As a bisexual trans man who passes, I deal with a lot of „surprise“ reactions from all sorts of people when I reveal my status. When it comes to sexual and romantic interactions — from dance parties to apps — a majority of the time I have to do a little trans 101. Cisgender gay men seem to lack an understanding of trans etiquette and manners.

Of course, I’ve dated a few lovely cis gay men, but 8 out of 10 times, our conversations lack dignity on their end. Here are eight outrageous things gay cis men say to trans men. 

Red flag! This tells you everything you need to know about this guys‘ understanding of trans people. He’s obviously not taken any initiative to learn more about being transgender.

Are you intentionally misgendering me to hurt me, or has the gender binary severely affected your sight, brain and manners?

Really?! A boy like me? Well, interestingly enough I’m not a flavor of ice cream. I am a man with feelings, and more than a fetish for your entertainment.

Cisnormative standards of beauty are boring, ya’ll. 

My dick is not a figment of my imagination. Last I checked, it worked fine. Sometimes it’s not very big and other times I have to strap it on, but it’s definitely real.

Oh, let me guess… you’re really curious about my genitalia. Surprise, surprise.

Transgender is not a category of music or a physical activity. It’s fine to have preferences but you just spoke to me as if I was an inanimate object. By the way, trans men or all trans people are not all the same. Ya know, we’re people. 

Yeah. By what you just said, I can tell I am new territory to you. Don’t take this the wrong way but we’re not coming into physical contact … at all. Like, ever. 

How to Date a Trans Guy

That Guy Kas gives us the DL on dating a trans guy.

For the same reasons he would date anyone: good chemistry. We will challenge you to be more communicative. For our own emotional and physical security, we will probably ask a lot of questions. And we will turn you into better listeners too.

Don’t fetishize us. It’s creepy, and it objectifies us. Approach your questions with more politeness than you normally would, even if you’re on a cruising app. Never open a conversation by asking:

• How long have you been on T?• Have you had / are you going to have / do you want surgery?• Do you have a dick? Can I see it?• Can you get pregnant?• What does your family think about you being trans?• Shouldn’t you be attracted to women?

Don’t assume anything. Trans guys’ identities and bodies change as we transition, and often so do our likes and dislikes. Like cis guys, we’re all different, and that’s part of the fun.

Most trans guys have not had any surgery to their lower half, and many of us are satisfied with our original plumbing. Some guys call their parts a “pussy.” Some use other terms, like “front hole.” But everyone’s different and these terms can be triggering. Taking testosterone causes the clitoris to grow, and so guys may call it different things, like “dick,” “dicklit,” and “boy cock.” Ask your partner how they refer to whatever parts they have — but wait until it’s relevant to bring it up.

This is a far more common procedure, but don’t assume that a guy has had surgery unless you see him shirtless. It’s a good idea to call it his “chest” and ask him what his boundaries are.

Trans guys can be any of these! Don’t assume that he is a bottom just because he has his original plumbing. He may enjoy using a strap-on with partners. Ask him what he enjoys. If he tells you he likes penetration, that gives you a clue. If he tells you he enjoys topping other guys — another clue! 

Trans men with their original plumbing may be more susceptible to STIs than cisgender men who have anal sex. Front holes are temperamental and sensitive, so it’s really important for you to be mindful of your hygiene and to practice safe sex. Trans men may also be capable of getting pregnant, so make sure you protect yourself and your man.

Most of the gay dating and hookup apps have ways for trans people to make themselves known as trans (if they want to, of course) and also have ways to search for trans people. Scruff has better filtering options and is more user-friendly than the others. OkCupid and some of the other dating sites have these same options as well.

How to Date a Trans Guy

What you should know before dating a transgender guy

1. Dating us doesn’t make you gay. Unless you’re a guy, of course! But ladies, if you’re attracted to men, fancying a trans guy doesn’t suddenly change your sexuality. It means you’re seeing them for the man that they are.

2. It isn’t the ‚best of both worlds‘. I’ve heard some girls say a trans man would be the perfect man because they can relate to women. Regardless of our bodies, in our heads we’ve never been female. If only I understood women as much as people may think I do!

3. We’re not all into girls. Some trans guys are into guys, or both. Some people struggle with this one but the thing to remember is your sexual orientation is a totally separate thing from your gender. It’s pretty simple, really!

4. We don’t all have surgery. Our bodies change on testosterone treatment to become more masculine. Sometimes that’s enough for a trans man to feel comfortable and surgery isn’t necessary.

5. We’re not all on hormones. Someone could be in the process of waiting to get on testosterone, or have their own reasons not to be on it. Sure, that makes a difference physically but it doesn’t make them any less of a guy!

6. Sex isn’t scary. It’s understandable to feel nervous before your first time with a trans guy… but then again it’s nerve-wracking with anyone for the first time! Everyone likes different things in the bedroom, regardless of being trans or not. Communication is key.

7. Don’t be ashamed. If we’re open about being trans, there’s no reason for you to hide it either. Obviously I don’t mean you need to shout it from the rooftops… but we want someone who supports our transition, not someone who is embarrassed of it.

8. We have insecurities. Going through the wrong puberty would give anyone certain body hangups. But then again, we all have our insecurities. It’s good to be open and honest with one another about what triggers them.

9. There are different kinds of lower surgery. Most people know about the phalloplasty – where a skin graft is used to create a penis. Many people are unaware that the clitoris grows into a small penis on testosterone, and there is a surgery that works to enhance what you have naturally, called the metoidioplasty. And there are different variations of both!

10. We’re not just trans. Being trans is just one small part of who we are. There are so many other aspects that are more important – our personalities, interests, sense of humour… first and foremost, we are human!

11. We have a sense of humour. I am really comfortable with myself as a guy, so I often joke about my transition with my girlfriend and friends. I’m always camping it up and am not afraid to be feminine! I can’t speak for everyone but I can tell you that being with a trans guy isn’t all about walking on egg shells.

12. We are pretty boring, really. Yeah, we aren’t anything exotic… being with a trans guy is really just like being with any guy. We are all different in our own way. We are all, simply, men.

What you should know before dating a transgender guy

Sexplain It: My Partner Came Out as a Trans Man. Does That Make Me Gay?

Zachary Zane helps a guy grappling with labels in this week’s Sexplain It.

This is the one time I grant permission to say “no homo,” because in this particular instance, it’s relevant and it made me laugh. (But a note to all you straight men: Cut that shit out. Oh, and we all think you’re secretly gay after you say “no homo,” so you’re not helping your cause.)

While you may think your situation is unheard of, it’s not that uncommon among lesbian couples. I know of a few lesbian pairs who’d been together for years, then one partner transitioned, and they stayed together. The person who transitioned was very “butch,” so it wasn’t that big of a surprise or change, and the person dating them was always attracted to their masculine energy.

Your situation is slightly different because you’re straight. You’re not a part of the LGBTQ+ community, whereas lesbians are. They were queer before the transition, and they’re still queer after. You’re going from being perceived as “straight” to being perceived as “gay,” and not because of any internal introspection or sexual feelings; rather, your identity is based on one person who happened to transition. I get why you’re confused!

To help guide you, let’s talk about the two main reasons people rely on labels. The first is the categorical aspect: labels inform the world which group you’re a part of. (Millennials and Gen-Zers hate feeling “put in a box,” which is why they actively eschew labels.) Calling you “gay” isn’t accurately putting you into the correct box, because you’re not a man who’s attracted to men. You’re a man who’s fallen so deeply in love with a single person that their gender is inconsequential. It’s not your partner’s parts or even their masculinity you’re attracted to. It’s them. (Honestly, I find this beautiful. People only like me for my smokin’ hot bod.)

The second and far more important aspect of labels is how it makes you feel. I embrace the bisexual label because it adds stability to my identity. I used to “not do labels,” but bitch, that was fucking confusing. I needed a label to feel secure in myself, and once I embraced the bi label, I was able to embrace my attraction to all genders. I also felt part of the larger LGBTQ+ community, which was something I desperately craved.

Calling yourself gay would only cause more internal strife. It would neither make you feel more connected to a queer community, nor accurately describe your attractions and identity. In short, it’s not right for you. If you want, you could try out bisexual and see how you feel. After all, you like women, but you’re currently married to a man.

But if „straight“ still feels best to you, there’s a world where you can keep it. There’s just one big thing you need to consider: if you go overboard with affirming your straight identity, you may be inadvertently hurting your partner emotionally.

“It’s a tricky situation,” says Jor-El Caraballo, a licensed mental health professional and co-founder of Viva Wellness. “On one hand, it’s important to be able to identify as you see fit, but I imagine you also do not want to invalidate the very present reality that your partner is now a trans man.”

As his partner, you want him to feel seen as a man. If you go around screaming „I’m straight!“ to every friend who jokes that you’re gay now, you risk making your partner think you view him as a woman, which you don’t. The key here is finding a balance where you both feel validated for your identities. He needs to respect how you sexually identify as much as you respect his gender identity.

To strike that balance, start by asking him if he would feel uncomfortable if you continued to identify as straight. “Reaffirm to your partner that you honor his transition but also remind him that this is a journey for you as well and that you do not see yourself as a gay man,” Caraballo says. “It’s important that you both respect each other’s identities.”

If he says he’s comfortable with you identifying as straight, then you’re in the clear to continue identifying as such (in a chill way). If he does take issue with it, and there aren’t any other labels that feel right to you, get rid of ‚em altogether! That’s what the kids are doing these days. (That, or they have 5,000 labels, which ironically, is kinda the same as not doing labels.) You’re in a monogamous relationship with a person you love. The rest doesn’t matter.

During this conversation, you can also ask your partner to stop teasing you about being “gay,” since it’s not the right label for you. It’s a pretty simple fix.

Now, as for your friends who call you gay? Tell them to stop. Say: “Guys, this is all new to me, and I love my partner, but I don’t need the added stress of you calling me ‘gay.’ That label isn’t right for me, and frankly, it’s not that funny. Could you cut it out?”

No Homo, I’m proud of you. Not that you need nor wrote in seeking my validation. I do, however, think a lot of men in your situation would bail. You are not. You’re leading with your heart, and I respect that immensely.

Sexplain It: My Partner Came Out as a Trans Man. Does That Make Me Gay?

New Research Shows a Vast Majority of Cis People Won’t Date Trans People

Considering the discrimination trans people face on a daily basis, it comes as no surprise that trans people are overlooked when it comes to dating. Two Canadian researchers recently asked almost 1000 cisgender folks if they would date a trans person in a new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. This is the first study to ever attempt to quantify the extent of trans discrimination when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships.

958 participants (all but seven cisgender, ranging in age from 18 to 81, with an average age of 26) were asked to indicate which genders they would consider dating. The options included cisgender man, cisgender woman, trans man, trans woman, or genderqueer, and participants could select as many genders as they wanted.

Only 12% of all participants selected “trans woman” and/or “trans man.”

Those who would consider dating a trans person didn’t differ in race/ethnicity, but were somewhat older, more likely to hold a university degree, and, unsurprisingly, less likely to be religious than those who would not date a trans person. But some of the most striking differences were in regards to participants’ gender and sexual orientation.

Virtually all heterosexuals excluded trans folks from their dating pool: only 1.8% of straight women and 3.3% of straight men chose a trans person of either binary gender. But most non-heterosexuals weren’t down for dating a trans person either, with only 11.5% of gay men and 29% of lesbians being trans-inclusive in their dating preferences. Bisexual/queer/nonbinary participants (these were all combined into one group) were most open to having a trans partner, but even among them, almost half (48%) did not select either ‘trans man’ or ‘trans woman.’

Of the seven participants who themselves identified as transgender or nonbinary, 89% were willing to date another trans person.

Romantic relationships are one of the most important sources of social support for adults. The fact that most cis people would not consider trans people as potential dating partners is yet another serious risk factor for increased psychological and physical health problems among the trans population.

Surprisingly, among the 127 participants open to dating a trans person, almost half selected a trans person of a gender incongruent with their stated sexual orientation. For example, 50% of the trans-inclusive straight women and 28% of the trans-inclusive gay men were willing to date a trans woman, even though one wouldn’t expect either straight women or gay men to be attracted to women. Similarly, 50% of trans-inclusive straight men and 69% of trans-inclusive lesbians said they’d date a trans man, even though both groups are presumably only attracted to women. And 33% of the trans-inclusive bisexual/queer participants said they would only date a trans person of one gender but not the other, even though one may expect this group to be attracted to multiple genders.

Digging even deeper into the choices of cis folks willing to date trans people, an interesting pattern of discrimination against trans women in particular emerged among those who would be expected to be attracted to women: 28% of trans-inclusive bisexual/queer/nonbinary folks and 38% of trans-inclusive lesbians said they wouldn’t date a trans woman — only a trans man. There was no similar discrimination against trans men among those expected to be attracted to men: 0% of trans-inclusive gay men and only 5% of trans-inclusive bisexual/queer/nonbinary folks excluded trans men from their dating pool.

The high rates of trans exclusion from potential dating pools are undoubtedly due in part to cisnormativity, cissexism, and transphobia — all of which lead to lack of knowledge about transgender people and their bodies, discomfort with these unknowns, and fear of being discriminated against by proxy of one’s romantic partner. It is also possible that at least some of the trans exclusion is due to the fact that for some people, sexual orientation might be not (just) about a partner’s gender identity, but attraction to specific body types and/or judgment of reproductive capabilities.

Of course, this is just one study with a non-representative sample (participants were recruited using online advertisements, listserv messages, on-campus announcements, in-print magazine ads, snowballing methods, and invitations sent to previous study participants), so more research is needed to understand the extent of this form of trans exclusion and the reasons driving it.

But despite the limitations, these results clearly indicate that although the visibility of transgender people is on the rise, we still have a long way to go to reach trans equality.

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New Research Shows a Vast Majority of Cis People Won't Date Trans People

Why do men date a Transgender women?

Interest in dating Transgender women continues to increase. And increase. And increase….

And increase. And increase…. Honestly, even though we run a dating site dedicated to dating Transgender women, even we are at My Transgender Cupid are surprised by the huge upturn in numbers of men looking to date Trans women.

Sure, we all know that men have always dated Trans women but this previously was not so overt. Typically, dating a Trans woman was something to be kept to oneself. To be locked away in your personal memory bank and only revealed when and if someone else realized your date was Trans.

Things change. The world evolves. And people get more enlightened. And, hopefully, with such evolution and enlightenment, they get more aware. More aware of Transgender women and men. Less prejudiced against T-girls.

6 things trans men really wish you’d stop asking them

3 trans men answer these questions so you don’t have to ask them.

Thanks to incredible trans womenLaverne Cox, more and more people are feeling empowered to change their biological form to match their gender identity. But what is it like being (and dating as) a trans man? I chatted to pansexual, heterosexual trans male, Knon-binary, transmasculine person, Cas, to ask them what questions they’re constantly asked by cis people. FYI, these kinds of questions can be intrusive, offensive and disrespectful – so please, just don’t’ ask them.

Why are Men Attracted to Transgender Women?

For some people, finding a transgender woman attractive is the equivalent of being homosexual. However, these tend to be men with little connection with their own feminine side or any understanding of the concept of what it means to feel that you have been born into the wrong body.

Finding a transgender woman attractive or desirable and being interested in doesn’t mean that you have to be automatically gay or straight. Instead, it means that you appreciate that person for whom they are: a woman. Studies have found that the arousal patterns of cisgender men work in response to both cisgender and transgender women, while gay men are only aroused by men.

The bottom line is that if you find yourself attracted to a trans woman, you are unlikely to be a homosexual man.

Instead, you are open enough to allow yourself to establish a genuine connection with an attractive woman, regardless of her past, or the gender she was born with and also might enjoy the extraordinary benefits of a trans woman. For many, they reunite the best of both worlds.

What is it like dating a trans man?

Jessenia Vice and Jaimie Wilson reveal what it’s like dating as a transgender man and cisgender woman.

Transgender singer and activist Jaimie Wilson and cisgender actress and presenter Jessenia Vice fell in love when Vice slid into Wilson’s Instagram DMs and he replied with his phone number.

The pair are now in a serious relationship and live together with their dog in New York.

Vice and Wilson want to show that relationships like theirs are normal and that dating a trans man is no different from dating a cisgender man.

Vice explains that dating Jaimie has been different but not because he is transgender.

“I think it’s mainly because of our connection, I think we share a lot as creators, as artists. Our feelings and our connection, it’s deep-rooted [more] than just the physical… and that’s great and different,” she says.

What It’s Like Hooking Up in Cis Gay Spaces as a Queer Trans Guy

Join VICE and Stonewall in calling on the government to make vital changes to the GRA and to the consultation. Follow all of our Recognise Me coverage here.

While many trans guys and transmasculine non-binary folk identify as queer for much of their pre-transition lives, it’s not uncommon for those new to taking testosterone to experience a significant shift in their sexual attraction towards cis men. For guys who’d previously been exclusively attracted to women and moved in mostly lesbian circles, this can be pretty unexpected terrain.

“I just thought I wanted to be like [cis men],” says Dan, a trans guy in his forties from south London. “I’d never even entertained the idea that I wanted to be with them until I’d started to [medically] transition. Now, whenever I get a form and it asks if I’m straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans, I just put ‘yes’ and tick all the boxes. I’ve done pretty much all of them at some stage, but I just didn’t expect to be a gay man.”

Early findings from my own research into trans men’s experiences of using gay hook-up platforms suggests a number of ways that virtual connections can bolster our online and offline self-concept. For some, using gay dating apps increases a sense of self-efficacy by optimising the control they have over the disclosure of their trans status. For others, being respected and desired as men in predominantly male spaces is a validating boost to self-esteem.

However, queer trans guys can still find themselves as an unexpected addition to historically cis gay networks. Unlike in the US and Canada, where transmasculine people seem to have integrated slightly more seamlessly into the gay bathhouse and sex club scenes, most (although not all) British sex-on-premises venues that openly cater to trans people tend to be for trans women. (Of course, this doesn’t mean that trans guys aren’t getting down in gay saunas or fetish clubs.)

As Dan explains, when the thirst hits, “sometimes you can’t be arsed with telling people. I’d just rather get laid, hassle-free.” In these cases, trans guys like Dan often make the most of the environment at hand, opting for cheeky exchanges through glory holes, in dark rooms or with alfresco fumbles at London cruising spots like Clapham Common and Hampstead Heath.

The tide has been turning in recent years though. “Sometimes, I’ll walk around the sauna without a towel these days,” Dan says. “Just like anyone else, I’ll get some guys who are up for it, and some who aren’t. It just feels a lot more accepting than it used to be.”

Trans visibility has increased significantly in gay virtual networks, too. However, this is not always in the most informed of ways. “I get a lot of guys on apps who tell me they’re really into trans people, which is a red flag for me anyway,” says Dan. “But then you dig a bit deeper and you find out they think you’re wearing stockings and suspenders.”

Although these misconceptions can be frustrating, being an openly trans man on gay dating sites has taken Dan on some interesting journeys. “I get a lot of guys telling me about their own gender because my profile says that I’m trans, so they think I must be open-minded.”

“It wasn’t sexual,” he continues, “but I made friends with this young guy who used to go on fishing trips with his mates and he’d put panties and tights on in his tent when everyone else had gone to bed. I got a call from him one night, ’cos he’d forgotten to take anything with him. So, there’s me, standing in the Tesco aisle, buying him some ladies knickers, and then delivering them to this fishing lake in a pizza box at two in the morning. The best part? He paid me 40 quid for it.”

While often entertaining, using gay hook-up apps as a trans man can require a lot of energy – and an awareness of the risks. Hidden in plain sight, in an array of overwhelmingly white six-pack abs, is the “chaser,” a serial pursuer of trans bodies. In other words, the “red flag” Dan mentioned earlier.

Chasers of trans masc folks tend to be interested in one thing, and one thing only: the bonus hole. Very rarely, if ever, does that interest extended to the person attached to it. This becomes clear when chasers ghost guys who disclose they’ve had lower surgery.

Although the majority of trans guys won’t undertake genital surgery for various reasons, how we might want to describe and use our “original plumbing” during a meet varies. Guys like Dan enjoy putting it to good use, while others find it can make them feel pretty dysphoric. Regardless, there are ways of exploring this without asking, “Have you still got a fanny?” before you’ve even said hello.

Admittedly, it can be reassuring to find gay guys who aren’t vagina-phobic, or obsessed with a concept of “real men” that hinges on the presence of a penis from birth. There’s also a really a hot middle-ground for cis/trans encounters that don’t cast trans men as a fetish. It’s a space in which both cis and trans guys can be top, bottom or vers, and where a huge range of sexual possibilities can open up for all involved.

Last month, Grindr launched a new campaign to stamp out the racist, ableist and transphobic toxicity that the gay community has been channelling through the platform since its initial launch. While the app is the same, the community rules have changed.

The move has been met with its fair share of scepticism. It might be a long time before we see the back of “you’re too hot to be trans,” “omg, I can’t believe you’re really a woman” or “could we do it in the dark?” But as trans masc visibility in gay and bi spaces increases, so too does our sexual agency.

Aedan Wolton is a director of , a sexual health and wellbeing service for trans people and their partners. Follow him on Twitter: .

For more information on navigating the gay scene as a gay, bi or queer trans man, check out cliniQ’s handbook of sexual health and wellbeing, Cruising: A trans guy’s guide to the gay sex scene.

10 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Transgender Woman

The dating scene for transgender women offers a unique set of challenges that cisgender — someone whose gender identity matches their biological sex — women don’t have to deal with. Fetishization, discrimination, harassment, and even homicide aren’t unheard of for us, but it doesn’t have to be this way. In order to spare my fellow trans women from the often harsh reality of our attempts at finding love, I wish the people who dated us would keep these things in mind:

Save the Bedroom Talk For the Bedroom. Christine Jorgenson was a World War II veteran, but ask anyone familiar with Jorgenson and they’ll be surprised. No one knows anything about her other than the fact that she was the first trans woman to receive genital reconstruction surgery. The preoccupation with trans women’s genitals has been lengthy and disturbing. We’re tired of being objectified over what’s in our pants, and genital reconstruction surgery is often a deeply personal topic. Besides, should the topic of discussion on your first date really be a woman’s vag? Awkward. There’s a time and place for everything. Know when it’s appropriate or necessary.

The Best way to find an answer for your questions is a Google Search. If you treat the date like a dictionary, we’re probably already shuffling in our purse for our car keys and telling you we have to run to the bathroom. Know what trans means and don’t expect trans women to be your professor on gender studies, because who wants heavy discussions on a date when you could be drinking wine? I Googled everything I wanted to know as I came to terms with my gender identity, so spare the textbook talk with a Google search, a book, or an actual classroom. There are vast amounts of tools for knowledge — don’t be afraid to use them. In fact, consider being educated your responsibility.

Don’t Let Watching Sex Online Be Your Study Guide. The job market is a huge barrier for trans women and poverty is high among our demographic. In fact, a whopping 57 percent of trans people have faced some form of discrimination in the workplace. As a result, researchers say that trans women are the highest demographic to turn to the sex trade to find meaningful work. If nothing else, trans women in the adult sex movies and the sex trade remain a top-seller among straight men. According to the sex site P*rnhub, the “shemale” category ranks 22nd in most searched — that’s a lot of sex on the interent. Let’s not forget, however, that the adult sex movie industry is often unrealistic. Know what labels are respectful to us and which ones aren’t.

Backhanded Compliments Are Not Cute. “Wow, I would have never known you were a man — you look just like a woman!” or something similar isn’t a compliment — it’s just rude. The message that is being conveyed to trans women with this type of exchange is that we’re engaging in a form of trickery, a disguise to pass as something we’re not. As Janet Mock, author of Redefining Realness put it: “I am a woman. I live my life as a woman and that’s how I should be perceived. I’m not passing as anything — I’m being. Being myself.”

We Didn’t Transition Just to Date Straight Men. This is a terrible yet too often perpetuated myth. Trans women don’t transition to fool straight men into sleeping with us. This disgusting form of ignorance has been sensationalized in both television and film. It’s one of the many reasons why I personally choose to openly state that I’m a trans woman on my tinder profile. And what about Trans lesbians? Trans women aren’t likely to change our sexual orientation after transitioning. Those of us who were attracted to women before transitioning are still likely to remain attracted to women. The numbers show that between 40 and 60 percent of trans women identify as bisexual or lesbian, so whether it’s men, women, both or none, we can date whoever we want.

Gender and Sexuality Are Two Different Things. Dating us doesn’t mean you’re gay. Dating us doesn’t even mean you have to be bisexual. If you’re attracted to trans women then you’re attracted to women. Trans women are women — end of story. Many people confuse gender and sex or don’t understand the difference between the two. Gender is fluid while sex is biological and rigid. Sexual orientation is shaped by your attraction to a person’s gender identity. If you’re a cis man or woman attracted to someone who’s trans, it doesn’t change your sexual identity.

We’re Not a Secret Society. When Tyga allegedly cheated on Kylie Jenner with trans model Mia Isabella, the media went crazy. Tyga’s sexual orientation was called into question and he was shamed by virtually the entirety of the hip hop community. Society shames men who are attracted to trans women by attacking their masculinity, labeling them as gay, or accusing them of having a fetish. Trans women are taught that we only deserve companionship through secrecy. Being open about your relationship with us conveys the message to society that we deserve to be seen. That trans visibility deserves a safe space to exist which can then foster easier acceptance from others.

You should treat Us with the Respect You Would Give Any Other Woman. One of my favorite interviews to date is when Janet Mock turned the tables on Fusion reporter Alicia Menendez, asking her the kind of inappropriate questions that Mock is constantly subjected to by interviewers. Menendez was overwhelmed with questions such as, “Do you have a vagina? Do you use tampons? When did you begin to feel your breasts budding?” If you find these questions alarming, take note that trans women are the subject of this type of questioning all the time. A rule of thumb to ask yourself is, “Would I ask or expect this of a cisgender woman?” If the answer is no, you probably shouldn’t ask trans women either.

Dating a Trans Woman is a Catch. Did you know that trans women face some of the highest risks of becoming victims of domestic violence? An underlying issue is the idea that trans women have nowhere else to go, as if abusive men are the only ones who will ever truly love us. I’ve been a witness of too many trans women in abusive relationships at the hands of men. A common response when these women choose to leave them is, “Where will you go? Who’s going to be attracted to you like I am?” Don’t ever assume we’re below the bar. Know that you’re not the only fish in the sea. We have standards too.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and We’re No Exception. So take us to a movie, a concert — hell, even a rodeo. Being trans doesn’t mean we are miserable — we just want to have a good time like anybody else.

Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

Serena Sonoma Serena Sonoma is a transgender freelance journalist by way of Raleigh, North Carolina. She is a dog mother to two fur babies and a somewhat deranged fan of Game of Thrones.

The 8 Best Dating and Hookup Apps for Queer Men

Dating is hard. That’s just a fact. Dating while queer is often even harder. When you’re a guy who’s attracted to people of the same gender, there are simply fewer instances in which you can serendipitously meet somebody and experience that romantic spark. Which is why gay bars and other inclusive spaces have become such an important part of life for people in the LGBTQ+ community, including gay and bisexual men.

Of course, if you’re a queer man looking for love, not every town has a gay bar that you can just head to whenever you’re in the mood to get your flirt on. And in the pandemic, meeting and mixing with a lot of people in a public setting is out of the question.

Enter: The Apps. Whether you’re looking for somebody fun to chat with, to swap photos, or make a connection with the goal of eventually meeting for a real-life date, we’ve got you covered. These are the 8 best LGBTQ-friendly dating and hookup apps for queer men. (When you find one you like and sign up for an account, make sure you follow these tips for taking a really great photo for your profile!)

Bonus: when you are ready for an-person meet-up with a person you met on one of these dating apps, check out our ideas for awesome first dates and second dates. You’ll look like a total romantic genius without breaking the bank.

Trans Women Deserve To Be Loved Proudly. Straight Guys, I’m Looking At You.

Dating and disclosing while trans can be a minefield of fragile masculinity and shaky sexuality.

“My wish is that trans admirers and trans-attracted men come out of hiding.”

The secrecy and discretion that cisgender, heterosexual guys ask for seems to stem from internalized stigma, transphobia and homophobia. It’s the misconception that liking a trans girl is somehow “gay,” which in turn is somehow wrong or shameful. False and false. Trans women are women, but social conditioning prevents many men from seeing that.

10 Best Gay and LGBTQ+ Dating Sites and Apps 2021

According to an Urban Institute study, LGBTQ+ singles experienced a sexual victimization rate of 23.2%. That’s roughly 11% higher than the heterosexual rate. From outlandish statistics to negative experiences, one thing has become blatantly obvious: queer, transgender, and pansexual singles need their own space.

And that’s where LGBTQ+ dating apps come in. Providing an open, safe, and supportive arena for anyone to date anyone else in any way they please, these dating sites and apps are growing in popularity. With millions of members worldwide, LGBTQ+ dating apps cater to those who identify their gender and sexuality differently than the average heterosexual.

Should Straight Men Date Trans Women?

Dating Trans women is still taboo, Even to ‘Liberals’. Have you ever asked yourself why? Let’s discuss.

Oh. Are you still here? Okay, I guess I should explain.

Throughout western society, trans people have had a unique challenge with finding acceptance in women’s spaces. Many people like J.K Rowling claim to support trans rights, but in the same extremely long-winded breath of a TERF apologetic essay, they explain their discomfort with trans people sharing women’s bathrooms.

I could toss at least a thousand words about J.K Rowling and her opinions, but I want to focus this piece on the question in the title. If you follow and stick around, I will be putting out a retort to her essay.

In her essay she mentioned that “The hundreds of emails I’ve received in the last few days prove this erosion concerns many others just as much. It isn’t enough for women to be trans allies. Women must accept and admit that there is no material difference between trans women and themselves.”

Her silent majority do not outweigh scientific consensus; therefore, it isn’t wrongthink. It’s just wrong. This fallacy of weak induction may persuade the over 300,000 estimated blog visitors or 14 million followers that trans people aren’t equals.

PrEP is also a thing.

PrEP has prevailed throughout the LGBTQ+ community, and rates of transmission of HIV have dramatically dropped. Most men who are sexually active will eventually hear about PrEP.

We can recognize our colorism, racist stereotypes & discrimination are wrong and shift our mind to being open to interracial dating. Unfortunately, in regards to this taboo that shares many of the same struggles, many people refuse to budge EVEN if they agree with the science.

I don’t like to throw terms like TERF and transphobic often. I know from experience that a hard rock will just break a soft head. If someone is willing to debate me on such a controversial topic, I am going to attempt to educate and question their beliefs to see if they can reflect on them to see if they are rooted in logic.

What do I hope people take from this? That we should rethink what we are accustomed to and start including trans people in our lives equally. You may preach for LGBTQ+ rights but are you practicing what you preach?

Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.

@MansaBrice is part expat, part fitness buff, part vagabond, and part writer. With a combined experience of everything from Cultural Anthropology, Sociology, and of course the Black Experience. He’s on Instagram and Twitter.

Pictured: Alex Cheves

In time, she softened. She said hey to me. Then she graduated and disappeared. A few years later, I learned that she transitioned. Dae found his truth, came out as transgender and found his queer family in a city not far from there. We are still friends today. While our journeys are different, we both more or less found the things we needed — the right words to call ourselves, the chosen families we belonged in — at the same time. Dae has become a remarkably handsome man, and in many ways, he was my first sign that others were out there — back when I simply knew I was „other“ and that was all I had.

Other sexy trans men came later — casual hookups and kinky playmates — who taught me some of my most important lessons about being queer. Here are some of them.

2. Don’t assume anyone is straight because of how their gender is presented.

When we talk about gay and bi men, that includes gay and bi trans men, too. Assuming anyone is straight because of how their gender is presented is an unhealthy hetero projection — one we don’t need.

My ability to detect whether or not someone is gay or bi (what some call gaydar) is faulty, so unless I meet someone on a sex app or at a queer-heavy bar, I face the task of expressing interest and seeing if they’re interested back. Thankfully, hookup apps usually do the work for me. If you meet an out trans man on an app like Grindr or Scruff, it’s safe to bet he’s interested in other men.

5. Everyone has different words for their body parts. Ask what his are.

I told him that when I get in submissive headspace, I like when guys call my hole a pussy or cunt. I also know some cis gay guys who hate the word „cock“ and bristle at its use. Everyone has words they prefer, and those words may change depending on the kind of sex they’re having or who they’re with. Some trans men say „vagina,“ others say „front hole“ and „back hole.“ By asking for his words, you’re getting the language you need to talk about sex.

7. Don’t know how to break the ice? Ask what he’s into.

You know the common Grindr script: Sup? Looking? Into? These days, guys seem to dislike one-word messages because they’re economical and efficient and no one likes to be reminded of how they’re one of many options. But you are — everyone is. Maybe it’s brisk and to-the-point, but I ask „Into?“ almost immediately. Someone can reply with what sex role they like, list their kinks, or say they’re looking for love. At least two men have listed their hanky code colors, which I appreciated.

If you’re gay or bi, a trans gay/bi man is likely into many of the same things you are. Start there. This is the same script you’d use to flirt with anyone because trans men are men.

11. Sex is so much more than penetration.

Gay cis men tend to focus on anal sex as the base requirement of sex — many do not consider other sex acts, like oral sex, to be „sex“ at all. As a result, sides often feel embarrassed, ashamed, or left out. But the fact is, anal sex is just one kind of sex, and there are a variety of reasons why one might not find it fun. Some people have health conditions that keep them from enjoying anal sex — others simply don’t enjoy it.

I’m not a big fan of oral sex, and could happily cut it from my repertoire without much concern. Some guys feel the same about anal. Thankfully there is massage, rubbing, mutual masturbation, rimming, licking, fingering, and literally endless non-penetrative kinky sex acts you can do. Sex is a miles-long buffet table — why choose only one thing?

A majority of my experiences with trans men have been dominant-submissive with me as the sub. In none of these encounters did a penis go in my butt — and they were all fun.

14. In kink, trans guys are not automatic submissives.

I know many dominant trans men and have played with some of them. Suggesting a man with a vagina wants to be dominated is like assuming every cis gay muscle guy wants to top. If those are your assumptions, good luck. 

The way the world looks at dating Trans women has changed

It’s not that difficult to understand the reasons for the changes in social attitudes. The internet and the various social media channels have played an immense role in bringing new knowledge about dating Trans women to the forefront of society. People see things they have never seen. People start getting interested in matters outside of the constraints of the two most well-known genders, male and female. Suddenly, everyone is talking about gender being non-binary. About people who are gender fluid. As well as finally accepting that gender and sexuality is not the same. At last!

Awareness brings with it greater public visibility of Transgender women. Nowadays you can see Trans women on TV shoes, in films and on chat shows; in public forums and running for political office; or on the board or at senior management levels in publicly listed company. Transgender women are following very much the same path to acceptance as gay men and women followed all those years ago. It just seems to be taking that much longer.

This greater visibility brings tolerance to start and, hopefully, acceptance over the slightly longer-term. No longer is a Trans woman seemingly out of place. No longer are the overt stares and glances as common as before. There’s also legal protection of sorts in place about discrimination against Transgender woman and provision of equal opportunities. Just two efforts promulgated by governments to encourage a recognition of diversity of gender.

And, so, we conclude the first part of the reasoning as to why more and more men are dating Transgender women. But, of course, there’s more to the answer than awareness and visibility.

What do Trans Women Look for in a Man?

You have to treat a transgender woman as you would any other woman. However, for many men, this can be a bit of a hurdle. The idea of walking down the street, holding hands or kissing a trans lady can feel like a secret they don’t want to share in public. Check out this article for more information on what it is like to date someone who’s transgender.

If this resonates with you, then you might need to ask yourself some searching questions. For example, would you have the same problem showing affection in public, hand in hand with a cisgender woman? If your response is ‘no’, then you have your answer: if you and your date are happy and connected, then it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

The problem for many trans women is that they are often kept ‘in the shadows’; a clandestine partner that is never allowed out into the real world. However, this is tantamount to abuse and, at the very least, is entirely disrespectful to the woman you are dating.

If you’d feel safer keeping your relationship with a transgender woman hidden away, then you might need to consider whether you should be dating a transwoman at all.

Remember: You’re Not Unusual

Many men who find themselves attracted to trans women can believe that they are alone. However, as things progress for the LGBTQ+ community and society in general, more and more straight and cisgender men are ‘outing’ themselves as ‘trans-amorous’.

There are online forums for men who find transwomen attractive, where you can discuss your feeling with other guys in the same boat. Finding trans women attractive isn’t unusual or weird, as long as you are respectful of the person you are dating.

Coming out to Jessenia Vice’s parents

One of the hardest things Vice and Wilson had to go through as a couple was coming out to Vice’s parents.

Vice’s mother wasn’t sure what being transgender meant. “I had to explain in full depth what it all meant and then she respected the fact that this was still the same person she had initially met months and months and months prior,” explains Jessenia.

Wilson no longer has a close relationship with his family since coming out as transgender when he was 19 years old. He was kicked out of his parents’ house and forced to fend for himself. As a result, for Wilson, being accepted by Vice’s family makes all the difference.

Grindr

OK, let’s get this one out of the way first. Grindr is so well-known as a gay dating and hookup app that even straight people have heard of it. We all know how it works; the home screen shows you a grid of guys near your location, you can chat, share photos, and send voice memos, and meet the love of your life—or the love of your afternoon, at least.

Scruff

Scruff is very similar to Grindr in its grid functionality, but unlike Grindr, which has been criticized for perpetuating a „no fats, no femmes“ attitude among its users, Scruff was originally geared towards gay men of differing body types. Specifically: bears, otters, wolves, daddies, and other „tribes“ that find body hair and a more stocky built attractive.

Jack’d

Jack’d promises new users that they’ll be able to connect with „the most diverse community of gay, bi, trans, queer, and curious guys around the globe,“ and is popular among men of color. You can search by what a guy is into, his relationship status (for those looking to play), and the Discover tab lets you find profiles based on recent activity.

Surge

Unlike many gay dating apps which show you a grid of the guys nearest to you, Surge is more like Tinder, allowing users to swipe through profiles until they land on one they like. The „swipe right“ / „swipe left“ / „it’s a match“ functionality are exactly the same, so if nothing else, you won’t have to waste any time figuring out how the app works once you’ve downloaded it.

Adam4Adam

Adam4Adam started out as a popular desktop-based dating website for gay men. Remember those?

Anyway, now that nobody has time to sit down and log on to find a date, A4A is in the app game, serving up pretty much the same kind of user experience as other services like Grindr.

Hornet

In many countries where LGBTQ+ individuals are still persecuted, like Chechnya, the most widely used and well-known gay dating apps like Grindr have been banned. Hornet, which looks and works a lot more like a social networking platform than a dating app, provides a safer alternative for queer men in some locations (although it too has been prohibited in places like the United Arab Emirates).

Tser

Dating for transgender and nonbinary people can be a nightmare, even on queer apps which purport to be inclusive. Tser is a dating and hookup app specifically created for trans, enby and gender-fluid singles — including, for the purposes of this list, trans men who identify as gay or bisexual. Because everyone deserves a safe space to flirt.

Dating a Transgender Person: How is it Different?

Dating a transgender person is just like dating anyone else.

No, seriously. Really. I promise. As someone who has dated my fair share of trans people, I can be honest and say that the gist of things are essentially the same as with a non-trans person.

Of course, if you zoom in a little to the specifics, then naturally there are some differences. This varies from person to person, though. For instance, let’s say you want to date a trans woman (MTF). Her preferences when it comes to what kind of man she likes, what she likes in bed, what kind of hobbies she has, her personal world view, and so on can vary from the next trans woman. You can’t really take anything for granted.

There are a handful of things that are nearly universal among trans people, though, and you should probably familiarize yourself with these tips before you jump into the dating pool:

2) Ask About What Your Date is Comfortable With and Respect That

This goes with non-trans people, too, of course, bit it’s important to not assume certain things when it comes to trans people. Ask them what pronouns (“he/him,” “she/her”) they use if you’re in any doubt, and always make sure the person is comfortable before you escalate physically with them.

Most trans people have body dysphoria, which means that they have an inherent discomfort with certain parts of their body, usually their primary and secondary sex characteristics. This goes beyond simply not liking a part of their body—it may feel absolutely alien to them. Which parts someone is uncomfortable with will vary from person to person.

For example, a trans man may be extremely uncomfortable with your touching his chest, and a trans woman may not want you to look at her you-know-what. (Yes, contrary to what random Internet videos of naked people doing naked things might indicate, most trans women do not like to use their natal anatomy.) Sometimes people can adapt a little as they become more familiar with you, but don’t count on it.

Crossing these boundaries can quickly turn the person off. For someone who doesn’t have this kind of dysphoria, it may be hard to understand, but if the trans person you’re dating says that a certain body part is off limits, respect that, even if it doesn’t fall in line with the fantasy situation that you hoped for. You can always try doing something else, or you can always simply date another person who has no such objection.

Holding hands is the easy part. When you get a little closer, sure that you check to see that your partner is comfortable with what’s going on.

3) Remember That Your Date is More Than Just a Trans Person

If you have a strong preference for trans people or have an unfulfilled fantasy of some kind that has to do with them, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, this also makes it easy to fall into the trap of objectifying your date.

At the end of the day, this person doesn’t exist solely to date you or to give you some kind of gratification, so don’t be surprised if they run away from you the moment they suspect that you’re fetishizing them. Do your best to see them as what they are: human beings, with their own wants and agendas.

As with dating anyone else, if you acknowledge their needs, they are more likely to help fulfill yours. Unless your date is also looking to objectify you and they have no interest in anything deeper, try to get to know them and learn more about them. This will also help prepare you for the next trans person that you get together with.

Get to know your love interest beyond just the whole trans , you know, it’s just a one-off encounter.

4) Accept That You May Be Judged by Others for Dating a Transgender Person

If you date a trans person for long enough, unless the trans person is deeply “stealth” (meaning that they keep their trans status a secret from everyone), then people you know are bound to find out eventually.

Moreover, if you’re dating the same person for any length of time, eventually they’re going to want to meet your family and so on. To deny them this may give them the impression that you’re ashamed of them.

So be ready for the social consequences. Depending on where you live, these may be minimal. For instance, a few uneducated people might misunderstand and think you’re gay if you’re a man who is dating a trans woman. In such a case, who cares? Let them think that. Being attracted to a trans person is just part of who you are; have the courage to honor that part of yourself.

However, in some cultures around the world, the consequences could be more severe. Dating a trans person may put you at nearly the same risk of judgment and ostracization as the trans person that you’re dating, and maybe even physical danger. In this case, you may have to take steps to protect yourself and the person you’re with, and unfortunately this may involve a paranoid degree of discretion.

Weigh your options well, but try to avoid making the mistake of blaming the person you’re dating if people do find out someday and judge you for it. It’s not the trans person’s fault, and they don’t deserve to be thrown under the bus.

Some people might be surprised if they find out that the person you’re dating is trans. They may even judge you for it.

5) Accept That a Trans Person’s Body May Undergo Changes

Maybe you like the body of the person that you’re dating just the way it is, and you can’t imagine why they would want to change it. You may think that by telling them how wonderful you think their body is, they might decide to forgo surgery altogether. How nice!

Rarely does it work out this way, though. If you’re in a relationship with someone and subtly pressuring them to not alter a body that they are uncomfortable with, you may be unknowingly preventing the person from moving in a direction that is closer to who they truly are.

As I already mentioned, most trans people have body dysphoria, which means that most of them will seek to change their bodies one way or another. Hopefully, if you’ve gone so far as to get into a relationship with someone, you love them for more than just their body, but if you don’t, then learn to let them go so that they can be who they are.

Dating a Transgender Person is Just Like Dating Anyone Else

They’re not necessarily going to understand you better or worse than anyone else. They’re not necessarily extra easy to get into the sack. They’re not necessarily what you may have thought they would be.

Transgender people are just people. Keep that in mind, treat them with compassion as you would anyone else, and you should be fine!

Comments

I am interested in dating transwomen. I am out of a 3 year straight relationship. During that time I had 3 trans friends who always said if I wasn’t w someone they’d date me, and I def was interested bc all 3 were beautiful and fun. I hung w them alot. Now that I want to date transwomen,I can’t find one. I’m a great guy who treats these women well, and am not in it for kink, and I’m not embarrassed to hold hands n show affection in public. I jkinda got close with one,and it def became a bit more than we expected and we had relations a few times. Yes I cheated on my gf. My gf knew I had more interest in transwomen. She met all 3,who helped give her rides sometimes. Now I am sitting alone ready to

Our Top 10 Choices: Which Is Best For Your Needs?

Scissr – Best for lesbian culture, community, and dating 

Taimi – Best for trendy, social media-based dating 

1. HER

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Over the years, the pioneer in lesbian dating apps HER has developed into an all-inclusive platform for women and femmes of all types, identities, and sexual preferences. HER embraces and welcomes more than 18 gender identities and 17 sexual orientations on the profile selection list. HER’s app is easy to use, loaded with communication features, and even hosts local events for more community building.

2. Grindr

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Available for gay, bi, trans, and other queer singles, Grindr is one of the most popular dating apps with a reputation of men seeking hookups with other men. Thanks to its powerful geolocation feature, Grindr is a great social networking solution for people who’ve recently moved, relocated, are traveling, or seeking a quick fling in their area.

3. OKCupid

Membership options: Free with paid upgrade options available

OKCupid may be one of the mainstream dating apps but the platform openly welcomes all LGBTQ+ singles. With 22 different gender identities and 12 sexual orientations, LGBTQ+ folks will certainly find their place on the app. Bonus: OKCupid even allows queer people to hide their profile from straight and cisgender people (for safety or personal reasons).

4. Hornet 

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Hornet is one of the most popular gay social networking apps and gives queer men a great platform to meet other queer men around the world. The app offers various ways to build community, find other singles, stay current on trending news, and even a list of bathhouses in your area. It’s basically a one-stop-shop for gay social networking.

5. Scruff

Scruff is known as a hotspot for gay hookups no matter where you are in the world. Users enjoy open sharing features and powerful search filters to find whoever and whatever you’re looking for. Scruff is also an excellent travel companion for gay singles looking to meet others while away from home. Plus, the more you swipe, the stronger the algorithm gets!

6. Bumble 

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Bumble is all about empowering women and femmes to make the first move. The emphasis is heavy on feminist power with the right to initiate messaging restricted to women and non-binary members. The popular dating app started as a dating app but now features global networking opportunities for building friendships, business relations, social networking, and, of course, relationships. 

7. Scissr

Scissr is a great dating app for lesbian and queer women who want to network and connect with other members of the LGBTQ+ community. The app is designed for women, femmes, and non-binary folks who are looking to find friends, date, and discuss culture and relationships with other queer singles. The app’s design is sleek and user-friendly with free chat and image sharing features.

8. Jack’d

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Jack’d prides itself on being the most diverse dating app for gay, bi, and trans people. It boasts a powerful geolocation feature that helps you browse singles all over the world and flag them for conversations or private photo and video sharing. If you struggle to break the ice, Jack’d even offers a chat phrases feature which gives helpful conversation starters. 

9. Hinge

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Hinge calls itself the dating app that is meant to be deleted because it puts a heavy emphasis on serious relationships. Profiles are built on bold questions to quickly and effectively uncover personality quirks and offer conversation starters for matches. Hinge will ask you about your political affiliation and how you feel about legalizing weed and offers plenty of gender identification options as well.

10. Taimi

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Taimi is a LGBTQ+ dating platform that features a nice mashup of dating, chatting, and social networking capabilities for people of all gender identities and sexualities. The app is designed perfectly for today’s fast-paced, short-attention-span, social-media focused society. Taimi is geared towards a safe dating culture for the LGBTQ+ community with values that include diversity and inclusion and a zero tolerance policy toward discrimination. 

Reviewing the Top LGBTQ+ Dating Sites: Our Methodology

’s dating app and website reviews are based on independent research, trusted third party sites, user reviews, and individual use of the product through free or paid trials. For the rest of the information, we rely on what the brand says about its own product offering, public reviews and complaints, and ratings from independent agencies like the BBB and trusted publications. Some of the key features we compared when reviewing the LGBTQ+ dating apps on our list include, but are not limited to, pricing, accessibility, number of members, and communication options. 

What You Need to Know Before Choosing an LGBTQ+ Dating Site

Dating as a member of the LGBTQ+ community can be fun, enjoyable, and successful if you know how to navigate the apps. Before signing up and spending time creating a profile, here are some things to ask yourself about the queer dating site you’re interested in:

What Types of LGBTQ+ Dating Sites Are There?

There are a lot of niche dating apps out there, including those for the LGBTQ+ community. Which one you’ll choose all depends on what you’re hoping to gain from it. You can look for the most selective one out there to really tailor your dating experience, opt for a broader dating app and see what (or who) you find, or pick one with a specific intention (like hookups only, serious relationships, or casual situationships). Sometimes you can find an app that caters to all of these. In which case, you’ll need to specify your preferences on your profile page and/or when chatting with a potential date (more on this below). As with love and relationships, the choice is yours to make. 

How Much Does LGBTQ+ Dating Cost

Each LGBTQ+ dating app presents its own cost. Whereas some are entirely free, others are freemium, and the rest are totally paid. 

Free or freemium dating apps let you create an account and browse the network for potential matches. However, you’ll have to pay to unlock more, better features that might introduce you to the type of person or relationship you’re seeking. 

Subscription-based dating apps charge you a flat rate every month and grant you access to all available features. Monthly subscriptions generally start around $9/month and go up from there. You almost always get a discount for signing up for multiple months at once, too.

Other sites charge per action. Want to chat? 5 credits. Send a pic? 5 credits. Send a gift? You got it. 5 credits. You’ll buy credits in a bundle then they’ll subtract from your account whenever you take an action. This pricing structure can quickly get expensive so watch your spending while using these apps.

Love Is Out There, Find It Today

Modern dating is complicated enough without having to explain your gender identity or sexual orientation. In addition to safety factors, this is why LGBTQ+ dating apps are so helpful. Whether you’re looking to find a good friend who views the world from a similar perspective as you, want a playful night with a stranger, or are searching for that special someone to spend the rest of your life with, queer dating apps make the entire process a lot smoother, easier, and more enjoyable for everyone. Check it out, and see who you might find!

10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Bi Guy

Unless you’ve been avoiding social media like the plague, you’ve probably gathered that this week is Bi Week! For seven straight days, the bi+ community works diligently to make themselves visble, have their voices heard, and combat bi-erasure. In the spirit of bi week and putting forth additional bi content, I wanted to discuss what it’s like dating a bi guy. For the record, I think bi guys are the best to date, but then again, I may be biased.

In many regards, bisexual men want the same things as everyone else when it comes to relationships. We want an honest partner. We want to be emotionally fulfilled. We want to love and to be loved in return. We want someone who will be there for us when we fall down. And so on and so forth…

But in many ways, dating a bisexual man is somewhat different. I don’t say this to create a further divide between people, but given the society we live in (one that has vicious stereotypes about bisexual men, especially when it comes to having a relationship with one), it’s naive to believe that dating a bi guy is the exact same as dating a straight man or a gay man.

So in honor of #Biweek, here are 10 things you should know before dating a bisexual guy!

2. Yes, we do miss being with other people when in a monogamous relationship

This idea that we don’t miss being intimate with other people when in a monogamous relationship is absolutely ridiculous. But you know what? So do gay men and straight women and everyone else! Of course many gay men miss being with other men when they are in a monogamous relationship from time to time. But that doesn’t mean they want an open-relationship. It doesn’t mean that they’re going out and cheating. It’s human to sometimes miss being with other people. But when we’ve made a commitment, we’ve made a commitment. You need to trust us.

3. We have significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression than straight and gay men

This isn’t something that necessarily affects your relationship, but it is something to keep in mind, especially if you’re seeing classic signs of undiagnosed depression or anxiety.

4. There’s no need to freak out about the porn we watch

Odds are we watch gay porn, lesbian porn, bi porn, straight porn, and every other type of porn. There’s no need to freak out, telling yourself, „Oh shit, that’s not something I can give to him!“ Porn is fantasy. It’s fun. None of the guys I’ve dated gave me a 12-inch rock hard dick, but I sure love watching that in porn. It doesn’t mean I was planning on breaking up with my boyfriends because they didn’t have a third leg.

5. You’re likely going to have to deal with some BS for dating a bi guy

If you’re a woman, you’ll inevitably here at some point, „You know your boyfriend is actually gay right?“ If you’re a gay man, you may get some shade from other gays. This is because gay men often think that bi guys are simply not comfortable with their „true“ identity of being „full-blown gay.“

6. We’re not “more masculine” because we also sleep with women

This is a bizarre and femmephobic statement that I’ve encountered from gay men. Apparently, bi men are „hot“ because they sleep with women and that somehow makes us more masculine. This fetishization is somehow homophobic, sexist, and biphobic all in one.

7. We’re not your gay BFF who you also have sex with

This is something I’ve encountered from certain straight women. They see me as their gay BFF who they can make out with. They don’t see me as a bisexual person who’s actually interesting in dating them. They reduce me to a stereotype and plaything.

So why are men attracted to trans women?

Heterosexual men become attracted to trans women for the same reasons they find cis-women attractive. Humans inherently have sexual characteristics. From reproductive organs, physical features, behavior, and demeanor, all of these sexual traits vary by culture. In some countries, people admire men’s v-line (adonis belt), women breast, or even men’s feet.

The visual, aural, and tactile stimulation influences a person’s interest in another.

Some may say: “Cis-women have an innate pheromone that trans-women can’t have”.

Despite what people believe, research has shown that cis-women possess no natural pheromone or exclusive feature that men recognize sexually. Instead, we do see there’s a learned association between the odorant and the target sex. The thought of what original sex or gender they had at birth is not the primary concern. Neither is the thought that they may have a penis.

A 2016 study that used the penile plethysmograph demonstrated that the arousal patterns, genital and subjective, of men who report attraction to transgender women who have “female-typical physical characteristics (e.g. breasts) while retaining a penis” are similar to those of straight men and different from those of gay men. — Kevin J Hsu; David Miller; J. Michael Bailey (2016).

In regards to trans men dating gay men, research has shown similar patterns:

Trans activist Jamison Green writes that cisgender gay men who are partnered with trans men “are often surprised to find that a penis is not what defines a man, that the lack of a penis does not mean a lack of masculinity, manliness, or male sexuality.” — Green, Jamison (2004)

Some research has shown that around 87.5% in this study of cis-men and women would not publically date transgender people. That number should surprise you, especially if you have a friend or partner who is trans and have observed them in the dating world. Just hop on youtube and type “Transgender tinder experiment”.

Trans women don’t need to trick heterosexual men into being sexual or romantic interests. We are very much willing to do so without motivation. That being said, many may attempt to hide their desire or get cold feet before a date.

What may stop men from openly dating trans women is that cis-women and other men judge them. It’s so severely taboo that even liberal-minded people will think differently of you. Much of the violence towards trans people come from their partners who are bullied by their peers. That’s not an excuse to hurt your partner, but it is the reality of the situation. think of men differently when they date trans people, family, and friends as well.

Albeit some men may say they would possibly find a trans woman attractive, they wouldn’t see the penis as attractive. I can understand, we all have preferences after all. Not all trans women have a penis, though, and many of those men who would use that excuse would STILL reject a trans woman who is post-op for the fact that it is taboo.

The Taboo (also, Dogmatism): The ancient fallacy of unilaterally declaring certain “bedrock” arguments, assumptions, dogmas, standpoints or actions “sacrosanct” and not open to discussion, or arbitrarily taking some emotional tones, logical standpoints, doctrines or options “off the table” beforehand.

I think a valid concern many people have with dating trans is the HIV risks. One thing I would ask of men and women who have this concern is, do you also have the same level of anxiety with cis partners? Albeit it is true the HIV rates in the trans community are higher than the cis population, the trans community is MUCH more likely to be regularly tested. When you meet a random man at a festival and smash in a tent, you’re engaging in much more risky behavior.

The attractions of dating Transgender women are many fold

We’re the first to admit that, for most men, dating Trans women isn’t something they decide overnight. It’s a slow process. They might have picked up on the increased awareness and visibility of Trans women which has been happening over, certainly, the last 8-10 years. They might have been ahead of the pack as it were and known about Trans matters through curiosity. Or they might have heard from friends or colleagues who knew a Transgender woman living in one of the larger US or European cities. Or they might have stumbled across matters of a Trans nature by casually surfing the internet. However, they found out is not so important because knowing about Trans women does not necessarily make a man want to date such a woman.

One particular thing which is very interesting is that almost all men who date Transgender women have been in past relationships with genetic women. They may have dated or even married a genetic woman. Now that their former relationship is over, some men come to the realisation that they really want something different from their long-term relationship.

Dating Trans women can be easily validated

They start looking closely at various aspects of dating Transgender women. There is no single reason why men love to date Trans women but some of the common reasons include:

If you want to know more, perhaps the best thing to do is ask some of the other members of MyTransgenderCupid and see what answer(s) they give to why they are dating Transgender women. Proof is in the pudding as the saying goes!

Study for trans and gender diverse people in NYC with recent stressful life experiences: Earn up to $360

We are interested in understanding how stressful life events impact transgender and gender diverse (TGD) people. If you identify as TGD and have recently experienced a very stressful event and are living in NYC, you might be eligible to participate in this research study.

The purpose of this research is to promote trauma recovery for trans and gender diverse people by better understanding how discrimination blocks pathways to healing. We’re collecting saliva samples to examine the body’s response to stress and discrimination by measuring levels of cortisol. This will help us advocate for better treatment for and show the resiliency of trans and gender diverse people who face daily stress and discrimination

Participation in this study involves the completion of 4 interview appointments scheduled over 12 months. During each appointment, you will be asked to participate in a clinical interview, provide salivary samples, and complete several questionnaires. For 14 days following these appointments, you will receive a link each day prompting you to complete a brief questionnaire. Eligible participants may earn up to $360 for study activities.

If you are interested in participating, please complete this online screening survey:

For additional information, please contact the Berke Laboratory at

Study for trans and gender diverse people in NYC with recent stressful life experiences: Earn up to $360

We are interested in understanding how stressful life events impact transgender and gender diverse (TGD) people. If you identify as TGD and have recently experienced a very stressful event and are living in NYC, you might be eligible to participate in this research study.

The purpose of this research is to promote trauma recovery for trans and gender diverse people by better understanding how discrimination blocks pathways to healing. We’re collecting saliva samples to examine the body’s response to stress and discrimination by measuring levels of cortisol. This will help us advocate for better treatment for and show the resiliency of trans and gender diverse people who face daily stress and discrimination

Participation in this study involves the completion of 4 interview appointments scheduled over 12 months. During each appointment, you will be asked to participate in a clinical interview, provide salivary samples, and complete several questionnaires. For 14 days following these appointments, you will receive a link each day prompting you to complete a brief questionnaire. Eligible participants may earn up to $360 for study activities.

If you are interested in participating, please complete this online screening survey:

For additional information, please contact the Berke Laboratory at