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7 Things You Absolutely Must Know Before Dating A Younger Man
The heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes that means dating someone who is, ahem, a younger man. (Of legal age—of course—let’s get that established and out of the way.) If I’ve learned anything from OTP Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Nick Jonas, and Kate Beckinsale’s fling with Pete Davidson, it’s that age doesn’t have to be a deal breaker or a red flag. It’s 2019, after all.
Sure, age-gap relationships are becoming more of a thing, but there are always those people who will do double takes at dinner or family members who say nothing but raise their eyebrows when they hear about your new boo.
“People gave us a lot of shit about that [the age gap] and still do,” Chopra Jonas told InStyle about her relationship with Nick. “I find it really amazing when you flip it and the guy is older, no one cares and actually people like it.” Preach.
At the end of the day, who you choose to date—and why—is your decision. And let’s be real, it’s tricky enough to find someone who you want to spend time with.
“The dating pool can seem full or empty, depending on how you look at it,” says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a certified sex and couples therapist and author of The New Monogamy. “Expanding it to include those who are younger can widen the possibilities of potential partners.” You know a woman needs her options.
So if you’re eyeing a guy or gal who graduated college years after you, here’s what to know before going on that first (or second! or third!) date:
Things That Happen When Your Boyfriend’s Younger Than You
Dating a guy three years my junior has been an adventure.
There are the perks, such as his optimism, the simplicity of the relationship and the excitement he has for pretty much anything. It’s nice to be reminded to have fun every once a while, especially when it’s with someone I care so much about.
But there are moments when the age gap becomes obvious, and I can’t help but wonder if the pros outweigh the cons.
These are some things I wish younger guys knew about dating older women to help make that age gap seem less like a burden and more like a benefit.
What I Learned From Dating Older Gay Men
The director of Call Your Father says his attraction to older guys exposed a rarely discussed universal truth about gay men.
I never would have gotten to follow Laura Dern around a garden tour of Los Angeles’s Venice neighborhood if I hadn’t dated older men. So for that, I am thankful.
I didn’t say “hi” to her, but now I think I would have. I was 21 and vaguely dating a 50-year-old guy I had met through friends. We hooked up for the first time at a huge house party I had that was filled with other early- to mid-20s people. I lived in a cement basement that, for some reason, I had painted yellow. It truly was a bad-looking room, but we were both drunk, and I was too confident to know how insecure I was. So I was really charming that night.
He was into it. I’m not sure if I was into it. But he was handsome, and I knew from friends he was successful — at the time, anything above a yellow basement seemed really appealing. So we hooked up. It was drunk and fun. And someone walked in on us. I wondered how that must have felt to him. It seems so college to have someone walk in while you are hooking up during a party.
When I finally saw his house and his life, I could understand how getting caught sucking dick at a party with mostly Tecate being served would be appealing, or at least a change of pace. His life was set the fuck up. His ceilings must have been 30 feet high, and his parties had bartenders. When he invited me over the day of the garden tour, I think I not so subtly asked him what his parents did, because I couldn’t believe someone could have this home without family money. I still don’t understand how people make that kind of money — but at 21, I really didn’t.
That day was very nice. He indulged me by following Laura Dern around instead of looking at the gardens, which was definitely not the first time she had been stalked by gay men at a garden party. Afterward, we had wine with some of his straight friends. They were cozy and nice to me, but there was obviously an air of “Why did my 50-year-old friend invite a 21-year-old to my home and expect me to treat him like a person?”
By the end of the day I had done something uncharacteristic for me at that time: I asked him about his life instead of talking about mine. What were the hardest years? When did he get real? When did he make money? Twenty years after becoming successful, what did it feel like now? I gathered my information, came, and then went home to my basement. We maybe hung out romantically once more after that, but then it faded in a natural way. I still see him around sometimes, and he’s lovely. This kind of thing happened a couple dozen more times in my early 20s.
When I started writing my short film Call Your Father, I wanted to not just write commentary on gay men, but I also wanted to figure out why I was consistently drawn to guys around that age. A huge theme in all my work is confidence. I think it’s something gay men don’t talk about enough. From the moment you realize as a gay man who you are, whether it’s a challenging process or not, you know (maybe subconsciously) that a lot of the world hates you. Some want you dead.
I wasn’t bullied that badly, and my parents were cool, but deep down I knew I was hated. I knew it was harder for me to get what I wanted, and a lot of that was self-inflicted. I didn’t think I deserved what I knew I wanted.
What I was doing in my early 20s, by dating older men, was showing myself that maybe there was hope. That someday I could make some money and be successful and create a life for myself, just like these older men. I didn’t really believe it, but being around it made me think that I’d be more likely to get it.
It didn’t help, I don’t think. I’m glad I did it, and I met some great men, but it didn’t really help me believe in myself. It wasn’t reassurance I needed. It was a genuine sense of confidence from the inside. And developing that is a slow process that I’m still working on. Most gay men never reach the end of this process, and many never start.
Both characters in Call Your Father struggle deeply with confidence — a struggle on one side manifesting itself in real mental health issues and on the other manifesting in a lack of connection to the world and himself.
The gay confidence issue is both sad and interesting to me. I think it’s what makes gay men so beautiful but also troubling. I guess if we were completely self-assured, we would just be straight men who had sex with men. A wavering confidence is part of our culture, and of course, I’d like to keep working on mine. But maybe there is a stopping point. I never want to be so confident that I am making Planet of the Apes movies. Unless they are starring Laura Dern. I think I could do well with that.
JORDAN FIRSTMAN is the director of Call Your Father, a short film about an intergenerational gay date. He is also a staff writer on TBS’s Search Party. Watch the short below.
The reality of dating a younger guy; with Susan Winter
The idea of an older woman dating a younger guy isn’t exactly a new revelation; it’s a dynamic that’s featured across multiple cultures for centuries gone by. That said, older woman/younger man relationships have become increasingly visible in recent years, though that visibility hasn’t necessarily translated into a shift in societal norms. In search of an expert angle, we spoke to relationship doyen Susan Winter to unpick the complex interplay between society, mature women, and the reality of falling in love with a man who’s the junior party.
‚What Younger Gay Men Really Think About Older Guys (And Vice Versa)‘ Released By Logo TV
As the queer community gains visibility and acceptance, spaces have opened up for romantic relationships and friendships to grow among queer men across the generation gap.
In this new video from Logo TV, young and older gay-identifying men talk about their experiences with cross-generational relationships, as well as what they’ve come to look for in these encounters.
The perspectives among this group of men are varied. Some of the younger men explain the rise of these kind of relationships as tied to the „daddy“ culture now permeating the queer community. On the other hand, one older man said that he never hits on younger gay men because he doesn’t want to be perceived as a predator.
The one major take-away from this video? There are a million different ways to have a relationship, especially with stigma surrounding „May-December Romances“ becoming less common.
Tips on Dating a Younger Man
Let’s be honest, the main reason a woman will date a younger man is because physically it’s very appealing. But there could be more than meets the eye. Here are four good reasons to allow yourself to jump into the kiddie pool.
1. Younger men are more energetic. They still have a thirst for life that hasn’t been jaded yet. They are still climbing in an upward motion and aren’t settling into the stereotypes of the men before them.
2. Appearance is very important to them. These men are not afraid to tap into their feminine side when it comes to grooming. And exercise is incorporated into their daily routines — unlike an older man who is more set in his ways and more content to grow old just like his father did. Their style is set by what is seen in the media and they are much more fashion savvy.
3. Many younger men seem to be enraptured by older women. They have a certain amount of respect that differs from an older man. They see these women as experienced and knowledgeable in the bedroom — as if they have mysterious tricks up their sleeves. Don’t forget, as teen boys, usually their fantasies were that of models, movies stars and centerfolds — many of which were older women. 4. Dating a younger man also makes the woman feel that she has more control of the relationship. In truth, with age does come experience and a certain sense of power. She can feel comfortable in setting the rules and doesn’t need to feel like she is not in control of the situation.
1. A younger man still may be afraid of commitment. They are still enjoying the variations of different women. If commitment is something you may be looking for, you might want to opt for an older man.
2. Communication is still not at its optimum peak in a younger man. Either they aren’t yet comfortable with it or they haven’t been able to tap into their resources yet. As we all know, bad communication in any relationship is a recipe for disaster.
3. The mother figure often comes into play in this kind of relationship. Some younger guys are very needy and are looking to be „mothered“ by an older woman. Many times the man will have jealousy issues and are not trusting of the woman. This kind of attachment is not healthy and can lead to a lot of pain on both sides.
4. Younger men are not looking into the future yet. They are still often living in the moment. They aren’t too concerned with financial stability and future security. Older women know how fast time goes by and how important having this security is — especially as we age. This difference can be a major cause of friction.
When the spark of romance blossoms between two people sometimes age does not matter. But it’s good to have these guidelines to make you aware of the possibilities that could arise in these relationships.
Men confess: 22 reasons why younger guys fall for older women
Jason Momoa and wife Lisa Bonet made headlines last week when Momoa recalled how he was a „nervous wreck“ when he initially asked Bonet out on a date. Momoa was just 26 years old at the time, and approaching Bonet, who is 12 years his senior, was intimidating.
“ … When you meet someone you’re completely infatuated with and then find out she’s amazing, intelligent, and funny and she’s a goddess and you’re a degenerate,” he told Men’s Health. Momoa worked up the nerve and the two have been together since.
What is it about older women? It still seems more common for men to seek out younger women, but one of TODAY’s most-read stories continues to be this post on why younger men fall for older women. We’ve celebrated the long-term relationships between actor Hugh Jackman, who is 13 years younger than wife Deborra-Lee Furness. Then there’s French President Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte, who is 24 years older.
But it’s not only younger famous men who understand the attraction to mature women.
We’ve made our position known and shared the thoughts and experiences of the women to whom we talked. Now it’s time to let the men speak for themselves. One important question we asked was what they felt an older woman has to offer. Here are some answers which are clear, articulate and to the point. Their sentiments represent a very large proportion of the opinions we heard expressed.
Nigel, at 37, finds himself attracted to older women, in part for their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life:
Here Are The 10 Most Important Rules Of Dating Younger Women
Multiple studies suggest the key to a long and prosperous life is not eating beets and drinking sad green juices all the time, but rather something much more enjoyable — dating younger women.
Apparently, older dudes who date younger ladies live longer and are in better health, which means if you’re a single guy who’s getting on in years, you might want to consider hooking up with a hot, young, millennial girlfriend. It’s for your health, after all.
That said, if you want to land younger hottie AskMen helpfully compiled a list of the 10 commandments of attracting and dating younger women. Hold onto your dicks, my dudes.
1. Treat her like a girlfriend, not a casual fling.
One of the woes younger women tend to deal with when it comes to dating are men playing games with them. And when I say games, I mean things like suddenly ghosting and then texting her “wyd” after three weeks, booty calls at 2 am, you know, shit like that.
“When I date a guy around my age, I assume there’s a certain level of immaturity that I’m inevitably going to have to endure,” says Mariah, 26.
“In both of my past relationships with older men, I’ve gone into them assuming that there won’t be any games played, and that choosing to date someone who has had the time to make past relationship mistakes will have learned from them.
„Older guys looking to date younger women should know that just because we’re younger doesn’t mean we’re more willing to put up with B.S.”
Yeah, sex is awesome, but unless you’re dating a nymphomaniac, you shouldn’t make sex the most important thing in the relationship. You also need romance and intellectual passion to keep the spark alive.
“It’s not always what you can bring in bed, but keeping us engaged as a woman,” she says. “It seems once they have you they slip. They lose that dating mentality,” says 25-year old Rebecca.
“Most of the men I’ve dated have been older,” says Shekinah, 30. “If there’s a big age gap, there are expectations. Depending on your age I’m looking for a certain level of maturity, someone I can learn from, someone looking to have a long-term relationship, and someone that knows who he is.“
“There’s a reason I prefer older men,” says Kristen, 27. “It’s because I don’t want to deal with an immature, inexperienced, naive child… so don’t be one.“
“Don’t pressure us to live on your timeline,” 29-year old Johari explains. “If I’m not ready for something but you were ready years ago, find someone who’s there and leave me alone. Don’t try to pressure me into it (marriage, children, etc.)”
“The things you admire us for in the beginning can become tiresome to you as we both get older, so please make sure to be honest with yourself about why you are attracted to us, and if it’s for who we are — not how we make you feel.”
“If age is nothing but a number, don’t act like a grandpa. We like going out and doing things, so you better be ready to get that ass moving!” demands Carly, 29.
So basically, if you don’t like going out and getting drunk at the club or hitting some wack-ass music festival, maybe don’t date a 20-something.
“Not all of us are financially helpless. We’re looking for a life partner, not a father figure,“ 35-year old Ahna says, echoing every other independent woman out there.
“My boyfriend is closer to my dad’s age than he is to mine,” says Sarah, 27. “When I first told my parents that I was dating someone much older they were skeptical — but once we hit the one-year mark they finally understood that it wasn’t a phase, and wanted to meet him, which was weird, but I think that the way my boyfriend handled it was great.
„He acknowledged the elephant in the room by cracking a joke with my dad about a sports championship they were both alive for that I was obviously not, and from there the meeting went much more smoothly. We know that it’s going to be strange to meet our folks, but we appreciate anything you can do to lighten the mood without overcompensating.”
When people see a couple with a significant age difference, they will stare, and they will assume that you’re either:
“I was prepared for the typical challenges you face when you’re a younger woman dating an older man, but nothing could have prepped me for the judgements that strangers felt they had the right to make about my boyfriend and I to both of our faces,” says Jasmine, 26.
“One of the first times we were out at a bar together, the male bartender hit on me when my date went to the bathroom. He leaned in and said, ‘I know he has more money than I do, but I can do things to you that he’s too old for if you know what I mean.’
„I was so angry that I couldn’t speak. When my boyfriend came back I told him what happened. I expected him to say something to the bartender or to at least be as upset as I was, but instead he told me that he was sorry, and that this was going to happen, but that we couldn’t let other people’s ignorance get in the way of our relationship.
„He was right, it happened multiple times after that night. Dating a younger woman means you both need to have a thick skin and not care about anyone’s opinion but your own.”
Why Older Men Choose Younger Women (Even When You’re A Much Better Match)
Most single women in their 30s and 40s are sick and tired of guys their age dating younger girls.
How many of us can relate to being dumped by a guy who said he wasn’t ready, only to find out that he proposed to someone else? Someone younger, of course…
So many women are fed up with guys who keep getting older, but never stop dating 25-year-olds.
7 Benefits Of Dating A Younger Man
It’s pretty customary for men to date younger women, yet we’re expected to date older men. Why though? It’s not like dating someone older guarantees you prosperity and stability anymore. We’re moving further away from the idea of men providing for a woman and closer to equality. At least that’s what we’re striving for. And you know what that means? Dating younger men is becoming more and more popular. Age is but a number and you really shouldn’t stop yourself from dating a guy just cause he’s younger. In fact, there are some benefits to dating a younger man.
1. Better LooksThis one is a no-brainer. While we wish older men all looked like George Clooney, it’s just not the case for 99% of men. If anything they tend to care less and less about their appearance when the years go by. A younger man, however, is way more likely to be in shape, have great hair and just generally be way hotter.
2. Enthusiasm and Fresh PerspectiveWhen you’re dating someone older or your own age you often find yourself having either a similar worldview or you develop an attitude of just not caring about a lot of things. You no longer find much to be surprising. You’ve been there, done that, seen everything. But when you’re dating someone younger there’s a chance you’ll get to see them experience something for the first time, you get to share that moment and enjoy it anew. That kind of enthusiasm is what’s been missing from your life. And you know, them being younger means they might have a different perspective on life which is always refreshing.
3. Less Emotional BaggageSpeaking of refreshing, imagine how awesome it to date someone who doesn’t carry a metric tone of emotional baggage. A younger man just hasn’t had the time to go through all that crap that will make him bitter and awful to be around. They’re young, and carefree and optimistic. Think about what a lovely positive influence that would be.
4. Less SexismYounger men are way less likely to be sexist. Most of them are in on the whole equality thing and they are more likely to respect you and see you as an equal, if not look up to you. Imagine that, you’ll never have to hear anything about where’s your place and what you should do. Just respect and admiration. Doesn’t that sound great?
5. More Open-MindedIt’s way more likely for a younger man to be more open-minded in general. Not only about age difference or sexuality, but about life in general. They won’t ask you when are you planning to get married or have children. They won’t expect you to be able to cook. They generally don’t even care if you’ve got a 5-year plan. They’re just up for some good time.
6. More Appreciation For YouYounger men who date older women appreciate them for who they are. You don’t have to worry about doing or saying something wrong. You just get to be unapologetically yourself and be as confident as you want. Younger men are into that. To them you can do no wrong, you’re mature, you know what you want.
7. More SupportWhile a younger man might not be on the same level as an older man financially, they definitely make up for it in emotional support. A younger man is way more likely to be in tune with his emotions and is way more likely to offer emotional support when you need it, unlike the older men who tend to be very closed off in that sense.
10 Dating Tips For Gay Men (That, Really, EVERYONE Should Follow)
For the most part, gay men are like everyone else on the dating scene. They’re looking for affectionlove. Like their straight counterparts, gay men also desire connection, companionship and commitment.
Unfortunately, the gay dating pool is viciously competitive. So, instead of fighting over the newest man meat on Grindr, I recommend these practical tips for gay men:
1. Get in the game. Sitting on the sidelines will get you nowhere. Either play the gay dating game or get out of the other gay guys‘ way! This doesn’t mean you have to play every day. The goal is for the single gay community to know you’re in circulation.
2. Try something new. Try a sparkling, new approach to gay dating. That is, if you’ve been doing the same thing and expecting a different result, then change detergents, add some fabric softener and try a new way of putting yourself out there. Going to the same coffee shop, grocery store and gym leads to the same scenery and the same results. Yawn! So instead, change it up!
3. Step out of the box. You love to run, hike and go to the theater. Great. Now what activity would be so out of the box for you, it might put you in a space to meet new guys, make friends with people who have gay friends or try a new hobby? Think of it this way: If you can step out of the closet, you can certainly step out of your rut!
4. Reflect what you desire. If you really want a guy who appreciates monogamy, then hanging out with people who have open relationships probably isn’t the best place to meet Mr. Right. From sex to finances and family to intellectual awareness, letting your true desires show up doesn’t make you weak, weird or wacky. It’s you being truly you, so let your authentic self shine.
5. Stop making excuses. The more you make excuses for why your gay dating life is the toilet, the less chance of it shifting in a positive way. If every date you go on with a gay guy leads you to say, „He was nice, but … “ stop and ask yourself „Why are you always justifying your way out of dating?“
6. What’s sex got to do with it? Well, it depends on your position — no pun intended. Dating from the perspective of „it’s all about sex“ can pay off if that’s how you truly feel. Conversely, making sex the secondary acquisition can also be a home run. Regardless of your perspective, being honest with yourself all along is my point. When you hide from your truth, it won’t set you free. Plus, being honest with yourself is a great launching pad for honesty in your relationship.
7. Ask yourself, „So what?“ Constantly in a tailspin with the same old audio tapes playing in your head? Do you always say: „Gay dating is such a chore,“ or, „Gay men just want sex,“ or „Every gay guy I meet only wants to talk about themselves?“ If so, start asking yourself, „So what?“
The Art of Dating Younger Women (overcoming age difference)
Dating younger women is very different to dating older women. This article will show you how to date a younger woman and overcome the insecurities of age difference.
If you find yourself dating a younger woman, then congratulations. Most men can only dream of dating a younger woman, even though it’s been found that the older we get as men, we still want to date younger women (a large part of society still refuses to believe that this is normal).
Fortunately for men, younger women want to date us too. As we get older, women still find us desirable and want to date us. This is great news for men and it’s always great to know that when we get older, we still have many options with women (assuming you don’t let yourself go and become overweight and excessively out of shape).
Gay dating is often thought to not be serious and imply no long-going intentions whatsoever. While for some men it can be true, for others such perspective only complicates the process of finding a partner which is not easy at all anyway. Gay dating sites and apps offer a chance to meet other gay guys, but will such relationship last? Not necessarily.
You might think that being gay you are doomed to either be a struggling lonely soul or a great flirt. We are absolutely sure: there is plenty fish in the sea for gay singles. Here at our aim is to help everyone in need of a soulmate and we believe that your chances multiply if you join or website!
Gay dating is often thought to not be serious and imply no long-going intentions whatsoever. While for some men it can be true, for others such perspective only complicates the process of finding a partner which is not easy at all anyway. Gay dating sites and apps offer a chance to meet other gay guys, but will such relationship last? Not necessarily.
You might think that being gay you are doomed to either be a struggling lonely soul or a great flirt. We are absolutely sure: there is plenty fish in the sea for gay singles. Here at our aim is to help everyone in need of a soulmate and we believe that your chances multiply if you join or website!
Have you ever experienced dating older men? Be prepared to be swept off your feet!
More success, more sophistication, a great sense of self – the benefits of dating an older man are as blatant as they are numerous. Hoping to begin dating an older man? You couldn’t be in a better place! Meet intelligent, mature singles with EliteSingles – simply sign up using the registration box above. For more of the obvious perks of dating an older man, read on below…
Have you ever heard the saying, “Certain things get better with age”? That’s definitely true when dating older men. For younger women, dating a man 10 to 20 years older than her can give her more than simply great experiences or memories. These relationships can turn into something serious and be a solid foundation for a long-term commitment, primarily because of how younger women’s outlooks and characteristics often complement those of an older man. An older man and younger woman relationship is not only one of the most common motifs in dating, it’s also one of the most popular.
Dating older men can be an experience unto itself and comes with perks you may have never imagined before. Of course, there’s something romantic, alluring and even reassuring about dating a man who’s quite a bit older than you. These men tend to be way more well-established and courteous, they’re chivalrous and you’ll never hear the words, “let’s hang out” ever again. Straightforward and assertive, older men act with intention and focus because they’re usually busy living thriving lives with great jobs they’re passionate about. They’ve spent enough time in the dating world to know exactly what they like and what turns them off. You’ll never be in an unsure space or gray area when dating an older man because they have neither the time nor the inclination to play games.
Dating an older man also means that there’s more than a modicum of stability and more than simply a “chance” for future talks and long-term commitment. In fact, it is exactly what make these men so focused in pursuing their significant other that can make them equally as intentional and focused when it comes to planning for and talking about a serious relationship and its future. An older man and younger woman relationship can work wonders for women who are looking for men who will stay present with them, who are calm and stable and who have spent time building their lives independently. When a younger woman finds the right older man for her, these foundations can make for a soulmate type of love match.
Younger women drawn to older men bring a lot of youth, vibrance and vitality to the relationship. It is a mutually beneficial match that both individuals can experience and can partake of. Often, younger women tend to be more spontaneous and romantic, which is perfect for the romantic and “old school” older man who knows exactly how to wine, dine and court his lady but also wants to break up the routine and be surprised every now and then. Because young women are definitely way more mature than their male counterparts of their age, yet still youthful enough to question many aspects of their lives, an older man can be foundational in helping to know themselves better, experience love and build a life together that’s based on passionate and mutual love.
Dating a younger guy might seem scary at first. You might wonder if it’s right for you. And you absolutely should consider those worries, as you should with any relationship.
Choosing to date someone younger means committing to a new style of dating and expectations, and it can be a little intimidating at first. It can also be a small price to pay for how much good can come out of it. If you feel the connection and think something might be there, you owe it to yourself to try. Using these tips, of course!
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1. You need clarity on what you’re looking for.
First order of business: What do you want from this relationship?
If you just want to date around, hook up and have fun, that’s great. If you want to settle down and have kids with your next partner, that’s great, too. Just get that straight before jumping into the youthful (or any, really) dating pool.
“When it comes to dating someone younger, you want to be thinking about whether your future goals align,” says Amanda Berry, LMFT, a psychotherapist in Chicago.
This also means having clarity on what you need from a relationship. Maybe you need to open up emotionally, a partner you vibe with sexually, or maybe you want a good travel buddy (or all of the above).
Regardless, don’t be afraid to be honest about it—the only person you’d be hurting by covering that ish up is you.
3. You might be in different life stages.
Duh—you were born in way different years, or in some cases, decades. But expect to feel a new dynamic with your young date compared with the one you might experience with whom you usually go for.
To get a better grasp on how mismatched you might be in this aspect, think about what the vibe would be like hanging out with his friend group. Does the idea make you cringe—because it’d feel like sophomore year of college? Remember that.
While age alone doesn’t tell you how far along a person is in life, chances are you have way different experiences and dating history.
“Is that going to create a power differential, if she’s more successful and more settled in her career?” says Jacqueline Schatz, a psychotherapist and dating and relationship expert. Answer: It could.
If you’re interested in a long-term relationship and not just fun sex (no shame if you aren’t!), it’s not a bad idea to chat about where you’re both at in life and how you’ll fit into each other’s. Ask them where they see themselves in the next two years—versus the five or 10 you might ask an older prospect.
5. Commitment might mean different things to you two.
Ah, the “C” word. Break out in hives yet? How you define commitment might be how a younger mate sees a fling. Or vice versa.
“You may be at different places when it comes to the stages of dating,” says Berry. You might just want to have fun and date around, but Young, Hot Eligible Bachelor or Bachelorette might want to start settling down. Or you could be the one who is ready for rings and babies while they‘
The important part, she says, is to find where you guys align, and put a definition to it. They may not know what they want for their future yet, but if you can agree on a present, that’s half the battle.
7. You should ask yourself how you feel when you’re with this person.
If you struggle with confidence, dating someone younger could bring up feelings of insecurity, notes Schatz. You want to feel empowered in the dating game, so ask yourself if you feel good when you’re with the young buck and genuinely excited to spend more time with them.
Dating someone younger can be rejuvenating and ignite an exciting spark that’s been bogged down by past drama. And you’re probably so over that. Be open and flexible (literally and emotionally) to new experiences: Think cramming into a tiny music venue one night and exploring a new pocket of the city the next.
If the connection is right, age won’t define your relationship. It will become just another number in the numbers game that is this crazy world of modern dating.
Beyond Cougardom; dating a younger guy in 2018
Eagle-eyed readers of EliteSingles Magazine will know that we’ve already made a foray into the world of older woman/younger man relationships. When the former article went live last year, the issue it explored was the somewhat problematic explosion of the term Cougar, particularly how it portrays those women who choose to start dating a younger guy. Beyond the Moore-Kutcher comparisons, it seemed something slightly more complex was afoot.
Nothing has changed. 2017 has been as much a “Year of the Cougar” as Newsweek’s proclaimed eight years ago. This year, society’s fascination with older woman/younger man relationships was reignited once more, and by the most surprising of events. During the French presidential election, centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron’s marriage to Brigitte Trogneux, 25 years his senior, emerged as an unlikely sideshow to the politicking.
Media outlets across the world, from the reputable to the less salubrious, gorged on the incumbent president’s age-dissimilar relationship, some with respect, others without. Macron even suggested that if the age gap were the other way round, it’d barely be newsworthy, and if it did get covered, people would see it as something positive. For those still in need of convincing, Donald Trump’s figurative comments towards Trogneux ought to do the job.
Satire aside, this French vignette exposes the core of the issue; regardless of whether we gloss over the facts, we’re still not quite OK with older women dating younger men. Yes, eminent couples have helped thrust the topic into the limelight, but we’re still a fair distance from seeing older woman/younger man relationships as something ordinary. And as with most societal inequalities, it’s the real-life women and men who enter into these relationships that end up feeling the brunt of normativity.
Debating the injustices felt by mature women who decide on dating a younger guy, at the social level, is an extremely important project. So too is telling the stories of the men and women who’ve experienced these May-December relationships themselves. Only then can we start to piece together an honest and accurate picture, rather than resting on hackneyed caricatures.
Few people are better qualified to take on this mantle than Susan Winter. Based in New York, she’s researched and written extensively on the underpinnings of older woman/younger man relationships, from both intellectual and personal perspectives. Her best-selling Older Women/Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance is a case in point.
We’ve decided to publish our interview with Winter in full as it offers an incredibly nuanced overview of the topic. Far from being last-chance saloon, dating a younger guy can be one of the most stimulating decisions an older woman can take. Here’s the lowdown…
SW: Yes, society likes conformity and rails against disruption. Historically, older men were granted access to younger women because they could take care of them. Maturity enabled older men to amass power and wealth, so this was seen as a clear-cut benefit to the younger mate. Conversely, the image of an older woman with power and her own wealth is new to the last midcentury.
The idea of a mature woman being wanted by a younger man is unsettling, as it doesn’t fit the traditional norm. We’ve been taught that women are desired for their youth and beauty. How and why would a younger man choose an older woman? It must be for the money, right? There has to be a payoff. An outsider assumes the draw of an older woman is the same draw as an older man. But that’s not the case.
SW: Given all the recent news about sexual impropriety, I find this term offensive. Nothing’s more off-putting than the image of a slovenly old gal in leopard stretch pants pawing a college boy at the bar. Even if you placed that same woman in designer clothes and a luxury car, anyone exhibiting predatory characteristics is unappealing. Abuse of power is unacceptable under any condition. Though I’m not fond of the term Cougar, it’s certainly easier than saying “older women and younger men.” Valerie Gibson coined this term when she wrote book of the same title. Patently sexual, it was supposed to empower women, comparing them to a stealth predator.
The overarching inaccuracy lies in the relationship context; every older woman I’ve researched, including myself, didn’t come onto her younger man. He pursued her. The commonality was that none of us had a younger man on our radar. This was something that took us by surprise and wasn’t calculated. That’s one of the hallmarks of the older woman younger man relationship; the pursuer is the younger man.
SW: Modern-day celebrities have opened the door to age gap relationships for all of us. Having larger number of older females marrying younger men lessens the taboo. Celebrities have always been above our social laws. In this realm, they’ve helped release the stigma around an older female and her younger mate.
SW: She must have tremendous self-esteem. Every day she’ll notice the physical differences between herself and her younger partner. It can be daunting. She will also have to be prepared for social censure. It’s good practice to have some handy one- liners ready to combat negative comments. She should read material of those who’ve been there. There are numerous books, articles and videos from women who’ve lived this lifestyle.
SW: Yes. The sudden recognition of the physical differences can come as a shock. If you spend all day looking into your mate’s wrinkle-free face, it can be a shock when you catch your own image in the mirror. But the aging process is cruel to all women, even those with same aged or older partners. We’re held to the impossible standards. Youth and beauty are valuable commodities in the western world. It takes guts to go through the aging process and still feel good about ourselves.
It’s also necessary to find the intersection of common interests, as well as those hobbies you need to pursue on your own. This is even more important as the woman becomes older. Certain physical activities will not be interesting or possible any longer. Both partners have to adjust to this. The older female will constantly be exposed to new music, writers, and creative formats. She will learn a new language of communication, and will be forced to stay current with her partner. This is a good thing.
SW: You must learn when to include, and when to exclude. Think about each invitation you receive. What venues will be comfortable for him? Will he be with people he finds interesting? You don’t want your younger man feeling intimidated by judgmental individuals or staunch protocol. He should be asking the same questions of the invitations he receives. When in doubt, review everything. Perhaps your guy likes going to raves. You don’t need to join him for every event. If your nightmare scenario is sweaty dancing to EDM for hours on end, raving isn’t for you. It doesn’t mean you’re old. It means that choice of venue is not for you.
Inclusion versus exclusion is something most age gap couples don’t consider until it’s a problem. As the age gap widens, differences will be easier to notice. Then it’s even more important to be selective about the couples with whom you socialise and the events you attend. Your partner should have at least one couple with whom you feel at home. Cultivate that relationship. As for your friends, choose the most open-minded.
SW: Absolutely, this is part of the risk you take. In extreme cases the family may cut ties altogether. You or your partner may be put to a test, “it’s them or us.” My partner’s family did this to him. After a number of years, the price was too high for either of us to pay. There can be collateral damage to certain friendships. Not everyone will endorse your choice and you may indeed lose friends in the process. However, I’ve seen tremendous advancement for all of us in age gap partnerships over the last two decades. Society is relaxing and integrating this new model into its wider template of relationship formats.
SW: The issue of children can be a deal breaker. This is a problem inherent to age gap relationships. It’s good to have this conversation early on. Are you done raising children? Are you open to having children with him? Your age and willingness to have children is the number one discussion to have before entering a long-term partnership.
Meeting the parents should be done when you’re committed as a couple. Knowing your family’s response is essential. Do you anticipate problems? Will it be your mother or your father, or his? Gauging who’ll be the difficult parent to win over enables you both to be ready with the proper arguments. Generally, parents will have three areas of concern; the issue of children, protecting your finances, and you getting emotionally hurt. Make sure you both plan all possible responses to any pointed questions you may receive. Role-play if necessary. Being equipped to respond will give you the upper hand.
SW: This is a generational construct. Throughout history masculinity was defined in terms of financial, social and psychological control. Much has changed over time. Women have advanced positions and rule not only companies, but also countries. Today’s younger men are accustomed to working side-by-side with smart, confident women. Their boss may be a female. There’s a good chance their mother worked outside the home. Equality between the sexes is a given for most Millennials and Gen Xs.
Our definition of what is masculine is changing. So is our definition a partnership. One consistent factor has emerged from my research; the younger men who’re drawn to older women are attracted to their confidence. Rather than being emasculated by woman having power, they find themselves excited by her abilities.
SW: Certainly, the sexual element is profound. But sex alone cannot keep a couple together, especially when there are so many outside forces that can work to erode the relationship. As in all true partnerships, there must be a meeting of the minds and hearts of its participants. The younger men I’ve interviewed all exhibited incredible self-awareness. They were atypical of their age group. They also had a deep need for intellectual and emotional content. These factors drew them to an older partner. The sexual component was simply the romantic language they spoke to express their mutual admiration.
Older women who attract younger men tend to be renegades. They’re front-runners and leaders who follow the beat of their own drum. Even if they have a button-down lifestyle, they’re mentally adventurous. This is the key element that allows them to take the leap towards dating a younger man. When intellectual curiosity meets emotional depth and wisdom, sparks fly.
SW: If the woman’s smart, she’ll allow herself to learn. It isn’t all about her teaching him. Expanding her world is essential to the maximum enjoyment of an age gap relationship. An older female partner will be exposed to all sorts of new things from music to thought forms. This is the beautiful part of a younger man’s gift to his older partner. It’s a chapter you never expected to see in the book of your life.
Having the courage to walk against the norm, when the call is authentic and true to do so, forges great character. The older woman is forced to be courageous, to stand up for what she believes, and to not cave into social expectations. This is true liberation. All these things are the unexpected gifts of loving a younger man.
SW: This is every older woman’s fear, yet it isn’t based in fact. We’ve been indoctrinated to believe that a woman’s worth is her youth and beauty. For centuries, that was the only currency she held. So it’s natural to assume the younger man would lose interest as his partner ages. However, in the real world, these relationships last longer than most people would imagine. When I wrote Older Women/Younger Men; New Options for Love and Romance the average age gap was 16 years apart, and the average time married or living together was 12 years. Perhaps that’s because the couples in age gap relationships have to fight so dearly to be together.
SW: I think the thing that keeps the age gap relationships thriving lies within the foundation of necessity; communication. The couple can face so much criticism and misunderstanding that speaking to each other about it becomes essential. And the need to coordinate their different worlds in day-to-day requires it. Generational differences necessitate clear communication. So whether the couple intends to or not, they will find themselves developing a language that’s clear, precise, unifying and effective.
SW: Yes, I believe they’re highly evolved. And that’s not just a personal opinion. It’s also based on extensive interviews with several hundred men involved in this romantic lifestyle. They’re clearly advanced in their thinking and emotional capacity. They’re not looking for a mommy to take care of them. They’re looking for a partner to inspire them. They long for depth and dimension. Power in a partner is an aphrodisiac, not a turnoff that emasculates them. Confidence is sexy to them, as well as a woman who knows her worth.
It’s refreshing to find a group of men who revel in a woman’s fullest expression. Rather than make her submissive to their will, younger men encourage and admire a woman’s confidence. This is a fresh romantic model that’s added a much-needed dimension to the traditional partnership prototype. Any time we create new models that expand our capacity for loving partnerships, we all prosper.
For more tips from Susan, head on over to her homepage; if you’re looking for a current and engaging take on love and relationships, it’s a must.
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Ever wondered why playing hard to get is such an effective dating tactic? Read on if you want a scientific treatise on the art of coyness.
Lauren Akins writes about marriage and family with Thomas Rhett in memoir ‘Live in Love’
When asked what a mature woman offered him that he couldn’t find in a younger woman, Fred answered: „Emotional stability. Need I say more? There have been nothing but positives in my relationships with two older women. They were able to see things in me that I could not see in myself. Also, there were levels of honesty unlike anything I’ve experienced even with best friends.“
Fred gave us a wealth of information over several interviews. Open, upbeat and extremely handsome, he revealed the enormous love and respect he shared with his former partner and now shares with his current partner.
Fred’s first older-woman experience occurred when he was 21 years old and Gretchen was 37. They lived together for two years. They are both still very close and see each other regularly. Not only did they have a tremendous friendship as the basis of their relationship, but an extraordinary sex life as well. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman’s current older boyfriend, who was by her side. Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to it that she had what she needed during her recuperation.
After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early 20s. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club. His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the „young woman trial period.“ He knew he liked older women and that was his standard. He decided this time to accept it.
His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not? he thought. She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla’s flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older — and for Fred, that still wasn’t enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.
After a year or so of taking a „time-out,“ Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred’s respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:
Not all older woman/younger man relationships last forever, but Fred’s answer to how he handled the ending of his relationship with an older woman was especially insightful: „I went on with my life and took with me many memories and experiences that made me mentally and emotionally rich. I considered it a hell of a jump start on life.“
Here’s one man’s candid explanation why older men like dating younger women:
Peter (whose name has been changed for the sake of privacy) is a 43-year-old, highly successful divorcé who has been dating 23-year-olds since he was 36. Peter has no filters and will tell you exactly what he thinks — void of all emotions and social values.
12 Facts Of Older Woman Younger Man Relationships
It is surprising to know that one-third of women between the ages of 40 to 69 prefer dating a much younger man. An AARP poll in the US came to the conclusion that one-sixth of women who are in their 50s preferred being in a relationship with men who are in their 40s 2. The same goes for men as well. Even they love being with a woman who has a strong character, is responsible and well established in life. For many, the older woman younger man relationship works wonders. In our country, there is this idea associated that an older woman brings luck to her younger beau. There are many citings of infidelity as a stronger possibility in any relationship with a large age difference. Remember the articles on rich women falling for their gym instructors?
Let us help you get acquainted with 12 facts of older woman younger man relationships.
Age Difference and Insecurity
That being said, there is nothing like a bit of an age difference to bring out the insecurities in a man in a relationship with a young woman.
If you’re dating a girl 10, 15 or 20+ years younger than you, then it’s often natural to feel that this is too good to be true and the relationship won’t last. But the truth is, the only reason relationships with an age difference don’t work out is because one of the partners in the relationship becomes obsessed about age and can’t get over it.
Dating a younger woman, however, is very different to dating an older woman. It’s not always easy and it takes a strong man to date a much younger woman and keep her around for the long-run.
Once you know what you’re doing, dating a younger woman is incredibly easy and has a lot of advantages.
Never Feel Ashamed When Dating Younger Women
A lot of men that I speak to feel ashamed to admit that they’re dating a younger woman. They worry what their parents will think, what their friends will think and what strangers and society as a whole will think. They also worry what their girlfriend’s friend will think and they worry that people will laugh at them.
The reason you shouldn’t feel ashamed to date a younger woman, however, is because it’s completely natural.
Women and men are attracted to each other for different reasons. Men are attracted to a woman’s youth and beauty and femininity. And women are attracted to a man’s strength and resources and masculinity.
At no point in time does a woman find herself attracted to a man because he is young. If anything, youth works against men as many young guys will tell you… they can’t get laid despite their best efforts.
A woman’s instinctive nature understands that young men often lack true confidence, strength and masculinity. They also often lack experience and worldly skills that women find so appealing and attractive when they date older men.
In fact, a young man’s naivety and lack of real world experience can be a very real and dangerous threat to a woman’s existence and the man’s ability to protect and provide for his woman. Again, a woman instinctively understands this and this is why women so often gravitate towards older men.
This is nothing to be ashamed about, instead it is something to be embraced and accepted. And despite what people will tell you, women usually hit their prime between the ages of 18 and 25. Whereas a man doesn’t hit his dating prime and full attractiveness until his 30s and 40s.
Unfortunately, most men are completely out of shape by the time they reach 35. They’re overweight, badly dressed and they look 50 years old from drinking too much alcohol, smoking too much and eating too much junk food.
If you look like a slob it doesn’t matter who you try to date, women in general just won’t be interested. It’s important to realize that if you keep in shape as a man and take care of yourself, then you can easily date younger women well into your late 60s.
Why Younger Women Date Older Men
Before I get into the “How To…” of dating a younger woman, it’s important to take a look at some of the reasons why younger women want to date older men. This is so we can understand why younger women find older men attractive.
How To Date A Younger Woman
Dating a younger woman takes a certain level of strength and mastery, especially when it comes to maintaining the relationship.
In every relationship there are problems. This is felt even more acutely in relationships where a large age difference exists.
The greater the age gap, the more the man and the woman will wonder if age difference is okay or if it’s actually going to be the ruin of the relationship.
I have seen men successfully date women 25 years younger than themselves. Only about 10% of men can do this successfully, however. The other 90% of men fails because they let the age difference get to them. Even though it shouldn’t.
That’s why I put together this article, to help men successfully date and keep their younger girlfriends interested in them. And also to overcome all the major problems men face when dating younger women.
Never Make Age An Issue
When you’re dating a younger woman you have a choice: either you can talk about the age difference and make it an issue or you don’t.
I’ve seen guys try to reassure their younger girlfriends that age isn’t a problem, when it obviously is… but only to them. These same men make the age gap an issue and it’s always in the back of their mind, eating away at them.
If you start worrying about the age difference between you and your girlfriend, your girlfriend is going to worry too and before you know it… age has suddenly become a problem.
Now there will be times when your girlfriend will worry about the age difference in the relationship. This is normal and it’s what women do, they worry.
When this happens it’s important not to be worried or disturbed by what she says. Simply laugh it off and tell her that you don’t even notice the age difference because you already have a strong emotional connection with her.
The less you worry, the less she’ll worry about the age difference. Men who are most successful dating younger women don’t even worry or care about the age difference. And if they do, they definitely don’t make it an issue or a problem.
Don’t Try To Educate Her Or Be Her Daddy
If you’re dating a younger woman it’s tempting to fall into the role of “substitute father.” Women love this to a point, but it’s also very easy to fall into the trap where you try to educate your girlfriend about life.
It’s understandable that your protective instincts will kick in and you’ll want to help guide your girlfriend through life, but if you try to tell her what she should and shouldn’t do, and if you try to explain to her how the world “really” works, you’ll end up coming across as just another boring old guy.
The only time you should give advice is if your girlfriend asks for it. She wants to feel equal in the relationship, she wants to have a strong emotional connection with you. If you start lecturing your girlfriend, you’ll only end up driving her away from you.
Stay Young At Heart
You’ve probably met guys in your life who are in their 50s but act like they’re twenty years old. There are also a lot of young guys in their 20s who have the mind of a fifty year old and are very serious about everything.
When you date a younger woman it’s important to embrace your younger self. Just because you look forty or fifty when you look in the mirror doesn’t mean that you have to act like you’re forty or fifty.
You can still be a very refined and intelligent older man, but find the joy, excitement and humor in life like a lot of younger guys do.
Dating a younger woman will require you to have a good sense of humor and joy for life. Your girlfriend will still most likely want to experience the world and be excited about trying new things, it’s important that you let her share that joy and excitement with you.
I had one friend who was dating a girl fifteen years younger than himself. This girl ended up breaking up with him because whenever she wanted to go to a new place or try something new he would say it’s boring and he’d already done it. If you want to kill your relationship, there’s no better way than to do this. Just because you’ve been to Paris before, doesn’t mean you can’t go with your girlfriend and experience it again on a much more romantic footing.
Don’t Treat Her Like A Goddess
I’ve seen a lot of guys date younger women and literally worship the ground that these women walk on and do anything to make them happy.
It’s kind of understandable that a lot of guys act like this. A lot of guys have got out of bad divorces or have have spent the last ten years in a relationship with a woman their own age who is bitter and jaded, when, suddenly, they find themselves dating a much younger woman who looks great naked and has a fresh and innocent view on life. The younger woman isn’t jaded and she doesn’t have baggage.
The natural reaction in this situation is for the man to treat the younger woman like she’s incredibly special. Sure she is special, especially compared to a lot of older jaded women out there, but you don’t want to let her know that.
The moment a woman starts to think that she’s special in the relationship is the moment she starts to think that she has higher value than you. This is danger time.
If a young woman gets a sniff that you might value her much more than she values you then she’s going to start testing the hell out of you and she’s going to make you jump through hoops to please her.
You need to establish from the beginning that as the older man in the relationship that you are higher value than her (because women from an evolutionary perspective want to date higher value men), regardless of how old she is or how beautiful she is.
Don’t Try To Buy Her Love
If you’re a guy with money and assets, it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that the only reason your younger girlfriend is dating you is because you’re rich.
Sure the fact that you have your life together and have money is part of the attraction, but it’s not the money she’s attracted to, it’s your strength and skill which has enabled you to earn your money that your girlfriend is attracted to.
If you start lavishing your girlfriend with gifts and spending a lot of money on her then you’re acting out of a place of weakness.
You should only ever buy gifts for women and spend money on women who are in love with you. And even then, you should only do this occasionally and as a reward for good behavior.
Despite what most people think, humans, both men and women, don’t like to receive too many gifts (and beware those who do).
If you start buying too many gifts for your younger girlfriend and spending too much money on her, then she’s going to feel like you’re trying to buy her love.
She’s also going to feel like you’re trying to win her over and expect something in return for all the money you’ve spent on her. Your younger girlfriend might enjoy being taken care of emotionally and physically, but she won’t appreciate someone trying to buy her love and she’ll think you’re weak and needy if you try to do this just to keep her around.
Don’t Seek Her Friends’ Approval
If you’re dating a younger woman, then you’re going to feel awkward at times when she wants you to meet her younger friends.
It’s very important that you don’t try to seek her friends approval and try to win them over. If you meet your girlfriend’s “younger” friends and you try to act young and talk young, then it will come across as forced and unnatural because you’re acting out of a place of insecurity.
Working hard to win her friends approval is pretty much the worst thing you can do because it lowers your value and makes you look stupid.
Instead, you need to remain strong and confident and make her friends work for your approval.
It’s the same thing as bringing your girlfriend into your world. You want to bring her into your world as opposed to trying to fit into her world.
Let’s be honest, if you’re a man who is older than his girlfriend, your world is likely to be more interesting and comfortable than her world. It’s also going to be a much more attractive place for her to be.
There is no advantage at all trying to fit into her world. There is no upside and it can only work against you and backfire if you try to do this.
You Must Be Very Masculine to Date Younger Women
If your find yourself dating a younger woman then there’s a very good chance that your girlfriend is extremely feminine.
In fact, the bigger the age difference the more feminine your girlfriend is likely to be. Truly feminine women always seek out older men as partners because this relationship dynamic feels more natural to them.
When a woman is extremely feminine she is much more likely to be physically smaller and to also have a softer “girlier” personality. Because of these traits a feminine woman is much more likely to seek out a man who is older and more capable of protecting her.
Younger, more feminine women always look for more masculine man to be with as this is the perfect compliment to her femininity.
This means that as a man you have to fully embrace your masculinity and be an “alpha male” if you want to keep your younger girlfriend attracted to you. You have to make her feel that you can protect her both physically and emotionally. You also have to exude strong masculine traits like leadership, confidence and decisiveness when dating your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend will also expect you to be fully in touch with your masculinity. Where younger guys are known for their indecisiveness, uncertainty and false confidence, you must stand out with your boldness and real, true confidence.
If your girlfriend senses that you aren’t really sure of yourself and that you aren’t internally strong and confident enough to date her, then she will start to pull away from you and seek out a relationship with another man who is strong and confident.
The same applies if you try to seek assurances from your girlfriend about whether or not she really loves you and is really attracted to you. I’ve seen a lot of guys date younger women and it ends up bringing all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to the surface.
These guys worry that they look too old when they’re with their girlfriend. They worry that their girlfriend will leave them for a younger (more handsome) man. They worry that things are too good to be true and it’s only a matter of time before their girlfriend realizes that she with an “old man” and dumps him for someone closer to her own age.
If you start to think like this then you’re literally opening up Pandora’s Box and creating a world of trouble for yourself. Remember, thoughts are energy and they hold real world consequences.
If you start to doubt yourself and your relationship, your girlfriend will start to sense this. Her immediate response will be to test you, and a younger woman will always try to test your masculinity to make sure that you’re strong and still capable of protecting her.
The important thing to remember is that staying strong and embracing your masculinity is exactly what you need to do to keep your girlfriend attracted to you.
Age isn’t a real problem unless you make it a problem and start obsessively focusing on it. Age only becomes a problem if you start to doubt yourself and act insecure over the age difference.
Guys who successfully date younger women never focus on age difference. They keep the relationship light and playful and fun and don’t try to lock their girlfriends down into a committed relationship. At the same time, these guys are very masculine and confident and they don’t let small things like “age difference” and uncertainty get in the way of a great relationship.
If you need an urgent response to fix your situation, please don’t hesitate to book an email or phone consultation with me and I’ll get back to you ASAP.
PS. If you want to create INTENSE attraction with women, I highly recommend you get a copy of my book Atomic Attraction (Kindle/Paperback/Audio). Everything you need to know about creating, building, and maintaining attraction can be found within these pages.
PPS. If a girl’s pulled away from you or left you, the Get Her Back (Action Plan) will give you an instant solution to your problem. This guide will show you the fastest and easiest way to get her back and keep her.
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Advice for gay dating
First of all, let’s talk about dating in general. Even though there is an opinion that dating a guy is not at all different than dating a lady, there are some peculiarities, both personal and from the side of society, which will be good to be aware of. Let’s break it down.
Dating Older Men: Taking the Search Online
As game-changing as dating an older man can turn out to be, nothing changes up the dating world quite like online dating. Taking the plunge and immersing yourself on a dating platform like EliteSingles means that your opportunities for developing a long-lasting relationship are multiplied tenfold. Online dating is a safe and fun space for younger women to meet and interact with older men without being in intimidating surroundings. It can start off with a simple profile reading, and can move into a longer, deeper conversation, exchange of phone numbers and even a great first couple of dates. The entire process is much more drawn out (if you’d like it to be) or it can be much faster — but with online dating, both parties have a say. And if you find yourself living a more hectic schedule, online dating lifts the constraints of having to trek down to a social setting to interact with local singles. With EliteSingles, you’re not constantly bombarded with messages or meaningless interactions that are not going to result in what you’re really looking for. Though you can search through profiles yourself, EliteSingles will send you a handful of compatible matches each day, between 3 and 7, so you’re spending time with an already-well curated list that you can choose to take initiative on and really consider.
Older men who are looking for serious relationships with younger women will often have a great profile, filled out with sincerity and just a hint of authority and bravado. And, hey, that makes sense: he knows what he’s worth and he wants a woman who will value his accomplishments. EliteSingles is a modern dating platform that allows for a natural blossoming of an older man – younger woman relationship. The automatic dynamic between a younger woman and older man is only further enhanced by the EliteSingles dating pool, because members here are most often seeking long-lasting love and a deeper connection. The service is very much streamlined by mtaching new people to your personality, interests and other factors such as education and income. EliteSingles has an easy registration process and a unique method of matchmaking that has been so successful; with more than 381,000 new members signing up every month, thousands of singles find love with EliteSingles. You can bet that many of these individuals are looking for a more meaningful connection, paving the way for marriage, are older men who are particularly drawn to younger women.
READ MORE: A guide to making the most of dating over 60
Getting an Older Man – Younger Woman Relationship to Work
As an older man, you’re done with the bar scene and you want to have a meaningful relationship with a younger woman. It’s a perfect set of circumstances because, as she is entering the prime of her life, you’re ready to settle down and look forward to that part of life where companionship is real and connections are meaningful. Love can really thrive in an older man younger woman relationship because there’s the right level of communication and maturity between the two. You have exactly what she’s looking for already and she knows this because she has dated many men her own age who are, unsurprisingly, not up for the job.
And, yet, there are things you’ll have to take note of and try and introduce in your own dating efforts that will help you understand and connect with any beautiful younger woman. Most women on EliteSingles are smart, educated and in your area. More than 85% of singles here hold an above-average education. This means that she’s bound to be independent and will have her own life. The point is not to try and overshadow her or take over her regular life. Dating a younger woman will work best when you become a part of her life, integrating yourself with routines she’s already got established.
Younger women are often much more mature for their age but dating an older man gives them a feeling of stability and romanticism that dating men their age simply lacks. Your younger woman is also sure to be far more spontaneous — whether in life or in the bedroom — so you’ll want to make space for this instinct in her and let it flourish. Be up for activities she suggests and be open to experience the new things she’d like to try with you. It will not only give her a sense of equality and control, as she will feel she has a stake in your life, it will also help freshen your perspective and broaden your horizons. Sure, you bring experience, authority and stability to the relationship, which is an undeniable allure for her. But building a passionate relationship with a younger woman means being able to honor the way she brings vitality in your life.
Online dating can be a real safe haven for an older man younger woman relationship. Using a platform like EliteSingles means that your matches have been manually screened for a truly more “intelligent matchmaking” experience. If it always seems like women that you’re interested in aren’t messaging you back or the men that you hit it off with suddenly turn cold, turn to a service like EliteSingles that has a well-defined profile that potential members must first fulfill before they can access the tools and resources to finding love online. Instead of seeking from a place of desperation, on EliteSingles people are looking from a place of ease, passion and mutual love. EliteSingles is predicated upon looking for a love connection that is meaningful and leading to the same place: a long-term commitment between two like-minded individuals that are naturally attracted to one another.
In your less serious dating days, you had a best friend or a “wingman” who would help you catch the eye of the cutie at the bar. But that scene is not really your thing anymore and that’s where a service like EliteSingles can help upgrade your experience as well as your potential matches. For women looking to date an older man, this means that instead of a well-intentioned “friend”, you’ve got our dedicated customer service team on standby to guide you through the matches we’ve sent you as well as give you support on your journey. For men looking to date younger women, they can do so with peace of mind because we screen member profiles so you won’t be bumping into time-wasters. Rather, you’ll make meaningful connections with women who are looking for a serious relationship and a real man by their side.
EliteSingles has such a high success rate because we do the hard work for you. Our tried and tested approach to online dating means that you only interact with other singles who are as intentional and focused as you are when it comes to finding true love. Sure, as an older man, it’s important to get to know the woman you’re trying to meet, make her feel comfortable and get to know her. After all, mutual trust is a great foundation for a passionate and long-term relationship. But it’s also important to see that she’s giving you reciprocity in her responses and in her interaction with you. For women looking to get into a serious relationship with an older man, EliteSingles gives them plenty of great matches that have a higher chance of working out. You can meet men from all walks of life that you may not have had the chance to encounter otherwise and form a lasting connection. Ready for some butterflies? Join us today!
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Naysayers may argue that older men acting in this way are being superficially driven and inconsiderate of the feelings of younger men, who are arguably – perhaps stereotypically – more vulnerable and more malleable than older men. And there’s perhaps the idea that older men “should know better” and “date their own age”.
But these are toxic sweeping assertions about gay culture that enforce stigmas and demonstrate a lack of understanding about the complexities of male-male relationships and the psychological and emotional reasons why they happen in the way they do.
Luckily for older men, there’s a whole other set of younger men who specifically like to go older (that’s a whole other article…). So with the right search, perhaps using the right LGBT+ dating apps, men with specific age desires needn’t be alone.
And they needn’t suffer from stigma either. Let’s honour Wilde’s legacy by erasing ignorance and spreading understanding about the nuances of male-male romance. With a century’s worth of psychological gains at our disposal, we have a better understanding of the complexities of human behaviour than we’ve ever had before, and that means we also have the power to stop toxically judging people we may not instantly understand.
1. They think we’re their mothers.
Whether this be the general stereotype of a woman or specific to an older woman, men can sometimes treat us like their mothers. Us being their girlfriends has nothing to do with making sure their shirts are ironed and their laundry gets done.
To be honest, I iron things with my hair straightener and only do laundry when I run out of underwear. What makes my boyfriend think I will be better about his? There are laundromats on-call if he can’t figure it out himself.
2. They think it matters who our exes are.
I really don’t understand why younger guys are fixated on who their girlfriends dated four years ago, or why they would even want to hear about them.
In all honesty, I don’t even want to hear about my exes. They’re exes for a reason. We’re together now, and that should be more than enough.
Warning, ladies: If your boyfriend’s fixation on your exes stems from their own inability to let go of an ex, run.
3. They assume we go wild whenever we’re out with the girls.
On the rare occasion that I do go out, my boyfriend assumes I revert to my 18-year-old self. Me and my friends aren’t dancing on tables after ripping 10 of the cheapest shots in the building.
I’ve grown out of my college habits, as have most women my age. So don’t compare me to the girls your age who haven’t.