Gay Guys: You’re Douching Wrong

Like many bottoms, my gay friend George* has a harrowing story about using an enema before anal sex. „I had met a guy on Grindr,“ he said. „I get to his place and ring the doorbell. As he opened the door to say hi, I coughed and shat out a load of poo water into my underwear. Loudly. I had to run into his flat, straight to the toilet, and throw my underwear away. It was all down my legs. It killed the mood, needless to say. And, yes, I left the dirty underwear there.“

Among bottoms, learning the art and science of douching—using an enema, syringe, or hose to flush out the rectal cavity before getting rammed to high heaven—is a sacred rite of passage. Like the asses they irrigate, douches come in all shapes and sizes, from readily available complicated shower contraptions for seasoned vets. It’s a messy reality of taking dick up your butt: If you don’t want to end up with a disappointed top and a gross sex situation on your hands, a courteous bottom needs to douche beforehand. Or so many within the gay community think.

In the interest of all my dirty bottoms out there, I asked a few doctors what one should do to prevent horror stories like George’s. What’s really the best way to douche? The answer surprised me—according to medical experts, you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all.

„I usually tell patients to just put a towel down on those fancy sheets and go for it,“ said Dr. Stephen Goldstone, an assistant clinical professor of surgery at Mount Sinai Hospital and a specialist in anorectal disease and gay men’s health. Goldstone is the author of The Ins & Outs of Gay Sex: A Medical Handbook, so he knows a thing or two.

Dr. Evan Goldstein, who founded the gay men’s sexual wellness practice Bespoke Surgical (and is one of the country’s foremost anal rejuvenators), provided a helpful hypothetical. „Imagine if you line up ten guys, and you’re going to top them all,“ he said, describing a modest Thursday evening at The Eagle. „Even if they haven’t prepared, nine out of ten would be completely stool-free.“

That’s because, contrary to what your gay best friend or some insufferable YouTube personality told you, you don’t truly need to clean out before riding the baloney pony all night long. It all comes down to anatomy. As Dr. Goldstein told me, stool resides in the sigmoid colon, the part of the large intestine closest to the rectum and anus. There, you’ll find a muscle that keeps poo from going into the rectum and through the anus until you’re actually ready to, you know, poo. That means there shouldn’t be any stool where the top’s dick is going, unless your top is hung like Jon Hamm times Justin Theroux.

You’re probably about to say, „Yeah, but when I douche all kinds of poo comes out.“ You’re not wrong. The thing about enemas and irrigation devices is that they were made for people with actual constipation issues, not bottoms. When we douche, the force of water propelled into the colon goes past the area that actually needs to be clean for sex, up into the sigmoid colon. That fills the feces up there with water, and then washes it all out, which is the point of the enema in the first place. An enema cleans out way more than you need to for sex, making your butthole even dirtier in the process. And many people do this repeatedly, until the water comes out clear. That’s like draining a whole pool just to get a few leaves out when you could be using a skimmer instead. (Though it’s possible for a dick to enter the sigmoid colon depending on one’s individual anatomy, it’s not common.)

The doctors added that over-the-counter enemas weren’t intended to be used on a regular basis, either. „Fleet [brand enemas] are not great,“ Dr. Goldstein said. „They cause a lot of trauma. The chemical in there creates irritation. It brings water into the movement so you can poop away, but it causes the cells [of the rectum] to get irritated. It creates tons of mucus and tons of dryness in the area.“ That dryness can lead to cracks and bleeding, which can also make it easier to pass some STDs.

Dr. Goldstone points out that douching too often can lead to other, long-lasting problems, too. „If you’re doing it every day, there are a lot of issues with enemas. You can lengthen your colon, and that can lead to constipation later in life,“ he said. Yep, your worst fears are true: the constant pushing required to expel all of that water-logged poop can blow out the anal sphincters that keep it in, causing irreparable harm that can mess up bowel movements down the road. Dr. Goldstone said symptoms of that damage aren’t often evident until it’s too late.

„That’s what’s so dangerous about it,“ he said. „It’s not threatening, but it’s a real pain in the ass, so to speak, it can make you uncomfortable and miserable.“

What should you do instead? Well, probably nothing. Both doctors recommended a simple shower before bottoming, using plain water to clean the butthole and a little bit inside, too. If that’s not sufficient, there’s probably something wrong with your diet. Try adding fiber for bulkier stools, which can be found in leafy green vegetables and other fiber-rich foods. If you don’t like waiting in line at Sweetgreen, you can always try fiber supplements like Metamucil. There’s even a supplement that explicitly targets the gay market: Pure for Men, which is made with the same psyllium husk, flaxseed and chia found in other over-the-counter fiber products, presumably manufactured extra… homosexually. Dr. Goldstein noted that every booty is different, so you’ll need to experiment to find the timing and dosage of fiber to ensure maximum cleanliness for you.

For those who still insist on doing something—anything—up there before sex, Dr. Goldstein said it’s best to douche using plain water and just a tiny bit of pressure from an enema bulb. But buyer beware. „When someone has a big bulb in front of them, they just want to squeeze the fuck out of it and get all of the water in there,“ he said. Remember, you only need to clean a few inches, not your entire gut.

Both doctors said that any butt should be ready to rumble with a moment’s notice. If you don’t believe that, try sticking a dildo or buttplug in there and pulling it out. If there’s no brown stuff on it, then you’re fine. If there is, think about refining your diet or using supplements.

What does all our anxiety about douching say about gay culture? That we need to chill out (without turning to poppers). The gay community sets notoriously unrealistic expectations for itself on everything from ideal body typethe „value“ of masculinity; expecting absolute cleanliness in sex is much the same. After all, if you keep going down that rabbit hole, eventually you’re going to meet the rabbit, and there’s nothing really wrong with that. Or, as Dr. Goldstone said, „No matter what you do, it’s always going to be an asshole. You can’t enemize it into something it’s not.“

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A Beginner’s Guide to Bottoming During Sex

Tips on douching, diet, practicing alone, and doing it with your partner.

My first time bottoming was a nightmare come to life. I was in pain the entire time, not to mention super self-conscious about my partner being all up in my rear end.

If you’re not familiar with the term, „bottoming“ refers to being on the receiving end of anal sex, meaning the „bottom“ is the partner putting the penis (or dildo) inside of them. (The person sticking said penis or dildo inside the bottom is referred to as the „top.“)

After my negative sexual experience, I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was pleasurable about bottoming. How do so many men—gay, bi, and straight—derive pleasure from having a penis (or dildo) inside of them? After my first unpleasant experience, I didn’t bottom for quite some time. Eventually, I had a girlfriend who got me into it. She really wanted to peg me, so I told her I’d give bottoming another try. She loved anal (on herself, too) and taught me what I had been doing wrong. After a few experimental sessions, I finally got what bottoming was all about. It felt heavenly. My orgasms were so much stronger with something in my butt than without.

I had no idea how to bottom, which makes sense. Bottoming isn’t an innate skill; it’s something you learn. Alas, there are not that many resources for men who want to learn how to bottom, but have no idea where to begin. That’s why we spoke to Dr. Evan Goldstein for tips on how to bottom.

A Beginner’s Guide to Bottoming During Sex

Why are gay bodybuilders so often bottoms?

Gay men who fetishize bodybuilders usually (not always, but usually want them to be tops because we fantasize about having great power and mastery with their muscles. Yet most BBs I’ve met always want to fling their legs up into the air when you get them into bed.

They need their prostates massaged, after so much exercise.

Sometimes you just want to be taken! Made to feel as if you’re nothing more than a slut to be used. Raped! Everyone has a submissive side to them.

Fucking is too much energy when you can barely waddle.

r2, wanting to be fucked doesn’t equate for most of us with wanting to be used, demeaned or even submissive. It certainly doesn’t mean that for women who liked to be fucked and it also doesn’t mean that for men who liked to be fucked. It just means that it feels fucking great.

Something about big authoritative guys being big pussies, not sure what it is though. Can’t tell you how many big tough cops, firefighters, EMTs, military and similar types I have had that ended up begging to be bound or spanked or humiliated or something. The two definitely go together. I live in the DC area, and the freakiest ones are the Secret Service. Over the top need to be dominated. I’ve briefly dated three of them. All were still very closeted. The only bigger freak I dated was a Virginia State Trooper that wanted to be punched hard in the stomach and kicked in the balls. I drew the line at that. Also, that bastard ran my plates when we first met to verify my name and age, which pissed me off when he told me.

R& – are you talking about your fantasy life or your real life?

I think the bodybuilding can be a way of compensating for internalized homophobia. They can’t reconcile their masculinity with being a natural bottom (though as R4 said, it doesn’t have to equal submissiveness, but many can’t separate the two).

R8, my real one. Don’t care if you believe me or not. Go meet some people, get out into the real world, try going on a few dates – meet some of these guys we’re talking about and find out for yourself.

[quote] Can’t tell you how many big tough cops, firefighters, EMTs, military and similar types I have had that ended up begging to be bound or spanked or humiliated or something.

I assume you mean by „Can’t tell…“ you really mean it. You can’t tell because there are none.

Bodybuilders have massive insecurity issues they think their bigger muscles will fix.

I like ‚em because even if the hole is loose they can grip my dick with their muscular glutes.

OP asks a question. First couple comments are snarky insults at OP. Some people give OP honest responses. Some trolls post a bunch of bullshit. Then commenters leave snarky comments about how they don’t believe any of the comments from people who have any kind of life. If it’s a thread about troubles and someone complains about their life and says they think of suicide, the commenters tell them that they are right and that they should do it. No one believes anyone. Nothing is accomplished. A few people are mildly entertained and helped with wasting another night in front of the computer. End of thread. Rinse and repeat.

If you work on making your gluts and legs hard and muscled, then shave them, you need to have them licked and fucked.

R16 You make these threads sound so trivial and depressing. That is not part of the standard DL thread template.

Then some know-it-all posts a snarky summary of the whole thread as metacommentary, trying to show how he’s above it all.

That only happens once in awhile R19. I did leave out though the obligatory male celebrity mentions and the folks saying that he’s gay, has a beard, their roommate stuffed a gerbil up his ass, etc.

`Yikes“ R7. That`s a reason I would avoid dating law enforcement officers. Rememeber what ahppened to matt on that old `Melrose Place

No, but it probably happened to me too and I’m a better man now because of it

@R4, many women have the submission, dominate, rape fantasies too.

[quote]They need their prostates massaged, after so much exercise.

[all posts by flame bait troll #11 removed (violent racist homophobic right-wing misogynist), ISP notified with full text of all posts.]

Bodybuilders are passive in relation to the weights that they lift. If you think about it, your avg. bodybuilder is search of a ‚weight‘, a power that they can’t overcome. They seek to be dominated no matter how much they may like the body adoration/body worship.

Oh c’mon, if you can’t talk shit about Muscle Mary gays at DL, we might as well turn off the Intermess – it’s over.

The phrase, „Man of Steel, Heels of Helium“ didn’t magically appear from The Isle of Lezbo. They’re not that creative, and Muscle Queens have a lot in common with Labiarians.

Would love to screw one now. Guess I will join a gym soon!

Maybe it’s the area where you live? I’ve only met ones who were tops…

I’ve been into bodybuilding for over ten years. Just love to be dominated by a cute skinny guy with a massive cock.

My own experience supports OP’s view, they tend to be bottoms and for obvious reasons (insecurity/shame/etc). Also, muscular guys know how to use their butt muscles to squeeze on your dick, I love it.

The Ass needs to be fucked. And if its your best asset pardon the pun or buns use it.

I don’t want to go off on a tangent, but this happens to EVERY gay sub-group… There are just more bottoms than tops in the world… If OP replaced the word „bodybuilders“ for „bears“ or „twinks“, that would also hold true…

Don’t know why you bumped this thread to say that R39, but is definitely true.

The majority of men prefer to bottom. That exclusive bottom boys complain that they want more men to be tops doesn’t change the simple fact that a majority of guys out there prefer to bottom.

.. the sheer nastiness of some bottoms to other bottoms is risible… There’s a female cattiness to it… If you look on Grindr or hook-up websites, you’ll see bottoms going „if you’re a bottom, don’t waste my time“… „No bottoms please“… Answer should be „if you’re also a bottom, why should people let you waste THEIR time“…

Tops can be a bit protective of their ass, as if the other top wanted to rape them, but it is all a lot more civil !

Bodybuilder threads always seem to attract a mental midget like R6 claiming that steroids shrink cocks.

Some hot bodybuilder leaked a nude jerk off video. He has a nice piece.

Steroids don’t shrink cock, but going off them do if you abuse steroids your body starts to over produce estrogen. If go off them your body is producing almost no male hormones and a huge amount of estrogen. You get bitch tits and your dick and balls shrink.

Because they’re gay. More gay men are bottoms than tops.

[quote]You get bitch tits and your dick and balls shrink.

No. You can get btich tits and your balls can shrink.

[quote]They need their prostates massaged, after so much exercise.

Aren’t the words gay and bodybuilding a synonym. Seriously my gym is filled with these kids, and they are the weirdest most blatantly gay human beings that have ever gayed. Theyre also pretty awful people tbh.

r53… Maybe it’s time to stop going to David Barton?

Bottoms, much like women, spend way too much time on their appearance.

On the old muscleservice station board many years ago, any time pics of hot muscular porn stars spreading their cheeks were posted, some posters would term them „muscle cunts“.

I personally don’t believe „gay for pay“ is a real thing, but I do believe that the following is QUITE common.

„Started camming in my teens. The money was intoxicating and i never looked back. The straight guys who cant deal with it simply dont escort. A lot of guys say they are straight but really are somewhat Bi. Like 90% straight 10% gay. In comparison im 100% gay, cant even look at a vagina. You;d be surprised what these ’straight‘ guys do. First time i worked with another escort was this jacked beyond belief straight dude. Masculine as f*ck, gorgeous, hung like a bull. This guy got fucked so hard by the client and was LOVING it. I was so surprised i almost forgot to do my job. For those that are somewhat bothered by it, get over pretty quickly when they see the cash.“

but still hard to find them – real „bodybuilder bottoms“ 😉

i once had this discussion with a guy who was all of 5’10 and 175 but had a relationship with a bodybuilder who was 6’3 or so and 250 plus pounds and he was 9 out of 10 times the top to this much bigger guy…

it was his personal thought (he never asked his lover why he was a big musclebound bottom) that such men have a NEED a desperate craving NEED to be approved of and desired and to make the OTHER PERSON (i.e. the top) happy. they felt this way over their own happiness and sexual pleasure happiness. therefore by „surrendering“ their bigger body and sexuality and making the OTHER guy, their lover happy made them happy! perhaps a relationship with their father also in that they grew up wanting to please their father and this spilled over to their sex life..

„WOW“! i read all the comments, and most I found very judgmental,and kinda bordering on bigotry „Really“, coming from a culture whose finally getting a glimpse of acceptance from mainstream society. I think just like the rest of us, the bodybuilder’s outer appearance does not determine what goes on inside. I do know that not all G BB like to bottom, but I am personally grateful to the ones that do. Bottom line, G BB’s are no more often bottoms than any other group, and just like the rest of us the motivations always about any ones esteem or penis size.

[quote]You get bitch tits and your dick and balls shrink.

for a guy to work hard on making his butt and legs look like that and then shave it down smooth means only one thing – TOTAL INSATIABLE BOTTOM!

Bodybuilders are not only usually bottoms, but really nasty, sleazy, greasy bottoms, too. I once cruised this tatted, 250 lbs cholo fuckmachine, with a tiny needle dick, minuscule balls, but a muscled bubble butt with an incredibly deep crack and a hole so well used it sorta hung open. I was really getting into it, pounding away with my pulsing throbmeat. I blasted a phat load.

The bottom then started jacking his clit. That pissed me off. I don’t like seeing a bottom’s cocklet and I fucking hate it when the bottom gets hard or touches his clit. So I pissed on him and that got him fucking stoked. I went down to his bed and squeezed out a pretty full, heavy, greasy log onto the sheets.

His eyes were like bulging out of their fucking sockets, he was so hard. I just dropped the load and he dived down onto it and snarfed it down, chewing and grunting like a pig. The room smelled like shit. Fucking hot tho.

R71 Fuck that’s so hot. Nothing like a bottom taking a load of cum, followed by a load of piss and a load of shit. You only know you’ve owned a bottom when he eats your shit. I’m a pretty heavy, beefy bear in my late fifties with pig tits. There’s nothing better than pulling out my scat seat after I’ve had Mexican or Indian and a six-pack, get a nasty bottom, and just drop shit into his h0m0 mouth while I puff away on my cigar and drink Jamieson straight from the fucking bottle.

I came across an interesting article published yesterday on a bodybuilding website about bodybuilding and its homophobia.

Basically, it encourages bodybuilders and bodubuilding fans to stop their homophobia because times have changed and because bodybuilding is the most homoerotic activity we know today.

It seems to be some people in the bodybuilding world are trying to embrace the new times.

bodybuilders work on their butts, and shave them so that they can be fucked

It’s simple. Gay bodybuilders are mostly just common or garden bottoms that wanted a muscular top and worked out until they were muscular enough to attract one, little realising that those muscle men they kept seeing in clubs were also bottoms doing the same thing.

R75 – on T-Nation, no less! Duchane must be rollin‘ in his grave!! Lol

Who seriously desires a bodybuilder to be a bottom? They have so much muscle mass on their butt that your cock will never reach the prostate… haha.

I been working out most of my adult (I’m 32) life and I honestly prefer bottoming. I love the feeling of my man enjoy my every inch of my body. I’ve gotten into dating younger (18-24) twinkish tops too. They tend to really get into my body. Plus I like turning them from timid shy boys into aggressive assertive men through my submission to them

OP, they don’t work on their butts so that they expose them, and then Shave them unless they want to have them licked and FUCKED

After you fuck them make sure you shoo them out of your place before they have to take a shit. All those supplements smell.

As I said the last time we discussed Vin Diesel, muscle bottoms are hot.

It looks like many men want and love to dominate bodybuilders.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I see the word „dominate“ used when the writer means „dominant“, but isn’t aware that it exists as a word, and that if you want to express it, you just sort of mispronounce the word „dominate“ and you’re all set!

The idea that tops are not submissive to bottom is quite naive. There is nothing dominating about being a „top“. Tops have perfomance anxieties that no bottom has becuase they know they will be rated based on tbeir sizemeat and his performance. A top who fails to please a bottom, and this includes straight men will definitely have their ego broken. Straight guys are far more submissive than gay top becuase not only they have to be submissive enough to service the demanding passive girls but they even have to enjoy body parts that are not even like his own ones. the straight guy has to surrender his body parts and exchange them for femenine ones, that most straight females find unpleasant even to look at. This is a masochistic tendency.

[quote]A top who fails to please a bottom, and this includes straight men will definitely have their ego broken.

More than a broken ego. The word will definitely be „put out“ on the street! If you can’t perform, it’s best that you stay home. YOU HAVE COME TO WORK!!!

In my case, I have experience with top bodybuilders. But I’m also thin and with twinky-ish appearance so no one would approach me to top 😛

Always been the „top“ because of sports I played and my bodybuilding. Not too many bottom bodybuilders that are 6’2″ and 270 lbs that I know. Could be some bodybuilders being g4P to fund their bodybuilding and might bottom if the price is right.

Why are gay bodybuilders so often bottoms?

Step One: What to Eat (and Avoid) If You Want to Bottom

What are most gay men afraid of? Having an accident while bottoming. The good news: a healthy diet will do most of the ass-cleaning work. Consume a high-fiber diet or take fiber supplements so that when you poop, your stool is collected together in one smooth mass. When you make fiber part of your daily regimen, you’ll reach a point where the most important step of your anal cleansing regimen is simply using the bathroom. Your body will get rid of most everything. The bad news: most people don’t consume enough natural fiber daily, which leads many bottoms to douche with unsubstantiated products that can do more harm than good. I know you still have doubts so read on…

Extracurricular: Introducing Your Ass to Larger Toys & Fisting

The anatomical barriers of the bottom, in an attempt to achieve these “beyond capacity” acts of pleasure, may find restrictions from either the external anal skin, not being able to fully stretch to accommodate the new girth, or similarly, the anal muscle not being able to fully relax.

Whatever toys, cocks, or fists you play with, one must analyze the sticking point and gradually dilate over time. The overlying skin and muscle will stretch, but you need to utilize this new understanding — the science of gay sex — to push beyond its capacity. Patience is key.

Receiving help on this type of engagement from others is imperative – your partner can sometimes get a better sense of the “sticking” point than you can by just using toys. The key is surrounding yourself with others who understand proper mechanics.

The act of fisting is wonderful, but just like flying an airplane, the takeoff (or entry in this case) is the toughest part. Maneuvering the hand in positions that minimize girth will help achieve success and, once beyond the muscles, the sky’s the limit, or, in this case, the colon. Don’t get discouraged while exploring your new aspirations as it can take quite a while to finally reach your ultimate goal. But do pay attention to the maximal tension since injury can occur quite frequently when taken beyond what your body can handle.

If you have tried all of the above, yet are still unable to reach your goals, we offer Botox injections that can help induce full relaxation of the friction points (the skin lines front and back or the internal musculature). Sometimes an operative evaluation is imperative to give a better understanding of the failed mechanics with surgical resolution being a necessity. One-time Botox usually suffices, allowing full distention for time to come, as long as one continues the process of appropriate dilation and engagement.

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Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical. Dr. Goldstein has extensive experience educating and shedding light on health care issues relating to the gay community, and has been published in several national publications including The Advocate, OUT Magazine, Vice, Refinery 29, NY Mag and more.

Reasons why people don’t bottom

“It’ll hurt too much, it’ll be dirty, his dick is too big, I’m not gay if I don’t get fucked.” We’ve heard them all before.

The first three, we’ll deal with. The last one, well that’s more of an internalised homophobia issue.

Sexual positions where a bottom leads

Being a bottom doesn’t mean you need to be submissive, or that your Top has to be in control of the situation.

Riding your guy, is a good way to self-manage how you take his dick: how fast, how much, and how hard – it’s all up to you in this position.

Check out our guide to gay sex positions to discover more about riding him, along with some other variations.

It’s your ass, it’s your sexual experience. Don’t be afraid to tell your guy exactly how you’re feeling. Tell him if it’s too hard, too deep, too fast or too slow.

What is a Power Bottom?

If you are a true power bottom, you are gay man who has a huge appetite for being penetrated by another guy (or guys). You can last for extended periods of time without having to take breaks.

Power bottoms tend to last longer in the sack when the top is confident during intense jack-hammering (read between the lines). Power bottoms are ready to take it day or night and commonly like to skip a lot of foreplay and get right down to business.

Power Bottom Myths

Let’s first dispense with some of the common myths that are often associated with being a power bottom. While I can’t list them all, here are some of the biggies.

A lot of people see to think that guys like me who power bottom are “queens” or “big girls”. That’s totally false. I would argue that guys who mostly or exclusively bottom are perhaps some of the most masculine guys on the planet. This myth can be traced to harmful stereotypes about gay men – pure and simple.

I’ve had friends say that power bottoms are bigtime selfish whores. This one is BS too. That’s because being a power bottom isn’t so much about the activity but instead, about the mindset.

Just because we like to bend over doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t top. It does mean that we prefer to riding a guy and doing so for long periods of time.

Perhaps the worst stereotype associated with this bit of lingo relates to physical pain. For some stupid reason, a lot of gay tops have it in their mind that power bottoms don’t feel pain.

I’m here to tell you that’s total B.S. because we do. It DOES hurt if you just jam it in or suddenly yank it out. Nothing pisses me off more than a top thinking he can do whatever he wants to me because the guy thinks I’m impervious to pain, you know?

And hate to break it to you but not all of us are hooked on crystal meth, causing us to get “tina d*ck”. I don’t know if that myth came from videos or an urban legend but it’s crap.

Containing on with the stereotypes, power bottoms can be submissive but that doesn’t mean they are totally submissive. Sure, I suppose if you hypnotize one of us, we could turn into some freakish zombie bottom but in the real world, that’s not been my experience.

Finally, not all guys like me who are power bottoms are slutty. I hate when gay men think this but apparently, many do. Remember, it’s not about the number of guys we can take but instead, our ability to be ready and last for the long term.

To be this type of bottom, it means you have personal POWER. Here, I am talking about a high degree of self-esteem and self-worth. Not the other way around.

Power Bottom Truths

As mentioned earlier, a gay man who identifies as a power bottom has adopted a mindset. This way of thinking takes years to develop and has nothing to do with the top’s size or girth.

Instead, it’s about the pounders ability to jump into action at a moment’s notice, allowing someone like me to be equally ready.

This means we’ve educated ourselves about digestive health, allowing us to do our thing without worry.

On a related note, a true – and I mean absolutely true power bottom knows all about the things that turn off guys who are tops. One of the big ones is never making the mistake of referring to our man holes with effeminate terms.

Another one is understanding the importance of thorough douching!

Bottoming Doesn’t = Power Bottom

What really pisses me off is running into guys on hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff who claim they are power bottoms when they simply aren’t.

Just because you rode a guy for 20 minutes doesn’t entitle you to claim the label. And so what if you can sit on a giant toy! That doesn’t mean you are one either!

So gay men everywhere, please, for the love of all that is good, please stop calling yourself a power bottom when you aren’t.

This is a very special title should be reserved for gay men who have put in years of effort while educating themselves on how to be masters of their craft.

The Power Bottom

I was interviewed by Ian Bassingthwaighte from Esquire Magazine for an article in their sex column in the publication’s December 2010 issue. It was about the concept of “the power bottom” as it pertains to gay sexuality. Unfortunately, it didn’t make the official pages of the magazine, but below are the questions I was asked with my corresponding answers.

In gay sexuality terms, a “bottom” is understood to be the male partner who is on the receptive end of anal intercourse and enjoys being penetrated. A “power bottom” could be defined as a bottom who has a strong enthusiasm and drive for engaging in long sessions of anal penetrative sex, whether as an extended single encounter with no interruption of being “topped”, or having the desire and ability to engage in multiple instances of anal sex over a long period of time within a sexual episode. A man who can accommodate penile thrusting for long periods without stopping and shows exuberance, lack of inhibition, and active participation in the sexual encounter are characterized as “power bottoms.” Many tops (the penetrator) who have endurance and enjoy long sessions of anal intercourse commonly complain about bottoms who have to terminate penetration because of discomfort, pain, or exhaustion. Conversely, power bottoms can also be discontented with a top who ejaculates too quickly during sex and halts the sexual encounter before he has been thoroughly satisfied.

“Power bottom” is simply a label attached to a sexual preference and taste that differentiates specific needs and desires for sex. The terms are primarily used in the gay community to help men distinguish between those partners that would be most compatible for their sexual needs; “top vs. bottom” is typically used as a screening tool to ensure goodness-of-fit with obtaining just the right sexual partner or prospect for a partner for a possible long-term intimate relationship. They can define particular sexual roles if that’s the route that’s chosen in a given sexual situation.

Though not as widely pronounced or publicized, I believe that heterosexuals also can be viewed as “power bottoms.” Sexuality is not cut-and-dry. Many straight men enjoy being penetrated by their girlfriends/wives with dildos and vibrators. While “power bottom” conjurs up images of strictly penis-in-anus, the advent of sex toys has added another dimension to the sexual needs of bottoms. The sensation of being “filled”, whether by a penis or some other object, meets a psychological need and fuels the sexual desire for this type of sexual activity. Additionally, in the heterosexual S&M community, the terms “top” and “bottom” are designated to either the man or woman who has the preference to live out these roles in either a sexual arena, or even in their general lifestyle and daily living practices. They espouse issues of power and control as opposed to being linked to any particular gender.

There are certainly those men out there who classify themselves as “size queens”, preferring male partners with large penises for anal sex. This is not a golden rule, however, to be considered a power bottom. Gay men love penises of all shapes and sizes and despite the stereotypes about “bigger is better”, many men find these phalluses difficult to accommodate and less pleasurable than an average-to-smaller sized member. Others love the feeling of being “filled” and “stuffed” by an over-sized appendage. The preference is as unique and individual as people are. It just depends on the role, if any, that penis size plays as a fetish or fantasy for the specific man.

The type of man sought is also just as varied depending on the individual’s specific erotic blueprint for what he finds attractive and a turn-on. Typically, a long-lasting top who is attentive is favored. Variables like masculine vs. effeminate, body build, hairy vs. smooth are all unremarkable and specific to each person’s unique idea of what’s “hot.”

Absolutely! A power bottom doesn’t solely have to be on his back to have a good time. In fact, mixing it up with different sexual positions adds more spice and variety to the encounter. While there are certainly those bottoms who enjoy taking a passive role in anal sex, many others are quite aggressive in getting their needs met or creating a sexual scenario that’s enjoyable for both men involved. There can be more of a sense of urgency with the power bottom’s active participation and he can actually take on more of dominant role.

One of the beauties about gay sex is that there are no specific rigid gender or sex roles that have to be played out. This means that there is more versatility with sex play and sexual positions and roles can be mixed and matched depending on the situation, preference, and need. While some power bottoms may predominantly favor being topped on most occasions, this does not preclude them to only being pigeon-holed into that one position and many enjoy the option of being able to switch-hit from time-to-time as a “power top.” Versatility can offer more options for sexual satisfaction and variety.

There is no specific type of man who can be generalized as being a “power bottom.” Men of all personality types and creeds vary in their preference of whether to be a “top” or a “bottom”. Some dominant men do enjoy relinquishing control in the bedroom to tap into a more submissive side than they ordinarily exude in their public life, but this does not necessarily target them as being power bottoms. And as indicated earlier, a power bottom often times does not have to be passive and submissive; they can also be quite a delicious aggressor.

While it’s difficult to ascertain the number of power bottoms that exist, it is believed in some circles in the gay community that bottoms tend to outnumber their top counterparts. By scanning the sex personal ads available on the Web, one can frequently see that posts for bottoms seeking tops are in the majority. This is certainly not representative though and there are no statistics that I’m aware of to verify that as being an absolute truth.

And just like it’s impossible to detect who is gay from straight when out-and-about, it’s also impossible to determine who is a top vs. bottom by physical appearance. Effeminate men are often times stereotypically viewed as being bottoms (even in the gay community), but look out when one grabs you, throws you on your back, and gives you the ride of your life. He’ll debunk all those myths!

Much of the negotiating of sexual activity and what will happen is typically communicated before a sexual encounter. There are always those times as well where the sexual preferences and behaviors evolve in-the-moment of a heat of passion and the men follow suit with cues from body language and gestures. In some bar settings and gay community events, some men wear handkerchiefs, leather straps, and other insignia around a specific arm to advertise their specific sexual preference as a way to attract potential sexual partners or to define their identity.

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„Rock Bottom“ follows the journeys of seven gay men struggling with meth addiction and recovery against a backdrop of an emerging second wave of HIV infection. From grappling with the drug’s effects on their physical and mental health to wrestling with their darkest sexual desires, Rock Bottom delivers a chilling portrait of a community in crisis. With an unflinching eye the film captures their stories over a two-year period, from sex clubs to hospitals to family gatherings. It takes enormous courage to face these demons, and even more to allow the world to watch. Written byColin A. Weil

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Why do men bottom?

Well, for one, cisgender gay men don’t have vulvas, so if they want to have penetrative sex, it’s really their only option. Two, it feels really good for the bottom. Roughly 2-3 inches inside the anus resides the prostate, a walnut-sized gland that’s a beacon of pleasure. “Once you tap into its benefits with appropriate stimulation, your orgasms will never be the same again,” says Goldstein.

How do you go about bottoming with a partner?

Bottom with someone you can really communicate with. „It’s about reaching a level of comfortability for you,“ says Boomer Banks, the renowned gay porn star. “Really try to connect with them beforehand.” Talk to your partner about their dos and don’ts, and share your is even more important if you’re new to bottoming.

With your partner, start slowly with fingers or a small toy, and use a lot of lube. Silicone-based lube can help with anal sex because it’s thicker. It’s safe to use with condoms along with water-based lubes. Oil-based lubes, on the other hand, can erode latex.

When you start to have penetrative sex, do it from a position where you control the thrusting. I often start in the cowgirl position, and tell them to not move. That way you control how far the penis or dildo goes inside of you. If you start in doggy style, your partner controls the thrusting, and they may accidentally go too quickly before you’re relaxed and ready.

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I love this site! I live in Miami and – just based on my experiences and others I know – “power bottoms” are the majority of gay men down here! Go on any gay dating site and you will find an overwhelming amount of gay men posting as “bottom only.” Its a huge percentage. If you don’t believe me – post yourself as a bottom then as a top and watch a gazillion hits and contacts if you say you are a top.

Very interesting post! I especially like the idea about rigid sex and gender roles. I have a gay sex and relationship blog with Fusion magazine, Ohio’s LGBTQ student advocacy magazine, and my latest post, Bossy Bottoms and Timid Tops, has a lot to do with this topic. Check it out if you’re interested!

Great to read something which covers this so intelligently.I have always enjoyed being a bottom and as I get older, I rarely me, it’s always been the purest expression of my masculinity to be able to enjoy the strong connection you get from anal ;s interesting what you say about size because although I like big cock, for bottoming I tend to look out more for smaller/average guys, simply because it’s easier to take a smaller cock and genuinely enjoy the sensation.I did try for a long time to experiment more – and for a stage a couple years ago actively looked to try bottoming only for the biggest guys. The problem was that it was just too hard to initially take it and required so much lube – which just took the sense of pleasure of being penetrated hard away. You also get a bit obsessed with finding big cocked guys only, which can get a bit compulsive!

Keep up good work – and thanks for recognising us PBs!

Great article…I used to think I looked like a 100% bottom but I have met a few too many guys who wanted me to top them. It felt so unnatural that the furthest I could get was getting sucked off. I am no ‘straight acting jock’ but I think a few too many guys have watched a bit too much inter-racial porn with a big dark top pounding away at a skinny little guy! Yes I am getting heavier and now that I am gymming a lot more, I am looking more like a daddy than ever before…I am only embracing the irony of looking one way and wanting something else. Sometimes I am lucky and I meet a Top that likes to be with a black bottom but that is quite rare…By the way I live in CPT that seems to be even more swamped with limp wristed bottoms than where Jose above lives so even though I feel I look very gay, I still have people try to hook me up with girls thinking that, that is the side of the fence I want to sit on…so big ups to you for such a well written and insightful article

On September 09, 12 at 2:58pm, Frederic Kahler said…

I am a power bottom and we are always demanding, hence the endless ads seeking tops. However, tops simply may not be so inclined to advertise so much, so how can we know percentages? I think there is an inherent role-playing or preference bias: bottoms demand from tops; tops, concerned about their prowess, would be less inclined to put themselves out there to ridicule or judgement from other tops or bottoms. Tops demand once in the situation.

Bottoming is hypnotic, but I appreciate a man who returns topside. Bottoms up!

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