Embracing my OGTs

“Well, here’s to your first OGT – Obviously Gay Trait. Mine are: love of The Carpenters, culinary interests, and intense fear of blood sports.” (Dennis, to Kevin, in Broken Hearts Club).

I recently watched Broken Hearts Club (at the recommendation of oaplascencia). Lots of good stuff in there, but I want to write about one thing in particular today. In one scene Kevin, a younger closeted guy, mentions to Dennis that he likes Karen Carpenter. Dennis replies that it’s Kevin’s first OGT – “Obviously Gay Trait.”

As a life-long closeted gay guy, I’ve spent lots of energy trying to hide or deny any OGTs. Didn’t want to “give myself away,” as it were. This shows where the power of stereotypes resides – the dominant group uses stereotypes to mock and shame minorities, and in a natural response, those minorities try to avoid the stereotypes. But there’s another way to take away their power. Maybe by embracing the stereotypes we can liberate ourselves of their power. I’ve gotten so used to distancing myself from gay stereotypes in order to avoid being labeled gay that it has become second nature. Don’t mention that you like Bette Midler, or they might think you’re gay! Well guess what? I. AM. GAY!

There are numerous examples of minority groups reappropriating derogatory terms to rob them of their power. LGBT groups took on the label queer to destigmatize it. Other examples include geek, nerd, nigger, dyke, fag, bitch, and guido. These are all linguistic examples, but perhaps we can do the same with stereotypes. By embracing them, we liberate ourselves of their power.

The truth is that even though I tried to avoid giving off a “gay vibe,” I suspect I wasn’t always “successful.” I have this nagging suspicion that it must be totally obvious to those around me that I’m gay. So then, what are my OGTs?


Once I realized people would judge me regardless, their opinions lost bearing on my sense of self-worth. What if I love the arts, design, cooking, and clothes? Will people think I’m gay? I am, so go ahead!

EmanTable said this so perfectly! God, the number of times in my life that I’ve pretended I didn’t like a song, denied being interested in a subject, refused to engage some issue, or squelched a sense of curiosity; all because I didn’t want someone to look and think “he so gay!” Well guess what, I AM gay!

In fact, just yesterday something happened that made me think maybe I might be making some progress. I recently got an iPhone, and I chose the 5c. Now most of my life, I would have avoided that. “A brightly colored Apple product? Oh he must be gay!” So buying it… baby step! But I have been somewhat self-conscious of it every now and then. Then yesterday I was out with a group of colleagues (Christians, and none of them know I’m gay). I pulled out my phone to take a group shot and somebody points out that my shirt matched my phone! That’s exactly the kind of thing that in the past would have made me cringe. “Oh god they’re gonna think I’m GAY!” But I just looked down and thought – hmmm, imagine that. They DO match. I thought it was pretty funny! Baby steps…


50 Funny Gay Marriage Signs and Memes

Before the historic Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges decided the issue for the whole country in 2015, marriage rights was a hot-button issue for years across the country, as state after state voted on state constitutional amendments or referenda questions whether to legalize it, one at a time. Here’s a roundup of some witty protest signs with their finger on the pulse of the issue.

50 Funny Gay Marriage Signs and Memes

Schwules Kino: Die Top 13 der besten Schwulenfilme

Was lange Zeit selbst in der großen Traumfabrik Tabu war, ist heute Mainstream. Mittlerweile trauen sich viele der ganz großen Namen Hollywoods, egal ob Homo oder Hetero, immer häufiger an das einstige Reizthema Homosexualität. Während viele Schwulenfilme à la „Eating Out“ oder „Another Gay Movie“ cineastisch zwischen unerträglich und qualvoll rangieren, gibt es doch auch großartige Werke, die die gleichgeschlechtliche Liebe hervorragend thematisieren. Grund genug, die unserer Meinung nach besten in einer Top 13 Gay Filme-Liste zusammenzufassen.

Tom Hanks, Philip Seymour Hoffmann, Sean Penn und Christopher Plummer. Das sind nur vier von vielen großen Hollywood Stars, die in der Vergangenheit schwule Charaktere gespielt haben. Diese vier haben dafür jeweils sogar einen Oscar gewonnen. Welche Schwulenfilme absolut sehenswert sind und zu den schönsten Liebesfilmen gehören, erfahrt ihr in unserer Top 13 der besten Schwulenfilme, ohne besondere Reihenfolge.

Brokeback Mountain – Großes und emotionales Schwulenkino

Natürlich ist da auch immer viel persönlicher Geschmack dabei – also nicht traurig sein, wenn ausgerechnet euer Lieblingsstreifen fehlt. Ihr könnt euren Top-Schwulenfilm in die Kommentare posten. Und wer sich fragt: „Warum soll ich als Hetero Schwulenfilme oder allgemein Queer-Filme angucken?“ der denke einmal darüber nach, wie viele Schwule mit Begeisterung „Titanic“ angeschaut haben dürften. Mittlerweile gibt es eine große Auswahl an Queer- und Schwulenfilmen auf Netflix oder Amazon Prime, die ihr euch direkt auf euren Fernseher streamen könnt. Darunter finden sich auch Serien wie „Orange Is The NewBllack“„Sense8“. Welche Gay- und Schwulen-Filme sich für einen Movieabend lohnen, erfahrt ihr nachfolgend.

Schwules Kino: Die Top 13 der besten Schwulenfilme


Last month I published an article entitled ‘The 15 gay guys to avoid in 2015‘. The intention of the article was to challenge readers to think about the people in their lives who may be doing more harm to their general well-being than good. Many readers received the post positively while some did not. In the spirit of open dialogue and debate, I welcome criticism and comment, in fact I embrace it – this is the point of The Modern Gay Guide to Life. So when the ever-so-humorous and witty Casey Patrick Comans wrote a clever list of rebuttals against the original list it needed to be published.

1. The Social Butterfly [THE GOSSIP]He knows everyone and their life story, stick with him at a social event and he’ll introduce you to boys with thoughtful details (“Adam enjoys Cross Fit and crochet; Mark likes motorbikes and leather play.”) with brief whispered backgrounds (*in your ear as Adam heads to the bar* “He’s a med student and hung.”).

2. The Life of the Party [THE DRAMA QUEEN]This boy is a buffed up Gina Liano with a D. He’s intelligent but totally lush (in all the right ways) and will drink you under the table. He’ll have you laughing all night with his witty boozed up one-liners and always draws a crowd (even when neither of you know a soul at the event/bar).

3. The Mother Hen [THE JEALOUS ONE]He’s a caring soul who wants nothing but the best for you. Usually older (not always) he’s got your back NO MATTER WHAT. His bromance may seem smothering at times but he just wants to see you happy and safe – and let’s face it, who could say that’s a bad thing?

4. The Manager [THE MANIPULATOR]The manager, the planner and the comforter are often the same person. He’s your life PA, he knows your schedule before you do and he’ll make sure you don’t miss a single important homo event. He organizes the pre-drinks, he pre-orders the costumes and he gets the tickets on 1st release. He lives to serve and make your life more fabulous – even if it means telling you that you still look cute after that 12th cocktail (which may or may not be entirely accurate).5. The Planner [THE STRATEGIST] 6. The Comforter [THE LIAR]

7. The Partay Boi [THE BAD INFLUENCE]He’s your go to man for: mid-week shenanigans; giggly trips to the sauna; and, educational talks about sex positions you didn’t even know existed. He’s absolutely fabulous albeit in small doses. His number is one that MUST be in your phone and he can always be relied upon to be ‘UP 4 IT’ when you make a last minute decision to hit the town.

8. The Belle of the Ball [THE ATTENTION SEEKER]He’s gorgeous, he’s popular, he’s socially amazing – and he knows it. Confidence is infectious so bask in the light and take it all in. He’ll be surrounded by the cutest of boys most of his life so be his +1 and reap the benefits!

9. The Mr Sensible [THE NEGATIVE ONE]He might come across as a party pooper but Mr Sensible can often be your saving grace. He points out when that ‘oh so hot’ boy seems a bit shifty (read: off his head on pills) and kindly reminds you about work at 9AM when the clock strikes midnight at Beresford Sundays.

10. The BF Babysitter [THE BOYFRIEND THIEF]He’s your man’s best mate and he’s priceless. Every boy needs a night off sometimes, or a buddy for the bf at an event where he feels lost – this is when the bf babysitter comes into play! He keeps your man happy and content when you can’t – how could anyone complain?

11. The Spring Lamb [THE SPONGE]He’s new to the scene and probably fresh out of the jail bait zone. He doesn’t have a full time job yet so he’s going to need a little sponsorship but the drinks you may buy are more than made up for by his youthful enthusiasm and comical homo innocence.

12. The Next Big Thing [THE OPPORTUNIST]He’s super cute, totally witty, already pretty ripped, just moved to the big city, and, hasn’t kissed ANYONE you know (yet) – he’s the next big thing. He’s done the leg work on social media and he’s already worked his way into all the right circles. Stand by this man, cos he’s going places!

13. The Idol [THE PERFECTIONIST]Perfect face, perfect job, perfect body, perfect bf, perfect friends – his life is … PERFECT! Aspiration is a wonderful thing and having an idol in your life to admire and look up to is crucial. Listen to his lessons and take everything on board.

14. The Helpless Baby [THE TAKER]He’s needy and self-focused – but oh so cute. He’s the one who always needs boy advice, can’t manage his job and is somehow constantly rubbing someone the wrong way. He’s a treasure at heart so tolerate his shortcomings if for no other reason than that his endless baby problems will likely make you feel just WONDERFUL about your own life position.

15. The ‘All of the Above’ [THE REPEAT OFFENDER]Most homos will illustrate aspects of all of the above personality types at one point or another. People are multifaceted and changing and can’t be pigeonholed into stereotypical caricatures. Remember that most people are intrinsically good, yes – even homos, and seeing people in a positive light only goes to enhance your own life experience. So embrace these many different homos and go out and meet them. Say hi to that stranger at the bar or the gym or the beach (wherever you may be this weekend) and (*gasp*) make a new gay friend.



One week into 2015 and chances are that you have already broken most of your New Years resolutions. While you attempt to find your way back onto the right track towards health, happiness and your dream job, why don’t you also cleanse your soul of poisonous people? Here’s a list of 15 gay guys to avoid or remove from your life in 2015.


Gay men tend to congregate together in urban centers, creating gay neighbourhoods that service all their needs. As such, many gay men eat, sleep, work and play within these gay bubbles, hardly ever leaving. If you’re not sure whether or not you’re living inside one of these bubbles, then consult the list below.


No matter which gay club you visit throughout the world you’re bound to find variations of the same people. Here is The Modern Gay Guide’s list of the 10 PEOPLE YOU MEET AT GAY CLUBS.

“The Party Boy” comes in all shapes and sizes from the typical muscle jock who works out at the gym 6 days a week in order to look hot at the club to the skinny twink in gold short-shorts and the hairy bear, bound in leather. The one thing that they all have in common is that they’re probably shirtless and don’t have a full-time job to worry about come Monday morning. You’ll find them on the same dance floor every weekend.

She’s the queen of the gays and everybody knows her name. Never seen in the company of other women, “The Fag Hag” frequents gay clubs with “her gays” and is often seen locking lips with party boys after downing one too many Jaeger shots.

Dressed in a white veil, clutching a sex toy and wearing a sash that says Bride to Be, “The Bachelorette” and her bridesmaids love the novelty gay experience. They giggle uncontrollably as they rub up against the sweaty party boys on the dance floor and take thousands of pictures on their iPhones of semi-naked men whose chiselled bodies look nothing like their husbands’.

It’s 3am and all the straight clubs are closed. That’s when the straight boys head over to the gay clubs. There’s always a late night/morning gay club filled with revellers who eagerly anticipate the arrival of heterosexual meat. Sure you might score the odd straight guy pash or if you’re lucky he’ll be so out of it that you’ll take him home for some experimenting but guaranteed the next day he’ll freak out, swear he’s not a “fag” and you’ll never see him again.

“I hate this place” he says as he enters the club for the fifth consecutive weekend. He sways from side-to-side on the dance floor as his party boy friends dance frantically so that all the other boys are aware that they’ve arrived. He buys himself a drink, makes a comment about how “there’s no-one here” and then leaves, swearing to never come back again. Until he does, the following week.

For underage gay boys, the gay club promises to be nirvana – a magical place where all their wildest dreams will finally come true. They count down the days until they are legal or until they can find a convincing enough fake ID. When the day finally comes, they’re in their element, taking it all in (so to speak) like a kid in a candy store.

He has read about this place on GayCities or asked people on Grindr where the best clubs can be found. He’s written a list of all the clubs and bars to visit and ordered them according to the days of the week just to make sure he doesn’t miss any of the hot spots. You’ll notice him because he’ll be the overly enthusiastic guy talking to everyone, desperately trying to make friends and take home some of the local talent.

Possibly drunk, possibly still in the closet or possibly an out-of-towner, “The Lone Ranger” can be found prowling around the club by himself. The Lone Ranger constantly moves around to make sure nobody realises that he’s by himself. Alternatively, he’ll be found hidden in a discrete corner waiting to be picked-up by the first person that makes eye contact with him.

He’s been here since the doors opened. Thirty years ago. Although in his late 60s “The Older Gentleman” is not ready to forgo his party boy status. While most of his friends have hung up their fluro bracelets and shark tooth necklaces, he’s still dancing to his own techno beat and there’s no sign that he’ll ever stop.

She practically owns this joint and you better not mess with her otherwise you’ll be escorted out by a bouncer who looks like Shrek. Not only is she the hostess and the star of the midnight show but she’s the giver of free drink passes and sassy one-liners. “The Drag Queen” is never seen on the dance floor mixing with the commoners; she’s either in a private booth, backstage or posing for a photo with The Bachelorette.

My SSTs (Seemingly Straight Traits)

On the other hand, I’ve also got a few SSTs – Seemingly Straight Traits:

Even as I write these, I’m aware of how offensive these can be (“But gay people can be good at math! Gay people can play competitive sports!”)… That’s exactly my point! I’m GAY, and I’m also these things. I guess what I’m trying to do is to play off of what I imagine my culture’s stereotypes to be (in particular, that all gay men are like “Jack” on Will and Grace). But we’re not! We are as varied in skill and temperament as any other group.

Top 13 der besten Schwulenfilme: Shelter

„Shelter„ – Zuhause ist, wo Du die Liebe findest. Der 2007 erschienene US-Film zeigt einmal mehr, wie wichtig die Familie aber auch die eigenen Lebensziele sind. Zach (Trevor Wright) ist ein Familienmensch und kümmert sich um seinen kranken Vater, seine Schwester Jeanne und deren fünfjährigen Sohn Cody. Aus Pflichtbewusstsein gegenüber seiner Familie gab der talentierte Zach seinen Traum auf, an einer Kunsthochschule zu studieren. Shaun (Brad Rowe), der ältere, homosexuelle Bruder seines Freundes Gabe, ermutigt Zach, sich erneut zu bewerben – was Schwester Jeanne gar nicht gutheißt. Sie untersagt Zach sogar den Kontakt zu Cody. Hier gibt es neben den Beach-Bodys der Surfer starke schauspielerische Leistungen zu sehen. Das Drama um den Familienkonflikt erhielt zahlreiche Auszeichnungen, unter anderem die Zuschauerpreise auf dem Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival (2007) als Best New Director und als Favorite Feature Film und 2009 den Glaad Media Award.

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