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How to Date a Guy
This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University. There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 187,927 times.
Sometimes it can seem like guys are from another planet. You may find yourself wondering just what in the world he’s thinking and what you can do to make your relationship a happy and healthy one. Fortunately, building a strong relationship isn’t rocket science. To help you out, we’ve answered a few common questions about what it takes to make your dating life more successful.
How to Find a Boyfriend (Teen Guys)
wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 30 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article has 14 testimonials from our readers, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 285,202 times. Learn more…
Do you want to find a boyfriend and you’re a gay teen? Depending on where you are in the world, it can be very difficult to develop something serious. Stay strong and know that most teens have trouble dating and you are no exception.
How to Dump a Guy
This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. ‚NYC Wingwoman‘ offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 25,345 times.
Breaking up is always tough, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. You can learn how to decide you want to break up and plan for an effective and clean end to the relationship. You deserve to move on.
Why (Some) Gay Men Won’t Date Transmen
When I read this comment I was reminded of the many social media posts I’ve read about discrimination against transgender people on gay men’s ‘dating’ apps. Some users block all transgender users in advance, refusing to consider them as romantic or sexual partners. Others use app filters to exclude transmen or state outright “no trans” in their profiles.
Alongside the high level of violence against trans peopledebate about when to disclose a transgender identity to prospective partners. In a dating app profile? During a first or second date? Only when a relationship gets serious or physical? There seems to be no perfect answer. All options entail risk.
So, when I read the above response, I was saddened. But I wasn’t exactly surprised.
I know some gay men are happy to consider transmen as possible romantic and sexual partners but they seem to be a minority. One 2018 study found only about 12% of gay men, 29% of lesbians, and 48% of bisexual/queer/non-binary people say they’d be willing to date a transgender partner. Even with those dismal numbers, transmen were seen more favorably than transwomen, even when that seemed to contradict a respondent’s sexual orientation (i.e. lesbians preferring transmen over transwomen as partners). The researchers attributed these results partly to “transphobia.”
Though gendered behaviors, identities, and appearances are highly regulated, the specifics of those regulations are rarely expressed directly. Rather, social norms regarding gender become known when they’re violated. It’s in the breach that many taken-for-granted social rules about gender are revealed.
One of those unspoken truths is the expectation that everyone’s gender presentation correspond to their biological sex. Over the course of our lives, most of us have relatively little access to the direct evidence of other people’s biological sex — their genitals, gonads, hormones, brain structure and function, and genetics.
Rather, we make assumptions about people’s sex on the basis of their outward appearance: their hairstyle, clothing, ornamentation, and secondary sex characteristics such as body hair and facial shape.
And in popular usage, “sex” is often just shorthand for a person’s genitals. If someone ‘looks like a man’ we assume they’re biologically male with male-typical genitals: a penis and testicles. But we usually never know if this assumption is accurate.
In this sense, gender has a recursive relationship to biological sex. Although many firmly believe gender presentation is the inevitable unfolding of biological sex, in daily interactions we make assumptions about a person’s sex solely on the basis of their gender presentation. Then we credit their gender presentation to their biological sex, much of which remains largely unseen.
This act— called “gender attribution” — is so unconscious and automatic, we don’t give it any thought. It’s part of the everyday, interactive social ‘theater’ in which in individual gendered identities are constructed within society — by individuals and all those around them.
Unless they’ve had genital reconstruction surgery (sometimes also called gender affirmation or gender confirmation surgery), transgender people break this fundamental social rule about gender. Transgender people are those whose gender identity and, often, gender presentation don’t align with what’s expected for the sex they were labeled at birth.
Though they were labeled female or male at birth, they’ve come to identify as, respectively, men or women, and may choose to present a gendered appearance that aligns with that identity. But they don’t (by definition) have a biological sex that matches their identity and appearance. Even if they alter their bodies through surgery or hormones, some aspects of biological sex, like genetics and certain secondary sex characteristics, cannot be willingly changed.
Transgender people — well, anyone really — can be in for a lot of grief when it’s clear their gender presentation doesn’t match their biological sex in ways their society expects. Due to certain secondary sex characteristics — ratio of hip to shoulder width, facial hair and shape, Adam’s apple, brow ridge, height, etc. — it’s potentially easier for transgender men (those labelled female at birth) to successfully present as men than for transgender women (those labelled male at birth) to successfully present as women — but not always.
Expectation of an agreement between gender presentation and biological sex is so socially and culturally freighted that those who appear to be playing a gendered social role they aren’t ‘entitled to’ by virtue of their birth sex are often viewed as engaging in a disturbing social transgression, if not outright fraud or deception.
Like all of us, transfolk were born into a society that demands sex-gender accord despite a mountain of historical and cross-cultural evidence indicating great variability in both human sex and gender. Our ideology has not kept up with knowledge about natural human variability. The conflict is between the truth of transgender existence and the social rule that treats that truth like a lie.
What binds gay men together as ‘a people’ is shared sexual attraction and desire for other men. Though some speak of “same-gender loving men,” rather than gay men or male homosexuals, it is undeniable that, while gay men’s gender presentations are varied, there is still an unspoken expectation by gay-identifying men that other gay men are biologically male.
More specifically, there is an expectation that gay men possess male-typical genitals — a penis and testicles — and some presence of male-typical secondary sex characteristics. At least in this one sense, gay male culture is deeply conservative. It presumes a correspondence between (gay men’s) gender presentation and their biological sex. That’s not precisely transphobic but it’s also not accepting of the fact that such correspondences are not the case for many transgender people.
Though anal sex is undoubtedly the quintessential Gay Sex Act in the ‘straight imaginary,’ the penis is actually a much more potent sexual symbol in gay male culture. The mythical presence of a large, attractive, fully functioning male sex organ that can become erect, penetrate orifices, and project copious amounts of semen upon orgasm is central to gay male sexual desire, sexual behavior, and cultural representations. In this, gay culture is intensely phallocentric. It’s a culture oriented around the penis and its cultural representations.
I also don’tt think it an exaggeration to claim that possession of, and desire for, male-typical bodies is at the center of gay male culture and the raison d’etre for most gay male social spaces and cultural practices. It is assumed but never explicitly stated that self-identified gay men — transgender, agender, genderqueer, cisgender, etc. — in predominantly-gay males spaces share this understanding.
For these reasons, it does not seem unreasonable to me that masculine- or male-presenting people in a gay bar or on a gay ‘dating’ app will be presumed to have male bodies with male-typical genitals. Those spaces have been created to facilitate social, romantic, and sexual connections between just such persons.
But also because they contradict the underlying rationale for gay men’s spaces: that they’re primarily organized for the benefit of those who possess and desire male-typical bodies. For both these reasons, when transmen ‘out’ themselves in those spaces, they can be received as fraudulent, deceptive, or ‘out of place’.
We also need to be honest: some of the rejection toward transmen is rooted in misogyny, often expressed as fear or revulsion towards female bodies, especially female genitals. This antipathy is captured in the concept of the “gold star gay”: a gay man who has never had sex with a woman. Which (inevitably) gave rise to the concept of “platinum star gays”: gold star gays born by caesarean section (thus, have never had contact with female genitals).
More broadly, gay men’s misogyny is reflected in the oft-observed “femme-phobia” and “bottom shaming” in gay men’s culture, where feminine gender presentations or sex-role positions are stigmatized or ridiculed. Because they are socialized as men in a patriarchal society, many gay men internalize the same beliefs about women and femininity that everyone else has. Being gay is no proof against sexism or misogyny, even though many gay men believe otherwise.
And that misogyny plays a role in the construction of gay men’s spaces, and rejection of transmen as romantic and sexual partners — because transmen are assumed to have female-typical bodies with female-typical genitals and gonads. Though not all transmen have female-typical bodies — especially if they’ve undergone surgical body modifications — they are born-female by definition.
The meaning of the term “transphobia” is in flux (see here for some examples). It can describe extreme, irrational fear, aversion, or hatred of transgender people, or broader societal structures within which transgender people are not viewed as valid or legitimate.
Given the long history of gender variability and non-conformity among gay men and the celebration of drag and other kinds of cross-dressing by gay men, I don’t think gay men’s rejections of transmen as partners is an expression of hatred or intolerance of transgender people. I also don’t feel there’s a widely held belief among gay men that transgender people are invalid or illegitimate — though discrimination against transfolk in gay spaces is often reported.
Though gay men do seem to uphold in the broader social expectation that gender presentation align with biological sex, it’s not as though that expectation was created by gay men or that they’re also not victimized by it (as in the case of stigma and violence against effeminate gay men).
Rather, I suspect any rejection is symptomatic of a wider expectation that gender presentation correspond to biological sex; a desire for bodies possessing male-typical traits; and unacknowledged sexism and misogyny among gay men. Moreover, partnering with a person possessing female-typical sexual and reproductive anatomy would be inconsistent with many gay men’s sexual desires and self-conceptions as gay men, and the purpose of most gay men’s social spaces.
That might help explain some of the fervor of some gay men’s exclusion of transmen as partners. How does it affect a gay man’s own sexual identity if he’s attracted to a masculine-presenting person having female-typical anatomy including genitals? Is he still gay? Or is he bisexual or heterosexual? But beyond that, romantic or sexual attraction to such partners can call into question a gay man’s eligibility to participate in gay men’s social spaces and the LGBTQ community more broadly.
The fragility of these identities and spaces makes them less resilient when confronted with challenges to their foundational logic: that gay men are romantically and sexually attracted to other men (and “man” means masculine-presenting persons with male-typical sexual anatomies).
All of which illuminates the situation Kaig Lightner describes in the comment that opened this piece: the sudden revelation of his transgender identity was likely profoundly disorienting for his dance partner, who walked away rather than attempt to re-evaluate his sexual identity and relationship to his own community in the middle of a gay bar’s dance floor.
No amount of education, awareness, or empathy for transgender people or their experiences is going to persuade some gay men to undertake that journey. Probably the best we can hope for is more kindness and grace in gay men’s rejections of those they don’t view as prospective partners — no matter their gender identity.
Michael J. Murphy, PhD, is Associate Professor of Gender & Sexuality Studies at the University of Illinois Springfield. He is the author of many book chapters, and encyclopedia and journal articles. Most recently, he edited Living Out Loud: An Introduction to LGBTQ History, Society, and [email protected]
5 Fantastic Tips for Dating a Korean Guy
Whether you’ve fallen in love with the Korean men that croon K-pop songs and star in Korean dramas or if you’ve met somebody while you’re visiting Korea that you’ve become quite smitten with, you’re probably wondering what you should do to make dating a Korean guy a reality for you.
Between differences in Korean dating culture and Korean social norms from those of other cultures, there are definitely some things you need to be aware of to ensure your success.
Fear not, we’re here to give you the scoop! Read on for a list of tips to land that cutie you’ve had on your mind.
There are a million reasons to learn the Korean language — it gives you access to a whole new world of amazing movies and music, it will allow you to travel through Korea and be able to speak to the interesting people you meet. As a bonus, you’ll also be able to understand what you’re ordering the next time you’re in a Korean restaurant and understand the words on signs that you see.
These are some of the most popular reasons to begin studying the Korean language. However, there’s one very valid reason that is less talked about, and it’s that learning Korean will help you if you’re interested in dating a Korean guy! Here is a summary of the langauge.
Disclaimer: Of course, all men are different, and while these tips will help you with a majority of the Korean gentlemen you meet abroad, make sure you use your gut, too. You know your situation better than we do!
17 Sobering Truths About Dating Someone From A Different Country
1. Stereotypes are easy to buy into. And a lot of the time as soon as someone tells you from their X country, you’re going to try to reference things you think you know about people from said country. Still, avoid it as much as possible.
2. Don’t treat them like a fetish, a novelty, or someone to check off your mental list just so you can say, “I’ve tried that.” There is nothing worse than feeling like someone is only taking an interest in you out of some warped excitement or desire.
3. Comparing them to the men/women from your country and insisting how they are so much better doesn’t work either. It’s an incredibly patronizing thing to do and they will often be unimpressed.
4. Don’t lead with your nationality or theirs in conversation. Saying things like, “Well of course you feel that way because you’re [insert nationality]” is not going to end well for you.
5. Never erase their culture or nationality from them. There is nothing more frustrating than telling somebody, “You’re so not [insert their nationality here].” Those are fighting words and rest assured that they don’t conform to the box you put them in, doesn’t make them any less than what they are.
6. How you both communicate in the relationship is going to be different, at least initially. Don’t expect them to respond and do things in a way you expect. And even then, don’t always put it down to cultural differences.
7. Remember that romance is a very culturally specific endeavor. And the ways in which people express it are not only individually different, but depend on their upbringing. It’s good to always be aware of that.
8. Take an interest in their way of life, their worldview, their childhood, and your similarities and differences. This is how to show you do care about where they come from without being patronizing or pretentious.
9. Once in a while, do something that reminds them of “home.” Whether it’s taking them to a restaurant or trying to make them a dish, or maybe even learning a few cool sayings or phrases in their language. Those little things are pretty much universally heart-warming.
10. Always give them an A for effort whenever they try to do something for you in a culturally meaningful way. Anything from making cultural references and jokes, to buying you a gift, can be a nerve-wrecking experience. Depending of course on where you are from, in relation to where they are from.
11. Recognize that the ways you look at the world are inherently culturally different. Politics, and especially historical politics and affected current events, is a touchy subject. Tread lightly.
12. Your sense of humor and theirs might be fundamentally different. Then again, it might not. But don’t try to force the issue either way. It may be nothing more than a learning process that you undergo by being attentive.
13. You’re going to have to compromise on petty things and you better get used to it. Whether it’s by the names you used to refer to things, or big conversations such as where you might live in the future.
14. Know that their family’s opinion of you might matter even more now that you have less of an opportunity to gather together often. They will likely only bring your name up or insist you meet their family when the relationship is important. Learn to take this as it comes.
15. Traveling to each other’s countries or even traveling in general will be a tedious endeavor. But it is one that should tell you a lot about what the future of your relationship might hold. So learning how to cope in such an environment is an important thing you have to be prepared for.
16. Patience is the name of the game in these sorts of relationships. And be prepared to have a lot of it. Cultural differences in our modern and globalized world often don’t seem like that big a deal. Until of course they are.
17. Remember that you are two people who just so happened to fall for each other. The differences can be beautiful even when they are complex. But don’t ever make anything harder than you need to.
How to Date an Older Guy
This article was co-authored by Laura Bilotta. Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of date coaching experience, Laura specializes in dating etiquette, relationships, and human behavior. She is the host of the Dating and Relationship Radio Talk Show on AM640 and on Apple Podcasts. She is also the author of „Single in the City: From Hookups & Heartbreaks To Love & Lifemates, Tales & Tips To Attract Your Perfect Match.“ There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 244,627 times.
When you are 18 or above, dating an older guy can be an exciting challenge. While an older man will likely be more mature than the guys your own age, he’ll have an entirely different set of life experiences than you do. The two of you might not see the world the same way. It can take a lot of patience and work to have a relationship with an older guy but you might find that a mature man can make a great partner. Avoid any men who only date younger women, or who are trying to date you when you are in high school, as these men might not be interested in you personally and might not want to invest in a dating relationship.  X Research source
Gay Dating Apps – die 5 besten Apps im Vergleich
Es gibt allerhand Gay Dating Apps auf dem Markt. Jede davon bedient einen etwas anderen Nutzerwunsch. Hier finden Sie die fünf besten Dating-Apps für Schwule und Bisexuelle mit Ihrem jeweiligen Dating-Fokus.
Grindr serial killer Stephen Port convicted of murdering men with overdoses of date-rape drug GHB
Chef, 41, dumped his victim’s bodies in a graveyard near his east London flat
GRINDR killer Stephen Port has been found guilty of murdering men he met through the gay dating app to fulfil his sexual fetish for ‚twinks‘.
Port has been convicted of drugging his victims Anthony Walgate, Jack Taylor, Daniel Whitworth and Gabriel Kovari with an overdose of date-rape drug GHB so he could carry out his sick fantasies.
Port, a 41-year-old chef, dumped his victim’s bodies near a graveyard in Barking, east London, and began an elaborate cover-up.
He lied to police, disposed of his victim’s mobile phones and even planted a fake suicide note on Mr Whitworth, blaming him for the death of Mr Kovari.
Port was found guilty of four murders and numerous other sexual offences – including the rapes of three other men he drugged for sex, at the Old Bailey today.
International Dating Service
All members herein were 18 or older at the time the photos or videos were taken.
Size Matters: 11 Truths About Dating A Guy Who’s Shorter Than You
Oh, short guys. We love them, we hate them, and sometimes we date them.
I should clarify that I’m talking SHORT. Height is pretty relative. A girl who is 5’9″ is obviously going to think most guys are pretty short.
But even me — a gal of 5 feet and 4 inches — has problems. When I say „short,“ I’m talking like 5’7″ and under. That kind.
A little mini-guy. A munchkin. An Oompa Loompa man.
I once dated a tiny man. He was cute, but dang was he a shorty. He wasn’t exactly shorter than me, but he had maaaaaaaybe an inch on me.
He had ripped muscles, so he looked like one of those short, heavyweight wrestlers from the movies. Like, you know… squat.
There’s nothing wrong with dating a guy who’s shorter than you, but it does come with its difficulties.
Here are 11 very real truths about dating a guy who is shorter than you.
Get Gay Singles Open to Dirty Talk
Mexican Men: What to Expect When Dating a Mexican Guy
Mexico is widely regarded as home to some of the most desirable singles in the region. Mexican women, in particular, get a lot of hype with their ethereal beauty and infectious personalities.
If you are thinking of dating internationally, then you are in for a treat with these ones.
Here is more on what to expect when dating a Mexican guy and the signs a mexican guy likes you!
Asian-American man plans lawsuit to stop ’sexual racism‘ on Grindr
One evening while browsing the wildly popular gay dating app Grindr, Sinakhone Keodara came across a user profile with just one short descriptor: “Not interested in Asians.”
That same day, he received a call from a friend on the other side of the country, who, like Keodara, is Asian American. The two men began talking about the exclusionary language they had recently seen on the app.
Keodara, who immigrated to the U.S. from Laos in 1986 and now lives in Los Angeles, decided he wanted to take action. So he took to social media last week and announced plans to bring a class-action lawsuit against Grindr for what he described as racial discrimination.
“Please spread my call for co-plaintiffs to all your gay Asian men in your life that has been offended, humiliated, degraded and dehumanized by Grindr allowing gay white men to write in their profiles ‘No Asians,’ ‘Not interested in Asians,’ or ‘I don’t find Asians attractive,’” Keodora wrote in a tweet. “I’m suing Grindr for being a breeding ground that perpetuates racism against gay Asian [men].”
Gay Asian men bringing a national class action lawsuit against @Grindr for race discriminations. @DanielMagOnline @TheGayUK @WEHOville @RealWeHoTimes @GayUKNews @MenMagazineGay#GrindrClassActionLawsuit #Gaysians #Race #Discrimination
Keodara told NBC News “Grindr bears some responsibility” from an “ethical standpoint.” He said the social media company, which boasts more than 3 million daily users, “allows blatant sexual racism by not monitoring or censoring anti-Asian and anti-black profiles.”
Keodara said Asian-American men “from all over the country” have already written him saying they want to join his proposed lawsuit.
One big legal hurdle for Keodara, however, is Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which provides broad protection for digital platforms like Grindr. Still, his suit brings to the public’s attention an ongoing discussion among gay men who use dating apps — especially gay men of color.
“There’s a clear sense of where you fit in the food chain of attractiveness” on gay dating apps, according to Kelvin LaGarde of Columbus, Ohio.
“You can’t be fat, femme, black, Asian … or over 30,” he said. “It will either be explicitly stated in the profiles or assumed from the lack of responses received if you fit any of those categories.”
LaGarde, who is black, said he has used several gay dating apps, including Grindr, and has experienced both overt racism — such as being called a racial slur — and more subtle forms of exclusion.
“It gets to me at times, but I have to continually ask myself why I’m getting so down because a racist doesn’t want to talk to me,” he said.
Gay Dating: The 5 Principles of Gay Body Language
As the author of the first body language book for gay men, I’m often asked how male body language affects guy-on-guy dating. The answer: plenty. But to understand why certain postures, gestures and expressions make you more appealing to gay guys, you have to understand the 5 major principles of gay body language:
The truth leaks out of our bodies like a pockmarked water pail. As soon as we put a finger in one hole another one opens up. You may think you look calm, cool and collected, but look down — your foot’s tapping the floor like a woodpecker. Sexual signals bounce all over the place whenever gay men get together, and they’re being sent with heads, eyes, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Yes, feet. Long story, keep reading.
Hidden camera studies show that a man’s posture changes when he sees somebody that turns him on. He, or more to the point, YOU, will:
It’s a form of preening. Researchers call it „Auto-erotic signaling.“
Keeping your body language „open“ isn’t just critical to changing other people’s moods and attitudes; it’s critical to changing yours. This concept doesn’t just apply to your hands or your palms; it applies to everything. The more you „fake“ open and inviting gestures and expressions, the more genuinely open and inviting you’ll become.
Don’t take my word for it; test it. Cross your arms against your chest. What do you notice? After a few minutes, you’ll get quieter, more introspective and less likely to smile or laugh. It’s the body’s built-in feedback loop — „bad mood“ body positions result in bad moods, period. It works the other way around, too. Uncross your arms and keep your palms open for a couple of minutes. Hmm. Is that your spirit lifting or are you just happy to see me? If you want to attract gay men, heed this principle.
Keeping your body open and inviting is so important to attracting guys that almost nothing else matters. If you cross your arms, for example, you might as well spray man-repellent on yourself. This goes for any gesture or movement that forms a barrier — holding your hands together, crossing your legs, closing your knees, slouching, or holding anything that blocks your chest, heart and stomach.
Does he like you? Look down. Men subconsciously point with their feet. It’s our way of saying, „Hubba Hubba.“ Once, I was in a coffeehouse macking on a hottie who was ignoring his friend. He turned his body toward me, made lots of eye contact, and directed most of the conversation to me. Yet, for all those positive signs, I wasn’t feeling the vibe. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent down to pick it up, I cursed under my breath. His feet were pointed to his friend! Sure enough, I saw them on a date a few days later. Guilty feet have got no rhythm, but they never lie.
Putting it Together. If you want to meet gay men, pay attention to these five core principles of gay male body language. Whether you’re the pursuer or the pursued, the same principles apply: Your body language changes when you see a guy you’re attracted to (so be aware of it), you can consciously use certain body language tactics to change your mood, use open and inviting gestures and, finally, if you want to know if a gay guy is attracted to you, watch where he points (especially his feet).
About This Article
To date a guy, try to look your best whenever you see him to attract his attention and help you feel confident in yourself. Don’t be afraid to accessorize with jewelry, which enhances your facial features and shows off your personality. When you get to the date, steer conversation towards fun and interesting topics, like your common interests, so you can get to know each other without being too serious. Avoid talking about the future or relationships, since this can scare some guys off. If your first few dates go well, think about more adventurous dates you can go on, such as hiking, going to the zoo, or taking a cooking class, to keep things exciting while you get to know each other. For more tips, including how to casually flirt while dating a guy, read on!Did this summary help you?YesNo
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If you want to find a boyfriend as a teen guy, try seeking out other people in the gay community. For example, try becoming friends with other people who are out at your school, since they may be able to introduce you to other gay guys. Additionally, join your school’s gay/straight alliance to meet people, or start one if there isn’t a chapter at your school! Besides meeting people in person, you can get to know guys through online dating sites. For instance, make a profile on OkCupid, and mark that you’re interested in guys. You can also meet people on apps like Tinder or Grindr, but keep in mind that these are known for hookups more than lasting relationships. To learn how to make a move once you find someone you like, read on!Did this summary help you?YesNo
‚Many women won’t date anyone under 6ft‘
I did an experiment on the dating app, OkCupid. I originally listed my height as 5ft 7in and I didn’t get many matches – on average, about one a week. I sent a message to all of these matches but only 20% replied. Then I changed my height to 6ft 1in and I got three times more matches – and I got replies 50% of the time. Unfortunately, many women in London won’t date anyone under 6ft.
‚My ex had a bit of „a thing“ for shorter men‘
When I went to Reading University I was told that I was exactly the right size to be a cox – 5ft 4in and under eight stone – and would be very welcome at the rowing club. Eventually I ran out of excuses, and to my great surprise I found myself hooked within about 10 minutes.
I was lucky in many ways. The boat club’s chief coach was also the chairman of the British Amateur Rowing Association, and he got me to participate in routine National Squad training on the Thames at Hammersmith.
A few years later, I started coxing the UK’s heavyweight men’s coxed pair, and we won a bronze medal at the 1981 World Championships. Then, three years later, I joined the coxed four team, which set a new world record before winning the gold medal at the 1984 Olympic Games in Los Angeles. (The first of Steve Redgrave’s five consecutive Olympic golds.)
I have never ever experienced any bullying in rowing because of my height – in fact quite the reverse! Romantically I have not had a major problem either.
My 6ft tall ex had a bit of „a thing“ for shorter men (she probably felt safer with them, having had a difficult relationship with her very tall father) and I think she was amused by other people’s reaction. It took me a while to get used to it, but I came to regard all the sideways glances and whispered asides as rather complimentary, as everyone obviously thought there must have been something specially good about me!
My first wife was about the same height as me. My second long-term partner was the six-footer, and my third (my second wife) was a 5ft 8in rower I met at Molesey Boat Club. I’m now single again and hoping to meet a new partner – and her height won’t be the most important consideration, as long as mine isn’t the most important for her. I’ve had many, many blunt rejections because of my height – especially with modern internet dating. But my view is that if my height is a problem, it’s her problem, not mine!
When I was a schoolboy, I definitely did wish to be taller. I was always the shortest in my year (and often the last to be picked for sports teams) and my parents got so worried about it that they arranged for me to have human growth hormone injections. Luckily, I managed to avoid the scandal of the CJD („mad cow disease“) infections, which were accidentally caused by human growth hormone drugs at exactly the same time – just as I had almost miraculously avoided developing Thalidomide problems before being born (my mother was offered the drug during her pregnancy with me, having suffered continuous morning sickness).
But all that was a long time ago. I’m now perfectly happy with my height. It has got me where I am over the last 40 years!
About This Article
Dating an older guy can be an exciting way to spice up your dating life! Keep in mind that you should only do this if you’re over 18, since it’s unsafe for minors to date older men. If you want to attract an older guy, be honest and direct, since older guys usually don’t have time for relationship games. Tell him how you feel and don’t be afraid to ask him out! If you haven’t met an older guy yet, try visiting places older guys hang out, like nice bars, golf courses, coffee shops, or gallery openings. You could also find an older guy pretty easily on a dating site like OkCupid or Just like any relationship, you’ll need to communicate your needs and take things one step at a time. To learn how to avoid creeps when dating older guys, read this summary help you?YesNo
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5 Things Every Straight Guy Could Stand to Learn From How Gay Guys Date
Dating is such a universal concept. No matter your sexuality, the end goal is still the same: meet someone who you get to know, kiss, have sex, fall in love and see where that takes you.
So when it comes to mastering the art of dating, advice is easily transferrable between two friends who are interested in the different genders. Meaning, as a gay man, I can still pass some wise words of wisdom along to the macho, bro-esque friends I have that are fumbling when it comes to finding the right girl.
RELATED: 8 Alcohol Brands Showing Their Pride in Support of the LGBTQ+ Community
While the gay dating world is fraught with its own problems, straight guys could learn a thing or two by observing how things are done under a rainbow umbrella.
If you’re still questioning my qualifications, below, you’ll find a few helpful tips and tricks I’ve pulled from my homosexual handbook that can help you land the lady of your dreams.
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Don’t expect to be ‘asked out’
If you’re spending time in Korea in the near future and you’re interested in dating while you’re there, be warned: just because Korean men are not asking you out does NOT mean that they’re not interested.
Dating culture in Korea is a little bit different than many other countries when it comes to the early stages of dating. For example, in the dating culture of most Western countries, a guy will approach their potential date when they’re interested and strike up a conversation, even if the person is a stranger.
In Korea, especially if you’re not from Korea and are noticeably a tourist or a new local, you are far less likely to be approached by guys because they’re generally pretty shy when it comes to approaching strangers. However, that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t love for you to approach them and introduce yourself! There is no stigma against approaching a cute guy and making the first move. Don’t be shy — go say ‘hi’!
Get ready to be glued to your phone
Are you a fan of texting? Good, because odds are that your new Korean beau is as well.
Most Korean guys are big fans of constant communication via text message and instant messaging apps on their smart phones. (Korea does have some of the best smart phone technology in the world, so that’s no surprise!)
Unlike dating cultures where there is a stigma against texting a romantic interest too soon for fear of seeming too interested or clingy, the norm in Korea is to be updating your significant other as often as possible. What you’re eating, what you’re thinking, what you’re looking forward to about your date tonight — it’s all fair game!
Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean that a guy you date while you’re in Korea is way more interested in you than guys in the past who have texted and called less. It’s just the norm, so everybody does it.
The next time you get home from a date with a Korean guy that you’re into, send him a quick text that you had a great time after he drops you off at home! You’ll get the ball rolling in the right direction. And if you’re unsure about the norms of Korean texting we’ve got you covered!
If you don’t know what the Korean texts say, then go here for a plan to help you learn.
Who picks up the bill?
Ah, one of the most awkward parts of the early stages of dating — should you reach for the bill after dinner? If he paid for dinner, should you offer to pay for drinks after or wait until the next date? Why does figuring out who pays for dinner feel like an intricate math problem?
There are two different schools of thought in the Korean dating scene, and lucky for you, you’ll figure out very quickly which camp your man is in. The old school approach is that the man should foot the bill for not only the first date, but also all subsequent dates. If you’re dating a guy like this, don’t expect an opportunity to pay for the second date, the third, or the fourth — it’s generally an attitude that will persist as long as you’re together.
The only downside to dating a Korean man who holds this belief is that occasionally, it can go hand and hand with being somewhat patronizing. For example, your date may expect you to be slightly submissive and quiet while you’re enjoying each other’s company.
If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, no worries! A more modern approach to payment is also gaining ground in Korean dating culture. For some young Korean men, the new norm is to pay for dinner on the first date, and then let their date pay for coffee or soju at the next stop, and then they’ll alternate payment throughout the evening or throughout dates.
This approach is definitely more balanced, and there’s less of an implication that you should feel obligated to put on an act for your date.
While both of these approaches are different and there’s not quick and easy way to determine which school of thought the Korean guy you’re crushing on will fall into, it’s usually pretty safe to wait until the second stop of the evening and offer to pay. If he declines, he’s probably old school, and if he takes you up on it, he’ll be a fan of the newer approach to splitting payment. Either way, don’t stress — have fun on your date, and you’ll figure it out at the end!
Being ‘Oppa’ and Korean chivalry
If you’re a fan of K-pop or Korean dramas, chances are that you’ve been exposed to the term ‘Oppa‘. ‘Oppa’ is a term that shows respect to an older guy, but it goes way further than that in Korean dating culture.
Rather than being a simple term meant to show respect and deference to an older guy, ‘Oppa’ is also what Korean guys want to be when in a relationship. Korean guys, whether they’re older than you or not, will typically want to be in a protective, responsible, and respected role while in a relationship.
This desire to be ‘Oppa’ can be an amazing thing when you’re in a relationship with a Korean guy. For example, they’ll check all the boxes for the classic signs of chivalry. Prepare to have your chair pulled out for you, for his coat to be handed to you when you’re cold, and to never arrive to the restaurant you’re supposed to meet at wondering where your date is — he’ll always arrive at least 15 minutes ahead of you to secure the table and make a good impression.
There can also be drawbacks to the ‘Oppa’ dynamic. Like we mentioned in regards to always picking up the check, Korean guys that lean heavily on this ‘Oppa’ identity could possibly expect you to act in a demure, respectful way — always trusting his opinion and judgment, not talking back, etc.
This is certainly not expected by all Korean men, so don’t worry if you’re thinking to yourself that you’d rather not deal with those expectations. Go out there and date your Korean crush without worrying about lofty dating expectations, especially if you’re only in town visiting — but don’t be surprised if he refers to himself in the third person as ‘Oppa.’ Consider yourself warned!
28 replies to „5 Fantastic Tips for Dating a Korean Guy“
I’m obsessed with K-Pop and K-Drama but that’s not why I wanna date a Korean guy I wanna date a Korean guy to try something new and learn about their culture and stuff but I’ve heard some bad things about them and I’ve heard some good things about them I really wanna travel to Seoul South Korea and Busan South Korea
Really interesting to see how people think of Korean guys, as a Korean guy myself. ? Just for fun.
‚Grindr serial killer‘
Port, who filmed himself having sex with unconscious men, was obsessed with drug-rape pornography, and was attracted to smaller, boyish-type men known as ‚twinks‘.
Jonathan Rees QC, prosecuting, said: „It is a case about a man, the defendant, who in the pursuit of nothing more than his own sexual gratification variously drugged, sexually assaulted and killed young gay men who he had invited back to his flat.
„All of the offending behaviour was driven by one main factor, namely the defendant’s appetite for having sexual intercourse with younger, gay males while they were unconscious through drugs.“
Port drugged his victims by spiking their drinks or injecting them in the anus with drugs which he claimed were lubrication.
Mr Walgate, 23, was found dead in the communal hall of Port’s flat in Cooke Street after he called 999 anonymously in the early hours of June 19 2014.
Port later pleaded guilty to perverting the course of justice in relation Mr Walgate’s death and was sentenced to eight months imprisonment.
But, by the time he was jailed Port had gone on to claim the lives of two young men.
Slovakian Mr Kovari, 22, and 21-year-old chef Mr Whitworth, from Gravesend, in Kent, were murdered within weeks of each other in August and September 2014.
Both, like Mr Walgate, had died of GHB poisoning and were found in an almost identical position in St Margaret’s churchyard – near Port’s flat in Barking.
Port was jailed in March 2015. He killed again just three months after being released from prison, in September 2015, when forklift truck driver Mr Taylor, 25, was found near the same churchyard.
In total 12 men are said to have been attacked by Port over three-and-a-half years, between 2012 and 2015, four of which died of an overdose of the party drug GHB.
Port, denied all the offences against him and a jury is still considering claims relating to three men.
Mr Taylor’s parents and sisters wept in court as the guilty verdicts were delivered but Port made no reaction.
Who were Stephen Port’s victims
Anthony WalgateMr Walgate, 23, was a fashion student and gay had offered him £800 for he went to meet him he joked with a friend that he might get body of Mr Walgate, who lived in Golders Green, north London, was later found outside Port’s block of flats.
Gabriel KovariOriginally from Slovakia 22-year-old artist Gabriel had been living in Lewisham, south east LondonHe moved in with Port in August told friends he was staying there for free as Port just wanted to „fill the place“ Kovari had a long term boyfriend Thierry Amodio in Mallorca, but was known to use gay dating apps.
Daniel WhitworthDaniel, 21, was a chef who had worked in the the time of his death he was living with his partner in met Port through the Fitlads site and visited his flat on September 18 2014.
Jack TaylorJack, 25, was a fork lift lived with his parents in Dagenham, east met Port on Grindr on September 13 last year
Cops have come under fire for not linking the deaths earlier.
Port’s one-bedroom flat, was searched following the death of his first murder victim, Mr Walgate, 23, and sex drugs and baby oil were photographed by cops.
Among the items photographed on June 27 2014 were a pair of underpants emblazoned with the words „Born 4 Porn“.
Police also photographed a bottle of Amsterdam Gold poppers on the bedside table and another inside the fridge, as well as an empty bottle of baby oil.
Inside a bedroom drawer was a dildo, condoms and lubricating gel, while a living room cabinet contained a large number of DVDs.
Im an asian girl, I met my boyfriend in a online dating He is 23 and im 24 and he decided to come and meet me in Philippines to travel and visit beautiful places. I agree of the shy part , when I met him in the airport I was the one who approached him first and hug him and he felt awkward the first day. As days goes by, I told him about my feelings for him and maybe we could take another level and he was like amused or felt happy or what haha then the following morning He called me baby and treated me a very special girl compared to the past days . He introduce me to his friends online as we are still on the road travelling . Its been 4 months he left back to Germany and we keeo in touch to each other video calling, whatsapp messenger every single time when the other one is online and now he is planning to get me a visa and wanted to come back to stay longer like 3-6months. Lucky ? Absolutely yes, He is a good man and we like each others company. Prost!
I have been seeing/dating a German man for almost 18 months now. I really like him and he always tells me he likes me alot. We enjoy each others company and always have a good time. Sometimes I get mixed signals, like sending a week together on vacation and many weekends. I have more feelings for him than I think he does for me. Not really sure?? Which bums me out sometimes. So I’m just enjoying my time with him and hoping it continues for a a very long time. Any suggestions on German men and relationships?
1. He loves you in high heels… until you actually wear them.
Your boyfriend loves a woman in heels … in theory. He’ll constantly ask you why you always wear flats.
What you’re really thinking is, „I’m not wearing heels so I can be a solid 5 inches taller than you (and that’s in kitten heels).“ When you do wear heels, he immediately realizes the error of his ways. Once you’re towering over him, he’s ready for you to get back down to his level.
2. You feel like it’s all anyone ever sees.
When you’re out in public and people look at you, you wonder if they’re thinking that you’re a girl with a short boyfriend.
He may have a beautiful face, killer abs and a stellar personality, but all you or anyone else can seem to focus on is that your boo is a tiny little munchkin. You try to ignore it, but it’s just always an issue. It never goes away.
4. It’s always lurking in the back of your mind.
Your internalization of the patriarchy makes you question why you’re dating him. Guys are supposed to be the tall ones, right? You feel insecure about it, and that makes you feel like a huge jerk.
You don’t want this to affect your relationship, but somehow it just does. No matter how many times you tell yourself you’re totally fine with this, it’s still there in the back of your head, eating away at your happiness.
It truly blows that something so seemingly silly could be such a cause of discontent. He can’t help that he’s short. What do you want him to do, wear stilts? You’re the one who agreed to date him in the first place, you a-hole! Ugh.
6. You find yourself justifying why you’re dating him.
You find yourself saying things like, “But he’s really sweet!” or “He’s really funny, trust me.” Or even, “I don’t care about trivial things like height.” You should not have to make justifications about your choice of mate.
For some reason, people think that you must be desperate for a boyfriend — just because he’s short. I mean, why else would you choose a guy „like that“? It’s pretty messed up that this is our reality, but there’s no denying it.
11. Guess what? He’s actually the best.
Luckily, he has an amazing personality, because he spent so long making up for his height.
The thing is, we don’t give the short guy enough credit. He tries harder, and he’s funnier and nicer than the tall ones who don’t put in the effort. The short guys are the real winners.
He may not be society’s „ideal“ height, but he’s a good boyfriend — and that’s what matters most.
They love to show off their women
Another great thing about dating Mexican men is that you will be treated like a real queen. He will want to show you off not only to his family and friends but to the whole world. It could be through blatant PDA or even an early introduction to those close to him. Who wouldn’t want such validation?
Be ready to handle a little bit of spice
Dating a Mexican man, much like dating a Cuban man, means having to accept his culture. Mexican cuisine is a massive part of it and consists mainly of very hot and spicy dishes. If you want to score bonus points with him, you will have to learn how to fight through the pain, sweat, and tears and enjoy that food.
Take a dance lesson or two
One of the main challenges you will face as a white woman dating a Mexican man is keeping up with your man on the dance floor. Whether it is a traditional salsa or modern fusion pop, learning how to dance will impress him. It will also make your dates a lot easier as most of them will involve dancing in one way or another.
NBC OUTIllinois town will get its first gay pride parade — thanks to a 12-year-old
John Pachankis, a clinical psychologist and an associate professor at the Yale School of Public Health, has been studying the mental health of the LGBTQ community for 15 years and has recently started to explore the effects of gay dating apps.
“We know that increasingly gay and bisexual men spend a lot of their lives online, including on social and sexual media apps, and so we’ve looked at the experience that gay and bisexual men have in that specific context,” Pachankis said.
Pachankis and his team have conducted a series of experiments studying rejection and acceptance on these platforms and the impact these experiences have on gay men. Though the results are still under review, Pachankis found that rejection for gay men can be even more damaging when it comes from other gay men.
“We have this sense that gay men’s mental health is primarily driven by homophobia,” Pachankis said, “but what our work shows is that gay people also do cruel things to other gay people, and their mental health suffers even more than if they were to have been rejected by straight people.”
Pachankis said many gay men believe things are supposed to get better after they come out, but this narrative is premised on the idea of being able to find one’s place in the gay community.
“The reality is a lot of guys come out into a world of sex-seeking apps,” Pachankis added. “This is the way they find their community, and unfortunately, the sex-seeking apps are not geared toward building an amazing chosen family. They’re built toward helping men find quick sex.”
But while Pachankis acknowledges there are negative aspects to gay dating apps, he cautioned against demonizing them. In many places around the world, he noted, these apps serve a crucial role in connecting LGBTQ individuals.
Lavunte Johnson, a Houston resident who said he has been rejected by other men on gay dating apps because of his race, agreed with Pachankis’ findings about an added layer of suffering when the exclusion comes from within the gay community.
“There is already racism and all of that in the world as it is,” Johnson said. “We as the LGBTQ community are supposed to bring love and life, but instead we are separating ourselves.”
Dr. Leandro Mena, a professor at the University of Mississippi Medical Center who has studied LGBTQ health for the past decade, said dating apps like Grindr may merely reflect the exclusion and segregation that already exists among gay men — and „society at large.“
“When you have a diverse crowd [at a gay bar], very often that crowd that otherwise may look diverse, pretty much it is segregated within the crowd,” Mena said. “Hispanics are with Hispanics, blacks are with blacks, whites are with whites, and Asians are hanging out with Asians.”
„Perhaps in a bar people are not wearing a sign that so bluntly disclosed your prejudices,“ he added, noting that online „some people feel comfortable doing so.“
Matt Chun, who lives in Washington, D.C., agreed with Mena but said the discrimination and rejection he has experienced online has been less subtle. Chun, who is Korean-American, said he has received messages ranging from “Asian, ew” to “Hey, man, you’re cute, but I’m not into Asians.”
Kimo Omar, a Pacific Islander living in Portland, Oregon, said he has experienced racial discrimination on gay dating apps but has a simple solution: “hitting the ‘block user’ icon.”
“No one should make the time to interact with those kind of fools,” he said.
As for Keodara, he plans to tackle the issue head on with his proposed class-action lawsuit.
„This issue has been a long time coming, and the timing is right to take action in this drastic way,” he told NBC News. He said he plans to “change the world, one hook-up app at a time.”
Grindr did not respond to NBC News‘ request for comment.
1. Be Direct With Your Approach
The culture of Grindr (an app for gay men when you’re looking to get in, get off and get out) is one of directness. Guys state exactly what they want, whether that’s serious dating, a casual fling or a one-time anonymous hookup, and that online directness is translated into the real world.
We have no problem making things very clear from the get-go. Sure, some people aren’t a fan if you’re extremely direct, but more often than not, we appreciate the honesty to avoid wasting any time. A problem I’ve seen in straight relationships is a lack of clarification of what both partners want and expect. If you’re looking for a more committed, long-term relationship, let her know that. Conversely, it’s totally fine if you’re not looking for anything too serious … as long as you say that.
Know what this requires? Doing that big, dark and scary thing where you think about your feelings. Articulate what’s going on in your heart and head, even if it makes you sweat a little. Yes, the ensuing conversation might be a little uncomfortable, but you owe it to her to be upfront about what you’re expecting (and looking for) in a relationship.
2. Forget Typical Hollywood Clichés
Gay representation in popular culture has expanded exponentially in the last few decades, but there is still an overwhelming amount of non-heterosexual characters in TV and movies. As we are so rarely reflected on-screen, a silver lining to this problem is that queer culture isn’t as bogged down by Hollywood clichés about romance and love.
This makes it easier to accept the fact that in the real world, dating is complicated and messy. A big piece of advice for straight guys: Forget everything you’ve seen in the movies. Remember that iconic scene in „Say Anything“ when John Cusack shows up to his love interest’s house unannounced and stands under her window with a giant boom box blaring Peter Gabriel? That’s all fine and good in Hollywood, but replicating that in real life will probably get a restraining order. Life isn’t like the movies. You’re not going to save the day, get the girl and wrap everything up in a nice little bow in record time.
You’ll be better prepared to deal with the curveballs and nasty surprises of dating if you abandon those ancient examples that will do more harm than good.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Communicate During Sex
Gay sex is complicated. As you could probably guess, it can be tricky for two men to negotiate who puts what where and how. This means communication is key, before and during the act itself. The straight population may want to consider a similar approach to sex — instead of just running through a regular stand-by routine, engage your partner in discussion about likes and dislikes, boundaries and so on.
First and foremost, get consent. You should always be checking in to make sure that she’s cool with whatever you’re doing sexually. Also, the sex will be better if you stop thinking with your penis. Sure, it’s the star of the show, but start paying attention to her verbal and physical responses in bed. Despite what you may believe about how experienced you are, there’s always things left to learn, and she will teach you a thing or two about being a great lover if you let her.
4. Take a Hint
Rejection, while unfortunate, is an unavoidable part of the dating world. The aforementioned directness of the gay dating scene means that rejections can be particularly blunt, but there’s no point in getting yourself hung up on those who aren’t interested in you. If you’re going to survive in the gay dating scene, you have to get over it and take rejection in stride.
Straight guys could benefit from adopting a similar mentality. Don’t allow persistence to mold into stalking. When a woman turns you down, she doesn’t mean “try harder.” She means “get the hell away from me.” It’s not fair or considerate to keep bugging her about it, and why expend all that extra energy when there’s other worthwhile women out there who would be willing to give you a shot?
5. Be Cool With Her Exes
Gay dating pools are smaller and therefore more incestuous — most gay dudes of a similar age living in a particular area will know each other, and will have some overlapping romantic and/or sexual histories. In gay culture, it’s common to be around an ex, your partner’s ex or a failed romantic prospect who’d you rather not see … but you just deal with it.
This is an important skill for straight people to develop, too. Whether you run into your own ex or the ex of a partner, be cool about it. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be upset after a bad break-up, or a bit on edge meeting a girlfriend’s ex — those feelings are totally natural — but don’t let them take over completely. You don’t have to put on a big show of how comfortable you feel, but just be mature about it. Act civil and cordial. Those interactions don’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make them into a big deal.