Love is blind. When a guy grabs our attention, we can be willing to overlook all manner of shortcomings in the hope they’re, ‘the one’.
Of course, this is not the prerogative of gay guys only. But years of dealing with internalized homophobia, of being made to feel ashamed of one’s natural feelings, can leave many in the queer community floundering when it comes to forging significant partnerships.
“Folks ignore red flags because the quest to be partnered is so ingrained in us by society,” says New York City-based psychologist, Dr Tony Ortega.
“This is even more prominent in the gay community as being in a relationship will normalize us against our heterosexual coupled peers. Single people are often considered abnormal. We fear being alone and single. We attend gatherings and the first question asked of us is usually, ‘Are you seeing someone?’
“The pressure is on to be partnered so sometimes we will overlook and/or minimize red flags for the sake of being in the relationship.
If you’re ignoring or making excuses for any of the following ‘red flags’ – those signs of potential trouble ahead – take a step back to reassess the situation.
“I remember when I was dating my last boyfriend, I ignored how he was not over his ex from about six months prior,” says Ortega.
“One Friday morning, he texted me something along the lines of, ‘Some days, I just wish I could get in a car and drive away and get away from it all’ in response to a dream he had about his ex.
“I had initially thought to myself, this is a major red flag but convinced myself that I was being way too picky too early in the ‘relationship’. As it would turn out, this would have been an opportune time to leave what eventually became a disastrous relationship.”
“Pay close attention to how your potential partner speaks to you,’ says Ortega. “Do they talk down to you? Do they ask for your opinion? Do they actively engage with you to get to know you or do they spend the majority of your time together talking about themselves?”
He goes on, “When you bring something to their attention, do they listen or do they deflect? Does he listen and acknowledge what you say? A healthy relationship allows for healthy confrontation. If your paramour is unwilling to listen to your concerns about them, you may want to think twice.
“If you catch a whiff of being belittled, this may be a red flag.”
As a side note, it can also be illuminating to note how he treats service staff. Does he talk down to waitresses or cashiers? You can often tell a lot about a person from how they treat people who have little or no power over them.
Drunken sex can be great sex. But sober sex is great sex, too. If he’s only interested in sex after he’s taken something “to help unwind” then it’s worth finding out why.
“Does their personality change drastically when they consume alcohol,” asks Ortega. “You may also want to pay attention to the stories they tell about their escapades. Are these stories always about getting high and having a great time?”
Oh, and if you’ve both got a substance abuse problem, that doesn’t mean you’re magically compatible and guaranteed a happy ever after. Sorry.
Those close to you are likely to have a more impartial view of things. Pay attention to what they say.
“I’ve seen many an older guy get with a much younger guy, often in need of some quick money,” recalls Paul Thorn, British author of self-help manual The Broken Heart Toolkit.
“His friends point out to him the red flag they can clearly see. ‘He’s only after one thing. It’s not in your trousers, but your wallet!’ My advice, check out what your close friends think of someone. If love is blind, then hopefully lust isn’t deaf!
Of course, if your family are homophobic as hell and think no man is ever going to be as good as a nice woman, do not turn to them for advice about your latest paramour.
“Do they keep you away from their friends and loved ones?” asks Ortega. “Many men remain closeted from their loved ones. Or maybe they have some sort of secret they are trying to keep from others. Even worse, at a function, they may introduce you as ‘my friend.’
“If your paramour is not able to introduce you as you are, this is a sure sign that they may not be as committed to the potential relationship or they have secrets they are keeping from their loved ones that will eventually cause problems.”
Controlling behavior can include any sort of emotional manipulation. The term ‘Gaslighting’ has been used to describe the way some people attempt to distort someone else’s perception of reality.
“One of the biggest red flags has to be domestic violence,” says Thorn. “One whiff of anything like that and you should hit the abort button. Accepting such behavior, even once, sets a precedent and an abuser will always try and push the boundaries to see what he can get away with.”
“It’s OK to make mistakes,” says Thorn. “However, only a fool will not learn from them.
“Judge a man on his actions rather than his words. If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.”
5 First Date Red Flags for Gay Men
When dating it is hard to not have expectations of the person you are interested in and going to matchmaking sites helps to eliminate some concerns. It is especially so in a gay relationship because society sets the bar so high. Homosexuality has been hit hard by society but it also has gained some ground for acceptance in recent years. Still, in as a single gay man in today’s world it is still difficult to find an accepting partner. It is truly amazing and refreshing to date someone who is open, accepting, and unbiased by the media toward homosexuality. I believe these top 5 are true for any sexual orientation.
Needless to say that there are red flag warning signs that come up when dating gay men let alone all genres of the human race ignore. Five of which usually flare up during the first date.
#1: He is comparing you to his ex and tells you several times that you remind him of the ex. There are several examples under this one and they are all legitimate and serious flags.
#2: He is flirting with others and checking them out instead of you. The age-old wandering eye continues to be in the top 5. Could be that he is trying to show you that he is irresistible to others but why is that something to attract you? Your partner should have eyes for you only.
#3: Meet me at the bar! Yeah no. This is a sure red flag that the bar scene is for him. May not be for you. Certainly not first date material. Even second or third dates at the bar are not cool. We need to be clear that the bar scene is not a place to get to know someone new. Especially if you are a regular and every gay man wants to say hi and meet the new date.
#4: He drinks way too fast and too much. Nothing says run faster than someone who abuses anything. Drinking socially can fun and make a great first date. However, it is obviously going to be a red flag when he encourages you to get high or drink at the same rate he does. Or if you don’t want to and he insists. Homosexuality is already an issue and adding mind altering drugs or alcohol to the mix doesn’t help. Being in full faculties and awareness is a must for safety among other things.
#5: Just out of recovery. This is a debatable one, however, is one easily ignored by gay men. It is encouraged to wait a year after a recovery program to start dating. The idea is that the focus is on recovery, not a new relationship. There are many variables in this instance but to be sure at least a year is recommended before hitting the dating scene. Don’t discourage recovery but be there as a friend until he is ready to focus on you.
To help you find “The One,” call Bespoke Matchmaking today at 1-888-422-6464 or contact us here.
Gay dating red flags
Does he tickle you jokingly even when you laugh and beg for him to stop? Call incessantly when all you want is a quiet day? Prod about your problems when you tell him you need time to think about them on your own?
He dodges all your accusations, and ignores all your pleas to come to a peaceful conclusion. He might as well as say: Ravi wanted to move in too early. Shyam would never stop calling. Rajeev decided to tell his friends why they broke up. Kunal begged to take him back by standing outside his apartment all night. Ahmed called him a cheating scumbag.
Karan threatened to set his house on fire. Ryan asked his mom if she knew her son was a psycho. They were all so crazy. Do you see the pattern? You obviously do. Could the movie last just ten minutes longer?
6 Red Flags for Gay Men to Know When to Move On From Their Partners
In relationships, there is a tendency of overlooking the shortcomings of your partner for fear of losing them. Not only heterosexuals, but the case is the same for homosexuals too. Moreover, gays have a greater tendency of ignoring red flags. This is because society drives them to feel ashamed of their feelings; thus, they can become desperate to hold on to their partners. They feel that having a partner normalizes them against their heterosexual counterparts.
Now, sure, there is societal pressure to be partnered and that drives people to ignore the red flags while remaining invested in toxic relationships. However, staying in an unhealthy relationship is never advisable. So, be wise, read the red flags soon enough and move on when the time comes.
If you perceive that your partner is not over his ex by way of him saying something or his actions, then consider moving on – and as soon as possible. Remember staying in such relationships will only lead to further heartbreak and misery. So, save yourself the trouble and call it quits.
Is your man disrespectful towards you or is not giving you much attention? If yes, then investing more in the relationship would not be wise. Surely, nobody wants anybody to belittle them. Also, the relationship could, later on, take a toll on you. Hence, be wise and quickly call off the relationship.
Besides, consider studying how he treats his staff members. Often, you can learn a lot about a person by the way he treats others who are less powerful than them.
Know that if your partner is addicted to alcohol or drugs, then there are lesser chances of the relationship enduring for long. Also, both of you are having substance-abuse problems does not guarantee a happily ever after story. Sorry, but it is time to move on.
Learn what your friends think of your new partner. This is important because as the adage goes that ‘Love is Blind’ and you may fail to know your partner’s real intentions. Even so, rely on your friends’ opinions as they can give a better perspective on where the relationship is heading.
An apparent red flag is when he does not introduce you to his friends as you are. As such, he may say that you are his friend to others. If yes, then know that he is not as committed to the relationship as you would like him to be. Also, he may be keeping secrets from his loved ones which are again not a good sign. Your next move – leave him.
Any type of controlling behavior can be read as emotional manipulation. ‘Gaslighting’ is the term used when somebody tries to distort your perception of reality. More so, any form of domestic violence should have you hitting the abort button.
In a nutshell, making mistakes is acceptable, but not learning from them is foolish. More importantly, rely on your instincts to tell you whether he is ‘right’ for you or not and always go by the way you feel – notwithstanding, what others will say.
Great list of dating red flags I thought would be appreciated here. What are your red flags?
So I just saw a great video from a YouTuber name Mathew Boggs about seven red flags you should never ignore. This was geared towards women but I’m sure it could apply to both sexes. Also, he made it clear that red flags are not the same as deal breakers, just things to be aware of as they may cause problems down the road. I thought this would be a good place to share these as I know many here struggle to see red flags in their own love life. Please feel free to add more!
-He continuously rescheduled or cancels dates with you
-Treating other people different than how he treats you
At my age, I’ve come up with too many to list. So here’s one:
If you cannot respond to me in a reasonable manner of time, but when we are together you can’t put your phone down, I’m gonna get up and leave you wherever we are.
People who don’t think that the rules apply to them.
Yeah in the video he elaborates more on those points. The mom relationship being more about if a guy has pushed down that anger towards his mom because that could lead to him taking it out a SO. And the exes is more like a “dramatic people attract drama” kind of red flag and that if they’re blaming EVERYTHING on not just one ex but all their exes it’s highly likely they themselves were the issue.
Talks only about themselves during the date, rarely lets you chime in, doesn’t pay interest in you. Odds are that this will continue even into relationship.
won’t add you on social media, you haven’t met anyone they know
You should absolutely be talking about sex with somebody BEFORE you have sex with them. How the hell does this work otherwise? You’re talking about the Revolutionary War, suddenly you’re fucking, and THEN you discuss things like boundaries, safety, desire, etc?
I always found it so awkward when a guy would try to initiate phone sex/sexting super early on. For me that usually winds up with us not having sex at all lol
Sex talk before actual sex is good IMO, it’s a good way to create anticipation for sex and through the use of euphemisms, if its reciprocated. And being sexual is often a part of someone’s vernacular. I think not responding well to you declining a sexual action would be a red flag.
May not be a huge red flag. But a partner that either can’t or doesn’t want to communicate about the hard things.
THIS! my god.. sometimes i just want to shout at people „open your mouth ffs“ 😀
But for real though. Communication is key, it really is.
They are not nice to the wait staff (or anyone in the position of less authority for that matter), even if they’re nice to you.
My husband was beaten by his mom and various stepdads. She had him at 15, and was horribly abusive. She kicked him out of the house starting at the age of 14 and would then call him in as a runaway. She stabbed him with a fork. Kicked him in the balls. Beat him until he was too old to beat.
My husband is the kindest, most gentle, laid back easygoing soul, he is wonderful. But he is still extremely resentful of his mother and it is completely understandable.
So I do not take the „mom“ advice as gospel, because these things are case by case.
Yes of course and in the video I watched the guy made it a point to say that not everyone has a good relationship with their mother. But that a partner with those issues should be have dealt with those feelings and trauma accordingly so that those harsh feelings don’t just get pushed down and then blown up onto others, such as a SO.
After some time in still having „my eyes only“ on snapchat
Letting her male „friends“ hit on her and saying it doesn’t matter because they „aren’t getting anywhere“
Wtf is “my eyes only” it’s the second time I’ve heard this mentioned today..
This one is so common in men it’s the reason I never seriously dated until my current partner (we’re nearly 30)
Like I wouldn’t trust a diabetic who avoided insulin, I’m not rolling the dice with a mentally compromised person.
Gay dating red flags
But gay dating red flags to my mind being persistent is not always a bad thing. That means if I have an aim I never leave things half done. At times I feel dissatisfied with myself, especially when I fail to do something or can’t do things the way they
6 Online Dating Red Flags Not to Ignore
Dating apps have opened up a whole new world of potential partners, but sometimes it takes weeding through some connections to find the perfect match. That’s why keeping an eye out for online dating red flags is so important. It saves you time and helps you find love faster.
Of American online daters, 71 percent report that they believe that lying is prevalent on dating apps. But whether or not lying is as widespread as some believe, we can all agree that there are definitely some users who do embellish. Take a look at our top six online dating red flags to steer clear of anything but the real thing.
The 16 Biggest Online Dating Red Flags
Blind date? Internet romance? These are red flags that he’s going to be soul-sucking IRL.
1. His other social media profiles are really private. You’re really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No Instagram, no Twitter, no Facebook. No one who online dates is „off the grid.“ He’s hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).
2. He goes dark for huge chunks of time. He’s responding to your texts almost immediately. You’re thinking things are going really well so far. And then suddenly you don’t hear from him for 12 hours. Then conversation resumes at 4 a.m. like nothing ever happened. Is he sleeping during the day and going out at night to fight crime? Is he Batman? SPOILER ALERT: He is not Batman.
3. You get a text that seems like it was meant for someone else. Either he’s being really forward with you or that „thinking of you“ text was only sent to you because he wasn’t paying attention.
4. He sends 15 texts in a row when you don’t respond right away. You didn’t respond to the first five? Time to send nine more just to make sure you’re not missing them. If he’s this … attentive now, just wait until you meet in person.
5. He avoids personal lines of questioning. You’re probably hoping he has a sexy, checkered past. Maybe he was a spy or something. In reality, he just doesn’t want you to find out about his DUI.
6. He makes every text into a sext. He knows better than to explicitly text, „I m so horne,“ or ask for pictures of your breasts, but he’s always steering the conversation in a sexual direction. Like: „lol u r in bed right now? i wish I was there lol ;-)“
7. He’s always „at the gym“ or „just getting out of the shower.“ Think about his sweaty, naked body, dammit. At least, that’s what he wants you to do. There’s no way anyone showers or lifts that much, bro.
8. He flakes out on plans last-minute. You’ve had plans to meet up on multiple occasions, and something always happens. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing twice might be an unfortunate coincidence. Bailing eight times means he’s hoping you’ll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.
9. He tries to impress you with humblebrags. He’s always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it’s OK. He needs money for all those vacations he takes. Maybe you can go with him sometime. People are always checking him out when he walks down the street, but he hates the attention. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool.
10. He leads off with a dick pick. Even if it’s a really pretty dick, the odds that this guy is going to be a good husband are slim to none. There’s no future here.
11. He calls you „baby“ within his first three messages. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there’s no reason for some guy you don’t know to call you that. „Baby“ is code for „I think wearing puka shell necklaces is cool, and no matter where we go, I’m secretly going to do coke in the bathroom.“
12. His idea of a date is really just a thinly veiled sexual euphemism. „Hey, how about for our first date, we grab a bite to eat, and then I [vague reference to oral here].“ Chances are slim you are going to be like, „Yeah, dude. Let’s go grab some Frostys and then bang.“ Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.
13. He’s dodgy about what he does for a living. There’s no shame in being unemployed for a stretch or getting paid under the counter. But if he’s describing himself as an „entrepreneur“ and refuses to get more detailed or refers to his job situation as „complicated“ instead of being up front, that should be a red flag. If he doesn’t have a job, it’s understandable that he won’t want to lead with that, but if he won’t even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot.
14. He never wants to meet anywhere near his place. There are a few reasons he could be doing this. Either he’s seeing someone else and doesn’t want to be spotted out with another woman in his hometown, he doesn’t see a future with you and doesn’t want you knowing where he lives just so he can keep his distance, or he’s basically a hoarder and he doesn’t want you to see the state his place is in. It’s one thing if he’s being a gentleman and doesn’t want you to make a long drive out to see him. It’s another if he freaks out at the prospect of you being within a 20-mile radius of his home.
15. He only has a single profile pic. Either he has low self-esteem, doesn’t care about pictures, or that picture is not at all indicative of him. You shouldn’t be one to judge a book by its cover, obviously, but if he’s actively trying to deceive people, that says a lot about his personality. And to be totally fair, physical chemistry is still important.
16. He never wants to meet up in person. If he talks to you constantly but doesn’t meet up, or have social media profiles, or ever want to video chat … you’re probably being catfished. Start doing reverse image searches (and don’t forget to flip the image in case he’s doing the same thing to throw you off the scent). Y’all have probably seen the show by now. You know how to do it.
online dating red flags
Welcome to our reviews of the online dating red flags (also known as dating sites for over 50s free). Check out our top 10 list below and follow our links to read our full in-depth review of each online dating site, alongside which you’ll find costs and features lists, user reviews and videos to help you make the right choice.
3 Giant Red Flags You MUST Avoid when dating a new person
I’m going to give you the top 3 red flags in dating that you should be weary of when dating a new guy. These three red flags are the only red flags you need to keep in mind when dating.
If you ignore these red flags, you’ll see your dating life downward spiral fast.
The reason I’m giving you only three red flags is that if you focus on too many red flags, you may get confused.
Not to mention, having a plethora of dating red flags in your head can lead you to rule out otherwise great men, and go too far down the rabbit hole of looking for red flags.
23 Red Flags to Watch Out For on a First Date
Once, after my mom came home from a date, my sister and I asked her how it went. She promptly replied that she didn’t see a second date in the cards because, in her words, “his sports coat was too long. It looked goofy.” Lena and I, then teenagers, laughed heartily at this. “What?” she asked, “It looked bad, and I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn’t know how to dress.” In contrast, she’d ended her previous relationship because the guy didn’t believe in evolution, which, sure! Very valid reason! But „his coat was too long“ seemed, to us, an incredibly minor thing that two mature adults could’ve worked through easily. What is dating if not an opportunity to fix someone’s flaws?
But my mother knew a red flag when she saw one. Here, in her eyes, was a man who would never know exactly how to take care of himself in the ways she’d expect. Why set yourself up for disappointment? Of course, most people don’t even know how long a sports coat is supposed to be, so I still don’t quite think this was her most sound judgment in retrospect. There are, however, some universal red flags we can all watch out for. Below, a fairly comprehensive list of things that should make you think twice about a second date:
13 Online Dating Red Flags
Red Flags to Watch Out for When You Start Dating Someone
The early days of dating someone new can be wonderful. You’re getting to know someone, learning about all of their quirks and figuring each other out. Part of that is recognizing if something about them seems off. If, in the first stage of seeing someone, you see too many of these red flags flying instead of fireworks, you might want to look for love elsewhere.
Red Flags That Gay Men Should NOT Ignore On A First Date
Do you really have to leave after two ice creams? Can we walk around your block one more time? Must you leave right now? The morning? The day? Another small factor to consider is how you met.
Drunk or sober? Just saying. Is she your number one priority right off the bat?
Dear Gay Men, Here’s Why You Need To Know About Red Flags – Firstpost
This is a definite red flag. Try to remain realistic — it may save you a lot of heartache in the long run. Are you always single or constantly ending relationships? Do friends and family tell you the reason you struggle to find a steady relationship is because you are too picky? Dating in New York City is hard.
Dating Red Flags: Safety Checklist, Questions To Ask, Narcissistic Guys & Girls and Married Men. Warning Signs Of A Catfish, Texting, First Dates & More
The number of people using dating apps has reached an all-time high and will likely continue to climb as more and more people are willing to put themselves out there, the stigma around dating apps diminishes and people become more pressed for time to meet others organically in more traditional ways. As more people depend on dating apps for their main or even only method of meeting people, there are things every person should be cautious of as digital red flags are sometimes harder to spot than offline ones.
The Pew Center for Research published a brand-new study that digs into the numbers and is a great read for those looking to learn more about dating apps.
Please… be smart about dating…
As a woman dating in this sometimes confusing and superficial era, you really have to be smart in the way you go about dating.
And you have to be particularly smart when online dating, because you are getting to know someone through a screen initially.
As such, you don’t get to witness all the little nuances in body language, speech and eye movement that you may observe when first meeting someone in person.
Dating apps are a haven for scammers, narcissists, players and yes, adulterous married men too.
However, we can’t let this fact take away from all the truly high value men, the great men online who are really sitting there waiting to get to know you.
Yes, they exist. And I’ll show you exactly how to connect to the souls of these truly great men later on in this article.
The top 3 dating red flags you must avoid as a woman
For now, let’s concentrate on the top 3 dating red flags you must avoid.
Obviously, there are many things that could come under the umbrella of red flags in dating. However, in my experience working with hundreds of women in their online and offline dating lives, these are the top red flags to look for when dating a new person.
My husband also has a great article on this topic. Here’s the 1 GIANT Red Flag that All Women Routinely Fall For in Online Dating.
Dating red flag #1: He’s not attuned to you.
If you understand the concept of attunement, you’ll understand the value of attunement when dating men.
If you are not attunedor he is not attuned to you, there will be trouble in your future.
The reason for this is that when there’s no attunement, there’s no hope in falling in love, for either of you. And there’s definitely no relationship on the horizon. You can count on that.
For two people to form a genuine connection and fall in love, there has to be attunement. Has to be.
Think of attunement like this. It is the act (and art) of responding to someone and being on the same page as them.
Dating Red Flag #2: He puts no effort into his online dating bio or in talking to you
If a man doesn’t put any effort into the most basic thing – his online dating profile or bio – then he is not serious about connecting with you.
Nor is he serious about the process of online dating.
Not putting in effort into writing anything compelling in his dating profile bio that would allow women to connect to him or learn more about him, is evidently an online dating red flag.
Also, what I’m about to say ties into the first dating red flag.
But to reiterate: if you find that he puts zero effort into the conversation with you, then conclude that he isn’t actually there to converse.
Dating Red Flag #3: He panders to women’s need for a relationship & commitment.
This can also be known as love bombing, and this red flag goes for in person dating as well as online a man talks about a commitment very early on in the dating process, that’s a red flag.
Simple, but useful fact: NO man is ready for commitment in the first conversation online, or even in the first few weeks of meeting you.
When men pander to your need for a commitment or marriage too early, it’s a strategy that some men use in order to scam you. They may scam you in order to get money from you, to get into your pants, or fast track his way to sex with ’s an example. A lady posted this on my facebook group.
And this is what she had to say about this text she received:
“I just started talking to this guy a few days ago and the texts are non stop. I suggested we have a picnic for our first date at a nearby lake (it is a very populated lake) and this is his response. I feel overwhelmed…”
See the keywords in his first texts “I would actually enjoy that especially with you.”
Especially with you? They just started talking! This kind of language plays to a woman’s need for exclusivity (ie: signals of commitment) far too early.
“You know if you keep thinking of these kind of things to do together I might fall head-over-heels for you.”
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Are You Dating a Serial Monogamist? How to Tell and What It Means
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Your 2021 Love Horoscope: What the Stars Have in Store for Each Zodiac Sign
Considering a Prenup? Here’s Everything You Need to Know
11 Questions You Should Ask Before (And During) Marriage
What Is Gaslighting in Relationships? An Expert Explains
1. You are wearing sunglasses in every picture
I literally do not understand. We live in Seattle… not exactly known for being bright and blinding. What are you hiding? Do you have a perpetual sty that you’re super embarrassed about? Maybe mention it in your profile… or maybe don’t. If we’re being honest I really don’t understand the correlation between gay men and sunnies – but (can’t resist the opportunity for a good pun) it makes you look super shady. HEYOOOO.
Greg: “What is WITH the sunglasses?!!!? I cannot. Those are like paper bags for your eyes and I don’t trust you.”
There are literally so many married guys on gay Tinder! I cannot decide if they’re just married but in super progressive open marriages, or if they’re gay and haven’t come out to their wives yet. Either way…sketch city.
Greg: “Short answer is HELL to the no. Slightly longer is NeVeR swipe right to a man who admits to being married on Tinder. It always fucks someone’s day up.”
7. You’re “Looking for the One”
On Tinder? Really? I mean…at the pie store or kitschy coffee shop you frequent, sure. But a dating app? I know it “happens” but I feel like the people that it happens to are lying to us to keep us entering our Apple ID passwords because they get some sort of secret commission out of it.
Greg: “Why can’t we just be friends? But seriously if there’s a ring involved and we’ve known each other for less than a month I better be on The Bachelor because otherwise I will damn sure say no!”
8. You Have Babies
This is universal on any dating website for any dating people, I think. Babies form a certain level of commitment. It’s unfair to throw it out there if you aren’t sure about what the other person wants.
Greg: “If you have a baby that means a lot of things to me. It means, number one, you’ve been into a vag which is uncharted territory for me and makes me feel a little territorial if we’re being honest. Plus I never thought I would have to sign up for Baby Mama Drama ever in my life and now I’m being automatically subjected to it. Also…there’s a baby. I don’t know how to deal with a baby. This swipe on Tinder just became exponentially more complicated because of this tiny human. –hrumph-”
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Being coupled is a religious judgemental invasion of boundaries and an attack on freedom of self. I have one religious friend out of 20 and she is always onto that rhetoric with people. As with most religious peeps it’s very annoying bc they are bots and need special care while intoxicated and acting out their religious zombie ways.
Anyway my two cents is how comfortable does one feel with the other person. For me drugs and alcohol is only permitted on special occasions or occasionally when we both agree on it. I don’t like dating a drugged up personality. But if I’m cuddle comfy with a potential partner, I’m pretty much on board.
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Red Flags When Dating a Narcissist
Below are some red flags to look out for. Having a few traits doesn’t mean that someone is diagnosable with NPD — a narcissistic personality disorder — but they do not bode well for a fulfilling relationship.
For narcissists, the world revolves around them. Other people are only two-dimensional, meaning that narcissists can’t empathize. They’re in their own reality and see you as an extension of themselves to satisfy their needs and wants. When you talk to your date, is he or she interested in getting to know you, or talk only about themselves? Amazingly, some people do, as if their listener doesn’t exist. This is a tell-tale sign that you will feel invisible in the relationship. If you felt invisible in your family, you might take this for granted. You could possibly feel validated by the attention you give as a good listener. Beware that this pattern will likely continue.
As mentioned above, some narcissists are skilled communicators and will appear fascinated by you, even mirror your interests to make you like them. They may be good at short-term intimacy and make you feel like a king or queen; but eventually, they don’t keep up that act. You’ll discover that their motive is to get what they want; for example, sex, but that they’re not interested in getting to know more about you, your family, problems, or successes.
Be aware of other signs of lack of consideration: walking far ahead of you, making you track them down for a return phone call, arriving late, disregarding your boundaries and needs, or interrupting conversations to take calls from other people.
Narcissists feel superior to other people, and can be rude or abusivewhen don’t get what they want. This is revealed in their behavior and how they talk about themselves and others. Is your date a fault-finder who criticizes or blames others, the opposite sex, or an ex? One day he or she may be bashing you. When you go out, notice how he or she treats waitresses, car hops, and vendors. Does he or she show other people respect, or act superior to other certain groups, such as minorities, immigrants, or people of less means or education?
Narcissists put their needs first. They may manipulate you with flattery, belittling, or threats. Their lack empathy may show when planning a date. Time and place might be a difficult negotiation or on their terms, especially if they sense that you’re interested in them. Initially, they may want to please you to win you over, but once they’ve made their “catch,” they want to please themselves. It’s the chase, not the catch that motivates them. Once they’re victorious, they can lose interest, and move on to the next conquest before it gets too emotionally intimate. If not, they’ll be emotionally unavailable and keep you at a distance, because they’re afraid if you get too close, you won’t like what you see.
Dating App Red Flags: What Are They & How To Find Them – Texting, Photos, Bio & More
The increase in numbers though provides a false sense of security around dating apps. Dating apps are no safer than meeting people offline. People often take profiles for granted and assume everything is accurate and up to date. There are lots of lies told on dating app profiles as well as communication, lies of omission and more.
It is much easier to lie and misrepresent yourself online with anonymity, false sense of security of apps and expectations associated with meeting people. (I highly recommend reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Talking To Strangers).
Because of this automatic assumptions and trust of dating apps and profiles (coupled with readily available public information online), people on apps can be more vulnerable to targets of scammers, bots, ransomware and professional stalkers and harassers. A recent story published by ProPublica and Columbia Journalism Investigations highlights some of these frightening and underreported numbers around stalkers, harassment, assault, violence and rape.
App Choice, Photos and Bios – What Do They Suggest?
The first thing I recommend for anyone experiencing problems attracting the right person is looking internally. What do your app choices, photos, prompts and messages suggest? Apps like Tinder suggest something casual for the most part unless it is the only app in your town in which is can be used to find something more steady.
Just because you find someone on Bumble, Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel (more mature, relationship focused apps), doesn’t mean the person has a hook-up profile on Tinder or wouldn’t try to sleep with someone on date #1 if given the opportunity.
After app choice, your photos and bio/prompts are the next area I suggest people examine. Being playful and cute might seem like an easy, safe way to attract guys but it can also suggest you are not looking for anything specific nor are looking for anything serious.
Defensive language like no-hook ups tend to suggest an inability to identify such behavior or at least a natural distrust for others. I suggest focusing on what you want rather than what you are trying to avoid in your prompts and bios.
When it comes to photos, I suggest being conservative enough to the point where you wouldn’t mind a co-worker, HR or boss stumbling across your profile on a dating app. If your photos are more suggestive or show you mostly in drinking situations or casual attire, you might find guys looking for a quick fling flocking to your profile
Your profile should show you in a more holistic light rather than weekend party mode. Don’t be afraid to show a dorky, boring, weird or other vulnerable aspects of your personality and lifestyle.
Online Dating Red Flag Warning Signs: Evaluate Their Profile, Photos, Bios and Messages
You can tell a lot about a person and their photos but it is not always easy nor accurate. Self-absorbed photos are an easy way to ID such f*ckbois (gym selfies, bathroom selfies, trying too hard to look good in photos, photos next to cars, photos showing wealth, photos that are a little to perfect, portrait like).
Are his bios and prompts mostly discussing weekends, drinks, partying or TV shows? Does he discuss his passions, insecurities, interests, loves, guilty pleasures and self-deprecating humor? Do his messages come off a little too strong or is often a bit too coy? Does he flood you with compliments aka Love Bombing? Is he taking the time to learn about you or is he focused on trying to make you feel good and meet you asap.
If a guy comments on your looks too eagerly, makes innuendos that are a bit forward or only messages you at random times around his schedule then perhaps take a harder look at what he is signaling. An alpha male who has an inflated ego, is a bit too confident or is a little too sure about making assumptions about you are but a few ways to identify narcissistic behavior.
Hi, hey, what’s up or simple opening lines are obvious but I figure this needs to be said in 2020 still (sigh).
Online Dating Red Flags Texting: Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat DM’s & Links
If someone lists their IG, WhatsApp, Snap profiles in their dating profile, chances are they will talk to anyone, are looking to get followers, are looking for attention, are narcissistic or have no sense of privacy. Regardless of the reason, listing this upfront to strangers is a definite red flag. One exception is on Bumble where it’s not uncommon to find some women uncomfortable making the first move so instead list their Instagram account handle.
Red Flags To Look For Online Dating: Look For Negative, Jaded Bios and Answers
Dating apps are hard and inefficient. It is not uncommon to meet men who become jaded over time. “Please don’t waste my time with XYZ.” “If you don’t intend to meet up, swipe LEFT!!!” are just a few of the passive-aggressive, defensive languages men use to weed out girls.
Similarly, a guy who is too agreeable, does not have his own opinion and is not willing to challenge you politely and thoughtfully might be trying too hard to please you and thus unable to assert himself accordingly to your liking.
Chronically complaining about exes, co-workers, life is a red flag. These are but a few of the red flags of an insecure man and emotionally insecure man who has spent too much time on dating apps and is now jaded by women and dating. A follow-up sign is insecure mind games (being defensive and unable to trust). Here are some red flag phrases to look out for.
“I am ‘x’ height’ because apparently that matters.” In words of Harriet Marsden “they’ve clearly chosen to be a little b*tch about it.”
“No Drama” (men: this means doesn’t want your opinions; women: I can’t read, analyze people).
“Looking for someone low maintenance or who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.” – this person will never cook, spend too much time on the couch or has no ambitions in life.
“Like going out but also like staying in” – I am a human.
“Fake reviews from friends, family, celebrities” – I have no redeeming qualities.
“Friends, family” – Things like this are understood and it’s up to you to convey in your bio, photos rather than list something so basic, boring.
Cliche Prompts, Answers, Pickup Lines
These are obvious signs of copy/paste efforts, low effort being put into online dating or at the least, lack of creativity. The current fad (and a bad one) is coronavirus pickup lines. Any old bloke can copy and paste lines from Reddit when they lives are too dull or boring to think of something interesting, unique.
Red Flags Before First Date: No Dates Planned, Vague Date Suggestions
Not everyone you match with is up for going on a date or ever meeting. Some guys are lonely, don’t know what they want or too nervous to ask you out. This is inevitable. If conversations on dating apps seem to go nowhere, don’t make excuses for him. Some guys are looking for companionship or pen-pals. A guy who wants to meet up will let you know and ask you out.
Consideration For Someone Other Than Himself, Herself
Asking about your day, family, friends, being considerate of your health, hunger and safety – these are are few simple ways to build confidence in the man you are dating.
Communicating well, explaining things via apologies vs making excuses are other ways to learn about a guy’s emotional and mental state of being. Asking questions but not revealing items about himself, his past, his friends and his family are often signs of him trying to hide things from you. Conversely, talking about himself 24/7 is a sign of narcissism and inability to think of others.
Pro-tip: If he is always on his phone with you but never responds to you quickly, red flag.
No Friends, Overly Dependent on You: Putting Too Much Pressure On You Too Early
Many guys on dating apps are genuine in their approach to being ready to meet people and being able to give of themselves but not all guys are like this. A red flag that many women point out is a guy not having friends. Having no friends can create a burden on women to fill men’s over-dependence on them (friend, confidant, significant other etc.)
It’s one thing to be new in town or have friends that are married with kids but having a few good, close friendships can provide a little validation into someone’s character. As I always say, “You can tell a lot about a person by the people they surround themselves with.”
Lazy, Low Effort Profiles, Messages, Bios and People
When using dating apps, it’s easy to get butterflies and be enthusiastic about your match or upcoming date. Dating apps can be a great way to meet people outside your routine, lifestyle and social circle but there are many people use treat dating apps like a game and never intend on meeting people or lack the ability to put much effort into dating.
Some apps involve mindless swiping to see who likes you first before making a move – people swipe during meetings, on dates while their date is ordering drinks or is using the restroom and as a game with friends.
It is important to keep track of effort, energy and enthusiasm during the courting stage. Someone who is indifferent, lacks an opinion, doesn’t meet you halfway or uses short answers and never asks questions is a definite red flag. It’s not uncommon for people who agree to go on dates to never end up going on said date because of cancellation, rescheduling (and never following up) or straight ghosting.
If someone cancels a date it is up to them to reschedule. If they make no effort you should not make excuses for them nor should you bend over backwards to try to accommodate them.
Some people like to be chased and some people like to exert control and power over others. While this is not often then case, it happens more than people care to admit. Don’t waste time on people who don’t make a sincere effort to date you. Don’t let a dating slump lower your standards so much that you ignore classic red flags like this.
Requesting Photos, Moving Conversations to Text, Snapchat
There is no need to move off a dating app to communicate until at least after you met. Some guys will ask you to them photos of yourself, a selfie. Don’t do it. All the photos you have of yourself on your dating profile is suffice. Once you move platforms it becomes easier for others to exploit you, blackmail you etc.
There are plenty of ways to read and analyze people’s app choice, photos, bios, captions, messages, poses etc. to reduce chances of catfishing without being so creepy asking about a photo. If someone still insists on a photo, chances are they are insecure or have been catfished often or have trust issues.
Online Dating Red Flag Warnings: Possible Signs of Catfishing
Most of the advice here is to weed out low-quality, lazy and creepy folks but there is a set of red flags to look out for and that is for catfishing. Catfishing can be described as people who lie about their identity – this can be posing as someone else or misrepresenting how they look today.
In the first example, people (usually outside the United States) pretend to be someone else in order to become close to vulnerable people (depressed, separated, recently divorced or widowed, older folks). They shower them with compliments and eventually ask for money, loans etc. This is obvious red flag but some people are such in a bad place they overlook such items.
In the latter example, people use old photos of themselves that no longer represent how they look like today. Usually these photos are 5-10 years old or more, are from a time when they were slimmer, less wrinkly, more hair, less white hair or smaller bald spots.
Other ways people misrepresent themselves is to use misleading angles (usually 60-75 degrees up to appear slimmer). Pay attention to photo details, ask questions about photos, do a reverse image search to reduce your chances of being catfished.
The Red Pill, Reddit | Incels
Red Pill Theory refers to the red pill scene in the matrix. The Guardian describes it as “The rabbit hole, in this case, is the “reality” that women run the world without taking responsibility for it, and that their male victims are not permitted to complain.” To counter women’s power and rise, men must take control and be a-holes and more alpha to win back control.
Given the imbalance of men to women on dating apps, many men feel their frustration, rejection is due to women. They often fail to realize their volume approach, laziness, lack of grooming skills, approachability, bad photos, poor smiles, narcissistic selfies, copy and pasted pick-up lines don’t work. In the case they are sincere, they feel women owe it to them to be open to their advances (see Nice Guys above).
Similarly, incels (involuntary celibates) are looking to control, shame and discredit women for their insecurity, failure and misery. Unfortunately this culture is on the rise given the dynamics of women rising in the economic marketplace (more advance degrees, more income results in more choices and not having to settle). It is referred to as a Black Pill community whereby men are losers, incapable of love and sex and thus blame women for their failures.
The best way to identify such men is to see how they observe and talk about women out in public. Making comments like she deserves XYZ, or why does she let ABC happen etc. are early signs of behavior.
Dating Profile Verification Links From Users, Matches
These are scams. Don’t click links from matches and people you have not met. It is likely spyware or phishing software that will get access to your files, accounts and more.
The only verification links that are legitimate are from dating apps themselves like Tinder’s catfish test in partnership with Noonlight.
How To Spot Married Men, Husbands On Dating Apps
Some dating apps suggests links based on mutual friends. Some apps will block people you are friends with or know on dating apps (1 or 2 degrees of separation). For this reason, you can’t expect to find a profile online directly or through a mutual friend.
Dating sites like have the ability to make a profile private until the person decides to reveal himself or herself to you by adjusting privacy and visibility settings.
One strategy (married men in particular) deploy is using dating apps only when traveling as to reduce chances of connecting with someone locally. If you match with a guy who is from out of town on work, says he is going through a divorce, is not on social media and only wants to meet at hotels (never in public) – consider these red flags.
Other possible signs of a double life or infidelity include multiple phones, paying by cash only, using nicknames and making grand promises of future exclusivity or moving to your town without any exact timelines or specifics.
Sketch Dating Apps & Websites To Be Cautious Of
Any site or app that seems a little too specific should be approached with caution. Sites like AdultFriendFrinder, ChristianMingle, MillionaireMatch, FarmersOnly, EliteSingles, SeekingArrangements are often associated with creepy and suspicious behavior.
Adult Friend Frinder, Christian Mingle, Millionaire Match, Elite Singles, Seeking Arrangements, Farmers Only, Badoo, MeetMe may have decent or good ratings on app stores but those ratings can be bought easily.
Red Flag Phrases In Dating Profiles: Online Dating Guys & Girls To Avoid
Looking For Someone Who Doesn’t Take Themselves Too Seriously
What Is A Red Flag On Tinder, How Dangerous Is Tinder? Is Tinder Safe?
That depends on your ability to use good judgment but be wary of fake profiles on the app, limited information etc. There are lots of scammers on Tinder so it requires more effort to know how to screen profiles, read questions.
Give guys a chance, but don’t make excuses for them. Don’t bend on your values and priorities but be open to meeting guys who don’t meet your exact list of height, education, income, ethnic and physical appearance.
Dating takes time. If you try to rush it, things may backfire. Just because your friend met her husband on a dating app in the first week and got engaged within 6 months doesn’t mean everyone is on the same timeline.
Online Dating Resource Guide – Surveys, Studies, Podcasts, Articles & More
Eddie Hernandez is a professional photographer specializing in natural, candid online dating photos. Featured in the SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle. In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice and date ideas.
Check out this guide on how to stay safe on dating apps:
Check out this post on etiquette around apps, messaging, profiles and dates:
Comprehensive resource guide for stats, studies, surveys around dating apps:
Online Dating Frequently Asked Questions (Photos, App Choice, Wardrobe, Messaging, Bios and More):
1. They have a lot of “don’ts” but not a lot of positives in their profiles
Swiping through potential matches and come across a profile filled with strict rules dictating what they don’t want their partners to do? Maybe you should just move along.
Of course it’s ok to be vocal about your boundaries, but there is a big difference between having standards and being controlling. You have just connected with this person, your conversation should feel easy going and natural.
Entering romance with a checklist is an online dating red flag for someone with a negative point of view. Maybe they’ve been burned on dating apps before, but that doesn’t mean that they can then try to control you or any of their other dates.
3. Pet names pop up in the first few messages
If you just met someone on a dating app and, only two messages after their introduction, they’re calling you “baby,” you’re looking at an online dating red flag right away.
While some people enjoy cute pet names, others find them patronizing. They’re terms that are best used once a couple becomes more comfortable with each other, and the person using the pet name feels confident that their partner enjoys hearing it.
But at such an early point in a courtship, the person using the name has no idea if the other person enjoys it — and they don’t really care. In this case, it’s a word of convenience. They can use it for any of their matches. You should concentrate on the connections who are interested in you.
4. They’re not smiling in any of their pictures
One of the biggest goals of dating app profiles is making yourself approachable. You want to have a description that is enticing, and opens the door to talking and connecting over mutual wants and interests.
You also want to include pictures that spark conversations. Ones that make someone who is looking at them to feel like they can comfortably talk to you.
Studies show that smiling actually makes a person look more attractive. If the profile you’re looking at doesn’t make you feel at ease, maybe mark it as a red flag.
5. Their photos and messages are overly sexual
There’s no shame in a little sexting, but that should come once you and your match have connected a bit. Ideally, it should even be after you’ve gone on a real date or two. If you match with someone and their first reaction is to send you explicit photos and messages, that’s a severe online dating red flag.
If you’re looking for a quick hookup, then maybe this is fine. But if you’re looking for something long-term and serious, consider moving forward with another match.
The bottom line is that you should always feel comfortable with the content you recieve. Remember, this introduction may be online, but it still says alot about their character. If someone sends you something that feels inappropriate, the likelihood is they aren’t “the one.”
6. They don’t want to meet in person and find reasons not to every time you ask
The goal of online dating is to take that online connection and turn it into a real life one, right? Well, not always. Unfortunately, there are some people that use dating apps just for fun and accumulate matches without ever wanting to take them into the real world.
If you’ve been talking to someone for a while, and they make up excuses every time you want to meet them face to face, you might want to cut your losses. Odds are they’re not there to find a long-term partner if they’re not willing to go on a real date.
Online dating doesn’t have to be a minefield. Sure, you’re going to get bad matches but that’s just reality. Bad dates happen in real life too. But the truth is that most people aren’t involved in online dating to play games, they’re searching for love. So pay attention to these online dating red flags and make searching for your other half a little bit easier.
See more articles written by EliteSingles Editorial
If you’re serious about online dating, take this red flag to heart
Now, this particular red flag of lack of attunement applies very much in online dating.
If you’re serious about online dating, then you should be testing each and every man that you are interested in having a conversation with.
You initiate a conversation with a man that you are interested in using this high value banter.
And this is all the test you’ll need to find out if he’s a high value man who is attuned to you.
This is, in fact, the one enormous online dating red flag that I would say is invariably true.
And that’s important, because with most other red flags in dating, there’s a grey area. But not this one; the red flag that he is not attuned to you.
Too much “searching” for red flags can backfire on you
You see, I don’t always like the concept of “searching” for red flags.
Because this can cause you to just be on guard too much, and responding in fear.
Sure, I understand that if you’ve been in an abusive relationship, you may naturally be more skeptical, on guard and ready to run.
If you feel a bit scared and nervous to get involved with a narcissist yet again, here’s how I can help.
I have an article on “Gaslighting In Relationships: Examples Signs & Cure” right here.I also have an article on toxic relationships signs here.
These two articles should help you heal, and understand further what to look out for when dating a new person.
Some seemingly kind & generous actions can carry ill intent…
It works like see, even the most seemingly kind or generous actions can carry ill intent.
For example: a toxic, narcissistic man can pay for an expensive dinner for you, and make you feel like he is the ultimate gentleman and you are a princess. Only, you find out that he was doing it to manipulate you into feeling obligated to sex.
Contrast this with the fact that some of the most seemingly annoying or anger inducing actions can have a loving, giving intent.
For example, you may have a hang up about your enormous left big toe. And a man playfully brings up the topic of your enormous left big toe, telling you that it is the most diabolical thing he’s ever seen.
He’s triggering your fears, and perhaps also annoying you. But what he intends to do is actually connect with you.
Well, he’s trying to push through your boundaries with love to touch your soul.
He is poking fun at you in order to desensitise you to your perceived “deformity”.
It’s interesting. Often, if you care, you’ll be willing to break the rules just to do the right thing.
And you do the right thing so that you can contribute to someone and change their life, or to make a deeper connection.
This is why relying on, and searching for lots of dating red flags can sometimes mislead you. This is also why I don’t like having a tonne of dating red flags to look out want to be aware of some important dating red flags, but we don’t want to become overly reliant on them. Or we will lose our true power of attunement.
To be smart in dating, train in attunement
I suggest instead that you train in true attunement.
Don’t examine or react through fear, but by attuning yourself to the other person’s intent, and to look for his attunement to you!
This is why this is the no.1 red flag in online dating that is indisputable. He’s not attuned to you.
(Remember, you can’t expect him to be attuned round the clock. That’s just not possible. But when first getting to know a guy, if he has no attunement to you, that’s a problem.)
There’s lots of ways that you can test a man for attunement to you.
Here’s how to test men in online dating
What would you want to test men for? You’d want to test them for their level of attunement to YOU.
If you don’t test, you can end up in the wrong kinds of situationships with men. You may not realize you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man, either.
With that said, the best way by far to test men in online dating, is through the use of high value banter.
You see, if a man doesn’t respond to your banter online, then he has no capacity or desire to connect with you. And so he would not be worth your time!
To test whether he is attuned to you in online dating, use high value banter method was created specifically for women to use online to weed out the low value men and connect with the high value men!And if you visit the high value banter page, you’ll see that so many women have had success with using it.
They are getting asked out on dates super fast and the dates are with high value men, not duds.
It has truly changed lots of women’s dating life! With some women being totally burnt out through online dating to ending up having high quality men repeatedly ask them out on dates that turned out to be “electric” is how effective high value banter is at eliminating the nasties online.Click here to watch an amazing case study with Kristin on how high value banter completely turned her online dating life around!
What is the intention of men who don’t put effort into their dating profile?
Why would a man try to online date without putting any effort into his online dating profile and bio?Because he’s just there to look at (gawk at) profiles, to pick up easy women, or just for the excitement of having random conversations with strangers (that may stroke his ego).
You’re doing it to be able to connect with someone, in the hope that it will lead to something more. Ie: a relationship.
So the most basic requirement for you as a woman, is that the man is willing to connect on some level with you, true?
CLICK here to discover how online dating has completely changed and why you as a woman need to use “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men online and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”!(…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and duds!)
My man David runs this free class and I highly recommend you listen to it.
Men who fake early attachment & romance…
No man falls head over heels in love with a woman just for suggesting special things to do (before they have even met).
This kind of early attachment in relation to suggestions for sweet or romantic dates tends to be a bias that women have, not men!
“I debated (read: deleted) my account because I want to give you a 150% of my attention…”
Too much “exclusivity signaling” is what I would like to call it. He’s sending signals that they can be exclusive, way before he should.
Try to remember that it is simply not possible to skip over all the natural steps and milestones in dating…
Don’t Ever try to short-cut all the natural steps in dating
AND – don’t let men try to short-cut all the natural steps in dating with ;t let them jump the gun. Scammers and narcissists will , but never for the right reasons.
What natural steps?In dating, there are natural steps that cannot be skipped if you want a real are the steps of the playful online conversations that build attraction, to the first in-person you’ve met, the next natural steps are the development of further emotional attraction and emotional connection, and the gaining and developing of trust. If you want to learn more about how to build emotional connection and emotional attraction with men, click here. After this, there are a bunch of other factors that cannot be short-cut before you get to the stage of exclusivity and long term love!
Always remember: the rule in dating red flags is: if it feels too soon, it is too soon!
To help you add more to your dating arsenal as a woman, here’s an article on Why Men Ghost: 3 Reasons Why Men Disappear & What You MUST Do.
P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.
Thank you for writing this. I’ve been journaling about sme of my experiences in dating lately, especially after you gave me the generous advice to learn to say no and feel it without resentment. I dont use dating apps because I havent had the need to just yet, not that I’m not open to it. Body language is the first thing I notice in a man. Sometimes I can almost feel a man open up, just ever so slightly, even when 5 feet apart from one another or across a room, if we smile at each other. Unfortunately I have… Read more »
You’ve been journaling about your experiences! That’s great, what a wonderful commitment. As for a man’s intentions, that’s definitely not always easy for a woman. I mean, if a man really has bad intent for you, yes you’ll feel it. Your gut will tell you. But for everyday non-threatening things, I’ve found that it takes time to build that trust whereby you get to actually learn about and feel what a man’s intentions are. As a woman, you’ll often doubt his intentions anyway…simply because you’re different to men in many ways. It’s that lack of trust we women inherently carry… Read more »
Renee, what does it mean if I’m unable to desire a man sexually even if / when I trust him emotionally … does this simply mean there is not enough attraction and that rhe relationship is basically a platonic one… I find there are very few men I am sexually attracted to…
Have you ever felt any sexual attraction for this man? Or has it always been ‘meh’ from the start?Sexual attraction is often about how the guy shows up. A guy who is too nice, doesn’t have much of a sexual energy that he indulges in for himself, has too much light masculine energy or who is always trying to do the right thing and not upset you, can kill any ind of sexual attraction you have for him.
this is really interesting! I have been reflecting on this and it makes a TON of sense. It feels like a lot of men I’ve been around don’t fully own themselves/their dark masculinity. And so it often comes out in weird ways. Part of me wonders if I’m just extremely superficial sometimes haha. How can it be that I have choices and nothing feels exciting ! But this puts it into perspective. Thank you <3 I am very in touch with my dark femininity I believe. In fact I have had to learn not to lead with it. before having… Read more »
They try to push past your boundaries
Finding love should never mean being uncomfortable and doing things you don’t want to do. We asked dating columnist and regular about dating red flags; he recommends you watch out for “boundary-pushing behavior”:
“You tend to see this most often around sex—someone trying to convince you to do things you’re not ready for or interested in yet—but it can show up in a number of different ways. It can be as obvious as ignoring soft NOs, or not stopping when asked, to demanding reasons why. One way people will try to push boundaries is to use silence and disapproval, sometimes known as a ‘freeze-out’ in order to get you to agree to what they want.”
Vanessa Marin, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a former Lifehacker contributor, agrees that someone pressuring you to have sex is a major red flag. If you’re not interested, that’s that. Giving in to their unwanted advances now will only encourage the same boundary pushing behavior later on. If they can’t respect your boundaries this early into your relationship, you don’t want to be with them.
Not all boundaries are sexual, however. Your date sharing too much personal information too soon can be a boundary-pushing red flag as well. As commenter ImprobableJoe explains, if Sally is telling you extremely personal things over your first cup of coffee together, there could be some more serious emotional issues at play. If you ask Sally if you can buy her a drink, for example, and she declines and explains that she has a bad history with alcohol, that’s okay. But if Sally is telling you her deepest, darkest secrets just to make idle conversation, it may signal that her definition of personal boundaries is much different than yours. Her sharing things isn’t necessarily bad, but if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s definitely a red flag for you.
They get too serious too fast
Everyone should date at their own comfortable pace. If Greg is pushing you for commitment early in the dating process, Nerdlove explains it’s likely because of his insecurity or lacking emotional intelligence. Greg is trying to “lock you down” before you have the chance to recognize his flaws. This is called “love bombing.”
Your date says and does everything perfectly, as if they were in a romantic comedy or romance novel. They’re so flattering, they lure you in and try to make things serious as fast as they can. Remember: If things seem too good to be true, they probably are. Marin also suggests you watch for your date acting possessively, checking in on you repeatedly, and wanting to know where you are at all times. It could be a sign they’re clingy or possessive, both of which are stifling, and bad signals for a future relationship.
Be aware of your date’s expectations of you as well. As commenter The Knitigator points out, if Greg is looking for you to “restore his trust” in people or undo all the damage done to him by previous significant others, that’s way too much pressure on you early on. Also, if Greg tells your landlady that he’s moving in without you knowing, or gives you a key to his place after only three dates—run.
They act irresponsibly
If your date isn’t capable of handling some of the basic responsibilities that go along with being a dating adult—or worse, shuns them altogether—you should reevaluate your relationship with them. There’s nothing wrong with being a child at heart, but according to Lifehacker readers, here are some examples of “” red flags:
Your date doesn’t have to act like a grown-up all the time, but the last thing you want is to date someone emotionally your junior, or have to teach them how to be an adult. You want to be a partner, not a parent.
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