Alex Cheves tells you how to do it in groups.

In the beginning, we found thirds. My boyfriend and I hit the bars seeking guys we both thought were cute. The only problem with that, of course, is that it’s hard to agree on things as a couple — guys included. After we separated, I became the third guy and played with couples across the country. When jealousy flared up, I bowed out. Then I tried small groups. Then bigger groups. Then my first sex club. I liked the freedom and camaraderie of playing with others without pressure or expectation. It’s not a relationship. It’s a sex party. 

That led me to large dance/play parties, events with hundreds of guys in attendance: sweat fests and dark dance floors with slings off to one side. Sometimes the party is one giant sex party. Sometimes the backroom/play area is tucked away near the bathrooms — a lights-out area you have the option of entering. No matter the specifics, you’re there to play. Get past your notions about who attends them (you’ll meet pros and first-timers, kinky and vanilla, old and young) and go to one.

Here’s 55 dos and don’ts of attending a gay sex party. Play nice, boys. 

A word of warning from Alex Cheves

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend

A word of warning from Alex Cheves

18. DO have an exit strategy.

Things happen. He says there are four guys present, then you show up and there’s forty. Sometimes you’re told it’s “drug-free,” then you walk in and see guys using. Someone you walk in and come face-to-face with your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes you walk in and come face-to-face with your current (monogamous) boyfriend fucking someone. Sometimes you walk in and come face-to-face with that guy you went on a date with and it was awful, and you never texted him back. Have an exit strategy.

If you don’t feel comfortable turning and leaving without a word, compose a pre-packaged excuse — “I need to go pick up a friend from another party and take him home, apparently there’s drama” — and gather your things. Whatever you do, don’t cause a scene. Neither an official venue nor someone’s apartment is the proper place to have an outburst. 

18. DO have an exit strategy.

26. DO assume risk — regardless what kind of sex party it is.

If you’re having sex, you assume risk. Even if condoms are used, the risk for STIs like herpes still exists (and statistically, you probably already have herpes if you’re a sexually active gay man). If you’re playing bare, you assume risk of getting HIV — especially if you’re not on PrEP (learn more about PrEP by clicking here). 

If you’re enjoying anonymous play — no talk, no names, no pre-sex chatter, just raw sex — you assume significant risk, and doing so is absolutely part of the thrill. Most of my sex is anonymous. Since risk is unavoidable, there’s no reason to let the reality of risk prevent you from enjoying what you like. Take necessary steps to keep yourself healthy. Get tested frequently, and if you’re HIV-negative, get on PrEP. If you’re HIV-positive, get on meds and take them diligently. Undetectable = untransmittable — to learn what this means, click here. 

26. DO assume risk — regardless what kind of sex party it is.

30. DON’T assume there will be private showers/bathrooms to do a last-minute clean.

If there were, my life would be easier. I’ve dipped into public bathrooms and even the apartment above a gay club (with the permission of the guy living there) to do a last-minute clean.

Prepping for sex at home is important, but there’s the reality of the body to consider: You can control what it does to an extent, and that extent shortens with every passing hour. Bring a small, handheld douche, and perfect the art of discreet cleanings in bathrooms (run from sink to stall and try not to get water everywhere). 

30. DON’T assume there will be private showers/bathrooms to do a last-minute clean.

46. DON’T try to attend every sex party.

You’ll burn out. If you live in a big city, there may a gay sex party happening every day — even multiple times a day. Even if you have great experiences, that’s fine — just don’t try to attend them all. Don’t attend sex parties every weekend, or even every other weekend. I know many guys who’ve gotten stuck in the „sex party lull.“ Sex parties are easy and available and don’t require much work, so they can become your default sex mode. Keep evolving in sex, and try new things. If you’ve been hitting party after party for a few months, try one-on-one experiences for a bit. Explore new kinks. Take a sex break. Break it up. 

Bars und Clubs

Wegen der COVID-19-Epidemie sind viele Einrichtungen und Lokale geschlossen oder es kann zu ver�nderten �ffnungszeiten kommen. Bitte informiert euch auf den Websites und Facebook-Seiten der jeweiligen Betreiber �ber den aktuellen Stand. Update April 2021: Bars und Restaurants m�ssen bis auf weiteres geschlossen bleiben. Touristische �bernachtungen in Hotels sind vor�bergehend nicht m�glich.

Patroc Europa Gay Guide  |  Kontakt – Impressum – Datenschutz  |  Advertise  |  Copyright© 2021 | Freitag, 16. April 2021

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Queer durch Amsterdam

Die niederl�ndische Hauptstadt Amsterdam war �ber viele Jahrhunderte eine m�chtige Handelsstadt und ein Zentrum von Kunst, Kultur und Wissenschaften. Zu den Sehensw�rdigkeiten der Stadt z�hlen unter anderem die weltber�hmten Grachten mit den alten Handelsh�usern, das Anne-Frank-Haus, der Vondelpark, der Tulpenmarkt und die �ber zweihundert sogenannten Coffeeshops. Zahlreiche Kunstmuseen mit bedeutenden Sammlungen und Werken niederl�ndischer Maler wie Rembrandt und Vincent van Gogh zeugen von Amsterdams langer Tradition als Stadt der K�nste.

In der zweiten H�lfte des 20. Jahrhunderts galt Amsterdam als schwule Hauptstadt Europas, nicht zuletzt wegen der liberalen Atmosph�re in der Stadt, die zu dieser Zeit den meisten anderen europ�ischen St�dten weit voraus war, und sicher auch wegen der Sch�nheit der Stadt.

Amsterdam hat mehrere schwule Ausgehviertel, alle nicht weit voneinander entfernt. Am bekanntesten ist die Stra�e mit dem f�r Ausl�nder unaussprechlichen Namen, die Reguliersdwarsstraat, eher Mainstream und vor allem im Sommer und an den Wochenenden recht belebt.

Auf unserer Seite �ber die schwulen Clubs in Amsterdam f�llt vielleicht auf, dass es heutzutage kaum noch regul�re Gay-Clubs gibt. Die beliebtesten und bestbesuchten Partys sind jene, die monatlich oder gar nur alle paar Monate stattfinden. Wer also auf Partys mit Hunderten halbnackter tanzender M�nner steht, sollte sich vorab hier �ber die n�chsten Termine informieren.

Zu den j�hrlichen H�hepunkten und queeren Events in Amsterdam geh�ren unter anderem das LGBTQ-Filmfestival Roze Filmdagen im M�rz, im Fr�hjahr, — > der K�nigstag am 27. (oder 26.) April, das Milkshake Festival im Juli, der Gay Pride Amsterdam mit der Bootsparade Anfang August, das StreetHeart-Stra�enfest im September und das Amsterdam Dance Event-Festival im Oktober.

Patroc Europa Gay Guide  |  Kontakt – Impressum – Datenschutz  |  Advertise  |  Copyright© 2021 | Donnerstag, 15. April 2021

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Berlin’s largest gay village, with many bars, shops and gay hotels

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trendy districts with many gay-popular bars and nightclubs

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Gay Berlin – Travel Gay Guide

Berlin was hailed as the gayest city on earth in the 1920s. It has reclaimed its crown in recent years. Other major cities may have big gay scenes but nowhere can quite rival Berlin. It has the most hedonistic gay scene in the world. Berlin takes pride in its anything-goes culture and that is reflected in its gay cruise clubs, gay saunas, clubs and bars. Berlin’s nightlife makes London’s and New York’s seem tame.

Schöneberg is the main hub of Berlin’s gay scene. It’s packed with bars and clubs. You’ll also find a big gay scene in Kreuzberg / Friedrichshain – home to the legendary Berghain. Next to the Berghain you’ll find Laboratory, the most notorious gay cruise club in the world. Berlin’s gay scene is fun but it can be quite extreme. There are more low key gay bars in Berlin, such as Heile Welt if you’d like a more chilled experience. But if you’re looking for something more then Berlin is the place to be.

Revolver Party @ KitKatClub

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