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Popular in Human Interest
Eddie Kim wasn’t prepared for the radio silence he faced as an Asian guy on Tinder. He had a “creeping sensation that it’s not just my bio, it’s not just my photos, but it’s my race.” He heard the same thing from a lot of Asian men—but he saw how Asian men evaluated women by race, too. Kim, a staff writer at Mel magazine, talked to Aymann Ismail about his experience on a recent episode of Man Up. They discussed the role of race in online dating and examined their own biases. A portion of their conversation, which has been edited and condensed for clarity, is below.
Aymann Ismail: So I, like you, started the whole Tinder thing late. I was on a monogamous streak for so much of my life where online dating, when it did come out, just wasn’t interesting to me. And when eventually I did start a profile—just for fun, ’cause I was curious—I started to recognize my own biases toward other people.
I would scroll past a Muslim woman. I’m Muslim, and my instinct would be to swipe left, to swipe no, because I felt a little bit of shame in having that religious connection. But I don’t know that person. I haven’t even exchanged words with this person, but I was still projecting this idea of the religious Muslim, the person who takes their religion very seriously, onto them. And after reading your piece, I felt like that wasn’t fair. And I’m starting to wonder how conscious people are of those biases that they might hold, and what’s a good way to make them aware of those biases?
Eddie Kim: I think we’re seeing it certainly in the political world right now, where people are confronting their biases—and often not doing a great job of that. And I think sex is even more charged because it’s so intimate. It’s so personal. A lot of the feedback—and, honestly, hate mail—that I got for that sexual racism article was “I’m not a bigot because I prefer a certain kind of person.” And I’m just like, all right, that’s cool. I’m not saying you’re a bigot per se.
But for myself, when I was going to USC, I probably started to exoticize blond white women. That was a demographic that wasn’t as prevalent in my school in Honolulu, and generally in Hawaii it’s not the dominant archetype. And here I am in Southern California on a campus full of white women. And my attraction toward that, that was a bias in and of itself, and I didn’t acknowledge it during college. I think I started acknowledging it afterward, when I started seeing a therapist, when I started being a little bit more introspective about why I prefer the things I do and what that says about me. And that’s the process that a lot of guys would benefit from, only because it’s just investigating blind spots. And I think if you can investigate all sorts of blind spots in your life, you become a more confident, well-rounded person. Even if it is insecurities that you’re looking into.
For me, I almost had an aversion to being another Asian guy with an Asian girl. There was something about that image, that very cliquey thing that I saw often in college within that community that I didn’t like. I wanted to “diversify,” I guess? But did that factor into your dating life at all at any point? Or was it really about the insecurity about religion, and tackling that with someone from your faith?
Ismail: Yeah, a constant fixture in my life was this desire to be a better Muslim. My ideas of how to practice my religion were very clearly prescribed. And if I wasn’t fulfilling all of the requirements, one of them being not dating or sexually interacting with anyone of the opposite sex—or the same sex, for that matter—then I wasn’t fulfilling that prescribed idea of who a Muslim was. And so I didn’t want to advertise that. I didn’t want to acknowledge that. And one of the ways that I did that was avoiding relationship or contact with Muslim women. I was thinking about that because of how you were describing people projecting these very messed-up stereotypes onto people. And even though I’ve had to reconcile stereotypes used against me—as a Muslim man, people see us as these overly aggressive, possessive, culturally inept men—I almost felt like I’m not innocent. I’ve done the same to Muslim women. So it almost made me curious.
But I’m also really interested in what you just said about white women. This idea of projecting your own ideals onto someone else, seeing them as the goal, the most ideal version of your partner. Where did those ideas come from? And I wonder if any of it is connected to your own insecurities toward how you may be perceived—or other Asian men specifically with other Asian women.
Kim: I was a rebellious teenager. And my parents were very kind to me, looking back at the whole process. But I do think about moments when my mom would sit me down and be like, “It would be great if you could marry a nice Korean girl, someone we can bring into the family.” Because my parents are assimilated, but their first language is still Korean. Their English is not super proficient even now, after a couple decades. And it was said with a wink—I didn’t grow up with parents who were really strict about “bring home a Korean girl.” But it was almost like this repeated joke that existed throughout my teenage years. And—credit to my parents—even they had to come around. I’ve never dated a Korean woman. They came around to my partners, just by understanding it’s about what makes me happy and fulfilled, not about what we expect as part of our family.
But even something like that—am I running from that demand from my parents at a young age toward whiteness? Is it because of going to USC and being surrounded by these idealized women? You look at the football team’s Song Girls. It’s just a cliché, ingrained within the culture. So I think of it in terms of my adolescence. I think of it in terms of maturity in my late teens, into my 20s. And when you look at sex stars and the most beautiful women that make People magazine’s list and things like that, it is about whiteness. You see it repeated over and over again. And I think that subconscious stimulus, just from culture, is enough to make anyone lured to it. I don’t mean to make it sound like a bad thing, but it can be a bad thing if we don’t think about why we ended up with the people that we ended up with.
And for me, I am in a great relationship with a partner who is white, who is blond. But she is so open-minded and so willing to have these conversations with me that it makes the whole thing just more fulfilling. As opposed to me being suspicious about my reasons or the cultural forces that brought me there.
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Two gay men swap Grindr profiles to highlight racism on LGBTQ+ dating apps
Gay dating app Grindr has received negative backlash in the past over the amount of discriminatory language and abuse that is unfortunately hosted on the app.
An enormous amount of users have spoken out about various instances of racism, ageism, body-shaming, stigmatisation of HIV-positive men, and many other forms of discrimination. Examples range from men including stipulations such as ’no fats, no femmes, no Asians‘ in their bios, to some men sending non-white users messages that include slurs, inappropriate „jokes“ and comments, and even threats.
An online manifestation of discrimination that is prevalant within the LGBTQ+ community on a far larger scale, Grindr has decided to shine a light on it, bringing awareness of the issue to those who may not realise how widespread it actually is.
The dating app has released a new video series called ‚What the Flip‘, where two gay men of different backgrounds swap profiles so they can see the treatment the other receives on a regular basis.
The vice-president of marketing at Grindr, Peter Sloterdyk, told the Huffington Post, „We decided to focus Grindr’s first ever web series on the issues of racism, ageism, and other related issues because it’s highly relatable to anyone who dates online. Our hope is to raise awareness around the problems modern gay men face online and in real life and be a part of the discourse that works to create more tolerance and empathy for diversity in the online dating world.”
The first video in the series shows a white gay man and an Asian gay man swapping profiles, and the results are eye-opening.
The white user used an Asian man’s Grindr profile for a day, and was confronted with slurs and stereotypes he’d never heard before. Source: Grindr / Into More.
The white user explains to host Billy Francesca that he received far less interest as an Asian man, and ended up having to ask race-related questions like ‚Are you into Asians?‘ to get responses. He also came across the term ‚rice queen‘ for the first time (a terms used on gay dating apps to describe a gay man who fetishises Asian men), and learned that sexual stereotypes were associated with the term. He also receives a racist slur after not messaging one person back fast enough.
The Asian user was amazed by the amount of interest white men receive on the app, and said he couldn’t keep up with the amount of messages. He also says he was receiving NSFW (Not Safe for Work) images from men far earlier in the conversation than he does when he’s using his own profile. He received no vitriol, slurs, or abuse.
You can watch the the first episode of Grindr’s fortnightly show ‚What the Flip?‘ below:
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The best dating apps for gay users, since meeting people IRL is hellish
Most people have at least one horror story about online dating. It’s a rite of passage that single people love to hate.
But the horror stories look a little different for members of the LGBTQ community. On top of the classic awkward Hinge date anecdotes and screenshots of a corny bio seeping with secondhand embarrassment, gay singles deal with all sorts of alienating interactions. Baseless questioning of sexual history, harassment, and fetishization — most of it coming from cis straight people who shouldn’t have popped up in your feed in the first place — don’t exactly give one butterflies.
Still, dating apps have become crucial means of introduction for gay folks looking to settle down. A 2019 Stanford study and 2020 Pew Research survey found that meeting online has become the most popular way for U.S. couples to connect — especially for gay couples, of which 28% met their current partner online (versus 11% of straight couples).
But the Pew survey also dredged up those ugly experiences with harassment. This could be where options that bar heterosexual users, like HER and Grindr, come in. Their perfectly-tailored environments are so well-known in the gay community that they’re essentially in a league of their own.
That’s not to say that they’re in the queer dating app market alone. Apps like Zoe, Taimi, and Scruff exist. But their plateauing popularity can be attributed to similar complaints: too many scam profiles and too few legitimate users (ones within a reasonable distance to plan a date, anyway). Chappy was a promising app for gay men that shut down just as it was gaining serious traction.
And at the end of the day, „everyone“ apps are simply where masses of queer users are. Keeping Tinder on the back burner isn’t just a straight people thing, especially for those who live in less-populated areas where Grindr and HER have slim pickings. Plus, some mainstream apps do deserve credit for the steps they’ve taken to create a more inclusive atmosphere. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge now offer lots of sexual orientation and gender identity options. OkCupid gets kudos for making that change years ago, as well as making social justice a core part of compatibility scoring — which kind of self-curates the type of people on the app.
If you’re LGBTQ and hate leaving your home, you’re not alone. Here are the best dating apps and sites that’ll maximize your opportunities while minimizing your human contact. Bless. (For the best dating apps specifically for lesbians, go here.)
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GROWING up as a queer Asian person in Australia can be a unique and tiring ordeal.
GROWING up as a queer Asian person in Australia can be a unique and tiring ordeal.
Trying to figure out which culture you belong to as well as dealing with potential racism is a commonly shared experience.
Edison Chen aims to flesh out the intricacies and influences that exist within this cultural mesh.
“Kiss more Asians,” Ray Yeung joked at the Mardi Gras Film Festival Q&A for his movie Front Cover – a Chinese love drama.
In attendance was an audience compromised of mostly gay Asian men and we all silently acknowledged each other’s collective experiences as some chuckled at this comment.
The underlying sentiments behind these words were all understood like a piece of ironic fashion though.
We all knew because of our shared cultural background that we all took part on a similar journey of sexual racism.
When asked about his reasons for making the movie, Ray answered that he noticed a lack of gay Asian men who were interested in other gay Asian men in western countries.
In one scene in the movie, a young Caucasian man eyes and approaches the main character Ryan as he and his love interest Ning dance in a nightclub.
Suddenly, the stranger starts to kiss Ryan’s neck and in that particular moment you enter the same space as we imagine ourselves in Ryan’s place of who to pursue. Does Ryan reciprocate the young handsome white man’s affection or keep his attention on his new friend whose cultural similarities helped bring them together?
In a bigger sense, I think this imaginary situation touches something deeper and real in a lot of us. Ryan is a character who embodies the first-generation story of an Asian person born into Western society. Reflected in the fragments of his personality are echoes of Asian gay men who live in Western countries. People whose everyday lives becomes a negotiated and cultural amalgamation of Asian, Western and queer identities.
Do we belong to either western or eastern culture? Are our desires influenced by our struggle for identity? And what commonalities lie within our collective psychological experiences?
The tension of east and west and some of its complexities are especially exhibited in our dating scene. In popular gay Asian colloquialism, there lies the cultural notion that desires revolve around two specific racial choices – rice or potato?
This divide seemed commonplace, even manifesting itself within a speed dating event in Sydney. At this event, there were separate GAM (gay Asian male) 4 GAM and GAM 4 GWM (gay white male) sessions planned out for prospective singles to choose from.
I went along to the GAM 4 GAM dating event to see if I could discover anything significantly relevant to cultural perceptions. At the event, we were given 12 dates at five minutes each and no one was allowed to talk about work.
Interestingly a lot of the people I came across were open to everyone in terms of race when I asked them. ‘How do you know what you like until you sample all the flavours?’ philosophised an exuberant Micheal. I wanted to pry even further though, so I inquired if there were any patterns or differences in their dating experiences when it came to dating either white or Asian men.
Three people separately mentioned smell which I guess is fair. A guy called Don told me he felt more comfortable with Asian guys since more of them wanted something similar (in terms of a relationship), while Caucasian men were either interested in a hookup or seemed much older than him. Another person, Jason agreed with this and said that he preferred Asian men because they were similar in their traditions.
Jason also felt that other Asian men were culturally more family orientated and more open to monogamy and dating, whereas western guys appeared to be focused on sex. Eric, another person in the same conversation mentioned that he’s had contradictory experiences.
As someone who was born in Australia, Eric expressed a preference for western-cultured people.
When I brought up the topic of gay Asian men who were only interested in pursuing white men, Jason felt as though it’s a form of ‘self- hate’ to which Micheal agreed.
“It’s disappointing that people … find Asian people lesser than white guys,” he said.
As Eric continued to talk, he revealed how he became more comfortable with his cultural heritage growing up. It was during that process he became more open to dating other Asian men.
Jason also recalled a similar experience. He believes some Asian men go through a journey where they discover themselves in life, and then are ready to date other Asians.
Researcher Senthorun Raj has written essays in which he argues through Professor Ghassan Hage that ‘whiteness’ is expressed and received as more of a cultural capital than someone’s ethnicity.
In an Australian context, it is a ‘yearning’ for ‘national belonging’ that only exists with the ‘existence of a racial ‘Other’, and can be rewarded with ‘social mobility’ or a sense of ‘citizenship’.
Through another scholar Alan Han, Senthorun makes the obvious point that this capital seen as whiteness is associated through being ‘white’ (having a Caucasian or European body.) In a sense, being able to attain this whiteness (even through association through others) marks a sense that we belong to this sort of class.
Senthorun also wrote of being able to perform internal ‘whiteness’ which people are able to use in order to belong. Often first generation-people from other countries are called some type of food, ‘banana’ or ‘coconut’ to literally represent their internal whiteness.
Senthorun shared a personal Grindr experience where someone told him that he’s ‘nothing like expected’ because of his lack of accent, and so he isn’t ‘really Indian after all’.
Michael, a friend from the speed dating event said that he prefers to meet people in person because there’s a better chance for a personal connection. What he expressed seems to also suggest that if we have a chance to show how non-stereotypical we are, we then can prove how ‘white’ we are on the inside.
Growing up as an Asian person in Australia can also be a disorientating experience be- cause of the bodies that surround us. There may be points in our lives where we don’t recognise our Asian features because they are so disassociated to the ones in popular media. We might personally wish that we had blue eyes and blond hair so we fit in to the represented ideal or normal person.
And in addition to our sense of selves, our skewed ideals of romance are constructed through the same lens.
It doesn’t seem to be a coincidence then that in a media landscape of white faces, that whiteness can be seen as a cultural capital if its stereotypes are expressed as mostly positive (heroic love interests) and diverse. On the contrary, if our experiences of Asian, or othered coloured men are reduced to shallow stereotypes, then how are we expected to believe in or love them?
It’s difficult then to try and break out of the fantasies we are given, and to turn away from the acceptance we desire for in the ‘whiteness’ that dominates both queer and Australian communities. Looking back, it’s why I admired the political undertone that the guys in the speed dating were able to exhibit in their ability to love their own culture. In our journey for belonging, maybe awareness is the first step that we should take collectively to accept all the parts that come together to make us who we are.
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Many gay dating sites and apps, like Grindr, have a bit of a reputation, perfect for casual encounters and not much else, it’s difficult to know where to turn when the time has come and you’re ready to get serious about gay dating online. Enter EliteSingles. Our members are all here looking for lasting love and deeper connection, and since we use advanced technology to verify profiles, you can approach your matches knowing they’re well-intentioned singles who are genuinely compatible with you.
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Another Night at Bars?
You are a gay man who has been single far too long. You are good looking and smart, have a great set of friends, and take care of yourself: A “real catch,” you tell your buds. But something deep inside is telling you that the way you have been going about finding a man isn’t working.
As you check yourself in the mirror before getting ready to hit the bars again, you think, “There has got to be a better way than the gay bars! I keep going week after week and no luck. Will it happen tonight? Oh crap, is that a pimple?”
Seriously, being a gay man and trying to find someone to date is a real chore. There are tons of hurdles to overcome that can make it feel like the deck is stacked against us. One major barrier can be figuring out where to meet someone. While bars can be a fun place to hang out with our friends, they are not always conducive to romantic connections. And let’s face it—as time goes on, the inability to meet a quality person can take its toll on our confidence.
After speaking with a number of formerly single gay men who are now happily partnered, I will now reveal seven places to find your next boyfriend that are not a bar.
7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not a Bar
What follows are seven suggestions for places for gay men to meet a potential boyfriend that do not include a bar or nightclub.
You’ll find suggestions you’ve heard before, some of that are unconventional, and others that may even be silly. But if you’re trying to break out of the bars, you may want to give them all a chance. I will add that this list is by no means exhaustive—please feel free to add ideas in the comment section at the end of this article.
You have tried everything else–so what else do you have to lose? Okay—let’s look at the list!
1. Dating Apps and Web Sites
You may be thinking that using apps and websites seems silly, but many gay men have met the guy of their dreams by using these types of platforms. Popular ones include OKCupid and Gay.
Others that are not as well known but nonetheless effective include the apps VGL Gay, Mister, and Tinder. Some of these are free while others cost a small amount (or charge a nominal fee for premium services). The great thing about apps and websites is that most all of them nowadays allow the user to input certain search criteria or filter out folks based on user preferences. You can also check Gay Outdoors.
Some report feeling “desperate” using apps and websites for dating purposes. If you are one of those people, you need to rethink this and do so quickly. According to recent research, there are 41 million people in the US who are currently looking to meet that special someone online. This statistic does not speak to the number of single gay men specifically, but we make up a fair amount of that number.
If you have tried dating using apps and sites before with no luck, consider using a different app. Scroll through your smartphone’s options and pick something new. The idea here is to create change. Remember, dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself out there in order to make it happen.
And here is one final point on this suggestion—while Grindr, Scruff, and other apps are great tools for meeting people, keep in mind that some of these platforms are more sexually charged than others. There is nothing wrong with this but if your goal is to date, using the right app is important.
Keep reading this, and don’t skim because it is important. Reflexively, some may turn their nose up at the thought of using Facebook to “mine for dates,” but here is the thing you may not know: there are tons of gay people on this social media platform. We are talking millions! There are a number of fan pages and groups on Facebook that are specifically designed for gay men who are single and relationship-ready. Type “gay single dating” into Facebook’s search box and see what comes up–lots! Remember, the people who are putting themselves out there are doing so with the same motivations that you are–to connect with someone for romance.
Did you know you can search Facebook for people on your friends list that are single? You sure can! Just punch in “single friends” or “my single friends” in the search box and see what comes up. You might be surprised. Of course, identification as single on Facebook depends on what the user indicates in their profile. But using this approach does allow you to see potential candidates. If they are an acquaintance, why not consider going out for a coffee? Later on the both of you might figure out that was your „first“ date. Again, what do you have to lose?
3. LGBQ Events and Fundraisers
As a population, we gays are very giving. Plus, many of us like to get all dolled up and go to events, like fundraisers for the different causes we support. Some examples include cancer-related events, HIV/AIDS-related causes, civil rights galas, and the list goes on. And if you are thinking that you won’t go to one of these events if it means having to go alone, please reconsider! Many gay men make the mistake of bringing a +1 to an event because they are embarrassed to be alone. The problem is that your +1 may be sending a glitchy signal to your potential next man that you are “with” someone. Get rid of the wing-man. Why confuse folks?
Several gay men have reported that they met the guy of their dreams by offering to be a “Table Captain” for a given event. In this capacity, you help to fill the table by soliciting people for donations. As captain, you have control over who is seated at your table—which is a huge advantage for you! Plus, you get to network with others who may be single and thereby expand your circle of available men.
Go to the fundraiser with the mindset of supporting the cause you care about, but be open to meeting someone new. Attitude is everything. It was the famous French philosopher Renee Descartes who said, „I think –therefore I am.“ What do you think?
4. Local Community Classes
This particular suggestion has worked well for many gay men who were formerly single. Do you like photography? What about painting, fitness, biking, aviation, cooking, horticulture, and so forth? One of the great things about about taking a class is the built-in advantage of a shared interest! Many classes are free or at little cost. You can find them by doing a Google search using your hometown or county in the search terms and seeing what pops up. Throw in the word “gay” as part of your search and refine your choices even more.
Chose a community class you are genuinely interested in and not just one where you think all of the hot men will be. We gays come in variety of shapes, ages, and sizes and we aren’t as cookie-cutter as many of the stereotypes people sometimes believe. Remember, it is only a shared interest if it is genuine.
This particular suggestion is a twofer when you think about it. First, you get the benefit of giving the gift of yourself to a cause you care about. Second, you will undoubtedly meet new people. More than a few happily partnered gay men have reported that they met their man through this approach. And so if you care about the environment for example, why not contact your local Greenpeace? If your passion is supporting your local LGBT community center, why not call them to see how they can use your gifts?
Some people worry about the time commitment required to volunteer for an organization. This is a very valid concern. It helps if you are up front about what you can and cannot do when you speak to the volunteer coordinator. Even if you can only be a greeter for an annual event or work the coat check, for example, it is something. And hey, a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.
6. Professional Organizations
Yep, you read that right! A professional organization to which you may already belong likely has a chapter dedicated for LGBT members.
The point here is that whatever you do for employment, there is likely a professional organization with a gay-focused subdivision. Almost all of them hold events, including socials, mixers, and fundraisers. If you belong to one of these associations, great—your work is half done. If not, why not look for one that fits your particular background?
Use your professional organization’s LGBT subchapter as a way of networking and expanding your circle of available, single gay men. It is completely okay to let people know you are “on the market,” so to speak. As mentioned earlier, dating is a numbers game. But if you don’t play it, you can’t win. It’s all about attitude and knowing what you want, right?
7. Local Gay-Friendly Church or Spiritual Center
Some may recoil at this suggestion, but guess what? Many partnered men have reported meeting their husband at their local gay-friendly church or spiritual center. There are a lot of gay men who are deeply spiritual—and not just the bat-crap, self-loathing types that we often hear about, either.
If you have a local place of worship or other community-based venue for spirituality and you identify with what is offered, why not give it a try? More and more, religious organizations are recognizing that LGBT folks have spiritual needs. You might be surprised at what you find when you do a quick Google search on “gay + spiritual” in your area.
If you are one of those people who are not sure what you believe in, consider taking the Belief-o-Matic self-assessment. It’s free and you will likely learn something about yourself that perhaps you did not know before. Did you know there are gay communities of Agnostics, Quakers, Pagans, Humanists, and so forth? There sure are! And there are gay atheists who congregate, as well. Take the self-assessment to see where you fit in.
Obviously, going to a local gay-friendly church or spiritual center should be about your spiritual nourishment and well-being. Think about this first before you decide which venue for spirituality is best for you. However, this does not mean you can’t also meet new people, enjoy deeply meaningful connections, and perhaps bump into your new boyfriend!
The dream that one day, you will meet the guy of your dreams is a wonderful thing to dream about. But fantasizing and doing something to make it happen are two different things.
If you want to meet your next boyfriend, then you will have to take control of the process. The Promethean spark of love only happens if there are two available people who happen to be at the right place at the right time.
Gay bars are great but let’s be real–you are over them and have been for a long time! That’s why you read this article, isn’t it? Why not try something new? Tomorrow could be a great day!
im 29 need a white guy to be my patner for long time of piriod
im black single lady looking for nice whith guy or indian or blackwith love to spend the rest of my life going me.082 224 0719
I am retired Air Force and classic car guy. Looking to find someone to share my life with.
Being agay is not something you should be affaid of cause we are many and most especailly church but am single and searching in uganda
Hello. I’m not here to judge anyone. We’re all sinners without a doubt.
But, as a Christian I can’t move past this post without saying that the act of homosexuality is purely wrong. I don’t hate people from the LGBTQ community, but I do not support what they do, because it goes against Biblical teachings.
Unintentionally fell for my best friend. He’s [without a doubt/proven to be] 100% straight. At present I choose NOT to act on my feelings except as a best friend/metaphorical older brother and love him as such. Though Lust [just on my end] is involved, I respect his, sexuality, personal space and boundaries. Unfortunately suppressing such powerful feelings and desire on his behalf is proving way too heavy a burden . I NEED to meet someone else soon so I can finally release the waters.
I am older but no troll or pedo, I prefer young guy for actual friend who is gay to. For real friend.
I’m a gay white male. Looking for a gay male 18 to 40. White, or Hispanic. I’m 58. I love men that are younger than me. I live in Lafayette Louisiana.
I am gay i am zach i need a boyfriend and a relationship with a younger guy. emails
Just a little way up Martin St to the north east of Trafalgar Square or by the steps in Oxford Street east of Ox Circus after London Pride and top end of Kensington Park Rd at Notting Hill Carnival. Excellent pick up points for younger gay men. .
So happy I found ‚Dat247gy‘ in Google. Does anyone know something like that?
I want a boy who are loking sexy have six packs abs and a gentleman
Looking for for mate or partner to share my life with me. Been single and still a virgin
I am 63 yrs old and having difficultly in finding a gay/bisexual man in east texas. I am white, want to stay within my race and around the same age. I am average build, d&d free,non smoker. Looking for fun 3-4x a month or more.
i would like to fina a older man, as i am. to enjoy life together…nothing out of the ordinary but lot’s of affection and caring. If there someone in his 70’s or 80’s and can still be to meet that person
More suggestions such as Volunteering, Spiritual or taking a class are great ideas.
I do find the same situation with on line and aps as the bars. That tends to be just as disappointing as the bars.
I’m looking for boyfriend I am 45 years old Latino and leave by monaco Mexico
older guy for friends and if it is to be a bf , I am into younger guys.. friends can be anyone.. bf slim to avg, 18-35, bttm . looking more for compationship , might be a young guy that needs a place to stay and we go from there.. lets chat..
I’m new closet. Not looking for bf but rather sexual friend. For bedroom fun… Bf stuff not for me I like dressing up as a girl n getting !!!!!!for as long as possible. As often as possible . Thnx guys
Social media and dating sites won’t do you much good if you’re over 30. After your name and zip code the next registration question is always your age (date of birth) and then they plaster your age right below your photo. Ageism is a real problem in meeting people and I confess I’m as irrationally age prejudiced as the next guy. It’s a data point that really should not be discussed unless you’re dead set on finding a friend within 7 years of your real age. In my book, appearance is more relevant than real age. I’ve seen dudes 25 who look 65 and v 65s who look 35. My experience with churches as been mixed. Lots of people who are already coupled. Many have various “life trauma” issues or the “Let Jesus Take the Wheel” mentality of taking no responsibility for their own life. It may be worth a try, but the odds are against you. The other suggestions are better. Borrowing from another article on this topic aimed at helping straight women find quality men, that writer suggested self-improvement, business seminars proved to be a winner. She also liked high-end special interest groups (wine tasting, museum tours, boating, etc.)
Soren So from Bangkok, Krung Thep on August 12, 2019:
Hey, I’m Soren from Thailand as a gay I found it difficult to find life partner here, i wish to find one too.
I’m 27yrs Educated person, have good job. I have tan skin, 5’6″ 160lbs
I’m looking for someone special to share special things in life with.
I don’t do drug, not a host, not money boy so if you’re looking for serious relationship send me message and lets see.
I’m real and hope you’re real too. Welcome any age over 30.
Hi Guys here i am waiting for you 41y old med built loveing caring guy
Been trying dating apps. (desperate move) but what i only are got here in the philippines scammers, scammers, posers, posers,Massuers And most of all lots of choosy are looking for potential partners, but hey look at their profiles, Doesnt like chubby, not tall, not good looking. Effiminate. Good want a perfect, celebrity looking boyfies.=O… sad thing on gayworld
Oh,Iwould love to meet a sexy gay Asian male.P.S.I am a gay man.
Phuminnaris Wongsawat from Thailand on June 27, 2019:
Welll I am living at Thailand and so hard for find someone but still looking in everyday hope can get to know in someday
My name Gunni if you want to know more Please say hi to my email
cant find a boyfriend in the state of arkansas around springdale and fayetteville anymore. used to be all over the place now all the bars clubs and parks are closed. im afried to go up to a man and ask him for a date in fear of getting my face punch. what is a guy to do just to get a men now. im 59 and want any where from 45 to 55 to date and have a serious relationship. is there anyone that can help me.
Looking for a bi-sexual or gay man in this redneck town is tough! Any suggestions???
Looking for gay man that lives in mitchelles Plain portlands
I’m an older man well 47 – not that old yet and I love young studs
My problem was that I did not know how to approach them without seeming like a creepy old dude
Plus I didn’t know how to spot the younger gay man or if he was bi-curious – so I was out of confidence because I was afraid of meeting a homophobic dude and get a punch on the face if was brave enough to go talk to him.
Luckily I rolled into this video course a few weeks ago and the difference is huge – I recently I started dating a hot guy and things are going great – I wanted to share this course with you
I am looking for a nice boyfriend hows got a nice personality and a good sence of humpur and is careing and friendly and honest and good looking and down
Hi michael here iam a gay man and looking for a nice boyfriend but no luck so far can you help me look for a nice boyfriend iam 58 year old and a adult wanker
Great article! There are indeed wonderful gay men out there- it’s just time consuming trying to find them. I am a gay matchmaker and have been for 8 years- and believe me, it’s a full time job. This article is right – Facebook can be a good tool as you can see mutual friends and you can have your friend vouch for the person. This is essential- we need to be able to vouch for everyone we work with at The Echelon Scene, so we screen and meet everyone in person. BUT, ask your friend to be as unbiased as possible- and ask your friend to contemplate if you have complementing values. This is key!
I am very much interested to know you and hopefully become your friend. I have nothing much to say but i know how you feel. And i understand where you’re coming from. I hope this simple message of mine will touch your loving heart. Its really hard and difficult to find people you want to share your heart and soul these days, but who knows..
I still believe that somewhere there..someone will be our good and better partner in life.. God bless.
Thanks CBJ. It seems that the search for love knows no boundaries. I live in a small, conservative town, and no gay bars or clubs. So, I don’t have to try to avoid them. I do enjoy visiting gay clubs when I travel to larger cities, and have met some nice people and remain friends with a couple I met in a club in Atlanta several years ago. I’m a 60 year old man, searching for a partner. As I have aged, I’ve come to understand that the man I hope to meet is not a supermodel but is emotionally available, mature and kind. And, I remain optimistic that I’ll meet him. In the meantime, I try to stay healthy, active and social. My friends and my family mean so much to my happiness, and I plan to invite my partner to that group.
Many probably won’t want to hear this, but this sagely advice is still true: You can’t love someone until you can love yourself. A problem in the gay community is we often have high expectations with little room for flexibility. Curbing idealizations is key to finding sustainable partnerships.
There’s no doubt the conventionally hot, bearded, chiseled man is yummy, but these men represent a small subset of the gay community; prioritizing the Adonis (who has his own problems and insecurities, too, mind you) won’t get you into a loving relationship. The proclivity of gay men to value physical attractiveness over emotional intelligence and communication is short-sighted. Good looks WILL fade; the foundations you’ve built with someone who’s been with you through your deepest lows is what makes a relationship.
My advice is to work on yourself. Always work on yourself. Know what makes you happy and build relationships and communities based on those factors. A few of my key „rules“:
2. Be vulnerable; honesty is not synonymous with weakness.
4. Be kind and forgive yourself and those who have hurt you often.
Looking for love is hard—online and off. If you’re older and looking for someone younger, know it’s probably not going to be easy for you. If you’re a person of color who only wants to date white men, deal with your internalized racism (I’m Asian and trust me, loving other men of color is incredibly empowering). If the beginning of your dating profile reads: „Looking for [insert sex position], attractive, fit, etc…“ you’re looking for sex, not love, so be real about that because longterm relationships are not built on who tops and who bottoms.
looking for love in all the wrong places // wanting to start out in the back seat.
Hello White Beautifull Hairless Cute Virgin Teen Age under 19 Years Old Bottom guys Meet me For Love fun and Marriage
Firstly, I want to know how many people actually sign up at community colleges to „meet“ people. Not to COST MONEY!!! Should I mention how many millennials are in debt for college loans. Who the f*** has time or the money to take an arbitrary course hoping to meet „the one“.. yea, needless to say I don’t need to „try“ this scenario to know how unlikely it is.
Next….Volunteer? Have you been to the rural south? Sure I can volunteer at Walmart. Or volunteer at a local though I already work there. But these are hardly two places I’d imagine meeting a compatible match. I’ve seen these advice tips given all over the internet and I’m convinced thise that are giving them live in either New York, LA or some other multimillion populous. For guys like me, stuck in the really are only two options. ;t get me started. Or driving an hour to a gay bar since there aren’t even any of those around. And these alliance groups? Seriously? I’ve searched everywhere for a local chapter of any of these organizations and not 1 to be found anywhere near where I live. And I sure your next suggestion will be to relocate, and while that may be the best ;s still frustratingly inconvenient and to mention the risk and time wasted if it all goes to shit. Why is it that only gay men that live in places like NY or LA seem to have such wonderful lives? Are the rest of us just suppose to deal with it or join you? All in ;s a shit deal, high risk with very low reward, constant solitude and perpetual stereotypes….I’d rather have Cancer quite personally.
Thanks for knowing this but I wish to know exact religious place.
I am mature, Italian, tan, gray bottom but versatile looking for a fit masculine top who is versatile but likes to take charge. I enjoy men with nice size packages – not small ones. I host on the southshore mid suffolk county, Long Island. Locals preferred. All ages who are fit & masculine are good.
The last relationship i was in lasted 9 years but there were signs day one he brought items from his last marriage and told me he could not get ride of them wedding picture i still stayed faithful until he sleeping with my best friend and i did not find out until he had died from aids and i never touch my partner and got tested my test came back neg. I was hurt i am ok but still single do not want my nexts partner to be controling or hurt me i have faith
Well, this is a helpful article … I’m still single and I really can’t tell if these venues for meeting guys really work … but I do hope I find the right one.
Think more of the problem is gay culture itself. Finding men that are men that know what they want out of life takes time. Shallow is the thing that runs rampant in the culture and it just gets old. Main thing, you have to be true to yourself and what you seek and stay away from all the unnecessary drama and bull. In bigger cities, these are options, where I live, things to do or clubs to join are pretty much non-existent. Just have to remain positive and realize you don’t need someone in your life to be happy…although it is nice to have someone to share things with.
I am a married man who is craving for a fwb only i am bi
A little about me I currently live in sunny Arizona. Love it here yes it’s hot but our winters are beautiful. I’m blk 145 slim and trim I’ll be 52 next month look 36 get carded often. I’m totall into movies I can binge watch movies all day. I go to as many Festivals here in the valley as much as I can. I write poetry script writing I love the Art galleries here in the valley. And also quite times at the house, I’m not looking to have sex with anyone I want a Relationship no one nightstands here. If your living in the valley hit me up.
Lookingfor lovefun loving serious like 18 to 30 im 70 love to kiss and cyddle
The problem that I have is often on dating sites there are a lot of effeminate men and not men’s men.
am so bi been for a long love to be with the right guy…
Hi I’ve looking for someones who s care me and love
I need a guy whom Is serious . I will love him as a husband and treasure him. Please anyone there?
available during business hours only. east city. prefer to be a bottom, but flexible. (really)
not lookin for something to serious wright now but what ever happens should stay with you and me.
I like boys and around cleveland,ohio im 19 years old im gay and proud
very hard to meet decent loyal real down to earth guys in a bar i hate the bar scene where do you go to meet others they say try a church or a group or some kind of acrivity groups
Looking for a steady partner. I am loyal and want to be in a relationship. Please
I begin think I,ve tried them all so far seems the game playing makes one wonder about men to ,or are they just over grown boys
older single in Washington state , looking for relationship
I hate going now to bars there use to be good quality guys there but not any more.I use to meet good quality men at a straight gym . I find the gay community in the gay village are real snobby „if you are not a typical gay activists or look a certain way they want nothing to do with you.
I’m 18 live near London, England and want a nice loyal bf with great personality
I am trying to find my true love its a gay life I guess..
I would like to just talk to you and I hope you can help I have been looking for someone with a good persanoite I can’t seem too find any one
65 years looking for tops men sny age but preferred around my age
I’d like clarify something in regard what dating websites generally dont and is because places like OLCupid, albeit free and with many men options, by being free anybody can use it, couples looking for a third for fun or love, bored men browsing and looking to find, simply guys looking for and because of there’s a lack of „quality men“ we found ourselves going on dates that don’t workout (if they don’t flake on you the very day of the date…)
For those of you who are SERIOUS and commited to find a partner, you need to chose more discretionary websites that usually comes with membership costs (they vary based on different factors but all aimed to pair you with the right candidates). No one who pays money (even top money) for dating online services unless seriously invested and a great gatekeeper for bored couples or gossipy flakey men.
Got the same problem can’t find some one to have fun with surly it can’t be that hard
I am looking for cars & to love me want I am I want to love good man I don’t car want age you are.
Hello age 27 am looking for a nice guy to date with please help me am single, from Southern Africa Zambia. Someone who is mature and good to me
Perhaps I’m single because of my personality. I’ve been told that I am peculiar and quirky. I wish I were somewhat average sometimes. Deep down there I am still that shy and lonely guy who dreams about a little home for me and a man to protect me and love me. Nonetheless, I try to remain strong and confident. Well, that’s life. Life is a mess. Life is a bitch, but this doesn’t mean you have to be one. I’m not.
Hi..I think the problem is all this social media hype and a radical overuse of technology. Most people dont really want to be labelled or have to fit into defined groups in order to meet other people. My advice and i have never been alone for more than two or three months in all my 65 years is go out, or as my mother used to say, join clubs. Nothing changes only that the powers that me want to control us better for their own nefarious purposes.
Im looking for someone i could share the hardship and joy of life. Someone with whom i could take pride in each of our victories and put my backs and tears behind each of our struggles. Someone who would see the virtue of a knight instead of madman. Someone with whom i could strive for greatness. The one who would forgive my trespasses for i too am still learning to love. Someone who does not give up on words and promises but are willing to go through pain and wrong while building something and perhaps the only thing that really matters. Is out there another madman another man of chivalry? Or have all days of glory passed in favor of cheap hedonism?
David from 4 months ago…14 years is a long time. I’ve been in a relationship for 30 ;s also a long time. I’m not sure monogamy is the answer either. I think we need variety. There is no easy answer, unless you meet your soul mate.
Happy new year 2017 hope we can share love and life
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Trust and safety
We want Match to be a fun, safe online dating site where you can meet serious, committed singles ready for a real relationship. The safety of our clients is our top priority, and we work hard to keep our site safe. We moderate every single profile picture and description on our site, and the protection of your personal data is our priority.
Plus if you ever feel uncomfortable about a profile or a message you receive you can always block or report a member to our moderators. They’ll be happy to help. We also have lots of tips about making sure you stay safe while you’re using our site and when you decide it’s time to meet in real life. Just take a look in our help centre.
Want to be more in control?
With Match, you’re in charge. You can visit singles’ profiles without alerting them, or set your preferences so you can only be contacted by singles who match your search criteria. The choice is yours!
Incognito mode is your online dating superpower. It lets you view other people’s profiles discreetly – they won’t know you’ve visited – and ensures you only appear to people you know you’re interested in. Which means less hassle – and more chance of finding a date!
Zen mode is great when you need a little peace and quiet. Activate it and only people who match your criteria will be able to contact you – so you know they’re worth a look.
Tell them about the little details that attracted you to their online dating profile or discuss your shared interests.
Read our advice articles to make your profile as attractive as possible and find tips on how to break the ice.
Be calm. Be kind. Be yourself.
Online dating may have led to an increase in casual dating and hook-up culture.
But people looking to meet singles on Match have chosen our service because they’re ready to start a real story. So how do you make sure someone you meet online understands you’re serious, and how do you establish those expectations?The secret isn’t really a secret, and it’s something you’ve almost certainly been told before. The key is to be yourself, be kind and be calm. And it all starts with writing your profile.Discover mature dating on Match and browse senior singles on our website.
Think about the sort of person you would like to share a long-term relationship with.
Looks matter, for sure. But the chances are you would choose someone who is genuine, considerate, interested in you and who makes you laugh. There’s nothing wrong with that: it’s the most human thing of all: we want to be with people who make us you write your online dating profile, make sure you’re the sort of person you would want to be with. Try to resist the temptation to talk just about yourself: make it clear you’re interested in other people too. What would you like to do together with your date? What do you enjoy in people? Show that you are someone who is great company, not just someone who expects people want to be with them.
When you’re talking to your date, either online or, eventually, in real life, don’t be afraid to listen more than you talk.
Be interested in what your date is telling you about themselves. Ask questions, smile and laugh. Focus on the interests and experiences you share, and don’t get hung up on the negatives. Because if you seem like someone who people want to be with, they’ll want to be with you.
Dates in Manchester: Want great dates in Manchester? Register on Match and meet singles in Manchester on our website, or at a drinks event or a meet-up activity organised by Match.
With thousands of singles up and down the UK ready to start a real relationship, why not check out who’s looking for someone like you in a city near you.
Ready to widen your search?Check out singles in your region and get chatting!
Words of love and everyday life
Don’t be afraid of words! All the new casual dating sites that have appeared recently have transformed the game of seduction into something like a video game.
The result? Many singles have given up dating altogether as it is just too exhausting! However, many singles are looking for serious, deeper and more authentic encounters and a long-term key to this new demand for authenticity is through words. Yes, even in the instant world of online dating, words are what really count.
Let’s start with the words you use to describe yourself. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but our singles consistently tell us that a profile description matters more to them than a photo***.
It’s important, especially on a serious dating site, that you take the time to make your written presentation as good as it can be, and reveal your true self honestly and words can break the ice! It can be hard to introduce yourself to a single you find interesting; it is always difficult to find the right way to approach them and find THE message that will attract their attention. Anyone can write ‘hello’, but is it going to make you stand out from the crowd during your encounters? In dating first impressions count, and the first words you exchange online can make all the difference.
Finally, words say a lot during a first date in real life.
Looks really aren’t everything, and when you’re finally face-to-face in front of a person, you can’t hide behind your screen any more! But rest assured, people generally prefer good humour to good looks on a first date, and they want someone with whom they can share an interesting conversation. The most important thing is to be yourself and stay as natural as possible.
Start meeting singles who are ready to commit today
High Engagement possibility
With hundreds of gays already chatting in the rooms everyday it is only a matter of time that you will make a couple of new friends. With lots of teenagers active at all time of the day you can choose any moment of the day to start chatting.