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

Copyright © 2000-2021 Dreamstime. All rights reserved.

 2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

Copyright © 2000-2021 Dreamstime. All rights reserved.

 2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

Copyright © 2000-2021 Dreamstime. All rights reserved.

 2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

Copyright © 2000-2021 Dreamstime. All rights reserved.

Sissy that TV Channel

Today, gay people on TV are out and in dresses! Fusion TV just announced that it’s throwing Shade: Queens of NYC, a 12-part docuseries about the NYC drag culture, featuring local favorites like Marti Gould Cummings, Tina Burner, Paige Turner, Holly Box Springs, Jada Valenciaga, Jasmine Rice LaBeija, Chelsea Piers, and Brita Filter. Great choices—I’ve enjoyed them all. As for how they cast the show—which premieres October 5—Cummings told me, “This group of queens represents the heart of NYC drag. Their work ethic and drive to succeed in this industry makes them stand out as NYCs finest representation of diverse drag. Our goal is to have this show be a success and hopefully we can introduce more queens as time goes on to continue to showcase the ever evolving NYC drag community.” And if not, there must be a support group by now for drag queens who haven’t gotten on TV.

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My son is 15 going on 16, and he’s been experimenting with masturbation. At the moment, I pretty much just think fine, whatever, he’s a teenager, there’s very little I can do about it. So long as he doesn’t get porn-obsessed and start letting his grades slip, it’s fine. The issue is that, a few months ago, his younger sister found one of her tampons in the garbage, and it was covered with poop. She brought it up to me and my wife, and we didn’t think much of it—until a couple of months ago, when my wife discovered, again, a used, shitty tampon in the garbage. We had a talk with our son and told him that we understand he is maturing sexually and we don’t care how he explores his sexuality. However, we also don’t want to find shitty tampons or whatever else in the garbage. Then, a couple of days ago, we were going to bed and we heard a noise coming from his bathroom. We checked it out and found his toothbrush in the sink, butt-end being rinsed with the water running full blast for who knows how long (he was downstairs). We asked him why he was doing that, and he said the cat had pissed on his toothbrush. We think his story is bullshit, as although the cat does piss on the floor, the cat has never peed on a counter before.

We are fine with him exploring his sexuality, but at the same time, we don’t want to find tidbits of what he’s doing out in the open. As I’ve explained to him, he needs to do a better job of hiding it, because if a friend had come over and found a shitty tampon in the garbage can, what would they think? However, it looks like shaming him to hide it better might be the only way. What are your thoughts on this? Are we in the wrong here? —Perplexed Over Progeny’s Sexuality

You haven’t found any more shit-covered tampons in the trash since you spoke to your son about it months ago, POPS, so either he’s doing a better job of hiding those shit-covered tampons—he’s honoring his father and mother—or he’s not putting his sister’s tampons up his ass anymore. And your concern for the delicate sensibilities of your friends is a bit of a reach. A true friend wouldn’t paw through the trash in your bathroom, and anyone who did dig through the trash in your bathroom deserves to find not just one shit-smeared tampon, but a handful.

As for the toothbrush, POPS, it wasn’t left “out in the open.” You found it in the sink in his bathroom. You discovered it because he stupidly left the water running full blast, it’s true, but it wasn’t out in the open in a shared communal space. If you had texted me the moment you found the toothbrush, I would’ve immediately texted you back and advised you to turn the water off and refrain from asking your son about the toothbrush. If you had to say something to him about it, POPS, I would’ve advised you to go with this: “Don’t leave the water running in your sink.”

Your son would’ve figured that you saw the toothbrush, figured that you figured it had been in his ass, and never made that mistake again. (Just as he’s never made the tampon mistake again.) But you made the mistake of asking your son for an explanation (“Why are you doing that?”) in a context where (1) your son isn’t going to tell you the truth (“The cat pissed on it, Pops!”), and (2) you can’t handle the truth (“I was fucking myself in the ass with it, Pops!”).

Zooming out for a second: A boy who’s almost 16 isn’t “experimenting with masturbation.” He’s perfecting his technique. And we can deduce from the tampons and toothbrushes that your son likes assplay. That’s not a problem. Inconsideration used to be a problem (disposing of shitty tampons where his family members might find them), but he’s knocked that off, right? So the only remaining problem is that he’s putting things in his ass that aren’t designed for assplay.

If you don’t want your son abusing any cucumbers or mixing spoons or Oscar statuettes that might be lying around your house—and if you don’t want to have to rush him to an emergency room in a few months to retrieve something that gets stuck in his ass—consider purchasing a few ass-appropriate toys for him, i.e., one or two small silicone butt plugs with flared bases. He’ll be mortified when you give them to him, POPS, but no more mortified than you were when you found those shitty tampons.

Buying sex toys for kids is a hurdle most parents can’t clear. If it’s not something you can do, then you’ll have to turn a blind eye to any toothbrushes you might find in sinks over the next few years.

You’ll also want to thoroughly wash cucumbers before consuming them. —Dan

Say your boyfriend has a spanking fetish, and he spanks other women with one particular belt—but not you, because you don’t like it, but you’re OK with him making dates to spank others—and he wears that particular belt all the time, even though you’ve asked him not to. What’s going on here? —Ass Spared, Feelings Hurt

Equal parts inconsideration (on his part) and insecurity (on your part) are combining to create unnecessary drama. If spanking is so central to his identity that he has to wear his spanking belt every day, you may be the wrong girlfriend for him. If seeing an easy-to-overlook reminder of his fetish leaves this hurt, you’re less OK with those spanking dates than you pretend to be, ASFH, and he may be the wrong boyfriend for you. —Dan

I recently came across a pair of my ex-girlfriend’s lacy panties in an old pair of shorts I haven’t worn in years. I love wearing women’s panties, and I almost hit the floor when I found them. I was a mess after this girl dumped me. I was devastated. To this day, I have not found closure. This is where it gets tricky. A part of me wants to keep them because it’s so hot that they’re hers. I’m happy with my current girlfriend—I love her—but these panties really turn me on. The other part tells me to “show some respect” and get rid of them. Is this an ethical or moral issue? By keeping them, am I driving a wedge between me and my girlfriend? Any advice? —Old Panties Protocol

You’re entitled to your memories and your keepsakes. And if a pair of panties can drive a wedge between you and your current girlfriend, OPP, then your relationship is made of pretty flimsy stuff. If an old pair of panties doesn’t destroy it, the next strong breeze will.

Keep the panties, I say, but put them away somewhere that isn’t easily accessed—in a box in your storage space, on a high shelf in a closet—so you aren’t tempted to haul them out every time you want to have a wank. But now and then, maybe when the girlfriend is out of town, I don’t see the harm in retrieving your ex-girlfriend’s panties and enjoying a nice, long, leisurely wank down memory lane.

And finally, OPP, closure isn’t something you find. It’s something you do. —Dan

2 toothbrushes lie together, representing a couple in bed. this coming Valentine`s Day you can illustrate gay, lesbian or LGBT couples using this. Images representing male couples include safe sex condom with no brands.

Copyright © 2000-2021 Dreamstime. All rights reserved.

4. It took a pregnancy.

„Age 20, I was pregnant the first time I had an actual orgasm. My boyfriend freaked out and we thought my water broke (I was about 30 weeks). I called my midwife and everything. She said it was pretty common though for that to happen during pregnancy and I should enjoy the privilege of sex while pregnant.“ —middleground

17. She had just about given up hope.

„It was incredibly surprising (and amazing) for me the first time I had one because I had accepted that I would never have one. I’ve been on antidepressants since I was 12, so I never had the chance. When I was 19, after years of frustration, I was dating a guy who was AMAZING with his hands. I experienced the most wonderful feeling in my life while he used both his hands and mouth on me for about 30 minutes.“ —carolined4b98da4f8

21. No one told him about ejaculation.

„In eighth grade, some kids at school had told me what masturbation was because I didn’t know, but they didn’t explain what happens during an orgasm, which I knew nothing about. So during the summer between eighth grade and ninth grade I was home alone one day and I thought I’d explore my sexuality a little (this was before I realized I was gay). I started stroking it and I thought, . Next thing I know there’s liquid stuff flying out of my penis, all over the keyboard, the desk, the floor. It’s probably the biggest load I ever shot. I remember screaming out of sheer terror as it went everywhere and dripped out. I ran to the bathroom to get toilet paper to clean it all up so I didn’t have to explain it. I think there still might be some cum stains on that floor because there was so much. After cleaning, I promptly scoured the internet to find out what the fuck just happened to me. But hey, it changed my life for the better.“ —broadwaypop

Dr. Zachary Smith on Lost in Space

A queeny, scheming doctor in a shiny silver bodysuit, running behind a rock with a boy in outer space? “Danger, Will Robinson” indeed. Even costar June Lockhart said she thought the character was gay. As played by Jonathan Harris in the the 1960s sitcom, the Doc had major gayface.

Mr. Belvedere

Clifton Webb played the starchy English housekeeper in the movies. On the sitcom version (1985-’90), it was Christopher Hewett, who flamed up a storm in the role. In real life a “confirmed bachelor,” Hewett had played the gayer than gay director Roger De Bris in the original movie of The Producers, so this was not exactly a stretch.

Mel Cooley on The Dick Van Dyke Show

In the 1960s, the gayest thing on the air was Mel (pictured: left), the extremely mannered and imperious TV producer on Van Dyke’s hit sitcom. Bald and bespectacled Richard Deacon played the part with a noticeably swishy demeanor. He went on to play Kaye Ballard’s husband, Roger Buell, in The Mothers-In-Law (1968-9), replacing the equally campy Roger C. Carmel in the role.

Big Al, The Sportcaster on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In

As played by funny man Alan Sues on the hit late ‘60s/early ‘70s show of wacky sketches and shticks, Al was an effeminate sportscaster who absolutely loved ringing the bell. Another of Sues’ characters on the show was a guy who swaggers into a bar in the Old West and orders a frozen daiquiri. These people were clearly gay, and so was Alan, who was married to a woman for a time, but dated men on the side. Sadly, the comic felt the need to give interviews boasting about what a straight stud he was. Even sadder, he became overcome with what he felt was the homophobic slant of the material he was given to do. Sues died in 2011.

Uncle Arthur on Bewitched

From ’65 to ’71, Bewitched—with Elizabeth Montgomery as a witch-slash-housewife—was gay destination TV, thanks to supporting players like Agnes Moorehead, acting all regal and bitchy in fabulous outfits. And of course there was Paul Lynde as Uncle Arthur, which the actor brought all his gay tics to, resulting in a typically daring and hilarious performance. Much later, Lynde went even farther, with gayish innuendo on The Hollywood Squares. (“Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?” “Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.”) He died in 1981, never having come out on the record.

Claymore Gregg on The Ghost and Mrs. Muir

In the same vein as Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly was a one-man campfest who was gayer than Liberace’s toothbrush. As Claymore, the nutty guy who rents the haunted cottage to Mrs. Muir on the enjoyable sitcom (1968-’70), he was fussy and funny and very queeny. And just like Lynde went on to game show pyrotechnics, Reilly stole The Match Game with his flailing arms and quick wit. He also had impressive theater credentials.

Edward Everett Horton on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends

Is it possible to have gay voice? Absolutely—let me explain. From 1959 on, Rocky and Bullwinkle were fun and Boris and Natasha were campy (especially Natasha), but when the Fractured Fairy Tales segment came on, I was truly in gay heaven. The Tales—retelling classic yarns with quirky twists—involved Edward Everett Horton’s deft narration, with lots of wordplay and double entendres. He came off so unapologetically gay—and it was just his voice! But this was nothing new; Horton was playing coded gay men back in the days of Fred and Ginger musicals and screwball comedies. A fizzy toast to him.


A gay animated character? Well, yes, That’s how the prissy pink mountain lion (voiced by Daws Butler and started in 1961) was played, and I found him even more appealing than the Pink Panther. The character exhibited all the nervousness, narcissism, and limp wristedness of your everyday gay stereotype plucked out of the wild. “Heavens to Murgatroyd!” as Snags would exclaim.

Milton the Monster

Similarly, The Milton the Monster Show—a cartoon series in the 1960s—trotted out a whole assortment of gay creatures, for anyone who was paying attention. There was Milton himself, a Frankenstein type but overloaded with tenderness and a Gomer Pyle-ish voice, plus Professor Weirdo and his pissy assistant Count Kook (“Better hold my hand, I’m feeling sick!”). What’s more, the women’s voices were done by men. Oh, Mary.

King Tut on Batman

Victor Buono was the go-to pudgy ‘60s character actor for campy villainy. In the tale of grotesque sibling rivalry What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?, he wasn’t so much villainous as sort of creepily sleazy, yet the most decent one in the room by default. (In Feud, he was seen announcing himself to Bette Davis as a big homosexual. He later got busted in a movie theater oral sex incident that was hushed up.) The hit show Batman was famous for its gay-friendly guest stars like Eartha Kitt, Julie Newmar, Ethel Merman, and Tallulah Bankhead. Along with Bewitched, this show helped catapult me out of the closet even without the word “gay” ever having been uttered. Buono was great as Tut, though he seemed more queen than King. He died of a heart attack at 43.

Honorary Mention: Gomer Pyle (Jim Nabors), Fred “Rerun” Stubbs (Fred Berry) on What’s Happening!!, the Martian (Ray Walston) on My Favorite Martian, Monroe Ficus (Jim J. Bullock) on Too Close for Comfort, Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) on Dark Shadows, Urkel (Jaleel White) on Family Matters, Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan) in The Addams Family, Doogie Howser, M.D. (Neil Patrick Harris), the brother on Small Wonder, Tinky Winky (Teletubbies), Squidward (SpongeBob SquarePants), and anything played by Don Knotts—and as for the ladies, Jo (Nancy McKeon) on The Facts of Life, Miss Jane Hathaway (Nancy Kulp) on The Beverly Hillbillies, and Alice (Ann B. Davis) on The Brady Bunch. Yes, I know she was crazy for Sam theButcher. I’m sure he was a beard!

One Fine Day

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on June 26, 2012

After not sleeping for more than four hours, Friday night, I slept like a log. I was out very quickly and slept straight through to the morning. I was also starving. After not having a full meal the night before, I was feeling ravenous.

I went into the kitchen and began heating our Greek dinners from the night before in the oven. I returned to the bed to fool around with CK while they heated. He was waiting for me with open arms. I dove right into them. I loved waking up with him. It made my day begin so much better.

We continued to fool around and hug and kiss. Rolling around in the sheets with him was a perfect way to begin our day. When the food was heated through, I plated our meals and brought them to bed. We watched TV on his iPad while we ate our brunch. It was very tasty. I loved eating dinner food for breakfast.

Later that morning, I realized I forgot my toothbrush. I needed to go out and purchase one. I got dressed and made my way to a nearby bodega while CK got dressed for the day. I also popped into Starbucks for a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino. It was a gorgeous day, and I was happy to be outside. With delicious coffee in hand and a new toothbrush in my pocket, I made my way back to CK’s apartment.

I texted CK to get a move-on since it was so nice out. It was already after noon, and I wanted to take advantage of the nice weather. He finally had a weekend he wouldn’t have to stress about finding a new apartment, and I wanted to get some much-needed sun.

We made plans for him to show me his new apartment on the way to Central Park. CK finally got ready, and we decided to walk there. It was so nice out, I wasn’t about to get on the subway, nor did I want to pay for a cab.

We came upon a street festival on Ninth Avenue on the way. It seemed like fun, but it was a little overcrowded. I was anxious to see his new living quarters and hit up Central Park. With blanket in hand, we cut through the crowd to get to his street. Just before we got to his apartment building, we happened upon a cute garden society park. We decided to scope it out along the way. When we finally got to his building, it turns out we weren’t able to see his apartment. His new roommate never left a key with the front desk. The doorman wouldn’t let us up to see the roof-deck either. We didn’t fight it. We left and made our way to the park.

When we got there, Sheep’s Meadow was packed. There was little real estate left for us to put down a blanket. He laid down and took off our shirts so we could get a little color. We talked about a myriad of things while hugging and kissing each other. We made sure not to make a spectacle of ourselves, but we were enjoying each other’s company.

When a little boy walked by us and waved at us, he turned to me and said, “Awwwww. He’s so cute. Let’s get one!” I laughed, but deep inside, I melted a little. I could just picture how awesome a father he’d be. I looked forward to a long future with him, and the thought of us raising a child didn’t scare me in the least. I was excited! I agreed down the road it would be great to raise a kid, but I suggested we get a dog first. At that, he wanted to go shopping for a dog for me. I explained I am not able to take care of a dog. I lead too active a lifestyle, however, if the time came where we’d move in together, I would certainly love to get a dog together.

We spent a good portion of the afternoon lying around chatting. When CK was finally bored with this, he suggested we rent bikes and take a ride around central park. I thought this was a great idea, so we packed up and found some bikes to rent.

This was an incredibly shady transaction. I felt like I was buying drugs. We talked to about five different guys before we were given a bike that may or may not have been stolen. He asked for one of our licenses. Neither of us felt comfortable doing this because we weren’t sure we’d ever see the same guy again, let alone our licenses. He agreed to let us have them without the collateral. A simple fist bump sealed the deal. I guess we look like trustworthy guys.

We took the bikes and sped off on our ride. We did a complete loop of the park. CK broke out his iPhone and started using Video Star again to film us while riding. It was a lot of fun, until he dropped his phone along the way (However, this added greatly to the actual video that resulted from the footage). The phone survived unscathed, and we continued on. We rode around for about an hour before taking the bikes back. Many times we joked about running off with our new bikes, but we didn’t want the bad karma.

I was feeling peckish, so we made our way to Whole Foods to pick up a snack to eat before heading back to Hoboken for dinner. I had another Living Social to use up. We made our way back to his place before heading to the PATH. I left my bag there, and we made our way to 1 Republik. I called P along the way an encouraged her to join us. When we got to the door, we were denied because I was wearing flip-flops and CK and I were both wearing shorts. I’m sure if we stood and argued about going in for dinner, they would have made an exception, but I was in a good mood from an awesome day. I didn’t want to argue.

We decided to hit up Four L’s instead. We grabbed a table, and the three of us had some spectacular drinks and a few plates of food. We had fun people watching and judging the others making scenes in the bar.

When we finished, CK and I were ready to go home. P was disappointed because I think she wanted to hit up the bar, but I wanted to go home and do sex with my boyfriend.

We walked holding hands and having fun the whole way until CK stopped abruptly. He pulled me in and told me he had something to tell me. Just then, I let out the biggest fart I possibly could. My comedic timing was finally on point. We both busted our sides laughing. When I encouraged him to tell me what he wanted, he wouldn’t budge. I regretted the fart slightly, because I think I ruined what I believed was meant to be a beautiful moment. I highly suspected, based on his actions, he was about to tell me he loved me. I ruined it with a fart. I would have to wait until the next time he got the urge to express this. I’d already told him I was close to saying it, but I hadn’t said it yet. I was anxious if to learn if I was right about what he wanted to tell me then.

When we got back to my apartment, CK and I made our way to my bedroom. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. He wanted to penetrate me, and I obliged. I wasn’t the biggest fan of bottoming on my back, so I turned onto my stomach and raised my hips into the air while he prepped. He was inside me, and it felt great. I loved feeling his body against mine while he kissed the back of my neck. Just before he was about to finish, he pulled out and shot all over my back. He grabbed me a towel, and we laid next to each other enjoying the lasting effects of sex.

When he asked if I wanted to penetrate him, I jumped on the opportunity. I really wanted to fall asleep inside him. He agreed to this, so we got into the spooning position. I lined up and slowly slide inside him while hugging him from behind. This felt great.

Of course, there would be no sleeping. This simply escalated to sex, but it was the best sex we’d had to date. I was penetrating him in the spooning position at first, but before long, I rolled over on my back, and he was on top of me while I was still inside him. It was unbelievably passionate. We changed positions many more times after that, one of which was the reverse cowgirl. I loved every second of it. He was making me feel things I’d yet to feel with him. It was inconceivable!

That wasn’t meant to be what happened, but neither of us complained. We both went to bed that night happy men. Not only did I get great sex, I also suspected my boyfriend truly loved me. I’d have to wait for confirmation on the latter portion, but I was still on a high from great sex regardless. I would sleep rather soundly that night with the most amazing man I’d ever had in my bed.

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Chelsea Early

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on April 26, 2012

Saturday morning I woke up at a decent hour. It wasn’t easy sleeping with Chelsea. He thrashed constantly.

We quietly chatted for a few minutes lying face-to-face before I told him to go back to sleep while I made breakfast. I whipped up some of my famous homemade pork and apple sausage, scrambled eggs and sliced up an avocado. I brewed him coffee and went back into my room to rouse him. I slowly slid into bed and nuzzled with him to gently wake him. He was really cute, and I enjoyed doting on him a little.

When I finally woke him, we embraced and flirted a bit. I was feeling a bit randy and naughty, and I was trying to get a little frisky with him — Nothing serious… just a little heavy petting. He was quietly protesting, but he was enjoying it. When I finally managed to sneak his briefs down to his knees, he gave in. It was better than I expected. We had a little fun, but again, nothing serious — Just a lot of groping. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. After a bit, I made my way to the kitchen, and he joined me. He was very grateful for the breakfast spread and raved about how good it was.

After we finished eating, we moved to the couch to relax in front of the TV. My female roommate woke up and came into the living room. I introduced her to Chelsea, and they hit it off immediately. We had our laptops out, and we were playing on Facebook. My roommate was telling him all about her dating life, and Chelsea was trying to think of guys he could set her up with. I became a non-participant observer at this point while the two of them had girl talk. She apologized for monopolizing our time, but I didn’t really mind. It was nice to see him interacting with her. I always put prospective men through a litmus test. They must meet my friends and get along with them before I will fully accept them.

The time came for him to head back into the city. He needed to do a bunch of things before he started his new position in Connecticut. He was also looking to find a sublet for his apartment while he was traveling for work Monday through Thursday. I told him I’d talk to my friends about renting it out, but I wasn’t thrilled he was about to start a job that would have him traveling far away. This would most likely mean I wouldn’t see very much of him. He would only be around on the weekends. If I went away for the weekend, I wouldn’t see him for a long time. It was a tough obstacle I could see in the near future.

When he got back to the city, he texted me about his conversation with his friend. He was talking about where he was the previous night, and the friend asked him how we met. He was embarrassed we met on Grindr and lied. I texted him back telling him he need not lie in the future. He should simply tell people we met through a mutual friend. He also realized he forgot his toothbrush. We made plans to go out again on Tuesday, and I told him I could either bring it to him, or he could leave it at my apartment until the next time he spent the night. I was being slightly presumptuous, but he decided to leave it at my place.

That night, I went to one of my best friend (and avid blog reader), J’s surprise birthday parties hosted by his fiancée (another avid blog reader). It was still March and still cold outside, but there was no way I was taking the train out to where he lived. Every time I took the train there, I ended up sitting at the train station for roughly and hour or so, and then spent over an hour on the moving train. He lived a 40 minute drive away, so I decided if I bundled up, I could brave the cold and ride the motorcycle out there. Boy was I way off.

I froze my a$$ off. I was incredibly cold the entire ride. I couldn’t wait for it to be over, but my friend, J is well worth it. I also got to hang out with one of my other college teammates who just moved back from California. I hadn’t seen him since I went out there for a trip with friends and met up with him for an afternoon.

J was so surprised to see both myself and our other teammate. He didn’t even know he came back from CA. I was thrilled to see him so happy and glad I made it out there to witness it. When everyone was packing up to head home or off to the bowling alley for some more fun, I decided to split. It was already nearly midnight, and it was only getting colder. I said goodbye and sped off for home trying to avoid hypothermia in the process.

When I got home, my roommate and I chatted about how much she loved Chelsea. She thought he was a good fit for me and thought he was a really great guy. It was nice to hear her glowing review. I had nothing but positive reviews as well, but only time would tell if this was meant for the long haul.

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So When Are You Moving Back to New York?

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on April 9, 2012

Finally, work sent me somewhere fun, and I was taking full advantage. I stayed out in LA, managed to have some fun, and even managed to find myself a pretty great guy, The Navigator, to hit up the beach with. After swinging by his apartment, we agreed we weren’t done hanging out.

We made our way back to my hotel. After we turned off his street, I came to a stoplight. I took the opportunity to reach over and put my hand on his leg. He immediately responded positively to my advances. He reached down and laid his hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze. We continued to hold hands the entire way back to the hotel.

We made our way to the room, and when we arrived, we quickly got comfortable with each other. We dropped our bags and laid down on the bed. We chatted a bit before he reached over, pulled me in, and we exchanged a long deep passionate kiss. When we finally came back up for air, I said to him, “I’ve been waiting to do that all day long!” He smiled from ear to ear and pulled me right back in for another deep kiss. He was a great kisser — Not just a good kisser, but a great kisser.

Was there anything wrong with this guy? He certainly wasn’t going to make leaving easy on me. I still had to keep myself in check. This thing would have an end. I couldn’t grow too attached, or I would be in for a world of pain.

The thing I liked most about the chemistry between us was how playful we were. There was no drama. We were just having fun. Everything was so easy. We cuddled and talked and tickled and joked. I felt incredibly comfortable with him. We just seemed to be on the same page about everything. He was certainly giving me hope that I could find a guy out there who I just clicked with right off the bat.

All day long, he had been texting with his friend giving him updates on our “date” as he so-called it on the beach. While we laid there he teased his friend about how good-looking I was, but lied and told him I’d just dropped him off at home while I listened on speaker phone. The exchange between the three of us was very comical and flirtatious. He showed me pictures of the guy we were talking to, and we sent pictures of me to his friend. We all had a good laugh, and his friend asked for continued updates.

The kissing slowly turned into making out. The making out evolved into heavy petting. The heavy petting became stripping. The stripping led to oral pleasures. And finally, the oral pleasures led to me learning he is versatile, which of course led to penetration. My provisions weren’t presumptuous at all. I suspect he noticed my condom/lube purchase at CVS, and this is what gave him the courage to propose going back to my hotel room.

The sex wasn’t the most amazing because I was having difficulties with the condom, but it certainly wasn’t bad. We were passionately enjoying each other on many levels.

After we had sex, we laid next to each other talking more. We attempted to take some pictures together to send his friend, but we couldn’t keep our eyes open because the flash was too bright. After our romp in the sheets and copious amounts of cuddling, I was hungry. I remembered an In-and-Out burger down the street. It was 1am, and they were one of the few places still open, so we got dressed and made our way there to grab dinner.

We took our food back to the room and had a picnic in my bed. We talked and made plans to go hiking the following day. The whole night, all I could think about was how crazy it was I even met him. It was even crazier how we both dove in headfirst. He even mentioned being worried I might be a serial killer for the first couple of minutes in the car. After we finished eating, I jokingly confirmed he was staying. He went to his bag and got changed and broke out his toothbrush. It seems he may have been presumptuous as well in packing his bag.

I didn’t care one bit. I was thrilled to be sharing my bed with such a great man. I only wished it was for a longer-term basis…

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Morning Paper

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on January 20, 2012

I woke up after a night of passion and disappointment with Smiles quite confused. I was trying to decide if my dream was reality or my imagination while feeling the disappointment of the truth of the situation.

I was suddenly aware once again how he shot me down when I wanted to discuss things with him the night before. He may have won that battle, but I wasn’t admitting defeat. It wouldn’t be long before we had that discussion. I was just waiting until the next comfortable moment to pop the question.

We woke up at a reasonable hour. Being the night after the office party, I wasn’t expected on time or to be particularly productive that morning. I had nothing planned for the day, so I took my time making my way to work.

I showered and prepped for work while Smiles checked his emails and got dressed. We decided to go downstairs from his apartment to a small diner for breakfast. Smiles grabbed the paper as we walked out the door, and we made out way downstairs.

We sat in a booth and had an interesting interaction with the hostess. It was obvious Smiles was a regular. He came there for breakfast about three times a week. She knew he didn’t need a menu, but handed me one so I could decide what I wanted for breakfast.

When the waitress approached, I witnessed yet another interesting interaction. The two of them went at each other with witty comments like an old married couple. We got our coffee and Smiles opened the paper. I know he had his morning routine, but was he really going to read the paper with me sitting there. Heaven forbid we actually talk to each other.

He perused one article about a woman who died in an elevator at a NYC ad agency. I was quite knowledgeable about the incident, so we discussed it a bit, and surprisingly he put the paper away. I think he realized how rude it was.

We got our food and the chatter was minimal. After we paid our check, I walked back upstairs to use his restrooms before heading uptown to work. I also brushed my teeth since I finally remember to bring a toothbrush. So many times I spent the night, and had no option for brushing my teeth other than a toothpaste covered finger. After I finished, I informed Smiles I would be leaving the toothbrush in his medicine cabinet. At this point, I didn’t ask. I was telling. He didn’t have a choice here. I know the toothbrush can become a symbol in a relationship for taking things to a new level, but I didn’t care. If he wanted to read into it, so be it. Didn’t matter to me — The toothbrush was staying.

He walked me to the door, and we have a very unceremonious goodbye. It was very awkward, and I wasn’t sure what the deal was.

As I walked to the PATH to head to work, I started to think about Smiles and I. Things had to change. I’d had enough of the run-around. I needed to know what we were. I didn’t need a label. I just needed to know how he felt about me. I was done putting so much of myself into something I was so unsure about. I couldn’t read him. We were going to have that discussion, and we were going to have it soon. I needed answers, because I wasn’t going to drive myself crazy trying to figure him out anymore.

Later that day, I invited him to come with me to a birthday party the following night, Friday. He informed me he was already triple booked for the night and wouldn’t be able to come along.

This was yet one more confirmation for me he wasn’t that into me. I had a party to go to, and I didn’t think twice about asking him to come with me. He already RSVPed for three parties and didn’t invite me to a single one. I also learned he had two parties on Saturday and one on Sunday. Yet more things in which he didn’t think to include me.

I resolved myself at that point to waiting him out. If he was interested in me, he was going to have to start chasing me a little bit. I wasn’t going to call. I wasn’t going to text. If he wanted to talk to me, he’d have to make the effort…

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Sushi Cuddling

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on December 22, 2011

Congratulations to me! (Or should I say congratilations to us, considering I feel this has grown to become a community and not just a place for me to spill the beans.) This site reached 20,000 page views last night, and I had more traffic yesterday than any previous day. I’m very proud of the community of bloggers and commenters interacting here. So, keep reading, and I’ll keep writing.

Smiles and I rode the motorcycle through some decent traffic back to his apartment from Brooklyn. It was now fully dark outside since daylight savings time kicked in.

We hopped off the bike and climbed the stairs to his apartment. He suggested seeing Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt 1 in the car earlier that evening, but now that we were back in the apartment, it seemed he had a change of heart. Instead, he suggested we pick a Netflix movie and order sushi for the night.

To be honest, it didn’t matter to me what we did. It was all just bonus because I had no idea we’d be spending so much time together. I relished every minute. At this point, we’d spent 30 hours straight by each other’s side. This was often the case with me. As long as we were together, I was happy, no matter what we were doing.

Was I losing a piece of my own identity? Possibly. Am I okay with that? Yea. I think I am.

He pulled up a sushi menu, and we decided what to order. I asked him for more comfortable attire since I had been wearing jeans all day, part of which was riding on a motorcycle.

We placed our dinner order and picked a movie relatively quickly. Before long, we were both in his bed laying next to each other to watch Hearts in Atlantis.

While we laid there, I placed my hand on his thigh with my thumb behind his knee. This was often how we watched movies. At one point he shifted a bit, so I pulled my hand back to another comfortable position. He reached down and placed my hand back from where I removed it. It sent a message to me he was enjoying the intimacy and my touch. He rarely verbalizes these sort of things to me. I never really know where I stand with him, and at times feel I am constantly auditioning for the role of the doting boyfriend. I feel it is part of the reason I am not climaxing with him. I haven’t yet felt comfortable with him where I haven’t been under pressure to make sure he likes me. I am hypersensitive to these sort of things, so when he does things like moving my hand back, I enjoy the moment for all its worth.

Our food arrived, and we ate in bed while we watched the conclusion of the movie. When it was over, we cleaned our plates, put away the leftovers and got ready for bed. Sadly, I still didn’t have a toothbrush at his place, so morning breath was sure to ensue. I did my best to brush with my toothpaste covered finger. Not very effective.

We climbed into bed and fell asleep next to each other. I’m always one for cuddling, so I would like it if we cuddled or spooned a bit before dozing off on the nights we slept together, but it wasn’t something I felt comfortable broaching just yet. Again, I was still thrilled I was sleeping over and wasn’t sent home hours earlier.

For every low point, there is a high point. The day had a nice start with a bit of an exciting/rocky afternoon. It concluded very pleasantly, so overall I had to seem is a success. I felt we were growing closer. No one spends that much time with someone unless they are extremely lonely or interested in a relationship with them. Or at least that is my line of thinking…

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The Case of the Mysterious Toothbrush

Posted by One Gay at a TimeGay Dating on April 25, 2011

4th of July arrived one month after I met the Broadway dancer. For the first time in years, I had no plans.

I knew I wanted to stick around to see the Macy’s fireworks since they were on the Hudson River again.

I asked him what his plans were. He was going to have friends over to see the fireworks since he lived in Hell’s Kitchen on a high floor and would have a great view of the fireworks.

I began hinting that I would love to join in the fun, but wasn’t about to invite myself.

After many phone conversations, saying, “I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet,” and “No plans as of now,” he never got the hint. He asked me what I was doing, but never extended an invite.

This was strange. I felt like he was purposely keeping me from something. Not sure if he wasn’t ready for me to meet his friends… But, we weren’t “dating” yet. We’d been seeing each other a month. I wasn’t going to force it. I was doing a very good job of relaxing and just seeing where things went. Every day became more and more comfortable.

In the end I had a bunch of people over at my apt to grill and went on the neighbor’s rooftop to watch the fireworks. It was a really great night, but I wished I spent it with him.

After that weekend, I spent a night in his apt. While climbing into bed, I noticed condoms under the bed that had not previously been there. It raised a red flag in my head, but it wasn’t a used condom wrapper, so I didn’t overreact. In fact, I didn’t react at all. I was very proud of myself.

The next morning we were both in the bathroom about to brush our teeth. He pulled a toothbrush out of the cabinet and said, “Here’s your toothbrush.”

I looked at him with a look of shock and utter confusion until I was conscious enough to utter, “I never left a toothbrush here.”

He blushed awkwardly, and I could see him searching his head for a recovery, only to say, “Well this is awkward.”

I was a little blown away and a little worried. Was this guy some kind of player? Is that why I wasn’t invited to the fireworks? What kind of other fireworks were going on that night?

But again, I gained my composure and told myself that we hadn’t discussed exclusivity yet. I tried to just forget it.

To this day, I still don’t know the full story about the mysterious toothbrush. I brought it up casually 9 months later, but still never got a straight answer…

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At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I’m GAY!

It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out’s been the best decision of my life.

This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next…

‚Sports Illustrated‘ features transgender, nonbinary WNBA star Layshia Clarendon on its cover

Sports Illustrated has a new digital cover star: WNBA player Layshia Clarendon, a nonbinary, transgender athlete and one of few openly competing in professional sports.