New house? New apartment? New spare room? If you’re thinking about turning some extra space into a kinky gay sex dungeon, you’ve come to the right place.

Anywhere can be a dungeon if you’re willing to forgo polite family visits, but few people want to eat and watch TV on the furniture where someone gets fisted or flogged. We like to dedicate that part of our lives to its own space, removed from the comforts of regular living. And I think it’s healthy to do so — for the same reason I think it’s healthy to come out of submission and dominance, out of kink and fetish play, at regular intervals, like coming up for air. You shouldn’t live in it.

When you leave the dungeon, you’re David with a vintage comic book collection and an affinity for Asian cuisine. When you enter, you’re Sir or slave or Master or dog. You’re a sadistic fist pig, skilled rope bunny, or spoiled brat in need of discipline. Sex dungeons facilitate this crossover, this journey of self. They’re spaces that let you fully be what you are.

Want to create one? Here are my suggestions for the basic tools. You don’t need all of them — some items on this list are catered to certain fetishes over others — but you’ll absolutely see some essentials here that everyone should have. Play nice, boys. 

A word of warning from Alex Cheves.

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend

A word of warning from Alex Cheves.

11. Wrist and ankle manacles.

A staple of any gay sex dungeon is a good, heavy set of metal manacles — usually for the wrists, but ankle manacles are good too. Manacles are medieval-looking, dungeonesque accoutrements of capture, calling to mind damp torture chambers. Locked in these, he’s not going far. Pro tip: Always have a spare key close by — close enough for him to grab in an emergency.

My Recommendation: Manacles Set Black from Fetters UK. 

11. Wrist and ankle manacles.

36. Red light.

The term “red light district” defines a neighborhood in any city where there’s a high concentration of sex clubs, porn shops, strip clubs, and all the other fun places. Red lights were used to advertise brothels as far back as the late 1800s, which is where we get the name from.

Today, we associate red lights with sex — the dirty, kinky, communal, public kind. The red light bulb swinging over a leather sling in the gay sex club. The red light in the dark hallway in the back of a gay bar. Red lights are common features of cruisy leather bars. When you see red lights, you know where you are.

Do not resort to Christmas lights. A lamp or neon sign would be better, or a hanging red bulb on a cord. Set the mood so that when he’s looking up at you — or you’re looking up at him — you know this is space where you are free to let go and get nasty.

My Recommendation: Try your nearest home supplies store — Home Depot or something similar — or shop online. 

36. Red light.

39 Sex Toys Every Gay Man Should Try

I’ll be honest guys, I did not enjoy sex toys when I first came on the scene. I was a freshman in college, brand new to sex, and all my friends, left and right, were exploring their anal pleasures with dildos. “It helps you get used to the feeling,” one guy told me in his dorm room. “I go at my own speed so that when the real thing comes, I’m ready.”

Our hopes were soon met. I started college a few months after Grindr hit the app store. We all quickly discovered sex via the glowing orange icons on our phones. This was my initial understanding of toys: They were ass-trainers, a second-hand way of experiencing the “real thing,” and no matter how nice they were, they were inferior to flesh and blood. I believed “sex toys” for gay men stopped at dildos and prostate stimulators, and I did not consider them legitimate sex play all on their own.

[RELATED: „30 Kinky Terms Every Gay Man Needs to Know“]

In the years since, I have learned that there are many gay sex toys out there beyond anal toys, although these are certainly the majority, and anal toys toys are more than substitutions for penises. Some toys, like the Ass Hammer (see #28), deliver mind-blowing sensations that a penis simply cannot replicate. Nothing will ever replace traditional sex — sex toys simply expand the experiential buffet of sexual pleasure to its true, limitless margin.

As you begin your toy sexploration, you will find that, although there are endless naughty novelty stores in the world, good toys are surprisingly hard to find. You could scour the Internet or make expensive pilgrimages to your nearest big city to visit a sexual retailer catered exclusively to gay men — nearly every big city has one — or you could start with this list of 39 sex toys you have to try, some of which are for beginners and others for seasoned adventurists. Welcome to Toyland, and enjoy the ride.

39 Sex Toys Every Gay Man Should Try

9. Thug Double Fucker

Blessed be the three men that first discovered double penetration — DP is one of the greatest gifts that gay men have been given. But if you’re trying to have a two-person, monogamous relationship, or if you are not quite ready to be double-fucked by two guys, try this toy. It would probably fall into the sex toy category of “cock extenders,” although it does not extend or expand the top’s penis. Rather, it attaches a dildo to his dick and gives you the opportunity to “take two” without a third man present. Oxballs makes some of the world’s best anal toys, great for all us pigs into extreme ass play. 

39. Sex Music

This may be a surprising cap to this list — no one ever talks about tunes as a sexual enhancer. Background music not only sets the mood, but it is also one of the cheapest sexual accoutrements you will buy, and certainly one of the most effective.

Mr. S Leather sells album mixes from one of the North American leather world’s favorite DJs, M. Arana, who has been a repeat guest at the Folsom Street Fair and DJed the San Francisco Leather Ball, the Mr. Fire Island Leather Contest, the Mr. East Coast Rubber Contest in New York, and other sexually-charged events. His mixes sound like darkrooms and play areas and immediately make you feel nasty. And much to my surprise, his albums are available on iTunes alongside other sex music-makers like Tony Barre and the old-school Butt Boy (known for tracks like “Phallidance” and “The Sling”).

If you’re looking for something that sounds less like a dungeon and more like a dance club, try the young LA-based EDM artist TR/ST — his sexed-up, mopey tracks like “Are We Arc?” on his recent album Joyland are great for a relaxed fisting session. 

Hungry for more? Don’t miss „36 Fetishes Every Gay Man Should Know“ and „30 Kinky Terms Every Gay Man Needs to Know.“