The best gay sex positions: How do gay men have sex?

As anyone who’s ever had gay sex, thought about gay sex or watched gay sex will know there are endless combinations possible gay sex positions. But where to start? What feels best? How do you gay men have sex?

This guide to the four most accessible – and we reckon most pleasurable – gay sex positions will help get you started.

Before we get stuck into how to stick it in, we’d always condone safer sex and recommend you read our guide to PrEP, and always use condoms when having sex.

Watch: Gay Rugby Players Strip in Locker Room Shoot

The Kings Cross Steelers pose in a new shoot for Meat magazine.

To mark their 20th anniversary as the UK’s first gay rugby team, the Kings Cross Steelers stipped down and posed for a new book to be published by indie ‚zine Meat.

Entitled Meat The Kings Cross Steelers, the book features 29 players from the team’s 200-strong membership. All the players were photographed by Meat’s founder, Adrian Lourie.

Lourie, who started Meat in 2010, said that he was “tired of the body shaming that goes on within the gay community.” His aim is to “celebrate the bodies of ‘ordinary gay men.”

Christopher Kang, 1st XC player of The Kings Cross Steelers, who is featured in Meat, also agrees with Lourie in regards to male body image.

“I see myself as a pretty average looking-dude so I don’t really see myself as a pin-up anything,” Kang said. “So I’m chuffed that I’ve had the good fortune of joining a long line of Meat magazine dudes alongside so many of my fellow Steelers. The Steelers has not only helped pave the way for inclusive rugby teams but also helped hanged perceptions about gay sportsmen.”

Alex Smith, Chairman of the Kings Cross Steelers said: “Despite so much progress over the last 20 years, it can still be very difficult to be an out gay man, made even more so by a lot of unhelpful noise around how to be, act or look within the community. That’s why I’m proud that the Kings Cross Steelers have partnered with Meat to help show that anyone can be a pin-up by simply being yourself.”

He added: “For two decades, our club has helped hundreds of men – big, small, gay or straight – realize the great maxim about rugby: that it is a game for people of all shapes and sizes – truly a sport for everyone.”

If the pictures aren’t enough, be sure to watch the teasers for more of the hunky team’s players:

Watch: Gay Rugby Players Strip in Locker Room Shoot

Rimming Is the Daniel Day Lewis of Sex Acts

In 2014, people couldn’t talk about anything but the sex act. Let’s go back to 2014.

Anilingus, or rimming, was having such a great run in the mid-2010s. It had been thriving in the LGBT community for a while, but then straight people came along in 2015 and helped make her a star, like yaaas queen or Carly Rae Jepsen. We all loved rimming for a minute, but we haven’t heard much about her lately. Is she happy? Is she working? Rimming: where is she now?

Rimming is the act of stimulating someone’s anus with your mouth. There’s quite a concentration of nerves back there, so the stimulation via kissing or tongue use can be equally powerful. Granted, that’s not to say that it’s the miracle sexual act—a rim job comes with as much risk as any other sexual act. The possible transmission of HPV and multiple strains of hepatitis are coupled with the threat of bacterial issues. For more information, the CDC is always a great place to start. More than anything, cleanliness is the best move. The receiving partner should shower, clean the area (inside and out), and always be honest about your STD situation because you aren’t a monster.

The short version of the Anilingus Wave can be traced back to around 2014, when Complex listed 25 times rappers had mentioned eating booty. Everyone from Gucci Mane to Nicki Minaj was eating and/or having their booties eaten. Good for them. Omarion released a bop featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, featured above, with the infamous line, „Gotta eat the booty like groceries.“ The video, at the time of this posting, has 646,162,973 views. The hip hop community had exalted anilingus to the mountaintop.

In early 2015, How to Get Away with Murder showed up to gently remind everyone with a subtle scene that gay men have been homed in on rimming for a while. The Anussaince continued, with publications from Cosmopolitan offering their takes on anal stimulation and its moment in the sun.

Rimming thrived in the mainstream, with shoutouts still mostly kept to the gay community and hip hop: a strange unification that is typically only mentioned when Eminem says the f-word too many times and has to apologize. In its heyday, it happened: Marnie had anilingus performed on her in a surprising scene from Season Four of Girls. This, I believe, is when rimming’s descent began.

Soon after Allison Williams‘ go on GIRLS, Alternet published an article titled, „Ass is the New P*ssy: Why Anilingus Is on the Rise“ giving quite the traction to the growing trend. The bubble burst soon after, with a plethora of late 2015 to early 2016 think pieces on everything that should and could be done with an anus. Like a poorly cooked Hot Pocket, rimming seemed to go from a piping hot trend to an uncelebrated cold mess.

Rimming is a real Daniel Day Lewis of sex acts—if she’s not the star, she’s not interested. If you search Google within the past year for pieces on rimming, you find mostly links to porn, a couple posts on gay-centered websites, and a strange link to a recap of American Horror Story that I decided not to click on. To paraphrase a John Green young adult novel, the trend of anilingus is like falling in love: it happened slowly, and then all at once. The last personal anecdote about rimming was earlier this year via NewNowNext when a man recounted getting his third gastrointestinal parasite, so be warned.

All of that is to say that while rimming may have gone out of style for your favorite online publications, anilingus is still here. She’s thriving, even if she doesn’t brag about it. And she’s ready when you are. She has the trophies. She has the acclaim. And she doesn’t need to flaunt it: she’s just waiting for you.

If it’s something you’d want to dabble in, take it slow. Though not the sexiest of the protective sheaths, a dental dam is a great gateway for someone who’s never explored the Wild West of Anilingus. There are a series of lubes that can help with that unexplored territory as well, but most of all, move at your own pace. A combination of kissing, tongue work, and caressing can do wonders for 2015’s favorite sex act.

The big point is that if you’re taking that leap, be like anilingus: brave, adventurous, and perennially cool.

Rimming Is the Daniel Day Lewis of Sex Acts

The 22 Best Sex Toys for Gay, Bi, and Queer Men

Toys for top daddies, vers queens, and power bottoms.

Sex toys don’t discriminate; they’re made for anyone and everyone who wants them. That’s why no type of sex toybutt plug is inherently “gay.“

Nevertheless, gay culture—including gay sex culture—is indeed a thing. That’s why there are certain sex toys that appeal more to gay, bi, and queer men than straight guys. For example, a queer man might be more likely to buy a Fleshlight shaped like a male porn star’s butt than of a female porn star’s vulva. He may be more likely to buy an XXL butt plug to help stretch things out down there, or a double-edged dildo in case the guy he brings home happens to be a bottom, too. There are even brands out there making awesome sex toys with gay men specifically in mind. These companies include OxBalls and Mr. S Leather—you’ll notice I included many of their products on this list.

So, without further ado, here are 22 sex toys for gay, bi, and queer men. You’ll notice I start with more basic sex toys and gradually progress to more advanced and niche items, like anal hooks (for all the BDSM fans out there). Regardless of whether you identify as straight, bisexual, fluid, gay, queer, or something else on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, these sex toys can be extremely pleasurable if you have a penis, butthole, and/or prostate. Use them with a partner or during your next solo session!

A staple in every queer man’s bedroom is a stainless steel cock ring. Pro tip: Don’t get cocky (pun intended) with sizing. Odds are you’re a small or medium, not a large, buddy boy. 

The „Butt Tingler“ from Lovehoney is about as standard as a vibrating butt plug can be. It’s made from silicone and is 3.5 inches in length making it ideal for beginners. 

Start small and work your way up to medium and large with this 100% silicone butt plug training kit. It consists of three smooth silicone butt plugs in different sizes. Each has a flexible shaft that has small ridges to stimulate where you are most sensitive.

I just linked to Christopher Milan’s Fleshlight because I think he’s fine AF, but if you peruse the Fleshlight site, there are plenty of  other male models and porn stars to choose from, including Diego Sans, Allen King, and more. 

I love this toy. (You can read my full review of it here!) You control the speed and intensity of the vibrations by tilting the remote control. It also stimulates your perineum (a.k.a. your taint or grundle) along with your prostate. 

These are cheap and easy cuffs for when you only have 30 minutes to restrain and plow that guy from Scruff. 

These are the big boy version. The Daddy version. Cuffs made from real leather if you got coins to spare. 

b-Vibe’s amazing butt plugs simulate the feeling of getting a rim job (a.k.a. analingus). It’s like, who even needs a boyfriend anymore?  

This toy stimulates your rectum, prostate, and perineum. It really gets up in there. With the Duke, you might have orgasms so intense, you’ll hear „Rain on Me“ and see rainbows instead of stars.

I love me a glass dildo. (Don’t worry, there’s no way for it to shatter while in use.) Pro tip: Put it in the freezer to make it cold—you’ll experience brand-new sensations!

You want to feel full? Like really full? Then I’d recommend this inflatable butt plug. (Read my full review of it here

Have your partner slowly pull these bad boys out of you while you climax. (Head here to learn more about anal beads!)

If you’re into pup play, then you need to have a puppy tail. (It’s a butt plug that has a tail sticking it out of it.) And tie dye is apparently back in style!

If you like when your partner pinches and bites your nipples, I’d recommend these industrial-grade nipple clamps.

Oxballs are your go-to for more advanced cock rings. In addition to squeezing your shaft, this cocksling stretches your testicles down and away from you.

Some guys love having their testes pulled and separated. If you’re into that kinda thing, then look no further than this toy from Oxballs.

SPANK ME DADDY. (But actually, if you do use a flogger, please learn what you’re doing. You can hurt someone if you whip wrong. Here’s an article on how to flog properly.) 

If you’re into being a good little sub whose sole purpose is to satisfy Daddy, you can put on this chastity cage.  

If submission is your thing, you can also have a ball gag in your mouth. I like these options from Mr. S Leather, but you can also head here for more great ball gag options. 

First off, love the name of this toy. This double-edged dildo is great when you two get home and realize that you were both lying when you said you were vers. Instead of bumping purses, stick the Buddy Expander Double Header into your booties and then bump uglies. 

Anal hooks are great for couples who love playing with power dynamics. One end goes around your neck. The other know where. An anal hook forces the bottom to stay in a certain position—if you try to move, you will be in pain.

The 22 Best Sex Toys for Gay, Bi, and Queer Men

What is rimming? How to give a rim job safely

You might have heard of rimming, also known as anilingus, but you’d be forgiven for not knowing exactly what it means. The term refers to anal foreplay with the tongue – specifically licking, penetrating, sucking, kissing, or otherwise orally stimulating your partner’s anus.

People of all genders and sexual orientations have been engaging in anal play for centuries. We know this thanks to the saucy pictures depicted on Ancient Greek pottery dating back to 500BC. But is rimming safe and does it come with any health risks?

We speak to psychosexual and relationship counsellor Carolyn CowanDr Elizabeth Dapre about what a rim job is, safety tips and how to enjoy anal play responsibly:

What is rimming? How to give a rim job safely

A word of warning from Alex Cheves

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend

8. Not everyone craves a cleaned butt before rimming. It’s always OK to ask.

There are many, many guys out there who love the taste and smell of natural, undouched, aromatic ass and would rather bend you over when you’re sweaty after the gym and go to town, and simply rinse his mouth out with Listerine after. And if you ever have the pleasure of dating someone who enjoys (and prefers) dirty butts, congrats — you never have to worry about douching again.

9. Rimming is about more than tongue. Vary it up.

Aggressive rimmers will go straight for the hole and just lick continuously in the same motion over and over, gradually pushing the tongue deeper and deeper in. While this can feel good, it gets boring after a while and can actually start to wear on the hole. Saliva dries out your skin, and the hole is the last place you want to dry out, especially if rimming is foreplay for sex.

Divide your tongue duty between hole and the hypersensitive area around it. Make designs and patterns (stars, zigzags, spirals, concentric rings, horizontal licks, vertical licks, quick dots, long strokes, etc.). Tickle the hole with just the tip of your tongue, then thrust your tongue in as deep as it can go. Alternate between the wider, flat part of your tongue and the narrower, probing tip. Do quick, light licks between deep, strong, drawn-out ones.

I personally don’t love that light tongue-flicking thing on my hole, but some guys do. When in doubt, take my boyfriend’s advice: Just make out with it like it’s a mouth.

Do you even eat ass?

“People of any gender and any sexuality can either be the person doing the licking or the person being licked; there’s lots of flexibility,” says Louise Bourchier. “I’d say it’s actually got quite a broad appeal.”

Dr Jay Daniel Thompson, agrees that the stigma surrounding arse eating among straight men has diminished considerably in recent times and points to shifting models of masculinity. “Straight men aren’t afraid of being associated with a practice that’s historically been coded ‘gay’ and therefore feminising, and that might well be a good thing.”

There are benefits not just for the arseholes of the world but in regards to the changing nature of male sexuality and the prioritising of both partners’ pleasure.

The big question ‘Do you even eat ass?’ or ‘What? You don’t eat ass!?’ Jay says it’s become a signifier of your manhood. It seems to imply now (not unlike the reaction to DJ Khaled’s refusal to eat pussy) that you’re less of a man if you don’t rim.

“There’s been a sort of word on the street that it is a masculating act or it is empowering or something like that,” says Dr Jay. “On the other hand, I can’t help but feeling it’s sort of reinforcing that old stigma, that old association with homosexuality/feminisation.”

Especially in the meme fallout around a certain Hottest 100 champ, it’s surely not all celebratory. As Dr Jay points out, “To what extent is this poking fun? To what extent is this using humour to deal with something that one might find uncomfortable or unsettling? I do wonder if these memes et cetera reinforce this unsettlingness.”

Even though it still makes some uncomfortable generally, it seems like the stigma is falling away and that’s a good thing.

Anal sex positions

Most of these gay sex positions are anal sex positions, but there are some non-penetrative sexual positions at the end too.

If you’re after more anal sex reading, here’s another general guide on how to have anal sex that covers douching, communication, lube and some other stuff.

Top, bottom or versatile?

We’re going to look at gay sex positions from the point of view of a top and a bottom.

If you’re versatile (and we encourage you all to be), lucky you, you can do both. In some gay sex positions the top leads the action, and in some the bottom takes the lead.

Interested in finding out why some guys are top and some are bottom? Here’s a scientific study from 2017 that talks about it.

Try the gay missionary position first

This gay sex position may sound boring, but it’s not, we promise. It’s one of the easiest positions for a top, and not especially difficult for a bottom.

During gay sex, if you’re engaging in foreplay and sucking his cock while he’s laying down, keep licking, kissing and sucking as you move your mouth down towards his balls.

Then go further, toward his perineum (the bit between his balls and his ass) and then his butthole.

Bottom: if you’re enjoying this, give him a few moans and wriggle your asshole a bit closer to where his tongue is.

If he’s keen, keep eating his ass. Open his ass cheeks and get in there deep with your tongue. If you can, and body shapes and sizes depend on this, lift his ass up a bit.

Seeing eye to eye

The gay missionary position is good for maintaining eye contact and clear communication during anal sex.

You can penetrate your partner slowly and carefully, keeping an eye on the target. You can build up a momentum that you’re both comfortable with. And it’s easy to get back in if you slip out, because you can see everything clearly.

Now try riding a guy’s cock

If you’re new to getting f**ked, or nervous about taking a big dick, this gay sex position could be good for you, because as a bottom, you’ll have the control.

It’s a good one for gaining confidence when it comes to taking cock – if it starts to hurt, you can slow down, and lower yourself onto him at your own pace.

You need a certain amount of athleticism to be able to ride your man. You want to be going up and down, and slightly back and forth, at the same time. A bit like riding a horse.

If you’re bigger built than your top, or if you’re a bigger guy in general this one can be tricky as gravity is against you. Be careful not to crush the chap under you or he’ll be at risk of losing his erection.

Don’t just shove your tongue right on to someone’s butt

Rimming is rarely a standalone sexual act – it’s usually incorporated into oral.

‘Just scootch your mouth down a little further next time you’re going down on someone,’ George recommends. ‘Tease them a little with the end of your tongue to get started.

‘Admittedly it’s a little easier if you’re going down on someone with a vagina, but it’s definitely possible with penis-havers too.’

Basically, don’t go full tongue ahead, skip the build up, and lick away. Check that your partner’s up for it beforehand (so that you know they’re into it and they’ve been able to prep), then do your standard oral stuff, work down to start licking the perineum, then slowly tease the rim.

It’s perfectly okay if you just want to hang out in the perineum area for a while. It’s got loads of nerve endings and can be a little less intimidating than going full butt.

What does gay chastity mean, and what’s the difference between a chastity belt and chastity cage?

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I’ll be honest with you. A big part of why we’re publishing this guide is because a commenter, outraged by an article about pegging, questioned ‘what’s next? A guide to rimming?’

To that commenter we say yeah, actually. That’s quite a solid idea.

Thanks to Broad City, pegging’s getting a whole load of attention in the past year or so. And as a trickle-down effect, other types of anal play are getting hyped up, too.

In the heterosexual, men having sex with women crowd, anyway. Among women having sex with women and men having sex with men, all kinds of anal play has been on the table for quite some time. It’s mostly straight dudes’ concern that anything to do with their butt is ‘gay’ that’s holding them back from all kinds of pleasure, and straight women are being put off by straight dudes having little clue how anal works and shoving their penises in bums with wild abandon (no wonder it bloody hurts if there’s no lube involved).

It’s a shame, really, because fear, stigma, and lack of knowledge is preventing a lot of people who are keen on experimenting anally from trying anal stuff out.

has to try anal play, obviously. If it’s not your thing, that’s totally cool.

But if you are curious, it’s worth learning more about anal play so you feel fully prepared and confident before you go sticking any body parts into another person’s anus, or having someone else stick their body parts into your anus.

We’ll start with rimming, because while pegging and a finger up the bum get a lot of mention, the act of rimming still feels a little bit taboo.