Gay Dating Tactics: Your First Date Do’s & Don’ts

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: „Will he like me?“ „Will I like him?“ „Is he going to be The One?“ „What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?“ „What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?“

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the „courtship dance?“ While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of „cluelessness“ in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means „rules“, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help „take the edge off“ and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

More Juicy Content From YourTango:• YourTango’s Best First Date Tips & AdviceThe Best Dating Advice10 Dating Tips I Wish I Knew While I Was Single

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

17 Practical Gay Dating Tips for the New Age

One: Turn off your Grindr profile before the date begins, even if that’s where you found him. That little „pop“ sound while you give him flowers is a romantic buzz kill.

Two: You’re „Checking In“ at the restaurant where you’ve made dinner reservations? Seriously? Nothing like telling 5,000 Facebook friends the location of your intimate rendezvous.

Three: Do not „friend“ your date on Facebook before or after the initial meeting. If you’re not a good match (and dates are like new restaurants; about one in eight survive), you’re both going to share that awkward moment of „Do I un-friend him or keep reading about his ‚Why do I always meet losers?'“ updates.

Four: Even though gay men love to label everyone, they despise being labeled. So whether he’s a Bear, Twink, Twunk, Cub, Daddy, Dilf, Otter, Chub, Gym Rat, Gym Bunny, or any of the other zillion names we give one another, only address him in generic terms, like handsome, sexy, hung. If he’s 22 years old and wears glasses and weighs 108 pounds and says „for some reason people tend to think I’m a Twink,“ feign surprise and say „men are so into labels.“ Then help him lift his martini glass to his lips and move on.

Five: If you’re over thirty and at least four years older than your date, don’t be surprised if he calls you Daddy. Take it as a compliment; do not take it as a reason to pick up the check.

Six: Unless he can juggle or tap dance in bed, „versatile bottom“ means only one thing, so be prepared to take charge if things go well. If you’re lying when you call yourself a „versatile top,“ either call it quits now or start working on your oral communication skills.

Seven: If he insists on taking „important calls“ several times during your date, don’t automatically think he’s blowing you off. In today’s complicated world, he might be calling work, his sitter, or his ex-wife to see if she can pick up the kids. Chill out, and use the time to call your sponsor for encouragement.

Eight: In the old days, it was common, and common sense, to say that, if you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone he’s slept with. Nowadays, it’s common sense to remember that, if you sleep with someone who’s in a 12-Step program, you are also sleeping with everyone in his Home Group. Be prepared to be judged by all the members of the orgy.

Nine: If you’ve met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he’s into you and how he’s quite certain you’re the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again. If you request an explanation, he will call you a stalker and block you from any social media sites you might share.

Ten: While it’s nice to have a grasp of current events and knowledge of local culture, it’s no longer a first-date pre-requisite. However, if you don’t have an immediate answer for „Do you want to get married?“ and „How many kids would you like to have?“ the date has just ended; don’t even bother to take your coat off.

Eleven: Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today’s gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors. Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she’s important to you and we’re glad you have her, but we have no idea why you’d want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer.

Twelve: If you do opt to discuss current events, avoid anything so controversial it will destroy potential chemistry, like Crimea, Obama’s job performance, or the relevance of HBO’s „Looking.“

Thirteen: Fashions change, so know the basics: No flip-flops, no shaving, and, even if it is after Memorial Day, absolutely no white underwear.

Fourteen: If you like the guy and want things to go well, put everything out on the table: HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns.

Fifteen: It’s a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it’s too soon for you to come inside. It’s also more than likely a sign that he still lives with his on-again off-again ex.

Sixteen: If, in the heat of the moment, you do find yourself in bed together after the date, remember to keep the foreplay going for at least 30 minutes. This allows ample time for intimate kisses, exploring each other’s body, and for the Cialis to kick in.

Seventeen: Sadly, gay men are self-centered and narcissistic, so instead of talking about your abusive childhood upbringing and triumph over Legionnaires disease, read this piece over and over and out loud until I’m so happy I wet myself. We’re a match!

17 Practical Gay Dating Tips for the New Age

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What I Learned From Dating Older Gay Men

The director of Call Your Father says his attraction to older guys exposed a rarely discussed universal truth about gay men.

I never would have gotten to follow Laura Dern around a garden tour of Los Angeles’s Venice neighborhood if I hadn’t dated older men. So for that, I am thankful.

I didn’t say “hi” to her, but now I think I would have. I was 21 and vaguely dating a 50-year-old guy I had met through friends. We hooked up for the first time at a huge house party I had that was filled with other early- to mid-20s people. I lived in a cement basement that, for some reason, I had painted yellow. It truly was a bad-looking room, but we were both drunk, and I was too confident to know how insecure I was. So I was really charming that night.

He was into it. I’m not sure if I was into it. But he was handsome, and I knew from friends he was successful — at the time, anything above a yellow basement seemed really appealing. So we hooked up. It was drunk and fun. And someone walked in on us. I wondered how that must have felt to him. It seems so college to have someone walk in while you are hooking up during a party.

When I finally saw his house and his life, I could understand how getting caught sucking dick at a party with mostly Tecate being served would be appealing, or at least a change of pace. His life was set the fuck up. His ceilings must have been 30 feet high, and his parties had bartenders. When he invited me over the day of the garden tour, I think I not so subtly asked him what his parents did, because I couldn’t believe someone could have this home without family money. I still don’t understand how people make that kind of money — but at 21, I really didn’t.

That day was very nice. He indulged me by following Laura Dern around instead of looking at the gardens, which was definitely not the first time she had been stalked by gay men at a garden party. Afterward, we had wine with some of his straight friends. They were cozy and nice to me, but there was obviously an air of “Why did my 50-year-old friend invite a 21-year-old to my home and expect me to treat him like a person?”

By the end of the day I had done something uncharacteristic for me at that time: I asked him about his life instead of talking about mine. What were the hardest years? When did he get real? When did he make money? Twenty years after becoming successful, what did it feel like now? I gathered my information, came, and then went home to my basement. We maybe hung out romantically once more after that, but then it faded in a natural way. I still see him around sometimes, and he’s lovely. This kind of thing happened a couple dozen more times in my early 20s.

When I started writing my short film Call Your Father, I wanted to not just write commentary on gay men, but I also wanted to figure out why I was consistently drawn to guys around that age. A huge theme in all my work is confidence. I think it’s something gay men don’t talk about enough. From the moment you realize as a gay man who you are, whether it’s a challenging process or not, you know (maybe subconsciously) that a lot of the world hates you. Some want you dead.

I wasn’t bullied that badly, and my parents were cool, but deep down I knew I was hated. I knew it was harder for me to get what I wanted, and a lot of that was self-inflicted. I didn’t think I deserved what I knew I wanted.

What I was doing in my early 20s, by dating older men, was showing myself that maybe there was hope. That someday I could make some money and be successful and create a life for myself, just like these older men. I didn’t really believe it, but being around it made me think that I’d be more likely to get it.

It didn’t help, I don’t think. I’m glad I did it, and I met some great men, but it didn’t really help me believe in myself. It wasn’t reassurance I needed. It was a genuine sense of confidence from the inside. And developing that is a slow process that I’m still working on. Most gay men never reach the end of this process, and many never start.

Both characters in Call Your Father struggle deeply with confidence — a struggle on one side manifesting itself in real mental health issues and on the other manifesting in a lack of connection to the world and himself.

The gay confidence issue is both sad and interesting to me. I think it’s what makes gay men so beautiful but also troubling. I guess if we were completely self-assured, we would just be straight men who had sex with men. A wavering confidence is part of our culture, and of course, I’d like to keep working on mine. But maybe there is a stopping point. I never want to be so confident that I am making Planet of the Apes movies. Unless they are starring Laura Dern. I think I could do well with that.

JORDAN FIRSTMAN is the director of Call Your Father, a short film about an intergenerational gay date. He is also a staff writer on TBS’s Search Party. Watch the short below.

What I Learned From Dating Older Gay Men

What Grindr Taught Me About Dating Older Men

We had about twenty minutes before he had to leave for the airport. The image I had conjured of the thirty-two-year-old currently en route to my front door from our meager interaction on Grindr was as telling as a police report: an assumed age, height, and weight, as well as one scrupulously selected profile picture. And often enough, the photo too ended up a rough sketch. These physical characteristics as well as a few words – “What are you into?” – were all that had been exchanged between me and this city planner from Washington D.C.

This was last summer when I had just turned twenty-two, fresh off the boat from flirting with my first serious relationship. I was seasick, and as this older man and I hit the sheets, I found that my body struggled to deliver what I had ordered.

When everything physical was said and done, we nestled in my bed together where I offered my condolences for my sexual underperformance. “I’m sorry, you’re just the first guy since my breakup,” I said. Confidently, he checked the time on his iPhone, which was perched on my nightstand and looked up at me. “Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first?” he asked.

“The bad, always,” I responded. With texture, he said, “The bad news is that it won’t get any easier. Losing love. The good news is that you’ll get more used to the pain.”

The insight that this perfect stranger offered me resonated with me throughout the process of that first true heartbreak. And it dawned upon me: older gay men may hold some of the answers. These are people whose sex lives pre-date apps like Grindr or Scruff, and they may have even evaded the widespread millennial mentality of quickly finding something defective with a new lover, only to start brainlessly swiping again.

For me, older gay men came to symbolize the one thing more inspiring than heartbreak: rebirth. These guys had been through the emotional throes of dating, and ultimately, they had been able to fall in love again – even multiple times. I needed to know their secrets.

Dating back to pederasty in Ancient Greece, there has existed a sincere social bond between older gay men and male youth – perhaps in the form of today’s “bears” and “twinks” – where intimacy was mingled with the dispensing of emotional intellect. By all means, in Greek culture, this relationship was considered an education. But today, relationships between older gay men and younger gay men are seemingly plagued by peer judgment over presumptive motivations.

Admittedly, I have been one to shy away from intimate encounters with men much older than me in the past. Most of my gay cohort, as well as previous partners, had exposed their +/- four-year rule to me out of fear that they would be deemed “sugar babies” for taking interest in somebody markedly older. A lot of gay men around my age assume that older gay men, on the other hand, are mainly into younger gay men for the sex, perhaps so the youth can somehow rub off on them in bed like some heavy cologne. Still, many ask: “What really would you and an older man have in common?”

But that’s the whole point. Older gay men know things I don’t. If people undress the “ick” factor, isn’t this connection simply another ripe learning experience not dissimilar to one gained through relations with somebody of a matching age?

Today, online dating apps have intersected many gay men of differing ages and backgrounds. And though these apps may be seen as grassroots one-night stand delivery services, they also provide rich, rare inter-age experiences where younger and older gay men, already comfortable under the veil of physical intimacy, can communicate and dispense insight into the minefield that is the modern gay dating world.

Though I do often tend towards men my own age, I also love to reflect on the rhetoric I’ve heard from men who have been in the business a bit longer. Now, I see that long-term relationships are a plausible goal – and that they don’t necessarily have to be based on black-and-white monogamy. But with the little experience I have, that still somehow appeals the most.

What Grindr Taught Me About Dating Older Men

20 Things You Should Never Do When You First Start Dating

The first stage of a relationship or courtship when people start dating is definitely the most important time of the relationship or courtship. It is natural to go on a few dates with someone before the courtship could be established.

These few dates actually determine how the relationship turns out. If one does something stupid during the date, the chances of its survival could fade away or disappear immediately.

While someone is excited that they have met someone new or are actually moving on to a new and exciting part of their lifetime, one has to make sure that they do not go too far ahead of themselves. There is nothing anyone can do about what they think on a new dating adventure. However, the goal is to keep any of these thoughts from coming out. Immediately the thoughts turn into actions, things could go horribly wrong.

Dating gay

Gay dating is often thought to not be serious and imply no long-going intentions whatsoever. While for some men it can be true, for others such perspective only complicates the process of finding a partner which is not easy at all anyway. Gay dating sites and apps offer a chance to meet other gay guys, but will such relationship last? Not necessarily.

You might think that being gay you are doomed to either be a struggling lonely soul or a great flirt. We are absolutely sure: there is plenty fish in the sea for gay singles. Here at our aim is to help everyone in need of a soulmate and we believe that your chances multiply if you join or website!

Dating gay

Gay dating is often thought to not be serious and imply no long-going intentions whatsoever. While for some men it can be true, for others such perspective only complicates the process of finding a partner which is not easy at all anyway. Gay dating sites and apps offer a chance to meet other gay guys, but will such relationship last? Not necessarily.

You might think that being gay you are doomed to either be a struggling lonely soul or a great flirt. We are absolutely sure: there is plenty fish in the sea for gay singles. Here at our aim is to help everyone in need of a soulmate and we believe that your chances multiply if you join or website!

10 Best Gay and LGBTQ+ Dating Sites and Apps 2021

According to an Urban Institute study, LGBTQ+ singles experienced a sexual victimization rate of 23.2%. That’s roughly 11% higher than the heterosexual rate. From outlandish statistics to negative experiences, one thing has become blatantly obvious: queer, transgender, and pansexual singles need their own space.

And that’s where LGBTQ+ dating apps come in. Providing an open, safe, and supportive arena for anyone to date anyone else in any way they please, these dating sites and apps are growing in popularity. With millions of members worldwide, LGBTQ+ dating apps cater to those who identify their gender and sexuality differently than the average heterosexual.

43 Girls Get Real About Their First Time Having Sex

„Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have.“

Thanks to thee unrealistic standards constantly portrayed in media, we’ve all built up this imaginary idea of what sex is supposed to be like. Some people expect a romantic night of candles and passion, while others think it will be the most pleasure they’ve ever felt in their whole life. But the truth is, everyone’s experience is different. Sometimes it’s smooth and romantic and lives up to your expectations, while other times, it’s kind of terrible.

But no matter how old you are or what the circumstances are, having sex for the first time can feel like a huge deal! So, to give you a better idea about what your first time may be like, we talked to 43 girls about the first time they had sex — how they knew they were ready, who they did it with, and how they felt afterward.

1. „He knew I was a virgin and for some reason, I had this expectation of it being magical, which in all honesty, it wasn’t. He kept his face buried in my shoulder/neck the whole time and asked if I was okay once during, which I thought was kind of inconsiderate. I think I would have enjoyed it more if he had checked in with me to see if my needs were being met, which they weren’t. At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that.“ — Hafeezah, 22

2. „It was not romantic at all. It was messy, drunk and horny. I was 17, drunk at a beach concert, called a guy that we had an on and off thing and we had sex in the back of his pickup car. Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it, until like 2 years later.“ — Bianca, 23

3. „I was a sophomore in high school and at a Halloween party. I got pretty drunk and had sex with one of my childhood friends (on his birthday) in the basement of his house. Then, the next day, I found out one of my best friends also had sex for the first time that night. So to this day, she and I will text each other on October 30 to say happy anniversary.“ — Tory, 24

4. „We were 17 and we needed a time when our parents weren’t home, so we waited until Christmas Eve when his parents had left for a holiday party. I was so incredibly nervous — I think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow. To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that I think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go.“ — Debby, 22

5. „It was after homecoming and we were just in his room. It all happened pretty naturally. It wasn’t painful, but it honestly didn’t feel like anything at all was happening. And then 1-2 minutes later it was over.“ — Jasmyne, 21

6. „I was 17 when I first had sex. I lost my virginity to someone I actually cared about, which doesn’t mean much to me looking back now, but it was important to me back then. It was late at night and we were in the backseat of his car. I was really nervous, but he was patient and managed to make me feel comfortable and sexy, even. I don’t regret anything and for that I’m thankful.“ — Jennifer, 22

7. „It was nothing like I imagined. I felt comfortable, but out of nowhere, I got really nervous. He told me to relax and that we didn’t have to continue if I didn’t want to, but I did. It was very painful to the point that I had to stop because I was in so much pain. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imaged something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience. He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn’t have to continue. He made me feel better about the experience, and we are still together two and a half years later.“ — Katie, 24

8. „I wasn’t „in love“ or whatever, but I guess I never expected to be. He made me feel comfortable and respected, so one night, I went over and we had sex. It wasn’t awkward or weird, and it wasn’t this special magical moment either. We went to a diner the next morning for breakfast and texted my best friend group chat the link to Lonely’s Island’s „I Just Had Sex,“ and I think they were more excited about it than me to be honest.“ — Tiffany, 21

9. „Truthfully, it wasn’t enjoyable. I wasn’t ready at all and he was. And then it sort of just happened to me rather than me choosing whether or not I wanted to.“ — Alex, 22

10. „I was on senior week, and I was hanging out with the boy I liked. His friend was asleep in his hotel room, so we did it on the balcony. It was completely unplanned, but I’ve never regretted it. I’m still friends with the guy, too.“ — Kelsey, 23

11. „It was the summer after high school for me, sort of an in the heat of the moment type of situation with this guy I’d been talking to for a while. Surprisingly, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It didn’t hurt or anything like I’d expected, which was interesting!“ — Anumeha, 21

12. „My first time was with my boyfriend of a few months. I was 19. After class, I hung out with my boyfriend at his house (he lives with his parents). Later, I snuck back in after his parents fell asleep. It was super unexpected and definitely not planned. I know that I was ready to have sex, but the nervousness of being COMPLETELY NUDE in front of my boyfriend for the first time PLUS being in his house when I wasn’t supposed to be made it hard for me to let myself really feel good. I didn’t necessarily feel bad, and I definitely don’t regret any of it, the circumstances just made it hard for me to let go and loosen up. Thinking back to it eight months and many sexy times later, I honestly wouldn’t change anything. I’ve grown so much more comfortable with sex, and I can thank my boyfriend for that for being kind and gentle.“ — Maggie, 19

13. „My mom tried to have an open and honest conversation about having sex so that I would feel less nervous when the time came. But the conversation was always about boys, never about being sexual with girls, so I felt completely unprepared when I went to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time.“ — Brooklyn, 22

14. „I was 18 and I kinda just wanted to get it over with. It was the summer after I graduated from high school and I was on a date with this kid I knew since elementary school. We had talked about it before and we got this cheap motel and we did it. I felt kinda numb until the next morning, when I got in the shower and cried for an hour.“ — Ari, 21

15. „I lost my virginity at 14. It wasn’t a big deal in my mind, as I’d lose it one day anyway, so why not then? I was talking to the boy for awhile and he made me feel like it was the right thing to do. I imagined it’d be like in the movies — all sweet and romantic, all planned out. It wasn’t! It was awkward and I didn’t really know what to do. Since then, my experiences have gotten better as I now know what I’m doing.“ — Jenna, 17

16. „I was 17 and my best friend was a 21-year-old guy. We always joked about marriage, and he was cute, but I never felt attracted to him. One day, we went hiking, and he kissed me at the top of the peak, and I felt excited. He was older, his arms were strong, and he wasn’t aggressive like the boys I kissed in my grade. He was my best friend and we were kissing — what!!! Anyway, that summer, we talked about having sex, but he insisted that I had to be 18. Finally, my birthday came, and his family was home, so we snuck into his backyard and went into a children’s playhouse adorned with little kitchenware and dolls. So not sexy. It was awkward and it didn’t really work. He blamed me for it. It was really immature. Also, after having sex with guys, I’ve realized that sex with girls is more my speed — more fun.“ — Naomi, 21

17. „I was 16 years old and it was right after I went on a hike with my boyfriend. I had always been nervous about the idea of sex. I had so many questions about how it would feel. But we discussed it and we both agreed we trusted each other fully. At first, it felt weird — not painful, but just a completely different feeling. My advice is to make sure you trust this person so you can enjoy it even if it is awkward at first.“ — Carina, 19

18. „I wanted to have sex before college because I didn’t want my first time to be a one-night stand after a party. I had met this guy online when I was younger and we had been talking for awhile. I had gone to see him a couple times and he said he didn’t want to be my first. But then on New Year’s Eve, he invited me over and we ended up having sex. I felt super weird after, because I was like, maybe I should’ve waited for someone I loved. I really think that shapes how I treat sex now. I know a lot of people whose first time was with someone they loved, and now sex is this sacred thing for them — whereas for me, sex is really just an act of pleasure.“ — Phoebe, 23

19. „I was 18 and in a long-distance relationship. My boyfriend was visiting and it felt right at the time. But then he had to leave to go back to school, and I was left with a lot of emotions, including regret and shame. I missed him and I felt overwhelmed. Even though we aren’t dating anymore, I really did love him and a part of me always will.“ — Sammy, 18

20. „I was 16. My boyfriend at the time and I had been together for about eight months and things were getting serious, so we decided to do it. I was expecting it to be so nice and amazing, but instead it was so painful. It only lasted a couple of seconds.“ — Katelyn, 20

21. „I had been dating a guy for less than a month when he told me, ‚We need to have sex so we can figure out if we have a spark to continue dating.‘ I was 18 and wanted to lose my virginity so I could fit in, but also because I really liked this guy. We had sex in a car (how romantic, right?). I was so nervous that he wouldn’t feel that ’spark,‘ but he did. At the time, I felt amazing. I thought I found the guy of my dreams and that we’d get married. We’re no longer together, but I don’t regret the experience. I just wished I had known I didn’t need to have sex with a guy for him to approve of me or continue dating me.“ — Mikayla, 20

22. „I love my boyfriend and I was ready, so we had sex. I’m on the Pill and we used condoms. It didn’t hurt at all. I was so happy to be making love with him. I liked the feeling of being so close to him. But physically I thought it felt weird — like it didn’t really feel all that great and I didn’t feel tons of pleasure. Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have. I don’t really feel like losing your virginity is as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. I’m happy that I had my first time with someone I love, so, in that aspect, losing my virginity was really great because of how much I love my boyfriend.“ — Krista, 19

23. „I lost it when I was 14 on my boyfriend’s brother’s futon and I bled all over the pristine white comforter. If it had been with anyone other than my boyfriend it would have been sooo embarrassing.“ — Kelsey, 22

24. „I had a group of friends over on a Friday night my first semester of college. One friend asked if he could crash at my place. I wasn’t expecting it to turn into anything — I didn’t even know he felt attracted to me that way. It was very spur of the moment, but we did use a condom. He was my good friend and I trusted him, so even though we didn’t talk about it beforehand, it felt right and okay and was even pretty exciting.“ — Beatrice, 19

25. „At 17, I was convinced I was the very last virgin in college. I was obsessed with the fact that I was a virgin, sizing up my classmates, puzzling over whether any of them were virgins, too. One of my high school crushes invited me to hang out one weekend, and according to my experienced roommate, it was apparent that he wanted to have sex. We used protection. He was considerate and gentle and quite kind. The experience as a whole was very positive. I didn’t have sex again for another two and a half years. I was ready and glad to no longer be a virgin, but I was not ready for the risk and responsibility of being sexually active. I have no regrets — either about how I lost my virginity or how long it took me to have sex again, because both were a reflection of me being good and ready.“ — Chloe, 22

26. „I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my boyfriend who was 17 at the time. We decided to do it after about three months of dating, when I knew for sure I was ready. We used a condom. Honestly, I didn’t feel different after than I did before. Maybe just a little more mature. If you really think you’re ready, and you and your partner protect yourselves, it can be a really cool thing.“ — Kayleigh, 17

27. „Though I was an ‚early‘ bloomer when it came to kissing and dating, I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I decided that I wanted to wait until college to lose it, but when I finally got to college, I didn’t really meet anyone that I wanted to have sex with, especially not for my first time. I ultimately decided to lose it to a guy that I really, really liked but wasn’t in a relationship with. I was just so ready to ‚get it over with,‘ and this guy was (and still is) a great guy. My one regret in the entire experience is that I didn’t tell him that I was a virgin. To this day he doesn’t know! I was so scared that I was going to freak him out, but really, a lot of awkwardness could have been avoided if I’d just been honest.“ — Shannon, 22

28. „I’d always thought I would wait until marriage, but the older I got, the bigger the fuss about sex got. I was 17 and I just wanted to get it over with. I asked one of the people that knew me best at the time, my sort-of boyfriend, if he would take my virginity, and he agreed. We used condoms. At first, we couldn’t find the hole, but eventually, we did. Afterwards, I didn’t feel much different.“ — Alby, 18

29. „I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 11 months when I was 16. He was two years older than me and not a virgin, and he had been trying to persuade me for a couple months beforehand. When we finally did have sex, it was when I was ready. I was glad that I didn’t give in until I was really ready. It was painful and slightly awkward. I had this weird feeling of elation once it was over, though, because I had always wondered what it would be like, and it had finally happened. I’ve never had any real regrets about the person I experienced it with or how it went down. (Although I will say it would have been better in a bed and not in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic…)“ — Andi, 21

30. „I guess it was two or three months into my relationship with my first girlfriend when I was 15. There wasn’t one specific moment when it happened. It was more of a progression from one stage to the next rather than ‚here’s the moment I lost my virginity‘ because we’re both girls. I was excited and nervous and happy about the whole thing.“ — Sophie, 17

31. „When I was 17, I had this guy friend who I had been friends with for a while. We were both virgins and just wanted to get it over with. It wasn’t pleasurable or even fun, and throughout the entire process all I could think about was, when will this be over? Moral of the story — wait until you’re really ready.“ — Lee, 22

32. „My first time sucked. It was during my freshman year of college with an upperclassman frat bro. We’d been talking for months and I was convinced he liked me, though looking back on it now, his texts of ‚What are you doing tonight?‘ weren’t so much him liking me as they were him just wanting to get into my pants. Although he was relatively sweet to me during it, it still hurt like a b*tch and I got nothing out of it. At all. What stung the most was what happened after. He didn’t text me at all and when I saw him at a party the next weekend he completely avoided me. If I walked into a room and we made eye contact he would immediately turn and walk out. It felt like a huge slap in the face. I liked him, but he had finally gotten what he wanted and that was it. He was over me. I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and yell and ask him why he was being so mean to me when I had done nothing wrong, but every weekend he would completely avoid me or be talking with another girl when I walked by. I have to admit that I’m still not 100% over it or him.“ — Cassidy, 19

33. „I was 17 and had been dating a guy for about two months. I knew I wanted to sleep with him. I thought about it for about a week to be sure, but I knew I was ready. I brought it up first, but quickly added that if he didn’t want to yet, we could wait. He immediately said he wanted to, but asked about five times if I was sure I was ready, making sure I knew that he wouldn’t care if I changed my mind. He made me feel safe, he made me happy, and that made me even more sure than before that I wanted to sleep with him.“ — Emily, 19

34. „I lost my virginity when I was 15 years old. It was with a guy friend that I spent a lot of time with and did physical things with, but we weren’t technically in a relationship. However, we were really good friends and I felt comfortable with him. Sex had been in the back of my mind for a while. I asked him about one month in advance if he wanted to do it with me, and he said yes. He had never had sex before, either. We used a condom, which he more than willingly agreed to do. Before we did it, I felt extremely nervous, but a good kind of nervous – it was something I really wanted to do, I just didn’t want to mess it up. Afterward, I honestly felt closer to him emotionally and physically, and I could tell he did too. Our relationship ended up becoming more serious and eventually we started dating for real.“ — Amanda, 23

35. „I lost mine last year, when I was 19. The guy I lost it to was my first love. When we finally tried to have sex, it hurt unusually badly. We kept trying the whole night, but it just wasn’t happening. I eventually found out I had cysts on my ovaries. We broke up about five months later. Afterwards, I thought I had wasted that special moment on someone who didn’t deserve it. But now, I’m grateful because that experience probably saved my life. We are on good terms now, so I’m glad to say it wasn’t a mistake.“ — Rachel, 20

36. „I was 19. It happened during a Netflix and chill situation and things were escalating pretty quickly. The guy I had been talking to didn’t know I was a virgin, and I didn’t tell him because I was afraid it would scare him off. Losing my virginity was quick and for the most part painless. It was no worse than period cramps. Once I got home, I felt guilty because it wasn’t how I imagined losing my virginity, and not something you get back. I cried for a little bit and then decided there wasn’t anything more I could do about it. I couldn’t change what had already happened. All in all it wasn’t terrible, and I’m not sure I would change it.“ — Kylie, 20

37. „I lost mine at 19 to my first boyfriend. I had wanted to wait until we had reached the six-month mark of our relationship, but it was about four and a half months into our relationship. It was on my bed in my dorm on a Sunday (which I remember because his dad is a pastor!) and it was actually totally fine. I had no pain, and it just felt right. He was gentle and it was loving. I knew I was ready because I just looked at him and wanted to be with fact that he hadn’t pressured me before helped, too. I remember whispering that I was ready, and he asked me twice before we actually did it if I was sure. We spent time after just cuddling and I felt so happy.“ — Rachel, 24

38. „I was 21. Before then, I hadn’t gone very far past first base. I don’t necessarily know if I felt ready or if I just felt like it was about time I got this over with, but I was doing everything I could to find the right guy. After many, many failed dates, I met my first boyfriend at a film festival. He was cute, European, and really into me. Within a week, he was asking me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t know how I felt about him, so I kept putting off becoming official. One day, we were fooling around and he asked to put on a condom. I was definitely into it, so I said, ‚OK, I want to be your girlfriend now. Put on the condom.‘ Even though we broke up later, he cared about me in the moment and that’s all that mattered.“ — Alex, 23

39. „I lost my virginity the summer I turned 20. I had just started the Pill and I was really afraid of getting pregnant and ‚ruining my life,‘ which was the message I’d received growing up. I put a towel down. I wasn’t afraid of what it would feel like; mostly I was just afraid I wouldn’t be good at it. Despite his efforts to the contrary, it hurt a lot. I just pushed through, thinking that eventually it would get problem was, it never got better. Three years went by and sex still hurt. Several doctors later, I learned the culprit was a condition called endometriosis. With endo, the lining of your uterus grows in places it shouldn’t, like your fallopian tubes, ovaries and sometimes elsewhere in your body. There’s no cure for endo and treatments are limited, but there are more ways to enjoy sex than just intercourse alone.“ — Abby, 24

40. „I met a guy during summer orientation the weekend before I started college. We made out after an orientation party, then kept in touch through thousands of flirty texts all summer long. When we finally got to college, we spent hours hooking up every day. I kept hoping he’d take me out on a date — I wanted him to be my boyfriend — but that never happened. After three weeks of him pressuring me to have sex, I finally felt ready. Thirty seconds after it was over, he got up, got dressed, and left. He ignored my texts, never spoke to me again, and avoided eye contact every time we ran into each other for the next four years. I was furious at him for being such a jerk, but at least I knew that any sexual encounter I had after that would be lightyears better by comparison. (And they were!)“ — Maria, 22

41. „I was almost 21, I was (finally) in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about, and I knew I was as ready as I’d ever be. I had waited to have sex because I wanted my first time to be with someone that cared about me and would be around to share not just the physical act, but the emotions that came with it as well. I was scared that sex would hurt, and that fear made me more tense, so even though I was happy to be sharing that intimacy with my partner, I couldn’t really relax and it hurt a bit. Afterwards, I was relieved that I’d finally gotten it over with, and didn’t know if I would ever think sex was fun. In the next weeks I learned that our culture obsesses about making the first time perfect, but chances are that the second, third, fourth, etc. times will be so much better. There’s less subconscious pressure, and you’ll learn what feels good for you. Also, lube is probably something you want to have.“ — Tori, 22

42. „As a teenager, I tended to put sex on a pedestal as something that’d be magical. Luckily, I fell in love with a guy during my first semester of college. He had already had sex, but he was considerate and made me feel safe to call the shots for when I felt ready to do it together. So after a few months of dating, I planned a specific night for us where ‚it‘ was going to happen. I put on lingerie, we lit a candle — the works. But after making such a big deal about the pageantry of sex, I ended up putting too much pressure on myself and couldn’t relax when it came down to it. Nothing felt right, I couldn’t get into the mood, and the act lasted seconds before I asked to stop. Later that week, during a comfortable Netflix date, I felt at ease and we tried again. It was so much better and enjoyable that second time — and I didn’t even have on matching underwear. Looking back, I wish I would’ve paid more attention to how I felt rather than how I thought ‘the best’ situation for sex looked like. The best sex happens when you’re comfortable and connected, not when you’re posed and overly self-conscious.“ — Anna, 21

43. „It was with my summer romance before I went to college and I was 18-years-old. After a month of dating we decided to lose our virginities to each other. I asked my mom if she would let me have the apartment for the night, we’ve always had open communication about sex, and she said yes. After a comedy show in NYC and dinner we came back to my place. It was a bit awkward since I had one of those bed frames with the desk underneath that you had to climb a ladder to get to the bed part. I was relaxed and felt comfortable with him so there wasn’t any pain. We proceeded to try every position we could think of for the next four hours — pretty sure at some point we look up a few on the internet. I always wondered why my mom lent me the apartment. I asked a year after and she said it was because she had been molested as a kid and she wanted my first sexual experience to be positive.“ — Stacy, 20

Know The Online Dating Market

Many guys turn online to meet other gay menonline dating sites for every taste. The members in these online dating communities may come from different gay scenes but they all have one thing in common. Whether it’s OKCupid, each guy is asked to market themselves with an online you’ve ever been on a gay online dating site, you know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of guys all looking to connect. Online dating is all about marketing. And the most successful guys are those that know their market and the product they’re presenting—themselves.Imagine if your favorite cereal came in a white box with no graphics or explanation of what was inside. No matter how good or bad it tasted, you probably wouldn’t buy it. The same holds true for online profiles. No matter what the reputation of the site, profiles serve as a first impression and allow other men to build a story about who you are as a person (am I’m not just talking about the physical). How you present yourself on the shelf can make all the difference between snagging your dream lover or enjoying 15 minutes of fame. Here’s how you can turn around your online dating luck.

Eye Catching Headlines

Profile headlines can be a vehicle to attract the man you want, but they can also serve as the first line of defense against the man you don’t. Think of your headline as an expanded version of your marketing screen name. Use this space (usually 30-80 characters long) to describe your interests or the interests you desire in a man. Elaborate on where your screen name originates or try giving a catchy intro to who you are as a person. „Travel buff looking for someone to help pack my bags“ or „What’s my ideal date? Come find out!“ are great examples of eye-catching headlines. The first example is likely to attract a guy that’s into travel like you are while the second shows your prospect that you are open to dating.

Stats: Your Two-Dimensional Body

Most online profiles ask for your age, body type, ethnicity, eye color, hair color, and height among other things. Be as specific as possible within your comfort zone, but never lie. Have you ever ordered something from a catalog and looked nothing like the picture in the brochure?Even the romantic who digs your winning personality over your physical features will see fibbing as an issue of trust. You may not be able to grace the cover of Men’s Health, but if there is anything I’ve learned in the gay game is that someone (actually many people) will find you hot!

The Meeting Place: Safety First!

Where would you prefer to meet your partner for the first time? On most profiles, your options include your place, his place, or a public venue. You also have the option to choose „Ask me!“ or another variation which allows you to assess each situation as it presents itself. Remember, even after a long chat your new potential is still a stranger. If you decide to meet up to get to know one another better, follow these online dating safety tips.

for gay people

If you are in search of a trustworthy dating resource to join, we strongly advise to consider as an option. This platform has more than twenty years of experience in bringing together various couples all over the world. We take into account such traits as:

Here you can come in touch with local gay guys and start dating. You might meet a perfect boyfriend who has lived around the corner for all your life but has never bumped into you in the street. But at the same time, your lover might happen to be from the other continent.

Using as a website to look for love, you are guaranteed to have personal privacy and safety. No data is required for a possible date to come in contact with you: share email address or a phone number later on, but initially there is a messaging system created specifically for our website which helps our clients communicate. And if you happen to have certain issues, our customer support team are eager to help anytime.

Advice for gay dating

First of all, let’s talk about dating in general. Even though there is an opinion that dating a guy is not at all different than dating a lady, there are some peculiarities, both personal and from the side of society, which will be good to be aware of. Let’s break it down.

Our Top 10 Choices: Which Is Best For Your Needs?

Scissr – Best for lesbian culture, community, and dating 

Taimi – Best for trendy, social media-based dating 

1. HER

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Over the years, the pioneer in lesbian dating apps HER has developed into an all-inclusive platform for women and femmes of all types, identities, and sexual preferences. HER embraces and welcomes more than 18 gender identities and 17 sexual orientations on the profile selection list. HER’s app is easy to use, loaded with communication features, and even hosts local events for more community building.

2. Grindr

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Available for gay, bi, trans, and other queer singles, Grindr is one of the most popular dating apps with a reputation of men seeking hookups with other men. Thanks to its powerful geolocation feature, Grindr is a great social networking solution for people who’ve recently moved, relocated, are traveling, or seeking a quick fling in their area.

3. OKCupid

Membership options: Free with paid upgrade options available

OKCupid may be one of the mainstream dating apps but the platform openly welcomes all LGBTQ+ singles. With 22 different gender identities and 12 sexual orientations, LGBTQ+ folks will certainly find their place on the app. Bonus: OKCupid even allows queer people to hide their profile from straight and cisgender people (for safety or personal reasons).

4. Hornet 

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Hornet is one of the most popular gay social networking apps and gives queer men a great platform to meet other queer men around the world. The app offers various ways to build community, find other singles, stay current on trending news, and even a list of bathhouses in your area. It’s basically a one-stop-shop for gay social networking.

5. Scruff

Scruff is known as a hotspot for gay hookups no matter where you are in the world. Users enjoy open sharing features and powerful search filters to find whoever and whatever you’re looking for. Scruff is also an excellent travel companion for gay singles looking to meet others while away from home. Plus, the more you swipe, the stronger the algorithm gets!

6. Bumble 

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Bumble is all about empowering women and femmes to make the first move. The emphasis is heavy on feminist power with the right to initiate messaging restricted to women and non-binary members. The popular dating app started as a dating app but now features global networking opportunities for building friendships, business relations, social networking, and, of course, relationships. 

7. Scissr

Scissr is a great dating app for lesbian and queer women who want to network and connect with other members of the LGBTQ+ community. The app is designed for women, femmes, and non-binary folks who are looking to find friends, date, and discuss culture and relationships with other queer singles. The app’s design is sleek and user-friendly with free chat and image sharing features.

8. Jack’d

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Jack’d prides itself on being the most diverse dating app for gay, bi, and trans people. It boasts a powerful geolocation feature that helps you browse singles all over the world and flag them for conversations or private photo and video sharing. If you struggle to break the ice, Jack’d even offers a chat phrases feature which gives helpful conversation starters. 

9. Hinge

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Hinge calls itself the dating app that is meant to be deleted because it puts a heavy emphasis on serious relationships. Profiles are built on bold questions to quickly and effectively uncover personality quirks and offer conversation starters for matches. Hinge will ask you about your political affiliation and how you feel about legalizing weed and offers plenty of gender identification options as well.

10. Taimi

Membership options: Free with a paid premium version

Taimi is a LGBTQ+ dating platform that features a nice mashup of dating, chatting, and social networking capabilities for people of all gender identities and sexualities. The app is designed perfectly for today’s fast-paced, short-attention-span, social-media focused society. Taimi is geared towards a safe dating culture for the LGBTQ+ community with values that include diversity and inclusion and a zero tolerance policy toward discrimination. 

Reviewing the Top LGBTQ+ Dating Sites: Our Methodology

’s dating app and website reviews are based on independent research, trusted third party sites, user reviews, and individual use of the product through free or paid trials. For the rest of the information, we rely on what the brand says about its own product offering, public reviews and complaints, and ratings from independent agencies like the BBB and trusted publications. Some of the key features we compared when reviewing the LGBTQ+ dating apps on our list include, but are not limited to, pricing, accessibility, number of members, and communication options. 

What You Need to Know Before Choosing an LGBTQ+ Dating Site

Dating as a member of the LGBTQ+ community can be fun, enjoyable, and successful if you know how to navigate the apps. Before signing up and spending time creating a profile, here are some things to ask yourself about the queer dating site you’re interested in:

What Types of LGBTQ+ Dating Sites Are There?

There are a lot of niche dating apps out there, including those for the LGBTQ+ community. Which one you’ll choose all depends on what you’re hoping to gain from it. You can look for the most selective one out there to really tailor your dating experience, opt for a broader dating app and see what (or who) you find, or pick one with a specific intention (like hookups only, serious relationships, or casual situationships). Sometimes you can find an app that caters to all of these. In which case, you’ll need to specify your preferences on your profile page and/or when chatting with a potential date (more on this below). As with love and relationships, the choice is yours to make. 

How Much Does LGBTQ+ Dating Cost

Each LGBTQ+ dating app presents its own cost. Whereas some are entirely free, others are freemium, and the rest are totally paid. 

Free or freemium dating apps let you create an account and browse the network for potential matches. However, you’ll have to pay to unlock more, better features that might introduce you to the type of person or relationship you’re seeking. 

Subscription-based dating apps charge you a flat rate every month and grant you access to all available features. Monthly subscriptions generally start around $9/month and go up from there. You almost always get a discount for signing up for multiple months at once, too.

Other sites charge per action. Want to chat? 5 credits. Send a pic? 5 credits. Send a gift? You got it. 5 credits. You’ll buy credits in a bundle then they’ll subtract from your account whenever you take an action. This pricing structure can quickly get expensive so watch your spending while using these apps.

Love Is Out There, Find It Today

Modern dating is complicated enough without having to explain your gender identity or sexual orientation. In addition to safety factors, this is why LGBTQ+ dating apps are so helpful. Whether you’re looking to find a good friend who views the world from a similar perspective as you, want a playful night with a stranger, or are searching for that special someone to spend the rest of your life with, queer dating apps make the entire process a lot smoother, easier, and more enjoyable for everyone. Check it out, and see who you might find!

8 First Date Tips That Will Help You Get a Second

It happens to the best of us. (Especially since, Looking points out, dating can be very hard.) We find ourselves having a string of first dates, one after the next. For some unknown reason, we can’t seem to get a second date. Either the texting fizzles out, or we misread how interested he actually was. Who knows? It could be one of a thousand reasons.

If you find yourself having a bunch of first dates, when what you really want is to be having more dates with the same guy, look no further. Here are 8 tips to help you turn that first date into many more!

7. But don’t become a stage-5 clinger

I don’t think you should be playing hard to get (even though, sadly, it does work more often that it should). But at the same time, I’ve had great first dates with guys, only to receive a number of texts right away as I stepped onto the the train to head home. Then I receive a half dozen more when I’m brushing my teeth, talking about the future and our kids. Get excited about the man you’re dating. Be honest. Be forthcoming. Still, you should keep it cool. You don’t want to lay it on too thick.

If your date wants to split the bill, go for it.

It’s always a nice gesture to offer to treat your date, but if they want to split the bill, be open to that. We live in a society that allows for egalitarian partnerships!

If they object, you can explain that you’re totally willing to go dutch on your next date, but since they agreed to spend their evening with you, you’d like to get this one. If they’re still insistent on splitting the first-date check, do it. Allow them to establish boundaries that make them feel comfortable.

“The most important thing to remember when dating, whether it be your first date or your 100th date, is respect,” Ghose says.

Trending on YourTango:

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of „How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?“ or „I’m going to let him be the one to call me.“ If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a „love connection“ with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

© 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved.

Seek through friends and relatives

Especially if they are aware of your sexual preferences, they might have already suggested to present their acquaintance who also happened to be gay. For sure, everybody wants to have freedom of choice and be able to pick a partner by himself. But why not give it a chance? Yes, there are chances you wouldn’t like each other or happen to be polar opposites. But it might not be the case and your new acquaintance could actually be the one you dreamed of. And if not, then simply spend your time well and maybe get a new friend.

But it might not be the case and your new acquaintance could actually be the one you dreamed of.

Also, meeting a partner through the people you already know prevents from having issues later. You get a possibility to instantly learn more about the date from those who already know him well enough. That means, no bad guys, no cheaters or liars. At least, you will know about it beforehand and take your own responsibility in dating them.

Don’t rely on parties

Gay dating often implies going to various clubs and parties thinking that a future partner must be awaiting there. In our opinion, this option is not even close to being a good one. Well, maybe if you need a one night stand, yes, this is your chance of getting one. But those dreaming of a future husband will not be in luck paying a visit to a gay bar.

Apart from people who don’t deserve trust, trying to find a partner through a party has other drawbacks. Such as being too stressful for many people. For instance, gay dating for introverts is full of complications by itself, and going to a nightclub, with hundreds of people dancing or drinking and loud music playing will be a whole challenge. Dating is a process one should enjoy, and there is no need to complicate it and make it unpleasant.

Dating is a process one should enjoy, and there is no need to complicate it and make it unpleasant.

Don’t let stereotypes catch you and stop inventing problems

Some people say that straight couples are the only ones with a future, other believe that only gays can build healthy relationships. Surely none of those points are true. All of us are human beings, all of us can be right and wrong. Not a single relationship will always work flawlessly, so seeing everything in black and white just provokes problems and unrealistic expectations which lead to disappointment.

Inventing problems is the perfect way to sabotage yourself and your relationship. People love to see all things in black so sincerely, that they ignore the simple and clear truth — some problems are just thin air. If you doubt yourself, underestimate your self-esteem, this feeling of insecurity will both pull down you and your future relationships. It is important to understand that life is always a road with ups and downs and it’s okay to fail. Sometimes just being gay is a huge deal, but you are who you are. All you can do is just take a deep breath and soberly assess the situation.

Don’t be desperate

Meeting gay singles, chances are you think of them as of your last chance to get a boyfriend. That happens often because other gay men in somebody’s local area are not often visible and may even have not come out of the closet. So when you finally come across one, and especially if he happens to be your type, you don’t want to let him go.

Be very respectful about coming out

For many gays it is a very serious matter, and opinions here can be very different. You can meet a person who truly believes that it is important to be open, or someone who hides his sexual orientation from family or colleagues for one reason or another. Both approaches are okay, we all can decide for ourself whether we are ready to open to the world or not. Gay community has enough pressure from the outside, so everything inside should be understanding and respectful. Discrimination is still on the social agenda, many people don’t want to talk about their sexuality at all. Surely it is necessary to overcome fear and social anxiety, and relationships and dating are a good and healthy way. Just don’t push your new mate too hard and don’t let him put pressure on you.

Niches

How narrowly do you want to filter down your dating options? Does the app cater to a specific identity (ex. specifically for lesbians or transgender people) or is anyone with an open mind and sexual preference welcome to join? 

Answer these questions, and you’ll have a much easier time finding the right LGBTQ+ dating site for you.

Financial scams

Scammers troll dating apps to score money from unsuspecting daters. To avoid personal identity theft and financial scams, never send money or give out your financial information (bank details, credit card info, etc.). This is likely just a ploy to get money out of you.

Be clear about your intentions

Before meeting your match off a dating app, discuss the date plan ahead of time so there’s no confusion, miscommunication, or disappointments. This doesn’t mean you need to say you want to get married in two years over text, but rather simply mentioning that you’d love to grab dinner instead of Netflix and chilling. This will help set the tone for both parties. (Basically, you want to avoid getting ready for a sexy night of passion when the other person is simply hoping to grab coffee then head home after.)

Confront your fears first

Being part of the LGBTQ+ community often comes with its own set of unique challenges that straight folks don’t have to deal with. This can include dealing with internalized fears or homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia that has been taught to us from society and media since childhood. Before you can open yourself up to having a mature, respectful relationship with someone else, you need to be secure within yourself. Confront any lingering, nagging fears about your sexuality and harmful thoughts about others‘ identities by journaling or working with a therapist to set yourself up for a safe, healthy relationship with someone off a dating app

6. Don’t Drink or smoke too much

There is nothing more unattractive than dating a chain smoker or a drinker. Too much drinking has different consequences. It could lead to violence which can cause problems in the relationship. If your partner does not like the cigarette smell as well, it could lead to a problem. Too much drinking increases the chances of losing your next life partner . These things could cause the relationship to end in its early stages.