A guide to dating Dutch men and women

Learn how to navigate the world of dating in the Netherlands with our guide to understanding Dutch men and women and the local dating culture.

Contrary to popular belief, not all Dutch men are towering blondies who will make you ‘go Dutch’ and split the bill; or send you a Tikkie for the extra bitterballen you scoffed down during a date. Similarly, not all Dutch women are ball-busting supermodels. However, while it’s always wise to take such cultural stereotypes with a pinch of salt and not generalize an entire nation, no one can deny there are certain traits you are likely to come across when dating in the Netherlands.

Understanding these traits and the mindset of Dutch men and women is key to navigating the local dating pool with ease; especially as an expat. It will also help you avoid any misunderstandings further down the line when you are in a relationship. Luckily, this guide is here to help by providing the following information:

Dating single Dutch guys

A modern country with high standards of living, an intelligent and progressive society with liberal views, great level of equality and awareness – all these things can describe the Netherlands. It’s an amazing European country which is liked by many tourists coming there every year: from beautiful old European architecture to breathtaking tulip fields, there are lots of things you can see there while travelling. The country is not cheap but it’s definitely worth it: people come there not to thoughtlessly lie on the beach but to enjoy the atmosphere, admire neat looks of the streets and buildings, attend interesting cultural events and communicate with interesting and intelligent people around. It’s a country where you can have lots of impressions and experience and recharge your emotions a lot.

There are lots of people who would like not only to travel there but also to move there one day: it’s a perfect place for raising kids and spending the rest of your life. Also, it’s a country with a huge amount of ridiculously attractive people: healthy and naturally glowing Dutch men and women are very beautiful in many people’s eyes. There are lots of women who would like to date Dutch guys: they tend to be pretty tall, well-built, handsome and neat: they know how to take care of themselves and what to do to stay strong and healthy every day. These men are sporty, they dress well and their intelligence makes them even more handsome: a Dutch guy can be a great partner for every modern and independent lady who needs a partner understanding and respecting her needs and feelings. Dutchmen are not about being overly masculine and patriarchal: they are about being polite, respectful and understanding. They love and value their women and see personalities in them – and that’s extremely attractive about them.

Dating single Dutch guys

Dating single Dutch guys

A modern country with high standards of living, an intelligent and progressive society with liberal views, great level of equality and awareness – all these things can describe the Netherlands. It’s an amazing European country which is liked by many tourists coming there every year: from beautiful old European architecture to breathtaking tulip fields, there are lots of things you can see there while travelling. The country is not cheap but it’s definitely worth it: people come there not to thoughtlessly lie on the beach but to enjoy the atmosphere, admire neat looks of the streets and buildings, attend interesting cultural events and communicate with interesting and intelligent people around. It’s a country where you can have lots of impressions and experience and recharge your emotions a lot.

There are lots of people who would like not only to travel there but also to move there one day: it’s a perfect place for raising kids and spending the rest of your life. Also, it’s a country with a huge amount of ridiculously attractive people: healthy and naturally glowing Dutch men and women are very beautiful in many people’s eyes. There are lots of women who would like to date Dutch guys: they tend to be pretty tall, well-built, handsome and neat: they know how to take care of themselves and what to do to stay strong and healthy every day. These men are sporty, they dress well and their intelligence makes them even more handsome: a Dutch guy can be a great partner for every modern and independent lady who needs a partner understanding and respecting her needs and feelings. Dutchmen are not about being overly masculine and patriarchal: they are about being polite, respectful and understanding. They love and value their women and see personalities in them – and that’s extremely attractive about them.

Dating single Dutch guys

What are Dutch Men like – Dating Guys from Netherlands

Foreign travelers, especially from America, view the Netherlands through a curious fractured mirror – on one hand it is imagined as an idyllic paradise of tulips, windmills and cheese while on the other it is viewed with delicate horror as the land of druggies and prostitutes. The reality is though that its men here are like everywhere else – some good, some bad and most in between. However there are a few characteristics which make Dutch men very interesting and often rewarding to know.

TIP: This website has many millionaire Dutch men looking for women to date.

Well-educated and awareWhen dating a Dutch guy, you can on the whole look forward to spending time with an educated, well-read person. He is most likely to have attended college and quite comfortable discussing a whole range of topics, starting from politics to the environment. In fact many tourists have found to their surprise that Dutch people can speak English quite well and almost always understand when being spoken to in the language. However be careful to do some homework on the history and background of his country before you engage him in a discussion. For instance, always refer to his nation as The Netherlands and not merely as Holland; this is because both North and South Holland are merely two out of twelve provinces in all. So if the guy hails from outside the Hollands, he might feel that you have not bothered to read up on the land’s history or even chosen to exclude the other ten provinces because you don’t deem them important enough. Worst case scenario, you might raise the hackles of a Friesian separatist and then have to listen to him ranting about how Hollanders always take credit for the achievements of the entire country.

Well-manneredDutch men are known to be very polite to ladies and extremely well-mannered. They are considerate not only of the wishes and needs of their partners but for that matter of any other living creature they meet on the road like old ladies, babies and even stray animals. When meeting a Dutchman for a date, you can be sure that he will be on time and that he will be a perfect driver – following all traffic rules to the T. When you sit down together at a café or at a restaurant, he is sure to make polite conversation and even ask you all the right questions expected on a first date. On the whole, Dutch men make women feel safe and heard when with them. And once the date is over you can also expect your guy to see you home, bidding you a courteous good-night at your doorstep without expecting a nightcap in sedateThe flipside of the Dutchman’s tendency to correct behavior with ladies is that the latter tend to him rather boring. He will listen intently to you and make polite enquiries but rarely get into an animated discussion. He does not believe in allowing his emotions get the better of him and thus is unlikely to be seen in an excitable state. It is really not in his nature to give in to passion and romance which is why you could be settling for a rather sedate love life if you start dating a Dutch guy seriously. Don’t expect him to spring romantic surprises on you on a date; indeed when you are supposed to meet him, it would make far more sense to get a map and plan out a few activities beforehand rather than wait for your Dutch guy to plan an exciting date.Liberal attitude to womenDutch culture is quite egalitarian when it comes to gender roles and expectations. Both men and women can be found in the work force and at the same time sharing household chores equally. In fact, as compared to many other European nations, Dutch society appears to give women and men a greater degree of choice as to how they want to live their lives. So you have women both working full-time and staying at home and largely happy with their decisions. As a result of this, Dutch men are used to treating women as independent, strong and self-assured individuals. This makes for dating Dutch men an extremely empowering experience especially if you happen to come from a markedly patriarchal culture where women are considered weak creatures with below-par intelligence. However one consequence of the liberal Dutch culture is that you cannot be expected to be wined and dined by your partner every time. So when on a date, don’t forget to take your purse along since here it is only natural to “go Dutch” term partnership prospectsThe best part about dating a Dutch guy is that he is likely to prove long-term partner material. With this liberal attitude towards women as well as his innate decency and inbred courteous nature, he is likely to make an extremely supportive and understanding partner. Indeed the image of Dutch prostitutes in the display windows of the infamous red-light districts is more for the benefit of tourists rather than a realistic pointer towards the Dutchman’s amorous preferences. However your relationship may lack some fire and passion and from time to time, you may sigh for the unpredictability or the excitement of the Italian or Spanish lover. But in the end, your Dutch partner will be more willing to lend a hand with the dishes or raking the garden as compared to his counterpart from the South. On the whole, Dutch men are polite, fair-minded, decent blokes which all said and done are more important than sex appeal and charisma in an equitable, mutually-fulfilling long term relationship.

 What are Dutch Men like - Dating Guys from Netherlands

Dating sites in the Netherlands

It is always difficult meeting new people when moving to another country. This is becoming easier since there are more and more dating sites on the internet. This makes it less complicated to meet other singles. Finding the best free dating sites in the Netherlands can take up a lot of time because most people don’t know where to start. Almost all platforms offer different services and not all services are for free. There are quite some websites that claim to specialize in Dutch online dating, but there are only a couple that are interesting and worth your time. With our tips we will ensure that you will sign-up for a dating site that fits to your needs.

Dating sites in the Netherlands

The 9 commandments of dating a Dutch guy

I met my Dutch boyfriend while studying abroad, and I knew instantly I had met my life partner. But for others who don’t seem to have fate on their side but still want to land one of those famously tall, handsome, and low maintenance — if not the most romantic — Dutch men, there’s a few things you need to know before you pack up and move to the Netherlands. Here are a few particular commandments I had to stick to in order to snag my Dutch guy.

How To Flirt With a Dutch Guy

If you clicked on this page you’re probably wondering how to flirt with a Dutch guy. The truth is that there is no specific rule or guidebook on dating Dutch men. In any country, first, you should explore and educate yourself on the cultural norms and differences. After getting familiarized, move forward and apply these tips when talking to the person you’ve got your eye on or for the next date. And while these tips can be used in many places in the world, remember that no two people or nationalities are alike. What may work for one Dutch guy may not work on another. Just remember to be compassionate and open-minded, this way you will have no trouble flirting with a Dutch guy.

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An overview of dating in the Netherlands

When it comes to dating, the Dutch like to keep things casual and let things progress naturally. And just like anything else in life, they prefer to approach their romantic pursuits with a sense of practicality. This laid-back approach to dating doesn’t mean that Dutch men and women don’t take love and relationships seriously. Far from it. It is more down to the fact that the Dutch can be cautious with letting newcomers in; whether this is a friendship or a romantic partnership. This is an important thing to remember if you are an expat looking to date a local man or woman.

How to meet people in the Netherlands

Fortunately, the casual nature of Dutch society means that meeting potential partners is relatively easy. Dating practices are also similar to other European countries. Teenagers generally begin to socialize with peers at school, within their neighborhood, or through social activities and local clubs. Young adults, meanwhile, tend to meet at bars and clubs, through social groups and activities, and via dating apps and websites.

Like many other cultures, the Dutch like to meet potential new partners through trusted friendship circles. That way, they can gradually get to know someone before developing a romantic relationship. Whether this means heading to a house party or a casual borrel with friends, there are plenty of opportunities to meet like-minded singles.

Also similar to other cultures, dating apps and websites are becoming the norm in the Netherlands; particularly among expat communities in the larger cities such as Amsterdam, Utrecht, and Rotterdam. According to a survey by Statista, the most popular dating app in the Netherlands in 2019 was Tinder; used by roughly 60% of Dutch singles seeking a relationship. Badoo and Happn are also popular options for casual dating.

Dating etiquette in the Netherlands

You might say that the Netherlands has less of a dating etiquette than other countries like the US or UK. For starters, there are fewer ‘rules’ about when to call back, kiss, or spend the night. Actions are based more on instinct rather than a set of arbitrary guidelines. And because Dutch men and women value honesty and efficiency, playing hard-to-get and silly games have little value in the Netherlands. Instead, people prefer to put their cards on the table so you don’t have to assume anything.

Confidence and being to-the-point also rank high, which means being successful in dating can require a level of assertiveness; if you want something, just do it. Of course, you might get a flat-out rejection but at least you won’t waste your time where it’s not appreciated. The importance of honesty also means that Dutch men and women are unlikely to mislead someone. This is good news if you are seeking a meaningful relationship.

Dating behavior in the Netherlands

While it might be unfair to stereotype a whole nation, there are certain behavioral traits that you are likely to come across when dating in the Netherlands. Furthermore, these can differ significantly from other European cultures.

Moving into a relationship in the Netherlands

When it comes to building relationships, the Dutch like to take things slow and move with caution. As a result, it might take several weeks or months of dating before two people officially call themselves a couple. And once they do develop a serious relationship, marriage isn’t necessarily on the cards.

With so many types of living arrangements on offer, couples have the freedom to choose how they define their relationships; be it marriage, a registered partnership, a cohabitation agreement, or simply living together. Interestingly, many couples in the Netherlands live together for years before they get married. Figures from CBS also show that people are choosing to tie the knot later in life. In fact, the average age of people getting hitched for the first time in the period between 1997 and 2017 rose from 30 to 34 years for men and from 28 to 31.5 years for women.

Figures also show that more and more couples are choosing not to get married at all. In 2017, 27.9% of 35-year-old men lived together unmarried with their partner, compared to only 12.8% in 1997. During the same period, the percentage of 35-year-old women rose from 10.3% to 26%.

Aside from the popularity of registered partnerships in the Netherlands, one possible reason for the decline in marriages is the desire to save up to buy a house together. Many couples see this as a higher priority and save the option of getting married for further down the line, if at all.

The role of the family in dating

Like in many European cultures, family is fundamentally important to the Dutch and the foundation of the social structure. For both men and women, their immediate family usually remains important to them throughout their adult life. This means that if you are in a relationship with a Dutch man or woman, you can expect to spend a fair amount of time with your in-laws.

The Seven Deadly Mistakes to Avoid When Dating a Dutch Man

Before telling you about the mistakes expats often make when dating a Dutch man, here’s a story about an incident in Amsterdam.

A female friend and sometimes running partner of the Shallow Man was having a massage in a place in the Rivierenbuurt. She was behind a curtain, having a good massage when she heard a voice in English asking one of the staff, “what kind of massages do you provide here?” The staff member responded “pressure point massage.” The English voice asked, “what other kinds of massage?” To which the response was, “pressure point massage.” The inquisitive chap on the other side of the curtain pressed on. “Do you do body to body massage?” the voice of the staff member was now getting louder, “we do normal massage.” The English voice pressed on and finally got to the point, “what about a happy ending?” At which point the response was “you dirty man, you get out now!” Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, seven deadly mistakes made when dating a Dutch man.

The Shallow Man has met many an expat lady that has been on dates with Dutch men that have not led to happy endings. Several disappointed, international antelope, have asked me where they went wrong in their pursuit of the Dutch Lion. The Shallow Man, is, as always, sensitive to the needs of his expat flock. Therefore, at considerable risk to my bespoke tailored three-piece suit wearing self, I have put together a list of deadly mistakes to avoid when dating Dutch men. My advice will no doubt upset some, and if I am captured by a posse of angry Dutch men with lion king hairstyles and am forced to sit through hours of music from Tiesto,?Fedde La Grand and?Armin van Buuren, I’ll look into the eyes of my enemies and shout, sodemieter op, ?jullie domme kakkers!

Dating a Dutch Man, the Shallow Man’s Advice

Dutch men, are probably the luckiest of their species on planet earth. I say this simply because, Dutch women, in spite of often dressing as if the Netherlands has a permanent power outage, and they can only choose what to wear in the dark, are amongst the most beautiful women that you’ll see anywhere in the world.

That in itself would be reason enough for every Dutch male to get down on their hands and knees and thank God, Buddha or Allah that they are lucky enough to be born here, but they have an even better reason to be blissfully happy. Dutch women are, in the opinion of the shallow man, the most predatory women on planet earth. The Dutch female selects the man she is interested in with the precision of a special forces sniper, aiming at a target.

The Dutch female is often not particularly interested or fazed by the fact that their target could be married, in a relationship or even as the Shallow Man has witnessed with his own eyes, have their girlfriend present. The Dutch ladies are relentless once they have set their sights on a target. This, in turn, has led to the Dutch male being one of the laziest when it comes to chasing women, as generally, they don’t really need to. The antelope calls the shots and the Lion simply needs to drink his biertjes and wait to be hunted.

Because of this, expat women, often end up making the following deadly mistakes when?dating a Dutch man.

Deadly Dating Mistake Number 1

Flirting. In many countries, it’s quite normal during the course of a date to flirt with each other. Dutch men, used as they are to having antelope served to them on a denim covered plate, have missed out on this vital part of human relations during their development to adulthood. Dutch women, are often very blunt in their intentions and don’t waste time with such things as flirting. If a woman flirts with a Dutch man the likely response will be “so are we going to your place or mine?” no starter, or main course just a sprint through to dessert.

Deadly Dating Mistake Number 2

The Shallow Man is risking a storm of abuse by bringing this up again, but, I’ve been told repeatedly by expat women, even as recently as yesterday (thank you Vittoria) that Dutch men are tighter than a virgin female flea. When out with a Dutch man on a first date, you could be having a lovely evening. He may even have made an attempt at flirting, romance is in the air, everything is looking promising until……….., the bill arrives. The previously charming Dutchmen then breaks out into a cold sweat and looks at the bill, at you, at the bill, then at you again, and there is a silence so deep that you can hear the female mice in the cafe coughing. (Due to smoking, they are Dutch after all).

Do not under any circumstances expect him to pay your part of the bill. This is indeed a deadly mistake, if you are hoping to see your Dutch lion again, be a good antelope and suggest quickly that you’ll split the bill. If you are hoping for a happy ending that night, pay the entire bill, he’ll be so overjoyed he might even propose marriage.

Deadly Dating Mistake Number 3

Due to the Dutchman’s love of money, they will not be impressed if during your date that you order bottled water or even worse San Pellegrino, which is the Ferrari of bottled water and is not cheap. Your date will immediately assess you as being high maintenance, while he drinks his glass of tap water.

Deadly Dating Mistake Number 4

Dressing up. The Dutch male is used to the fashion sense of the “doe maar gewoon” Dutch female. In other words, denim, shapeless boots, a top that clashes so badly with the rest of the outfit that you’d think Stevie Wonder was their personal stylist, and hair that would make a perfect nest for any passing bird.

If you, as an expat woman, turn up for your date, as is normal in most countries, in a nice outfit, stylishly cut shoes, makeup and styled hair, your Dutch date will have a minor heart attack. He is likely to ask you what that stuff is on your face, and if you are planning to attend a wedding after the date. The shallow man advises that on the day of the date, that you put your TV on Nederland een, between 7 and 9 and watch Vandaag de Dag. Look at how poorly dressed the presenters of this show are and simply copy them. That is what passes for high fashion here. Your date will love you and not fear for the money in his wallet. If you really want to make him feel comfortable, wash your hair prior to the date and don’t bother drying it, this drives the Dutch male crazy with passion.

The Shallow Man

Would like to thank all of the ladies that were kind enough to share your tales of dating woe with me.

Stevie Wonder was not hurt during the writing of this article.

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What Dutch guys are like

Dutch people have plenty of stereotypes about them: a typical guy from the Netherlands is often seen as a super liberal and modern person who always looks fashionable and neat but natural and simple at the same time, enjoys modern coffee shops and attends the newest art exhibitions almost every day. Of course, not every Dutch person is like that: there are plenty of simple and still extremely attractive young men there who just enjoy life and think about their future with their beloved partners. They definitely have good yet simple taste in clothing and know a lot about good food and drinks: there is so much interesting and delicious food there that it’s almost impossible to stay away from it. The number of sporty and good-looking men is pretty high there: just like in many developed countries, there are lots of people who have enough time, money and opportunities to care for their health and appearance. Being in the Netherlands is like being in a candy shop: there are so many handsome people that you can’t help but look around.

We’re all different: it’s hard to describe everyone only because of their nationality or cultural background of the country they live in. At the same time, there are lots of factors which can influence people’s characters, interests, views and mentality a lot: a person from a conservative traditional country with strong patriarchal influence has a mindset which is very different from the views of a person living in a modern liberal Western country. Our culture, customs and traditions, standards of living and our personal stories of life create our characters and personalities: a person is a mixture of everything which has happened with them during their life. Therefore, even though people can’t blindly believe in stereotypes or cliches about nationalities and their habits, there are still lots of things which can be pretty true for many people living in specific conditions.

Though it’s always better to form your opinion based on your own experience and communication, there are still a few things you should know in advance before dating a Dutch guy. Though we’re all unique, every country still has its features which can differ people’s dating culture and habits. The Netherlands are very modern and Westernized, but it doesn’t mean that every little detail of the country is just the same as in other Western countries: we love travelling to other countries because of how unique and different they are, so let’s learn more about what to expect from most of the Dutch guys:

Try dating a Dutch guy online on

The Netherlands are definitely worth visiting for every person who loves travelling and wants to experience this highly developed and modern country. Whether you’ve already been there or not, you have lots of opportunities to date an attractive Dutch guy – and online dating is one of them. Being one of the most popular modern ways to meet new people for friendship, communication, dating and relationships, online dating is now everywhere: people from youth to seniors use online services to stay in touch with their closest people and to find new interesting people around for something more than just friendship. Modern people rarely forget about their smartphones: most of their communication, entertainment, business and personal life are connected with their gadgets. That’s why online dating becomes more and more popular every year and attracts millions of new users. That’s future: you can talk to a person living on another continent without even leaving your house.

is the service which can help you to find the most suitable Dutch guy for you who is open for dating and relationships. For more than 25 years the service unites lonely hearts and helps people to find their true soulmates and great partners. People of different nationalities, religions, views, hobbies and relationship goals can socialize and communicate online to meet their significant others comfortably and securely. The site opens the door into the amazing world of online dating which is full of opportunities and interesting potential for everyone: whether you’re looking for a short romantic adventure or a long story of love which can potentially result in marriage, is there to help you and to find your true love for you.

Register and create your profile to communicate, chat and flirt with attractive singles all over the world. Online dating has no limits: date attractive guys from the Netherlands without leaving your house with the help of direct messages on the platform or live chats online. The searching algorithm and the matching system of will help you to find the most like-minded and suitable partners for stable and healthy relationships. Meet your perfect soulmate online and write your own love story on !

Dating in the Netherlands

If you are staying in the ‘randstad’ – the megalopolis in central western Netherlands (consisting primarily of Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht and The Hague) you are lucky and will find a lot of singles with similar interest around you. If you live outside of this area it can become more difficult to meet single minded singles, but no worries- there are good online Dutch dating platforms where you can filter on common interests. It does not matter if you are looking for dating Eindhoven, dating Rotterdam or dating Amsterdam; you will find the right dating sites here. So, what is the best dating site in the Netherlands or which dating site is for free? This question is difficult to answer since everybody is looking for different things when it comes to dating. We have listed below the most frequently used and reliable dating websites in the Netherlands.

Overview free dating sites in the Netherlands

These dating sites are all free of charge when you sign up. Most dating sites however require small additional payments if you want to have certain bonus features on their website. Most of these free Dutch dating sites offer different kind of deals and bonusses and vary in price. There are some dating websites on the internet that offer their whole service for free. Be aware that they often use your personal data for advertising purposes. All quality websites make sure that there are no fake profiles and that your personal data is safe. It would therefore be wise to only register at quality websites like the ones listed above.

Be Yourself – It’s the best way on how to flirt with a Dutch guy

Show your genuine interest and be down to earth. Why be something you’re not? When dating we usually put our best face forward to impress the other person. Don’t sugarcoat it.  Dutch culture is practical (this may be from the Calvinistic influence) and not too fond of overdoing things. Be yourself, be friendly and he may take a natural interest in you.

5. Dutch men wear old underwear

Nice shoes might be important to Dutch guys, the quality of their underwear certainly is not. Don’t be surprised if the Dutch guy you are dating is wearing worn-out underwear!

The Dutch shop Zeeman found out that 1 in 3 of the Dutch men continue to wear underwear even when it is worn out. At least, that is what their partners say. 37% of Dutch women say their men walk around in old underwear.

6. The Dutch have sex before marriage

Sex before marriage is not a problem for Dutch men and Dutch women. Most Dutch people also think there is nothing strange about gay people. The use of birth control is high in The Netherlands. Most girls use the pill. This research comes from Rutgers, the Dutch centre of expertise on sexual and reproductive health and rights.

To summarize

So ladies, if you’re looking for a man that will insult you, not care how badly you dress, and will do most of the housework, but is highly unlikely to marry you, go Dutch. If you want a man that will make you laugh, will be drunk most days of the week, and will actually marry you, (but divorce you soon after) go British.

No members of the Spice Girls were hurt during the writing of this post.

Until next time, here’s a piece of classic British comedy.

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Breaking through the cultural barriers

Many expats claim that the Dutch avoid making real connections with foreigners; making it difficult to get past the first dating hurdle and meet a suitable match. Some also say that once they do make the breakthrough, reaching a serious relationship level can take time. Again, this is not necessarily personal but rather a result of typical Dutch personality traits. As an expat, it is possible to find love with a local, and many foreigners report happy relationships and marriages with Dutch nationals.

Freedom and choice in relationships

Couples living in the Netherlands have more choice than most when it comes to official types of living arrangements. Depending on a couple’s preferences, they can get married (huwelijk) or enter into a registered partnership (geregistreerd partnerschap). They can also sign a cohabitation agreement or live together without signing any formal agreement at all. Fortunately, LGBTQI+ couples living in the Netherlands have the same options as their heterosexual counterparts.

This modern and progressive way of living perhaps accounts for the substantial decline in marriages in recent years. According to figures from Statistics Netherlands (CBS), 64,400 couples tied the knot in 2017, compared with around 85,000 couples 20 years ago. Registered partnerships are also becoming more popular in the Netherlands. In fact, they now account for 18% of all unions in the country. In 2017 alone, 17,900 couples entered a partnership; a significant increase of 11,000 over the last decade.

A typical dating scenario in the Netherlands

The Dutch are renowned for being straight-forward, straight-talking, and down-to-earth, and this transcends to the world of dating. Fancy dinners at swanky restaurants are likely to be replaced by a cold pint and a Dutch snack) café or bar. Furthermore, the Dutch love for the great outdoors might also mean that some dates involve having a picnic in a park, cycling to the beach, or visiting other popular nature spots in the Netherlands. Whatever you end up doing, it will almost certainly be casual.

Unlike some cultures, where the man traditionally initiates the first date, it is not uncommon for women to make the first move in the Netherlands. After all, gender equality is strong in this progressive country. And because the Dutch are known to be open and blunt, there is no shame in discussing whether you are dating other people or want to be exclusive. You will likely receive an honest answer – even if it’s not the one you were hoping for.

No time for small talk

During your date, you will soon discover that the Dutch tend to value deeper discussions with a purpose far more than pointless small talk. Their straight-forward approach to dating also means they might ask you personal questions or your opinions on tricky subject matters. But don’t be put off. This may appear rude or slightly invasive to the untrained dater. However, in the Netherlands, there is little social negativity attached to it. Your date simply wants to know your opinion on these subjects to evaluate if you are compatible. Makes total sense, right? Some people actually find this level of honesty refreshing when dating in the Netherlands.

Going Dutch: splitting the bill and chivalry

The value of gender equality seeps into many interactions in Dutch dating, which means that customs such as splitting the bill is not uncommon. Some might see this as unromantic, but Dutch relationships pride themselves on equality between partners. Plus, this shouldn’t really come as a surprise considering you are in the country that gave name to the phrase ‘going Dutch’ (splitting a bill). An alternative might be for one person to pay for, say, drinks and the other for movie tickets.

Other acts of chivalry, such as opening doors for women or carrying their heavy bags, should not be expected either. In Dutch culture, such actions aren’t seen as an affront to ladies but rather as a sign that Dutch men see them as equals. Similarly, a woman should be prepared that a date with a Dutch man is not always going to be free ride; nor will free drinks in bars be that forthcoming from local men.

Quick Statistics

We reset information about new Dutch personals every 24 hours.

Dutch youngest single men (ages 18 to 35) are far more likely than older ones (ages 39 to 50) to be looking for Dutch dating sites – 64% vs. 36%.

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72 replies »

Love it! I’m a British girl but I don’t date English blokes. At least, not for a long time LOL! My husband is German and before him I dated other Germans of course, Italian and Czech guys. ALL were respectful and attentive. Treating me like the princess that I am LOL! In fact, my husband still opens the door and holds my coat for me. That’s what you call a gentleman! I would say that Dutch guys are similar. The issue of English blokes is that they don’t really know what they want, and are used to girls doing everything and falling at their beck and call. Er no. If you can’t respect all of me, then you’re going to get none of me LOL!

Girlfriend, I hear is too short to be with someone who doesn’t know to treat a lady like the princess that she is! Complications in relationships are a no singles prefer to remain so until they meet the Prince Charming who scrambles all over to make her travel has made me really appreciate these fellas, you get to some places and folks are bumping all over you and your heavy luggage without so much as doing ! No can do..

It’s one thing to extol the virtues of white Dutch men…But to use that to bash African men (as if they’re all from one country) was a bit much

I was basically speaking from personal experience..I am aware from stories heard from both sides that there are as much bad experiences as good experiences when it comes to white dutch men, and as well bad and good experiences when it comes to African men in Europe.

Trust me, here in America there is an epidemic of Abusive Men; Selfish & Arrogant, unwilling to Please any woman. They hate women, even when They Are Not gay, it doesn’t matter,, They rather Rot in hell than to be Nice and Gentlemen to Women here in the U. I think that Women here in America are at fault~Because Women here in America Don’t Have Any Respect for themselves or even other women. I hate this Place. I wish I lived in Germany.

Well, I now know where the American guys get their Arrogance and Stupidity from, is the same here in U.S. of America. Women here, by the Thousands, Get Old and Never Marry because American Men think that They Are too Good for Women. It’s Disgusting how They think. ~And then when They travel to other nations, the Women think that American Men are Gods and jump on them like flies~American Men truly Think that They Are GOD’s Gift to Women here on Earth. They all Stay Single because they think that ALL women want from them is their hate even their own Children ~They Don’t Value Family~ They Are Unfaithful as hell ~They Don’t Have Respect for Women~ it’s terrible here in the U.S. the way Men treat women.~But these American women are Just as Bad as the Men~ Sometimes I think they are people Care About here in the U.S. is Just Material Stuff, but NO family American is Romantic ~They Are Blunt, but NOT for a Good Reason, but Just to humiliate a Person, and that Bluntness Never Comes with True Honesty, but More with Sarcasm and Evil intentions. The more I know Americans, but More I dislike Them. Truly here in America everyone is Evil. Men are NOT gentleman at All.

What a nice post! ? About number 7 – before I met Dutchie – my current partner, I dated Dutch guys who asked to pay half on the first dates ? I was prepared for that already, thankfully. So when Dutchie took over our dining bill on our first date, I was super shocked ?Some of my Dutch colleagues told me that it was common to split the cost on the first date.

Oh wow you believe I’ve never been asked to split the bill? And I have been asked out by a number of that your current one didn’t do that.

Uh, normally the guy pays, also on the first date. If not, he’s just stupid ? (I’m from the Netherlands)

It would be ridiculous if he expected the girl to share costs on the first date.

In the Netherlands guys and girls are equal… So it’s stupid to think that a guy should pay, that’s no equallity in whatever way.

It just outlines the differences in cultures, and it’s okay to choose to pay or not, but obviously in relationships this aspect should be discussed.

Great article! I am also from Kenya and married to a Dutch guy and am very happy! He is tall, never asked me to split a bill, indeed courteous and helpful, he makes the ugali and I make the sukama,We also have something else in common: human rights, conflict and gender issues! Wishing you continued success on your blog. If you are ever in Den Haag-lets meet!

That’s really cool Naazlin! Yay to dutchies, we will meet for sure!

Loved this post. It gives me hope. My ex-fiance is Dutch, and he was somewhat difficult to deal with. I often found myself perplexed, as I struggled to figure out if his bizarre behavior was a result of his being on the Asperger spectrum, or just his own personality, or if this was just a Dutch thing.

Anyway, as conflicted as I am about him and the manner in which many aspects of our relationship were addressed, I still love and care about him, and find myself nonetheless intrigued by this special place called the Netherlands, and its people.

Thank you for sharing. I wish I had the opportunity to Skype with you and learn more about your experiences there. Have a great day!

Thank you for your response. Really sorry about your ladies have shared their not so pleasant experiences so I reckon there are both sides of the spectrum. Are you still in the Netherlands or outside the country? It would be lovely to meet for a cup of coffee and share our experiences. Please feel free to Skype me: c.archie1Have a lovely day!

I’m in the United States but will be there in a few months or so. I added you in Skype. Look forward to talking to you. And BTW I love your blog and shared it with friends as well! ? Take care and have a lovely day!

Thank you for sharing and for your response. Much appreciated. I will travel in December for about two months, but if possible we can meet in the Netherlands if you are around early next year. I look forward to chatting!

HiI hear you. I am dating a Dutch man over 3 months now. I feel the same way you described from time to time. He never asked to split bill though (but i offered few times and he accepted my share). He never opened doors for me never buy me flowers not even after he found out my birthday was yesterday …He doesn’t usually offers to carry the heavy items unless I ask him. He usually does what I ask him though and he is great cook (usually i buy all the needed stuff though).

I am not sure where this relationship goes as i don’t know if he would be the same after we get married (keep his share separate and guard his money so hard). We do get along really well which makes hard to decide. Sometimes i wonder if he loves me deeply coz usually you would care for person you love above your money. In that regard i feel within his money, himself and me i might already come to 3rd.

The Dutch are generally quite frugal and careful about how they spend money. Some dutch guys generally prefer to be pragmatic and may have a different idea about how they display any romantic feelings towards another. They don’t mind being asked to do abcd, and likely expect to be told what to feel free to speak out or instruct, you’re likely a queen in the relation. I guess I can just wish you the best, in time you will be able to make a decision about your relationship considering all things put together.

I just got to know a Dutch guy for about 6 months. I’m a Muslim but I really love him like seriously. We talking and cam through Skype everyday and by January next year he wants to come here, Malaysia. He said he loves me too but I don’t know. I’m afraid that i’m gonna lose him but at the same time marriage is impossible for us. At first I don’t believe if really loves me but after I read your blog I gained a bit of confidence that what he said to me is true. Sometimes I just wanna cry because I love him damn much but I don’t know what to do.

Thanks Liya Sam for reading my blog. It sounds like a catch-22 situation that you are in. Just take one day at a time and I believe it will be okay, and don’t stress yourself too much.

Don’t love too much though. It really hurts when it’s not working.

I love your share. I have a change to be “friend” with Dutch guy and your post is right (through my experiences). Im falling in love with him because some of reasons you metioned above. I love not only his good sides but also bad ones. Im an Asian girl, he comes here for 10 months to study and nearly came back home. He just likes me and we spend much times together. I dont know we can have a long term relationship or not. Need your advices. Thanks for your sharing

Thank you for your take each day at a time. All the best in your relationship!

Nice post,but have a question how long does it take for a dutch guy to call you girlfriend? We’re in a long distance relationship not yet meet but we have been speaking for almost 2 months and a half and we connect anyone can answer me please do,thanks and have a lovely day!

Thank you! I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to your question. You may have to meet him for sure, just as in any relationship a face-to-face meeting is important to have a feel of where the relationship is headed.

I can answer the question for you. One year and half hahah. But he wants to meet in next few months so he thinks that he can wait to hear my voice because we have been totally obsessed with each other and found something that we both cherish very deeply. Strange I know neither wants to hear him in LDR, wants to meet directly.

I’m a 57 year old Dutch man… yeah, I know…. I belong in museum LOL…. if you want to know if you are “partners” just ask him !!! Be direct !! Ask him if you are his girlfriend now ?? He will tell you the truth ….. don’t hesitate, be straight and forward…. good luck !!!

Wer same situation hannah! I hv a 2month relationship also to a dutch been i fall w/ he s always bz w/her career..I dnt know,f he love me or he only using me to fade her fantasy.. i treat her i ned advise also! I fall to this dutch know wat to do..

NEVER !!! hahahha kidding !!I was in the same situation.. Talking for 2 months before meeting and suddenly he started saying things like “I went to hairstylist and told her to please keep a bit longer my hair because my girlfriend likes it” “I was talking with the guys about my girlfriend” … I was like ” I am your gf?? haha” And he sayed ” yes you are” .. then we met, and he keeps calling me girlfriend – to parents, friends, employees, etc, it was actually funny .. and one of that times he called me girlfriend, i asked him laughing “since when i am your girlfriend???!!!” and he replied “i dont know, 2 , 3 months?!” so i said “nooooo, we need to have a date to celebrate our anniversary!!!!!” … guess what did he answer to me??? …. laughing he said “OMG!!! thats a girly thing….!!! ok , you can decide the date” hahahah all i did was laugh and make it a joke !! We now talk and remember that and laugh so hard!All I can suggest to you is, we know when things have future or not, we can feel and know when a guy really like/loves us, so if you think and feel he does, ask him! Just try to find a moment to make it funny and a great memory .. for sure you will remember that for ever! Good luck!

Well, good to know. So, this Dutch guy has been coming to our Church here in Gambia and I am kinda, sorta taken by him…I mean, I don’t know how old he is though cos I do find that I would easily not feel comfortable with a guy who is more than 5 years older than I am…he seems cool and I can tell he just sees me as a friend but I would like to be sure that that’s true ya know…I saw him yesterday at Church and I wanted to just stay back after church and talk with him for as long as possible but I stupidly let that slide for some stupid reason…he’s leaving in about a weeks time and I would really wanna ask that he and I hang out and have lunch before he leaves…if I can get the opportunity to do that, then I would be super psyched.

So how did it all turn out? Were you bold enough to ask to hang out? All the best!

Hi!! I find your post so interesting.. I just met this dutch guy in a dating site and all i can say is he is so sweet and gentleman, very hardworking and a loving father with his 2 kids (he’s widowed)..i love him already. He said he likes and he loves me too.. LDR is kinda a bit hard but i know we can make it. Im from Philippines and he’s planning to come visit me here soon. (no dates yet) I hope our relationship will last. I may not be his first love but im still willing to love and accept him and his kids. ?

All the best in your relationship! The first step is of course to meet face to face, and with everything going to plan, you will be most welcome in the Netherlands!

I found your post, because I was really confused about how to date some dutch guy. I had been in Netherlands for the last 2 months and I had dates but all of them are just friends with me. I have my first date with a guy I’m really interested so this could help me a lot to understand him before doing something wrong.

Just broke up wit a Dutch guy (Chinese) who is working in HK but I still in love with him. He approached me first but after been 4 months and I asked him if he had any life plan and he figured out he doesnt care me/miss me at all and asking me to move on. He always said “it takes time to grow together” but i did not get it before. I dont know if it takes time to grow or he is just not for me. Pls give me some advice on this as I am stuck. Thanks!

Sorry about that! I reckon if he said you have to move on, it’s best to do so and try to form new friendships.

Bang on! I am dating a Dutch man in Canada and this is all so true of him. He is tall. He is frugal but he always pays the bill and we splurge on good food and good beer. Even if we are buying food to cook together I have to fight him to pay my fair share. Women are definitely equals in his world. He helps me in anyway he possibly can and likes to take care of me. He has a kind generous heart. He is very hardworking. He skypes his family frequently and is close to them despite the distance. And I know exactly where I stand with him. He’s also very affectionate. In public too. Love it:)

Everyone is different so we can’t just classify by location. I met a Dutch online and we have been dating for nearly 4 months now. He was recently still on it while I have been off that site mot long after we met. Since i mentioned it he deleted his account. He told me from beginning that he wants to save money coz he spent too much last year. Every time when we need to pay for something he would not ask me to share but I feel he’s bit reluctant to pay which makes me feel bad. So i offered sometimes and he accepted. It’s very awkward and I hate those moments when I didn’t feel being taken care of and loved. I am independent girl and would contribute as much as I can if we get married but I don’t like that kind of “equal ” at the beginning of a relationship. I don’t understand why women destroy ourselves from the traditional way …

Am arrived in come to confirm your hypothesis in due time.interesting insights height i have noted that too

Cool post! This is so inline with what I know of Dutch guys! You spelled it out well. ?

I met a dutch comment was he likes my profile reading yo post I can now tell that it may be because of my natural short hair. Thanks for the I sight. Ooh if we become an item what will I do with all my high exchanged numbers and I’m hoping to hear from him today…Are they accepting of black african women…I mean generally???Thanks

From my post, you can tell I’m a little biased. Dutch guys overall are pretty cool. Of course there are those who can be racist or quite condescending, I’ve met those types on boats and trains. I ignore be your own person, I don’t think it would be wise to change things you do to accommodate a guy. If you love heels, don’t get rid of them. All the best.

Uhm, Dutch guys are different.. not really like you described. I am dutch myself and i can tell you that the most don’t act like that

Haha was my personal observation from the few dutch guys I have interacted a general observation as there’s a wide range of guys out there that may be different from the guys I’ve met. Still I think the dutch are pretty cool.

My Dutch boyfriend and I met over the internet a few months ago. We bonded over memes, a movie, and drunk gaming haha. I had no idea he liked me for a good portion of when we interacted in the beginning but he’s fucking great. I ;s a catch and anyone would be lucky and happy to have him but he chose me. I’m so lucky I have him (he’s so handsome too ;-;).

Point 7(They don’t go dutch) & 10(They are frugal) : From talking to him I also don’t think he would “go Dutch” when we go on a date in the future. He’s offered to pay half my plane ticket when I visit him (total ticket ~$900 CAD). Since my birthday passed a few months ago, he likes to remind me that he still owes me a game. That aside, I know I could ask for a top tier expensive game and he would buy it with no hesitation. That would make me feel bad though haha. He’s also not at all frugal when it comes to his card games. This is not to say he spends like Mozart, he knows his limits, which I love.

Point 8(They are blunt) : I just counted the months, and we’ve been together near 8 months now!! I am shocked so much time has passed oh man. We’ve definitely had moments where there was tension. It is usually solved with proper communication. I am always worried we will break up but he reassures me each time he would not break up with me; that he sees no reason to break up with me and that I would know if he lost interest AND if we did break up, it would be because of life circumstances. Just an anxiety of mine I guess.

Point 3(They know that women run the world) : He tells me he loves me everyday because of a previous bump in the early stage of our relationship. He would go a few days not speaking to me and I wouldn’t speak to him. In I guess North American culture, guys are expected to lead while females follow behind. I was expecting him to message me first but it never really happened. I guess he was also expecting me to message him first haha. Not only that, whenever we would spend time together, we would always do what I wanted to do. He would tell me that what we did together was not only dependent on what I liked, but he would like what we were doing too. So he was definitely expecting me to take the lead in some way. EVENTUALLY I broke down and cried telling him how upset I was about all this and he adjusted, and I adjusted. We usually have a monthly thing where we reflect upon our relationship and tell each other what we like and don’t like and what we want fixed. He’s 100% the one that brings the reflection bit up.

I’m a bit shy as much as I’d hate to admit. I know if I were more outgoing, he would match my energy easily. He does flirt. He was the one who initiated most of the flirting tbh. My boy really is flexible and full of life. I hope to be more outgoing one dayyy. He has mentioned that he dislikes PDA but wouldn’t mind doing it with me. Not because he wants to show off, but because he wants to express how he feels about me anywhere and he wouldn’t care what people thought if they saw him being affectionate in public. Im rambling though haha. My experience with a Dutch boy. He’s great. He’s tall. I can’t imagine being with anyone but him.

Long post, but I really enjoyed this article along with the comments and wanted to share my experience as well hopefully adding a pop of colour to the discussion.

Thank you for sharing your real life experience, sicc.

Im a 25y dutch man and i feel verry weird after reading this. I think the man u met just wanna get in your pants. Woman want to be equal right? well then its 50/50 on the bill. I might pay if she offered to share and i really need to like that girl.

Furthermore only on the streets woman rule inside the house the man wears the pants ( phrase for being the boss) if i say to my girl jump, she will ask how high?Btw im an average guy.

Thanks for your response Jeff. Of course this is my general observation of the Dutch guys I’ve met as well as my observations of the Dutch partners many of my friends have. Coming from an African perspective, it is as well interesting to see family dynamics in which the guy wouldn’t mind to cook or bring his partner a cup of tea. But as always, everyone’s experience is different but despite my intelligence or education, it would be strange if I was starting to know a guy and he expected me to foot half of the bill. Restaurant meals aren’t very costly, so it’s not that it wouldn’t be affordable, it’s just the thought. If we are together and going out regularly as a couple, I can pay for our meals from time to time, no problem.

Such a great article! I’m currently dating a Dutch guy and I’m kind of confused about them? We’re together for four months now. LDR but he’ll be back next month (3rd time to be here). We spent Christmas and new year together , he stayed for 3 weeks. He never asked me to split the bill. But there was a time when we had a little bit of misunderstanding and he just pop up ” You didn’t even pay for almost everything. Never split the bill.” . So that led me to further know more about Dutch guys. I’m from the Philippines btw and I guess I never had any experience for the guys I dated to split the bill. They always pay even when I ask them not to pay for my part.

Now, my Dutch guy wants to live with me and have a kid. But, I’m not sure why he doesn’t wanna get married? Is that something that Dutch guys are not really into? It’s so confusing knowing that I am from a religious country with it’s traditional ways. I guess it’s a culture thing.

;s common here in the Netherlands for people to live together for many years without marrying. Just explain the cultural differences and hope that he understands.

That’s great. How to find a Dutch man to marry. I love Holland so much with fields of tulips flowers and lovely people, where all children are treated free….

Hi, I like a dutch guy. We work in same office. Just started to talk, lets see where it goes. but I really like him. He seems very nice to me.

This was really interesting to read! And the comments too. I went out with a Dutch guy the other day (I sorta embarrassed myself) and we split the bill for dinner and coffee. It was rather fun though since we talked the entire night. I’m interested in seeing him again but I haven’t really heard from him lately. Hoping he’ll contact me soon though! We had such great conversations

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68 comments

in my experience of getting to know a dutch man over social media.. firstly idk where there f his gf is.. but he does flirt, probably the biggest flirt I’ve seen on social media.. idk if tis cause he tries to be encouragement to women. It doesn’t come off as creepy or gross. But it all started out innocent with us. talking about our cats, design stuff, fitness etc.. mean while complimenting each other. The it became a game of teasing… well 1 thing lead to another :S I dont think i dont think he wanted it to go that far.. now every monring I get a video of him pulling his blanket down over his 8 pack ? saying good morning.. hehehe i mean his a cross the world what harm. But they do like their long foreplay, and they are well big,… Most of this is true. but I do think they flirt. I mean maybe its mostly over friendly with no intentions. He has to know his got girls eating out of his palm :S

Not only was he a flirt.. but I love reading his captions for his pictures. he is funny and weirdly silly. Something i didn’t expect from such a good looking guy and the love he has for his cat hehe lol

But I wouldnt for a sec think of him has bf material.. I didnt know at first he had a gf, and it seems like his been hiding it since we got sexual.. because he was mentioning her in his stories right before, now 4 weeks later not once. He has not mentioned it at all to me. I feel bad to a degree. But I think she knows what he does. Like I said I dont see him as bf or husband material. However I do wonder if I am different from other girls. As looking back he has never hid her like he has been with me. Kind of sad because I read captions on his past photos with her and he seemed to be crazy in love with her. But he has always been leaving comments on other girls photos like cutie, wwow ? faces etc now again idk if those were comments again were just to be encouraging because i’ve seen him do it to strangers, including not so fit looking women. I think he belongs to some fitgirl thing idk.

Long story short.. They aren’t faithful, huge flirts, and yes funny!! Funnier than any guys I know here in Canada, doesn’t come across vain, but does take good care of himself. I don’t know about the splitting the bill. Huge penises and high sex drive at least with me.. 1st 8 days we did it over video 7 x :S and has been every other day kind of thing since. idk where his gf is. So idk if shes even in the picture anymore. Ive had a shity year the last year, so I’m taking whatever I want i don’t care lol I’ve always had the high morals goody good girl. But I am at the point of wanting to jump on a plane hehe

I have a Dutch boyfriend right now but we are in a Long distance relationship.I am from the Philippines and he is from met on a gamesite and I quickly fell inlove with him.I don’t know why I do belive and faithful in him even if we haven’t had a videocall ’re just sending photos of each other on hangouts and being in a relationship on Facebook.i don’t know what will going through between us.

I’ve been dating a Dutch guy for 4 months and this article really describes our relationship. He’s tall, very smart, thoughtful, very handsome, amazing and exciting in bed (large penis and likes to try new things), great libido, loves to travel, but he is extremely cheap (even though he makes at least twice what I make), a little boring and very stubborn. He likes what he likes and that’s the end all and be all, he won’t budge. Anyone who disagrees is simply wrong. He is emotionally stunted as well. I love the fact that he’s direct and honest because I am the same, but I am also expressive and he is a robot. I try to get him to describe things to me, asking him how things make him feel, etc. and he is incapable of expressing any emotion. I really do have strong feelings for him, but I think I need someone who is a little warmer and expressive, and someone who picks up the tab every now and then. I swear, I’m going broke dating this guy!

I thought most Dutch guys looked like Rutger Hauer, but I’m wrong, most don’t. I’m in love with Hauer he’s so hot in his young days. A lot of Dutch dudes of today are dark haired and look Italian! Good looking but not my type and obsessed with sex. I like intelligent and classy guys who think with their brain not their peens.

I live in Amsterdam and it sucks because I’m from South America. Most Dutch guys are bald and look freaking 40 when they are 30. I am 30 as well, and I only find younger people attractive so I’m stuck with dating immature 20 somethings. Is like something happens to their damn nose, ears, and forehead when they reach 30 and it seems that becoming less attractive is the only thing that makes them reach maturity and want to settle down. Apart from that, yeah ugly ones are great for a husband. Good looking ones are freaking shallow especially in Amsterdam. Also here career matter a lot so if you got a good career or Ph.D. you will get better-looking ones but if you didn’t study, sorry but you belong to date the ones in your same “class”. That’s the Dutch mentality, rational and cold. They do dress good, but again they lack personality. Most Dutch people look, dress and act so similar, is like after a couple of years here I don’t even like Dutch people that much anymore. It is like dating the same person over and over again.