17 Practical Gay Dating Tips for the New Age

One: Turn off your Grindr profile before the date begins, even if that’s where you found him. That little „pop“ sound while you give him flowers is a romantic buzz kill.

Two: You’re „Checking In“ at the restaurant where you’ve made dinner reservations? Seriously? Nothing like telling 5,000 Facebook friends the location of your intimate rendezvous.

Three: Do not „friend“ your date on Facebook before or after the initial meeting. If you’re not a good match (and dates are like new restaurants; about one in eight survive), you’re both going to share that awkward moment of „Do I un-friend him or keep reading about his ‚Why do I always meet losers?'“ updates.

Four: Even though gay men love to label everyone, they despise being labeled. So whether he’s a Bear, Twink, Twunk, Cub, Daddy, Dilf, Otter, Chub, Gym Rat, Gym Bunny, or any of the other zillion names we give one another, only address him in generic terms, like handsome, sexy, hung. If he’s 22 years old and wears glasses and weighs 108 pounds and says „for some reason people tend to think I’m a Twink,“ feign surprise and say „men are so into labels.“ Then help him lift his martini glass to his lips and move on.

Five: If you’re over thirty and at least four years older than your date, don’t be surprised if he calls you Daddy. Take it as a compliment; do not take it as a reason to pick up the check.

Six: Unless he can juggle or tap dance in bed, „versatile bottom“ means only one thing, so be prepared to take charge if things go well. If you’re lying when you call yourself a „versatile top,“ either call it quits now or start working on your oral communication skills.

Seven: If he insists on taking „important calls“ several times during your date, don’t automatically think he’s blowing you off. In today’s complicated world, he might be calling work, his sitter, or his ex-wife to see if she can pick up the kids. Chill out, and use the time to call your sponsor for encouragement.

Eight: In the old days, it was common, and common sense, to say that, if you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone he’s slept with. Nowadays, it’s common sense to remember that, if you sleep with someone who’s in a 12-Step program, you are also sleeping with everyone in his Home Group. Be prepared to be judged by all the members of the orgy.

Nine: If you’ve met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he’s into you and how he’s quite certain you’re the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again. If you request an explanation, he will call you a stalker and block you from any social media sites you might share.

Ten: While it’s nice to have a grasp of current events and knowledge of local culture, it’s no longer a first-date pre-requisite. However, if you don’t have an immediate answer for „Do you want to get married?“ and „How many kids would you like to have?“ the date has just ended; don’t even bother to take your coat off.

Eleven: Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today’s gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors. Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she’s important to you and we’re glad you have her, but we have no idea why you’d want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer.

Twelve: If you do opt to discuss current events, avoid anything so controversial it will destroy potential chemistry, like Crimea, Obama’s job performance, or the relevance of HBO’s „Looking.“

Thirteen: Fashions change, so know the basics: No flip-flops, no shaving, and, even if it is after Memorial Day, absolutely no white underwear.

Fourteen: If you like the guy and want things to go well, put everything out on the table: HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns.

Fifteen: It’s a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it’s too soon for you to come inside. It’s also more than likely a sign that he still lives with his on-again off-again ex.

Sixteen: If, in the heat of the moment, you do find yourself in bed together after the date, remember to keep the foreplay going for at least 30 minutes. This allows ample time for intimate kisses, exploring each other’s body, and for the Cialis to kick in.

Seventeen: Sadly, gay men are self-centered and narcissistic, so instead of talking about your abusive childhood upbringing and triumph over Legionnaires disease, read this piece over and over and out loud until I’m so happy I wet myself. We’re a match!

10 Dating Tips For Gay Men (That, Really, EVERYONE Should Follow)

For the most part, gay men are like everyone else on the dating scene. They’re looking for affectionlove. Like their straight counterparts, gay men also desire connection, companionship and commitment. 

Unfortunately, the gay dating pool is viciously competitive. So, instead of fighting over the newest man meat on Grindr, I recommend these practical tips for gay men:

1. Get in the game. Sitting on the sidelines will get you nowhere. Either play the gay dating game or get out of the other gay guys‘ way! This doesn’t mean you have to play every day. The goal is for the single gay community to know you’re in circulation.

2. Try something new. Try a sparkling, new approach to gay dating. That is, if you’ve been doing the same thing and expecting a different result, then change detergents, add some fabric softener and try a new way of putting yourself out there. Going to the same coffee shop, grocery store and gym leads to the same scenery and the same results. Yawn! So instead, change it up!

3. Step out of the box. You love to run, hike and go to the theater. Great. Now what activity would be so out of the box for you, it might put you in a space to meet new guys, make friends with people who have gay friends or try a new hobby? Think of it this way: If you can step out of the closet, you can certainly step out of your rut!

4. Reflect what you desire. If you really want a guy who appreciates monogamy, then hanging out with people who have open relationships probably isn’t the best place to meet Mr. Right. From sex to finances and family to intellectual awareness, letting your true desires show up doesn’t make you weak, weird or wacky. It’s you being truly you, so let your authentic self shine. 

5. Stop making excuses. The more you make excuses for why your gay dating life is the toilet, the less chance of it shifting in a positive way. If every date you go on with a gay guy leads you to say, „He was nice, but … “ stop and ask yourself „Why are you always justifying your way out of dating?“

6. What’s sex got to do with it? Well, it depends on your position — no pun intended. Dating from the perspective of „it’s all about sex“ can pay off if that’s how you truly feel. Conversely, making sex the secondary acquisition can also be a home run. Regardless of your perspective, being honest with yourself all along is my point. When you hide from your truth, it won’t set you free. Plus, being honest with yourself is a great launching pad for honesty in your relationship. 

7. Ask yourself, „So what?“ Constantly in a tailspin with the same old audio tapes playing in your head? Do you always say: „Gay dating is such a chore,“ or, „Gay men just want sex,“ or „Every gay guy I meet only wants to talk about themselves?“ If so, start asking yourself, „So what?“

For example, „Gay dating is such a chore.“ So What? „When it becomes work, it’s not fun.“ So What? „If it’s not fun, then I might as well just stay home.“ So what? „If I stay home then I get depressed and lonely!“

Bingo! Gay dating is a chore that eventually leads to feeling depressed and lonely … or at least that’s what the replay of the tape your listening to is saying. So change the tape!

8. Be a fearless, foolish and fun-loving. Crazy as it sounds, one of these three „f-words“ could lead you to Mr. Right. First, be fearless in your gay dating pursuits. After all, if he thinks you’re afraid, you probably are, and your sweaty armpit stains will rat you out! If you can’t win them by being fearless, then be a little foolish, and let your heart lead you. Even if you feel like a fool, you’ll rack up the frequent heartbreak points that will eventually pay for an all-expenses-paid trip to true love. Finally, let the fun-loving gay dater in you out to play. What’s the worst that can happen? 

 10 Dating Tips For Gay Men (That, Really, EVERYONE Should Follow)

21 of the Absolute Best Dating Books for Guys

Confession time: by nature I’m a little shy (and a lot introverted), so when I finally resolved to stop doubting and start dating, I naturally turned to a place where I’ve always felt comfortable: the book store.

And if the preponderance of dating books for guys is any indication, I’m not the only one who has had that instinct.

Book stores like Amazon and Barnes and Noble are flooded with dating books for men who want to master every aspect of romance, from how to send an effective text to how to have a successful marriage.

As with so many other aspects of life, reading informative, insightful and well written books about dating and relationships made me much more confident in my romantic prowess, which in turn made me a better date, partner and – dare I say it – man.

But not all dating books for guys are created equal. While some offer well founded research and insightful anecdotes, a lot of them unfortunately peddle unfounded nonsense and, in some cases, misogynistic bullshit.

I can’t claim to have read every dating book under the sun, but I can (and do!) claim to have gotten pretty good at sniffing out the good books from the bad. So to help save you from having to sift through hundreds of shitty titles yourself, I’ve scoured Amazon to find the mostly highly rated and best dating books for guys, according to thousands of crowd-sourced reviews.

Scroll down to discover 21 dating books for men who want to build both competence and confidence in the realm of romance.

21 of the Absolute Best Dating Books for Guys

Dating eBooks

Dating eBooks

Best Dating Books for Guys

Guys need dating advice, too! This list of the best dating books for guys is relationship-expert approved and will revolutionize your dating life.

Dating, for a guy, is a pretty lonely ordeal. Most men don’t really talk about relationships the way women do. Nor do they often have the support that women do, either. So, it’s not surprising that a lot of men end up getting lonely and unable to find quality advice.

Part of the issues that men face when dating is that they don’t know where to turn for advice—and often end up turning to the wrong sources. The biggest part of the issue is that guys often believe that relationship books are only „a girl’s thing.“

While it’s true that relationship advice books are mostly bought by women, there are a ton of books out there that are meant to help men get the success they’re seeking out in love. Many of them are ideal for helping men get out of toxic cycles and into healthy, happy relationships.

If you know a guy who’s struggling in love, you might want to gift them one of the best dating books for guys—such as these relationship-expert approved titles below.

Guys, do you find yourself constantly trying to get girls to date you by doing things for them, without actually speaking up about what you want? Does it feel like everything in dating is an uphill battle, and while you’re „doing everything right,“ it just turns out wrong?

Regularly cited as one of the best dating books for guys, No More Mr. Nice Guy tackles some of the biggest dating mistakes men make with actionable advice, brutal honesty, and clear-as-day explanations.

If you’re looking to improve your dating life, recognize when {color:#000;-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;},{-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}she’s using you, and stop being walked all over, Robert Glover’s book is a great choice.

New York Times bestseller and one of the best dating books for guys who want more than just a good girlfriend, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck is all about acknowledging the bad. Sometimes, things suck.

What makes this book such a boon, though, is that it encourages guys to be honest with themselves about their feelings—and to live for themselves, rather than worry about what others think.

Mark Manson’s book will guide you to a better dating life, a better job, and much, much more. It’s the real talk every guy needs to hear at least once.

Mark Manson strikes again, this time with a book that’s specifically focused on meeting women, dating women, and actually finding the right girl for you. Models is all about being honest with women about what you want—and letting the ones who are pursuing the same thing come to you.

Manson, in very full detail, talks about what makes women attracted to men and teaches you how to become more attractive to the ladies within moments. Relationship experts love this book, primarily because of what healthy dating practices it espouses.

You might already know Robert Greene as the author to the best-selling book The 48 Laws of Power. Believe it or not, his book on seduction remains one of the best dating books for guys who just can’t seem to talk to women at all.

Greene’s easy to understand approach to seduction shows that anyone can become more attractive—as long as they use a little strategy to do so. This book is recommended by relationship experts because of its honest approach to getting laid, and for the fact that it doesn’t use abusive tactics to get girls interested.

The Science of Attraction is a book written by Patrick King—a relationship expert and conversation coach who has been featured in big names like GQ, TedX, Forbes, and almost every other A-list publication you could imagine.

His approach to dating? Well, he got it down to a science. Literally. If you’re looking for the best strategies to get the girl or succeed in dating, The Science of Attraction will be the book you need to pick.

Along with being one of the best dating books for guys, The Science of Attraction also happens to be a great read for ladies who just aren’t getting the love they deserve.

I’ll be the first one to admit that there’s a lot of hate towards PUA tactics among relationship experts; however, most relationship experts can’t deny that Mystery’s book actually does deliver the results it offers.

The issue that most people have with The Mystery Method is the fact that a lot of people have misapplied the book’s guidance… which in turn causes some pretty bad outcomes.

When approached properly, The Mystery Method can get you more phone numbers, and possibly help you get a better relationship. Say what you will about pickup artists; they do offer a lot of advice most men need to hear and offer good dating terminology for men who just need the right words to explain what’s going on with a girl they like.

One of the biggest issues in the dating scene is that men have an incredibly hard time figuring out what women want. Do they want a six pack? Money? A full head of hair? While those can help, the real answers will surprise many men.

If you’re feeling like you’ll never be good enough for girls, it’s time to get real about what women want in a man. That’s why Romy Miller’s book is one of the best dating books for guys who feel like women’s standards are impossible to meet, who don’t get women, or who just feel like they need a pep talk.

Tariq Nasheed has long been known as a „game adviser“ in the pickup scene, and to a point, many people who have heard of his name tend to be wary of him because of that. Nasheed manages to stun many by creating one of the best dating books for guys who want a healthy relationship with women.

Instead of going for standard PUA fare, The Elite Way focuses on getting men into dating shape, teaching them to maintain a healthy relationship, and helping them recover from a bad breakup. That’s why rated him as one of the best dating experts out there.

Best of all, his dating advice is all given in a friendly, almost brotherly way. He’s the older brother everyone needs, but not everyone gets—and for that, men can thank him.

April Masini is a woman who understands men and women in ways few others can. That’s why it’s not surprising that she was able to write one of the best dating books for guys out there.

Masini’s core advice is solid, honest, and non-misogynistic. While she does admit there are differences between men and women, she isn’t the type to tell you to get manipulative to get laid.

Rather, she tells you how to become a better communicator—and teaches you how to transform your entire life.

Brendan Baber managed to make one of the best dating books for guys of all ages—literally. A Guy’s Guide to Dating goes all the way from being single in school to college hookups, all the way to the ‚M‘ word. So, no matter what relationship or life stage you’re at, Baber has some words of advice for you.

Though there’s a ton of „bro“ humor in these pages, it’s impossible to deny that Baber offers excellent, sane, and positive relationship advice to men. If you’ve ever needed a bro on your side, Baber offers the guy-friendly support style that everyone needs in this crazy dating scene we’re in.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

Best Dating Books for Guys

Best Dating Books for Women

I have perused the most popular dating books for women available.

As a matter of fact, I’m not aware of a single major title I haven’t read.

Coming up with a shortlist of the best dating books for women was not easy and some good titles had to be left out.I will tell you my criteria later, now let’s start:

Gay Dating Tactics: Your First Date Do’s & Don’ts

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: „Will he like me?“ „Will I like him?“ „Is he going to be The One?“ „What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?“ „What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?“

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the „courtship dance?“ While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of „cluelessness“ in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means „rules“, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help „take the edge off“ and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

More Juicy Content From YourTango:• YourTango’s Best First Date Tips & AdviceThe Best Dating Advice10 Dating Tips I Wish I Knew While I Was Single

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

11 Books About Dating That Will Make You Smarter & Happier With The Whole Process

The official start of spring is less than a month away. You’re almost there, friends. You’ve almost survived another cold, gray winter. And with the new season on its way, you’re probably thinking about all of the springtime activities you can’t wait to get into. If dusting off your Tinder profile and getting back on the dating train is one such activity, well, I salute you. But you’re probably going to need some advice if you want to make sure that this spring fling is more successful than some of your past attempts. And you don’t have to look any further than nonfiction books about dating.

All of 11 picks below delve into some aspect of dating, romance, and relationships that all modern daters will be able to relate to, find comfort in, and gain insight from. Ranging from lighthearted comedic looks at the single life to social, psychological, and spiritual advice, all of these reads are entertaining, easily digestible, and won’t make you feel like you’re struggling through old fashioned self-help that just doesn’t relate to your own dating life. If you’ve ever wanted to know more about what it takes to turn a fling into a relationship, or just to make the most out of your next date night, add these to your TBR now.

10 Must-Read Books For Single Girls Who Want To Start Dating Again

Dating is fun, but I also think we can all agree that at times, it can be straight up exhausting. With new dating apps cropping up every month and gender expectations changing all the time, dating is somehow both easier and harder than ever before.

Whether you’ve been single and on a dating hiatus or you’ve just got out of a long-term relationship, it can be daunting to jump back in and start playing the field again. But have no fear — if you’ve got a concern, we’ve got a book for that. Check out our favorite reads about dating, from self-help books to tell-all memoirs that cover the woes and wonders of dating in the modern age.

Here’s some dating advice that’s ACTUALLY helpful.

I believe it was Aristotle who said, “Dating is the absolute f*cking worst.”

For gay and bi men, it often feels like dating is futile. The men you like never seem to like you back. Or they’re only looking for something casual. Or they play games. Or they never put you and your feelings into consideration when making decisions. Or they’re just…terrible…ya know? So dating is often a pain in the ass for queer men. That said, here are some helpful tidbits of dating advice for guys who want to make the whole dating process just a tad bit less painful.

1. Date outside your “type“

Gay men, more so than straight men, love to have types or “preferences.” Now there’s nothing wrong with typically being more attracted to guys who look or present a certain way. That’s fine. I will say though, don’t rule out a whole group of people because they don’t fit what you’re customarily attracted to. Be open to all different types of guys. This widens your options greatly.

2. Know the reputation of the apps you’re using

Guys have met through Grindr. They have dated, and even gotten married. This does actually happen. But Grindr still is primarily used for more casual encounters. So to only use Grindr while looking for a boyfriend isn’t necessarily the wisest move. Try Tinder, OkCupid, or other apps that have guys looking for more serious relationships. 

6. Sex is important, but not the end-all-be-all

Sex is great. Sex is fabulous. Sex is…well, it’s sex. Having a healthy sex life is important. You want to enjoy sex with your man. You want to want to have sex. In the beginning of a relationship, I think it’s much more important for the sex to be good. It keeps the relationship going. But if you want your relationship to last more than a year, there needs to be other reasons why you’re dating him that have nothing to do with sex. Sex becomes less important as the relationship goes on. 

7. Go in with low expectations, but still give it your all

This is the key to dating successfully. The golden rule, if you will. Go in thinking that the guy is going to be a dud, and that nothing is going to happen. Still though, give him your attention and the opportunity to impress you. If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine because you had low expectations, but if it does, you will be pleasantly surprised.

10. Take a break from dating when exhausted

Dating can be exhausting. Often, when you’re lining up dates, it feels like a second full-time job. Take a break from trying to meet guys when you start to experience dating fatigue. It’s not something you want to push past. When you’re ready and feel like you’ve built your stamina back up, then go ahead and start lining up dates again.

The Best Dating Courses for Guys

As I mentioned above, when I finally decided to seek some dating help, I turned to books because a) I’m a nerd and b) that’s what I was used to doing.

But that was years ago, and since then a new medium has popped up that’s proven itself to be at least as effective – and in some cases, maybe more effective – at teaching new skills:

Most online dating courses combine both text lessons, like you’d get in books, with video lessons, which you obviously can’t.

That’s great because seeing and hearing a real person explain and even execute the advice being offered helps you bridge the gap between theory and practice, and bring the advice into the real world.

There’s no shortage of dating “gurus” out there offering online courses, but they can be expensive, and it’s often hard to tell how valuable they are before you buy. That’s why I like Udemy, which is basically the Amazon of online courses.

Like Amazon, it uses crowd-sourced user reviews to rate each of the courses it offers, allowing you to get a better sense of whether or not each course delivers on its promise.

Here are the a few of the highest-rated courses on Udemy that offer dating advice for guys:

10. Women Who Love Too Much

This is more of a self-help, self-love type of book, but it’s a necessary step for some women in order to avoid scumbags and toxic forms the foundations of any effective dating, and it becomes even more important for relationships.

9. Date-Onomics

Date-onomics is not a dating book in the strict sense of the word.

There are no “place yourself near him” tips or “make him chase” suggestions. But it’s the best book available to link behaviors, difficulty (or ease) in finding a good mate and… Numbers.

One of the (many) key concepts is that in “difficult markets” women who date proactively win.

Date-onomics is eye-opening, fun, and highly it might have the best dating advice you could ever receive:

Take care of that, and you might not need any further advice.

Quote: “It’s not that he’s not that into you, it’s that there aren’t enough of him”

7. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Two caveats: while Harvey proposes a 90 days no-sex rule, I believe long waiting times are unhelpfulSteve also caters to more traditional men who want to be providers. He’s right, but it doesn’t apply to everyone.

That being said, Harvey has boatloads of dating wisdom and introduces one groundbreaking concept:

The Minimum Achievement Bar. It says that men need to reach their minimum life goals of income/career before they can fully focus on a woman.

Overall, in his huge bestseller, Harvey provides an effective crossover between actual dating and successful relationships.

6. The Art of Seduction

Robert Greene, one of the deepest connoisseurs of human nature, world history, and psychology.

Different realms that he wisely mixes and combines to back his theories with examples and famous case studies.

Greene (48 Laws of PowerMastery) is one of my absolute favorite authors, and his foray into seduction might as well be his crowning jewel.

I put it “only” as fourth in the best dating books for women list because it’s heavy in theory. And the actual seduction stage is more geared towards don’t get me wrong: The Art of Seduction will deepen your psychological knowledge of dating like few other books -if any- ever could.

Quote: “Sirens offer the promise of endless pleasure… And a little bit of danger”

5. The Woman’s Guide To How Men Think

A book on how men think… Written by an actual psychologist and couples’ counselor.

Add on top of the credentials actual great content, and you know why this book had to be here.

Most women know little about men, and are ill-prepared to be in healthy relationships with book will help you date with a relationship in mind, setting up healthy dating patterns from early on, so that you can both enjoy a healthy relationship.

Quote: Maybe you’ve seen one of those cartoon diagrams of a man’s brain in which most of the brain areas are labeled “sex.” Those cartoons might be more accurate if they depicted a man’s brain as one giant marketing firm designed to earn the affection and admiration of women.

4. Attraction Explained

Just when I thought “Date-Onomics” was the only source to provide some data and science on female dating, I stumbled onto Viren Swami’s work.

This book will help women cut through the BS of “Cosmopolitan” style advice by sharing what’s been proven to work and what’s most likely to backfire.

Here is one quick tip: “playing hard to get” is more likely to backfire because like begets like and dislike begets dislike.

Also read more on scientifically proven dating strategies:

Quote: “When we play hard-to-get, we give the impression that we dislike the person – and that just isn’t conducive to sparking attraction“

2. The Tao of Dating

Binazir takes the top spot of our women’s dating reading list for women-focused dating.

I think this is one of the most underrated books in the whole dating literature.

The author has a deep grasp of human nature and understands dating and high quality men’s shares lots of deep wisdom, some of which includes:

He’s also the only author of all the best dating books for women who says that early sex can gain you leverage if it’s a great, guilt-free experience. And I couldn’t agree more.

Quote: “Respect for female strength does not translate into male attraction“

1. Dating Power Dynamics

By Lucio BuffalmanoOverview | Free Chapter | Free Audio Chapter

The obvious disclaimer here is that I am the author of Dating Power Dynamics and, thus, heavily biased.

But I wouldn’t have written a book if I didn’t believe I had something unique to uniqueness combines looks at dating both from a male and female point of view, because both perspectives analysis and advice in Dating Power Dating are equally grounded in science, with hundreds of papers references, and personal experience, with real-life examples sprinkled all over way, you learn what truly works.

Dating Power Dynamics does not sugar coat things to pander to the readers. But it provides you with real tools and strategies to become a more effective dater.Whether you want more sex or a relationship, you will learn the best strategies to get them.

Quote: “negotiating a mate is not that any other negotiation. The product you’ve got matters. But the good negotiators polish the product, present it well, engratiate the other party… And they get for dating. Learn what men want, market yourself accordingly, play often, play well… And you will win.

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Tag:best books to get a manbest dating advice for womenbest dating books for girlsbest dating books for ladiesbest dating books for women

The author holds a master’s degree from La Sapienza, department of communication and sociological research, and is a member of the American Psychology Association (APA). He studies psychology, persuasion, social & dating strategies, and anything related to people and power dynamics. Lucio’s approach combines science, critical analysis, and a continuous quest for first-hand experience & loves all three aspects, and believes that to effectively teach social strategies, the three You can learn it all in one fell swoop with Power University.

How to Meet People Even If You Have No Relationship Experience

If you’re like a lot of gay teens (not to mention the hetero ones), you might feel overwhelmed by the thought of dating. Dating is tough for anyone, but it can be especially overwhelming as a teenager, let alone being a gay teen. However, dating can be an extremely rewarding experience, so taking the dive is worth it.

A Personal Gay Teen Dating Experience

Many gay teens think they’re alone when it comes to relationships and dating, but they are far from it. Learning how to talk to your crushmeet someone new can be daunting, but everyone experiences those moments of fear and apprehension.

Lucky for him and other gay teens in this position, there is hope.

How to Come Out to Your Friend Crush

It’s not shocking that the people we have crushes on are those we see the most often. In fact, it’s very common for teens to have crushes on their friends. When it comes to dating as a gay teen, you can always take matters into your own hands and let your friend know how you feel. However, coming out to your friend and revealing your crush may yield results that you’re not looking for. Be prepared by mapping out all the types of scenarios that could happen so that nothing takes you by surprise.

Why You May Feel Like No One Likes You

Sometimes, it seems like no one will ever have a crush on you. However, the feeling of having no one who likes you usually has to do with the signals you send out and the messages you’re giving. While coming on too strong can be a turn-off, so can being too shy. It’s important to find a balance between being forward and remaining who you are. Plus, this will help you navigate gay teen dating a whole lot easier.

Dating Safely Online As a GLBT Teen

There was a time when dating online was seen as a little weird, or even pathetic. Thankfully, the stigma of online dating is pretty much a thing of the past, and now plenty of people do much of their dating over the Internet. In fact, people of all genders and sexual orientations use online dating apps and websites to meet new people.

Although dating online is more common these days, there are some safety issues to consider. For instance, you’ll want to keep personal information to yourself, like your real name, address, and birthdate. However, you do want to be real when it comes to your personality and what you’re looking for.

How You Can Get a Boyfriend

Getting a boyfriend can seem like a daunting task as a gay teen, but it is possible. Some steps you can take involving coming out, going for guys who are also out, or approaching someone who might like you back. By putting yourself out there, you’ll have more opportunities to meet someone that you can establish a relationship with. Simply understand that this is a part of dating, and most guys won’t be your boyfriend overnight. Allow a real relationship to form over time by learning more about each other through messaging and shared experiences.

How to Meet New People

Feeling like you’re the only gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender teen can feel awful. Most teens like to have a community that we can feel a part of, and gay teens are no different. However, finding other gay teens can be tough. Thankfully, whether you are hoping to meet friends, or are interested in dating someone new, it’s very likely that someone else is in the same boat as you.

To get started, join some GLBT groups so you can build your community. You can also find friends in your area through youth websites, programs, and community centers.

‚Save the Date: The Occasional Mortifications Of A Serial Wedding Guest‘ by Jen Doll

Weddings. They’re fun, festive, and joyful, and they offer endless opportunities to reexamine love and what we want for ourselves, regardless of whether or not our aim is a walk down the aisle. In Save the Date, Jen Doll charts the course of her own perennial wedding guesthood, from the ceremony of distant family members when she was eight to the recent nuptials of a new boyfriend’s friends. Wedding experiences come in as varied an assortment as the gowns at any bridal shop, and Doll turns a keen eye to each, delivering a heartfelt exploration of contemporary relationships. Save the Date takes spirited look at the many ways in which we connect to one another.

‚Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot‘ by Ben Schwartz and Laura Moses

For single millennials, this situation is all too familiar: You’re on a date. It’s going well! Then you never hear from that person again. Guess you’re going to die alone, right? Maybe not! Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot, a collection of 100 dating tips — complete with illustrations — that teaches clueless people the dos and don’ts of dating. If you want to laugh, and give yourself a fighting chance at not dying alone, this is the book for you.

‚How To Fix A Broken Heart‘ by Guy Winch

Yes, a bad first date (or second, or third) can be enough to cause brokenhearted feelings. And through How to Fix a Broken Heart, psychologist Guy Winch urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Through compelling research and new scientific studies, Winch reveals how and why heartbreak impacts our brain and our behavior in dramatic and unexpected ways. But here Winch offers a toolkit on how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to, eventually, move on to your next great dating adventure.

‚The Curious History of Dating: From Jane Austen to Tinder‘ by Nichi Hodgson

Dating has never been easy. The road to true love has always been rutted with heartbreak, but do we have it any easier today? How did Victorians ‚come out‘? How did love blossom in war-torn Europe? And why did ’80s video-dating never take off? Bursting with little-known facts and tantalizing tales of lovelorn men and besotted women, Nichi Hodgson’s intriguing history of amorous relationships, from enamoured Georgians to frenziedly swiping millennials (and everyone in between) may leave you grateful that you live — and love — today. No matter your own romantic status.

‚Unwifeable: A Memoir‘ by Mandy Stadtmiller (April 3)

Mandy Stadtmiller came to Manhattan in 2005, newly divorced, 30 years old, with a job at the New York Post, ready to conquer the city. Like a “real-life Carrie Bradshaw” she proceeded to chronicle her fearless attempts for nearly a decade. But there was a darker side to the glitz and glamor threatening to surface. After countless failed romances and too many blackout nights, she gave up on love and came to terms with who she was: broken, hurting, and angry. With hysterical insight, Stadtmiller takes us along on her dating adventures both failed, and ultimately successful.

‚Can’t Help Myself: Lessons & Confessions from a Modern Advice Columnist‘ by Meredith Goldstein (April 3)

Now one of The Boston Globe’s most popular and most e-mailed features, Meredith Goldstein’s „Love Letters“ column has created a booming nationwide community of readers and letter writers — over 1,000,000 strong and growing. Meredith divides Can’t Help Myself into 12 chapters, each focusing on an issue with which readers are struggling, including topics such as how to cope with dating fatigue and infidelity, work romances and tired marriages, true love and true loss.

Gay Dating History

In days of yore, gay folk found themselves relegated to the edges of society, gathering in tight-knit secret cells of friends or in such places as public restrooms and seedy bars sometimes raided by corrupt police.

Times changed with the liberation movements during the last half of the 20th century and, along with other groups, gay people gained certain civil rights, such as the right to gather peaceably and cruise in public, meeting face-to-face in the streets, in the bars and bathhouses, and in various social and political organizations.

Then, at about the same time as the AIDS crisis reached its nadir, gay guys discovered how to date via the Internet.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Meeting Gay Partners Online

Since many gay people have access to computers, the Internet allows guys to meet each other in the comfort and privacy of their own homes. A gay man no longer has to brave the smokers and drunks in the bar. He can reveal as much or as little as he wants about himself, with or without a current picture, for example.

However, profiles of gay men tend toward exaggeration, especially in regard to certain physical attributes. Without seeing someone in person, it’s more difficult to assess their appearance and ones loses the intelligence gained from body language.

Where Gay Men Can Find Dates Online

Online daters must take care to find out what they can about someone before assuming that he is who he says he is. Never give that person personal information – bank account numbers, mother’s maiden name, etc, – that can be used for identity or other theft.

Meeting first in a public place, such as a friendly cafe, restaurant, or bar, is a wise precaution, rather than inviting an unknown person into the home on the first date. If you do invite someone home, tell a friend or two to check in on you if they don’t hear back by a certain time.

And remember to play safely – avoid passing on HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Some people cruise so much on the Internet that the rest of their life suffers, so it’s best to avoid addictive behaviors online just like everywhere else.

Gay Men Need to Put Themselves Out There

The most important thing for a gay man to do in landing a guy is to put himself out there, into the dating realm. So many guys sit back at home and hope to meet that perfect guy by happenstance. But there is no way this is going to help anyone find the perfect guy.

There are many different activities gay men can do in which they can meet someone to possibly date. They can:

Follow Up After Dates

After meeting the guy, having a sparkling first date, and knowing that there’s interest, it’s time to follow up after the date. A text message the next day or even a phone call lets the other guy know there’s interest. It doesn’t mean there needs to be another date right away, but there should be some type of communication to keep the connection flowing. So many people go on a great date and then just wait for a phone call that’s not coming. Both parties should make some effort.

The gay community is a tough road to navigate, and even more difficult to navigate if single. Finding a guy may be a very difficult venture, but by being active, putting yourself out there, and opening up lines of communication with attractive potential mates, there may be many more tables for two instead of tables for one.

Brave New Cyberworld

Gay guys can take advantage of this new virtual world to increase their chances of finding the right date, whether in place of or in addition to other means in the more physical realm. If nothing else, and especially for those who live in isolated locations or in more homophobic areas, the Internet offers gay folks another way to connect with one another.

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9. Stop comparing. Check out the merchandise, evaluate the functionality, weigh the benefits, but for crying out loud, stop comparing yourself to everyone around you! The more you look to others to validate your existence, your value and your self-worth, the deeper the hole gets for you to lay in and have sand kicked in your face. Just because „Bryce“ dates like a mad man doesn’t mean he’s more datable than you. Find your stride, your way, your place and snuggle in. That cozy warm space of dating your way will find you.

10. Trust yourself. You’ve heard it before: Trust is the basis of everything. But honey, practice makes perfect, and it starts with you. As gay men, one of the hardest obstacles we face is trusting that we’re okay because we’re gay. The more you dial in, trust yourself and stop second-guessing, the more you’ll rely on your own instincts and create the dating situations that are right for you. But baby, you gotta trust yourself because their ain’t no one else that’s gonna do it for ya.

Whether it’s a first date, casual dating or dating to mate, gay guys face the same challenges as everyone else. The only difference is they do it with class, sass and still get a piece of ass when it’s done right!

© 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved.

Thinking Of Ghosting? Try This Easy Dating Hack Instead.

This might sound familiar: you’ve been on a few dates with someone and at first, things seemed promising, but as you round the corner of date number four you’re realizing that you just don’t have the connection you want with her and don’t, for whatever reason, really want to try to build one. So as your date this Friday approaches,

How To Date Through A Screen

Our lives are tied to our screens, which means that, no matter how much you hate it, at least part of dating is, too. Whether in our current pandemic dystopia, in a long-distance relationship, or in a same-city courtship or cohabitation, screens are an invaluable tool for connection – as long as you use them right. The below tips will

How To Text Anyone

Sometimes you know just what to say and just when to send it. But sometimes texting looks like staring at a blinking cursor trying to remember what words even are. Here’s how to text no matter where you are in your relationship. When You’re Brand New Matches Congratulations on your new match! It can feel intimidating to talk to someone

Dr. Frankie’s Dating Advice, from MTV’s “Are You the One”

Because not everyone has a „Dr. Frankie“ in their life (but everyone could use her), we brought her in to break down sex on the first date, dating apps, and more (from Season 8 of „Are You The One“).

1. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin (Zach’s Pick)

This was James Baldwin’s second novel, and probably one of his most well known pieces of works. Giovanni’s Room tells the story of a man who moves to Paris and his relationship with another man named Giovanni. This book is so important because it was one of the first to really show the complicated ways in which gay men had to manage their identity, self and place in a world that didn’t want them do exist. This story takes place in Paris, but one doesn’t have to have been to Paris to feel a connection to Giovanni, his bedroom, and all that happens to the protagonists, David.

2. The City and the Pillar/Myra Breckenridge by Gore Vidal (Nico’s Pick)

While not one of Vidal’s “best” works (to me, he’s an essayist first and a novelist second), The Pillar and the City is a must-read because of its place in the queer canon as one of the first recognized and reviewed gay novels. It’s an incredibly dark and misanthropic work and a bitter pill to swallow, harrowingly depicting the costs of trying to live openly in the 1950’s. The Pillar and the City is dripping with loneliness, depression and social isolation, and if it’s ending is more shocking today, it’s nothing if not brutally honest. That exact sexual frankness would become a hallmark of his later writing, when he came into his own as a storyteller with works like Lincoln and Myra Breckenridge, which is one of the strangest and most indelible novels of its decade.

5. The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis (Zach)

This is probably one of Ellis’ most famous works, especially for millennials. The novel is about a group of over-privileged liberal arts college students who like to have sex, do drugs, and get into some interesting situations. The one character many gay men find themselve connecting with is bisexual Paul Denton, who is in love with Sean Bateman, the drug dealer of the story. Their relationship is pretty ambiguous the whole story and Ellis leaves it open to one’s own interpretation, but I think that is what has so many gay readers loving Paul. I think we’ve all had that sexually ambiguous relationship with a straight guy, right?

Extra credit: Also read Glamorama and Less Than Zero or Donna Tartt’s The Secret History, also of the Brat Pack literary era and criminally overlooked in the queer canon.

7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (Zach)

The book is written in a series of letters from Charlie the main character that give it a sense of intimacy. Charlie, as you can probably tell from the title, is a loner and wallflower. Many gay men connect with Charlie within his sense of isolation in the story and other experiences that you will have to read to find out. There is a gay character who acts as one of Charlie’s closest friends So, that aids in the ‘gayness’ of the book. Also, Emma Watson is a main character, in the movie adaptation, which just makes it awesome.

8. Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons (Nico)

It’s not Sylvia Plath or anything, but I read Leroy Aarons’ Prayers for Bobby when I was sixteen on a car ride to Toronto with my parents, and I found it an important step in coming to terms with my own relationship with my mother. At a time when I needed the words to start the conversation, this showed me how. The novel details a mother’s struggle to deal with her gay son’s suicide, as she wasn’t supportive of his coming out while he was alive, and how the post-mortem lessons changed her. For a movement that often makes the message the too-simple “It Gets Better” mantra, this shows us how. Through loss and hardship, we can share our stories and affect change for others.

9. by Oscar Wilde (Zach)

Oscar Wilde is one of the quintessential gay authors in history. His flamboyant lifestyle and tragic death have made him iconic beyond the impressive canon of work he created. The Picture of Dorian Gray is a story that makes one wonder: What would you do to be beautiful forever? Vanity and beauty are two things that many gay men struggle with their entire lives due to living in a gay culture in which how good one looks supersedes most other aspects in regards to social capital and success. This book attracts gay readers all over the world because Dorian, who is not gay, is dealing with an issue that eclipses many gay lives.

Extra Credit: Check out Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh’s most celebrated novel and an early work in the queer canon, and the collected works of Patricia Highsmith, all of which were really, really gay.

10. by Rita Mae Brown (Nico)

Yes, I know this is a lesbian book, but too often the gay community self-segregates and the lack of knowledge about other segments of the community is an ongoing problem. We can start when we learn about each other’s histories, and Rubyfruit Jungle is an incendiary glimpse into lesbian coming-of-age in the 1970s. For those interested in the history of New York, Brown’s prose is a telling look at the concrete jungle fantasy of the 1970s, and the ways in which the reality of New York clashed with it’s status as a queer oasis.

Extra Credit: Check out queer works by Alice Walker (The Color Purple) and Maya Angelou (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings). Any guy who has read Maya Angelou is instantly twenty times hotter. It’s science.

11. Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs (Zach)

Running With Scissors is the memoir of Augusten Burroughs, which focuses primarily on his adolescents. It tells the story of how Burroughs went from living in a “normal” family home, to experiencing his parents divorce, his mother deciding to explore her sexuality, and him ending up living with his psychiatrist, Dr. Finch, and his wacky family. If you thought you had an interesting childhood, Burroughs will give you a run for your money. Burroughs over the years has become one of the most widely read contemporary gay writers, and this book is evidence to why that is.

See Also: Burroughs’ follow-up, Dry, about his history of substance abuse.

13. The Celluloid Closet: Homosexuality in the Movies by Vito Russo (Zach)

If you love film then you will love this book. Russo’s groundbreaking book shows how LGBTQ people have been erased from films starting in the 1920’s, played the ‘sissy,’ been the predator, and everything in between. The Celluloid Closet showed the world when it was published in the 1980’s just how film helped in the oppression of a community fighting for their rights. This book is a must read for any LGBTQ person interested in representation of sexual minorities in film.

15. by Tony Kushner (Zach)

If you have a list of “Books for Gay Men” then a book that shows the struggles the LGBTQ community faced in the midst of the AIDS epidemic is needed, and this play is even more needed. Wait, I know what you just thought: Wasn’t this a list of books? Yes, it is. And yes, Kushner’s play will stay on this list. This play is widely read in bookclubs and classroom across the world, and the HBO mini-series rivals the amazingness of this text.

16. On the Road by Jack Kerouac (Nico)

If you’ve read this book, you’re probably like, “Wait, there aren’t any gay characters? Why is this on the list? What about [insert novel by other writer]?” While a great book by itself and inimitable feat of stream-of-consciousness, the story behind it is just as fascinating, pulling back the queer curtain over the Beat Generation scene. Although folks like Allen Ginsberg and William S. Burroughs were more open about their same-sex relations (I mean, have you fucking read “Howl?”), Kerouac’s was all subtext, the parenthetical secrets of a conflicted bisexual (who intermittently slept with Gore Vidal).

That’s right, 10th Grade English students: Sal and Dean were totally doing it in real life.

17. Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity by Jose Munoz (Zach)

On any gay books list there needs to be a little queer theory. Jose Munoz is one of the most prominent queer theorist in the world. His newest work, Cruising Utopia, is a perfect example of Munoz’s intertwining high-theory with performance to support a queer theoretical framework. This book is a little dense, and if you’ve never read any theory before you may want to pace yourself with this one. But if you know what ‘anti-social theory’ means or care about ‘queer-world making’, or queer spatiality, then this book is something you should cozy up to.

See Also: Queer theory mavens like Judith Butler and Jeanette Winterson.

19. Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg (Zach)

Leslie Feinberg is a well-known transgender activist whose book, Stone Butch Blues, is considered one of the iconic texts that thoroughly discusses the butch-femme culture in the 1960’s before Stonewall. If you ever take an LGBT Literature class you can expect this to be on the list. Currently, Leslie Feinberg is battling some major health problems that are interrupting the 20th anniversary edition of Stone Butch Blues to be re-released in a free edition online this year. You can stay up-to-date on Feinberg’s health status and the re-release of the book on their Tumblr.

See also: Anything by Kate Bornstein, whose 2012 memoir, A Queer and Pleasant Danger, is on shelves now.

“If he wants to, he will make time”

Edit: kind of regretting making this post, I’m getting some very varied comments so I have no idea what to think. I texted him back, saying I’m busy now because I’ve made plans but to let me know when he’s free and I’ll let him know if I am. He said okay. I’m gonna leave it at that. If I hear from him again, we will see. But if not, that’s it I suppose.

This quote has been stuck in my head a bit. To make a long story short, I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and we recently had sex. While he was not much of a texter before, I feel like his texting has gone down since we had sex. He text me the day after a bit, and then nothing for 2 days.

So I text him yesterday asking if he wanted to watch a movie he mentioned wanting to see sometime this weekend. He takes 19 hours to respond to me. At this point I figured he was ghosting me and didn’t anticipate his response but he text me this morning saying he “doesn’t have time” for a movie soon but maybe we could get a drink together soon. My thought is, grabbing drinks and watching a 2 hour movie takes approximately the same amount of time, so I’m calling BS. I know he works insane hours and I don’t expect him to always be free but I feel like if he really wanted to, he would.

Where the hell do people find the energy (and $) to go out so often?

According to Instagram stories etc it seems that a lot of people go out a hell of a lot. Like friends party on a Friday, club on a Saturday, festival event on a Sunday.

I’m done with dating apps and always plan to start going out more but when it comes down to it I just get fkn exhausted, and every event ends up being $50 or more when you factor in tickets, drinks and Uber etc.

Even when I was overseas I wouldn’t enjoy going out multiple nights in a row… Do I just need to accept that I’m not someone who enjoys going out that often and needs time to recharge?

I will say this – sometimes forcing myself to go out gives me a boost in energy, other times it’s draining and I never really know which it will be until I’m out.

I decided to stop online dating. 36m

i gotta say, approaching an attractive person in real-time compared to swiping left/right is night and day. A rejection to my face was 10x hurtful than being ghosted. About 10 minutes into the conversation her way of expressing her lack of interest was to tell me to go back to my table lol. Yikes.

I’m not an expert in this field. Yeah, rejections suck; sucks terribly. But just think of it as a learning curve and/or in my case, a fun story to tell your friends at dinner. Unless you came off as a walking red flag, you just gotta laugh at the situation. You’ll always wonder with the shoulda, woulda, coulda and the what if’s unless you try again. Just think of rejections as what everyone else is experiencing and you’re not alone.

The Criteria for The List

To make the cut in this dating books reading list I had a simple rule: there shouldn’t be any major advice which, in my opinion, could work against women.

For example, the popular concepts of making him chaseinvest and wait for sex as long as possible do sometimes , depending on the individual and the environment, they equally often backfire (they work better with low-quality men and avoidant men, -and you don’t want either) I scrapped all books that only focus on those aspects.

Another popular concept is that of being a highly independent woman. That’s very popular among female writers and feminist-leaning authors. But as good as it sounds on paper, there is plenty of evidence that it doesn’t work well in dating -and telling other women to be strong and independent is a form of female intra-sexual manipulation type of advice makes you an effective gal at work and life, but purely in terms of dating opportunities, So I eliminated the dating books that don’t accurately flesh out those concepts (also see: successful women dating).

Yet another popular concept is that of playing And you should play some too many of them, and too many win-lose games drive away the higher quality I skipped all books that focus too much on win-lose games. And you should scrap those, by the way:

The books in this list instead all share one thing in common: top dating advice for women with little or no downside.

Trending on YourTango:

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of „How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?“ or „I’m going to let him be the one to call me.“ If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a „love connection“ with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

© 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved.

A Sucky Love Story: Overcoming Unhappily Ever After by Brittani Louise Taylor

Honestly, sometimes love just sucks. YouTuber Brittani Louise Taylor learned this the hard way, which she shares in her debut memoir. When she met Milos, a hot Serbian doctor who was studying in San Diego, she had a weird feeling about him, though she couldn’t put her finger on it. But after a whirlwind love story that included an engagement, a pregnancy, and maybe even a threat or two from a possible Serbian mafia leader, Brittani slowly began to realize that the man she fell head over heels for wasn’t what he seemed. Her story of love, loss, and survival is both mind-blowing and eye-opening and is a definitely must-read if you’re thinking about jumping back into modern dating anytime soon. After all, while Brittani’s not-so-love story might sound a little crazy, it could easily happen to anyone.

Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without A Date by Katie Heaney

I read Katie Heaney’s memoir in college, and boy, did it resonate with me. If you’ve ever struggled with dating (or, at the very least, had plenty of mishaps of your own), Heaney’s laugh-out-loud book might just be the one for you. As a twenty-something who has never fallen in love or had a real boyfriend, she writes about unrequited crushes, the (very real) struggle of connecting with potential partners, and the pervasive feeling of being the lone wolf when all your friends seem to be paired off. But don’t let that description fool you — Katie is anything but sad and lonely. Instead, she is funny and insightful and, best of all, knows exactly how to have a good time as a single woman in a society that’s constantly telling her that love is the one thing worth dying for. If you’re worried about entering the dating field as a new player, this is a great read to keep your spirits high, even if things aren’t always looking so great.

 by Erin McLaughlin

Erin McLaughlin’s dating manifesto is short, but it gets the point across: in ten points, she makes it clear that a lot of us deserve a lot more than we’re willing to stand for, and she wants to change the game for women everywhere. McLaughlin opens up about her own struggles in past relationships and deconstructs social constructs that oftentimes plague (primarily heterosexual) relationships. McLaughlin is funny, insightful, and smart, and if you walk away from this read with anything, it’ll be an idea of what to do in your next relationship — and what you really, really shouldn’t do.

Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding

We’ve got a lot of memoirs and essay books in this list, but what about fiction? The truth is that there are probably a lot more fiction that deals with meeting and falling in love with your perfect match than fiction that deals with the woes of dating. Bridget Jones’s Diary has a little of both. The titular protagonist is a single thirty-something woman who enjoys the life of the uncommitted one minute and frets about dying alone the next, all the while trying to improve her life one day (and one gym visit) at a time. If you’re a single woman who’s struggling to reach your goals and meet the man of your dreams, or even if you just want a good laugh, the hilarious Bridget Jones might just be the one for you.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

Sometimes the best way to keep yourself centered while dipping your toe into the modern dating scene is to sit down with a good book of advice, and Tiny Beautiful Things is just the one. Cheryl Strayed wrote for The Rumpus‘s advice column, Dear Sugar, for two years, and this book is a collection of her most popular pieces. You know what that means: there’s going to be a lot of insights, a lot of self-reflection, and a lot of hit-you-in-the-heart moments. Dating can take a lot out of you — sometimes you just need to focus on the tiny beautiful things.

The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

Let’s be honest here: modern relationships don’t all look the same. What works for one couple might not work for another, and what works for your friends might not necessarily work for you. If you’re interested in something more nontraditional, The Ethical Slut is a great guide that’s all about “love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy.” The book covers (but is not limited to) polyamory, open relationships, asexuality, and cross-orientation relationships. It’s the perfect place to start if you’re wanting to dive into a nontraditional dating style but aren’t sure how to begin.

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling is, in many ways, a modern-day model for what it means to be the fun, single girl who’s had her fair share of ups and downs in the dating world. You can see it reflected in her most popular works, from The Office (where she played the hilarious Kelly Kapoor, who had an on-again-off-again relationship with her co-worker, played by her real-life on-again-off-again beau B.J. Novak) to The Mindy Project (where she played a rom com-loving, financially independent but boy crazy gynecologist who takes New York City’s dating scene by storm). It turns out, these personas aren’t too far off from who Kaling really is, making her a hilarious, familiar narrator as she shares her insights about life, love, and all things Hollywood. If you’re looking for dating advice from an old friend, this is the closest thing you can get in book form.

by Kate Bolick

If you’re thinking about dating but aren’t so sure you’re ready for the time commitment and the sheer amount of energy, both emotional and physical, that goes into it, you might want to give this book a look before you make the decision. Kate Bolick makes a compelling argument about why more and more women are choosing to remain single and looks into the lives of women in history who have proven that sometimes the best thing you can be is your own damn savior. Even if you’re dead-set on dating, this is a pretty great read if you want to feel empowered and emboldened to ensure that you’ll never settle for less than you deserve — because if being in a relationship doesn’t make you happier than what you could be while single, why bother?

by Jenna Birch

In some ways, dating is a game, and it’s good to know the rules before you start playing it. Luckily, Jenna Birch knows exactly what to do, and she has tons of research to back it up. Birch dissects why smart, successful women who are succeeding in work seem to be failing in love and manages to pin down some of those annoying dating patterns you’ve noticed with men over the past few years, including ghosting and an unwillingness to commit. If you want to take a step into the dating field feeling confident and aware of how men think — and why they act the way they do.

(Shameless plug alert!!) 

Full disclosure: as the author of this particular book, I am extremely biased. But I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t think it could help. (And my wife frequently tells me—and anyone else who will listen—that I’m absolutely a subject matter expert.)

I wrote Stop Doubting, Start Dating to help other shy, introverted and introspective guys like me push past their fears, build social and romantic confidence, and learn how to not just put themselves out there, but attract women to them.

As you can imagine, I highly recommend it. (As does my wife.)

(Second shameless plug alert!!) 

Are you sick of feeling your heart start pounding, your pulse start racing and your brow start sweating as you struggle to come up with things to talk to a girl about?

Do you ever wish you had a checklist of fun, flirty, interesting and engaging topics that you could easily bring up when talking to women?

Have you ever struggled to figure out how to talk to a girl for the first time, what to talk about with a girl you like, or how to make the conversation (and yourself) seem compelling?

In my second book on dating, I’ve laid out a roadmap for answering all of these questions, to help you overcome the obstacles that keep you from being a charismatic conversationalist.

4.5 Stars on Amazon

Unlike the other “dating advice” books on the market, the Dating Playbook For Men isn’t packed with fluff and filler content that leaves you even more confused before you picked up the games. No rah rah motivation. No weird seduction tactics. It’s just raw, actionable content designed to…

4.5 Stars on Amazon

In Deeper Dating, psychotherapist Ken Page offers a new path to finding meaningful and lasting relationships. Learn how to attract people who love you for who you really are, become more self-assured and emotionally available, and lose your taste for…

4 Stars on Amazon

In the age of online dating, finding a real connection can seem more daunting than ever! So, why not stack the odds of finding the right person in your favor? This book offers simple, proven-effective principles drawn from neuroscience and attachment theory to…

Learn the fundamental principles of becoming a true alpha male and discover the hidden secrets to finally understand women, what they want, and how to give it to them.

This book will open your eyes and make you more adaptable to many situations as you play the dating game. It will offer you the most practical knowledge and strategies on how to understand women’s actions, behaviors, needs, and wants.