Getting The Coronavirus Vaccine Is The Same Thing As Suckin Dick According To A Cleric In Iran

An Iranian regime cleric in the holy city of Qom on Tuesday issued a homophobic rant against people vaccinated for COVID-19, claiming that they become gay after receiving the vaccine.

Ayatollah Abbas Tabrizian wrote on his Telegram social-media platform: “Don’t go near those who have had the COVID vaccine. They have become homosexuals.”

“Like other clerics in the regime, also Tabrizian relates all the shortages [shortcomings] to sexuality,” Sheina Vojoudi, an Iranian dissident who fled the Islamic Republic of Iran due to repression, told The Jerusalem Post on Sunday. “The clerics in Iran are suffering from lack of knowledge and humanity.”

“Actually, his goal of spreading nonsense is to try to scare people [out] of getting vaccinated, while the leader of the regime and other officials got Pfizer, and they don’t provide it for the people with the excuse that they don’t trust the West,” she said.

As you might expect, this news is a little bit of a shock. I mean, it’s 2021 so we’re all AT LEAST a little gay but I had no idea that getting a vaccine would turn the tide like Moses with his staff in the Red Sea. Like that joke? Watch Barstool Confessions on YouTube for all the Bible jokes you could stomach.

That being said, having logic like this fall back on is just incredibly fortunate. If you’re a cleric, you can just take anything you don’t like and say it makes people gay.

Diet Coke? Oh yeah. That aftertaste will make you gay. Filet of Fish? Gay. Cheesy Gordita crunch? You guessed it. Gay. Super soaker squirt guns? Buddy, you already know that’s gay. Puzzles? Please. Super gay. Buying a flex fuel truck? BIG GAY. Crocs? Not gay but at least Bi. Vaccine from the virus causing a global pandemic? HA! GAY!

I’m scheduled to get the vaccine next week so I’ll let you know if I end up gayer than I already am. I have my doubts but there’s still hope and I’m not talkin about a small town in Arkansas, folks.

“Hey Rick. Good to see ya. How the hell have you been?”

“Great, Chaps. Feelin good and ready for some warmer weather ha! How are you?”Good! I just got the vaccine so I’m feelin hopeful. Rick. Can’t help but notice you’re covering your penis while we talk. What’s that about?”

“Nice try, Chaps. You’re not sucking this thing today.”

How Gay Byrne invented The Late Late Toy Show

The late Gay Byrne was many things during his long career – father confessor, voice of a nation, and the master of radio and television – but perhaps his most unlikely role was as the man who helped dream up the national institution that is .

From small beginnings as a thirty-minute slot in 1975, the has gone on to become a phenomenon, watched globally by an audience of well over a million every year and if Gay seemed like a somewhat reluctant master of ceremonies as hordes of children descended on Studio 4, he guided the show with a human touch that transcended age.

The brainchild of in the mid-Seventies to give parents an idea of what toys were in the shops, while their children were supposed to be tucked up in bed.

It soon became a two-hour show in its own right with children at its very heart.

„Gay loved doing the in the early Nineties. „He was very aware of that built-in showbiz warning of not working with kids and animals but he was always very happy to share the limelight. The show evolved over the years. It wasn’t planned – it was an accidental hit.“

Hundreds of young toy-testers and performers passed through during Gay’s 24-year tenure as the Willy Wonka of Toyland, until his retirement from the show in 1999.

Always first and foremost an entertainer, Gay, in a traditional crimbo jumper of eye-popping garishness (the „Bing Crosby sweater“), revealed his softer side on the . Sometimes he was like an indulgent uncle as the kids demonstrated their Christmas wares and sometimes he was like an impatient consumer affairs expert, supercilious at the expensive trinkets that toy makers clamored to have featured on the show.

In other years, Gay learned to play a plastic toy guitar and saxophone with D’Unbelievables, messed around with a racing set with Boyzone, while in 1992, we were treated to the surreal sight of Gay tied to a stake in the snowbound grounds of RTÉ as flames rose around him and he was menaced by a large dragon.

And then there was his annual Christmas interview aka confrontation with Dustin the Turkey. The pride of Sallynoggin once presented Gay with a Pat Kenny clock live on air. In 1997, Dustin cheekily gave Gay a miniature antique chair during the veteran presenter’s second last , a reference to a minor scandal that had erupted around that year’s antique restoration feature.

Always up for a bit of mischief, Gay laughed along. And that was the key to his success and why he is so well regarded – Gay was willing to do almost anything in the sacred name of entertainment. His motto was „Enjoy every minute“. He certainly did. 

How Gay Byrne invented The Late Late Toy Show

His Late Late Show was way past my bedtime, but I still feel its influence

The Late Late Toy Show: Gay Byrne soaks the audience in 1991

I was born a bit late to properly appreciate Gay Byrne. At least, that’s what I thought after the outpouring of fondness and respect that followed his death, on Monday.

I was still a child when he retired from The Late Late Show, in 1999, but the programme was a fixture in our house every weekend, as it was in everyone’s home, for decades. My mother, and grandmother if she happened to be over, would be stuck to it. There was a devotion to the Late Late, and an adoration of Byrne himself, that I didn’t understand.

The show’s more challenging content mostly went over my head – I was about 10 at the time – but I would use it as a device to try to stay up as late as possible. Such was Byrne’s power that my mother let me get away with it as long as she could watch uninterrupted. I never made it to the end, of course. At some point in the evening, full of sleep, I’d be carried to bed. When I grew too big to be carried my mother told me: “You might as well try to stay awake and watch, then.”

It took me a few years to see it as more than a ploy to stay up past bedtime. I would cynically observe the woolly 1990s perms of what looked to me like a geriatric audience – they were probably over 30 or some other very advanced age – oblivious to the role the Late Late played in forcing Ireland to look at itself as it really was.

Part of the show’s charm was the way it coaxed you into persevering through some strange or uneventful segments in anticipation of who might be on next: the potential for chaos was exciting even as a child. On a particularly good night Gay would have guests such as or , and then the wheels would really fall off. Or so it seemed then.

In retrospect it’s clear that Byrne’s great skill was in hovering above what would have been chaos with anyone else at the helm, sanguine and controlled. “Did you see the Late Late?” was the standard ice-breaker among the adults until Wednesday the following week, when “Who d’you think Gay will have on the Late Late this weekend?” would take over.

That was the television. Byrne’s radio show was a national conversation in real time. If you heard the on a school day you knew you’d managed to somehow wangle a day off, and it was blissful. For me Gay’s voice on RTÉ Radio 1 was the soundtrack to convalescence. After I had dental surgery as a small child, and through a few winters of throat infections and other ailments, it was Gay who, just as on The Late Late Show, would talk me to sleep, the reassuring pitch of his famously mellifluous voice melting through the discomfort.

I asked my brother, who is three years older, for his memories of Gay Byrne, and he told me about the 1991 Late Late Toy Show, when Gay squirted the audience with a Super Soaker full of water, as utterly thrilling. Byrne’s paternal demeanour, his crisply ironed trousers and his delightfully awful jumpers all featured, as every year.

The Toy Show was when Byrne’s levity – a tool he used strategically in serious interviews – was fully allowed out to play. Dustin the Turkey would , and the man who could put the screws on politicians and bishops would converse at length about dolls and invite Zig and Zag around to his house.

It was only in adulthood that I realised Byrne’s historic role in Irish culture, and his tremendous influence. My doctoral supervisor, the philosopher , told me in my 20s that Byrne invited him to take part in a series of debates on the existence of God on The Late Late Show in the 1970s. Prof Berman, who had arrived at Trinity College Dublin from the United States in the 1960s and was as far from the standard Irish authority figure of the time as one could find, argued on the side of atheism. It was shocking for its time.

Byrne was complex, a facilitator of liberal discussion but not himself straightforwardly liberal. He valued the pursuit of balance and intellectual curiosity as a principle. In Ireland’s recent past of stringent ideological restriction, he taught viewers that there is no question we cannot ask and that the world won’t end if we say aloud that which has gone unsaid.

I am a little sad that my impressions of Gay Byrne when I was growing up were limited to what I could grasp at the time and that I was born a bit too late to understand the way attitudes pivoted after his rise to prominence. These things are always easier to see in retrospect. I can, however, appreciate our collective debt to him. The Ireland we now live in is one that Byrne’s push for open dialogue played a significant part in building. Who can know how different things would have been without him? He tore a gap through which stifled voices might roar, and he was a mean shot with a Super Soaker. We’re all the better for both.

 His Late Late Show was way past my bedtime, but I still feel its influence

Aw Shit Lyrics

[Intro](Aw) [Chorus]Aw, shit, who came to the party on they nonsense? (Okay)Aw, shit, why you talkin‘ if you don’t want war, bitch? (What’s up?)My cartridge filled up to the tip, warlord shit (Huh?)Aw, shit, my dick is chapped, I think I need some parchment(Huh) [Post Chorus]Ayy, fuck that (Yeah), we bangin‘ off wax (Yeah)You come into to my city wantin‘ lean, you gettin‘ taxed, uh (Okay)Fuck that (Huh?), bitch, I don’t play tag (Okay)You talking all that la-di-da-di-da, get sprayed atYoung super soldier walkin‘ out with super soakers (What?)Like a pool party, we walk up and super soak ya (What?)Greasy with the grease gun, run up with the pole-a (Huh?)Trappin‘ off the Tracfone, a yellow Motorola (Huh?)[Chorus]Aw, shit, who came to the party on they nonsense? (Okay)Aw, shit, why you talkin‘ if you don’t want war, bitch? (What’s up?)My cartridge filled up to the tip, warlord shit (Huh?)Aw, shit, my dick is chapped, I think I need some parchment (Okay) [Verse]Pull up on the kid, I might pull up at your crib, huhPull up on the kid, tie him up and do a bid, huhMight shoot up your spot, see the cops and jump the fence, uhMight shoot up your block, see the opps and let it rip, huh (Okay, okay)Face off, hit ten, hide the HKSK splitting both ways like the bitch gayWe spray, we don’t catch fades, we hear the AKWe don’t need you livin‘ anyway ‚cause you don’t get us paid [Chorus]Aw, shit, who came to the party on they nonsense? (Okay)Aw, shit, why you talkin‘ if you don’t want war, bitch? (What’s up?)My cartridge filled up to the tip, warlord shit (Huh?)Aw, shit, my dick is chapped, I think I need some parchment(Huh? Huh?) [Post Chorus]Ayy, fuck that (Yeah), we bangin‘ off wax (Yeah)You come into to my city wantin‘ lean, you gettin‘ taxed, uh (Okay)Fuck that (Huh?), bitch, I don’t play tag (Okay)You talking all that la-di-da-di-da, get sprayed atYoung super soldier walkin‘ out with super soakers (Okay)Like a pool party, we walk up and super soak ya (What’s up?)Greasy with the grease gun, run up with the pole-a (Huh?)Trappin‘ off the Tracfone, a yellow Motorola (Huh? Huh?)

Aw Shit Lyrics