Although I’m not very open to my friends about running this blog, everyone knows I’m gay, so yeah, I’m out! I was closeted for a long time though… So hey! This month marks three straight (LOL) years of BrimleysBears! Love you guys! That’s about two thousand new followers a year. Nice to know I’m not the only dude who had a crush on Wilford Brimley. Older. Wider. Bellies. Whiskers. Round faces. Round the world. You guys want to see ‚em… you got ‚em. them big ‚ol BrimleysBears

Stop saying homophobes are just closeted gays.

Some are but certainly not the majority. When people or you suggest that homophobes are secretly gay it places the blame and onus of homophobia back onto gay people and thats just not right or accurate. Homophobia is perpetuated, for the most part, by straight people and virtually every major religion, not gay people.

True, but it annoys them to no end. So, I personally have no intention of stopping.

But annoying them is only going to add fuel to the fire, making them hate us even more and being less likely to change. To sum it up you’re contributing to the problem

it annoys and disgusts half the gay community to no end. but fuck us i guess

of course the majority of homophobes are not closeted gays. But those accusations don’t come out of nowhere – there are many examples of hurtful homophobic people who are actually gay, who don’t accept themselves and project their self-hate on others.

Also it makes homophobes to think about it and reflect. Telling them “you seem like a closeted gay” makes them shut up really quick, as they don’t want to appear as gay. It’s their own mindset of toxic masculinity. So I don’t understand what’s wrong using it against them. It shows how fragile they actually are, even though they try to act tough.

people say this every time gay people push back on the extremely anti gay concept of „hates gay=is gay“

the fact that closeted gay homophobes exist is irrelevant

people, in an absolutely disgusting way, respond to all anti gay bigotry by pretending the bigots are gay men.

there is a huge obfuscation of what homophobia actually is. cause people almost exclusively frame it through the lens of closeted gay homophobes, despite the fact that pretty much all homophobes are straight

you ever noticed how straight people basically never respond to homophobia by talking about the homophobia of straight people? they always respond with some nonsense about the bigot being a closeted gay guy that they’ve completely made up in their own head

it’s so goddamn sad we’ve gotten to a point where gay men need to be told to stop claiming homophobes are gay men and not bigoted straight people

i think it’s sick in the head that a huge amount of gay men respond to anti gay bigotry by saying anti gay bigots are gay men. it’s totally toxic sentiment

It’s part of the agenda, by portraying homophobes as closet cases and heavily publicising instances of this we make the straights afraid to be homophobic, lest they be perceived as gay themselves.

Stop stealing comment from twitter and posting it here as if thats reliable source you donkey

I’m seeing a rise in troll posts, and honestly not sure if this is one, too. I don’t suspect OP, at 20, is a troll. But the commenters flocking to feign outrage is a bit overboard.

Simple rule of thumb, Homophobic comments or actions without any context of an interaction with someone Gay, guaranteed embarrassed closet case. Agree that if a Gay guy is acting inappropriately to straight guys says something in the heat of the moment, it’s just them being straight.

Most vile ones are either closeted (reaction formation) or just sociopath.

Normal people dont usually reach that level of hate.

44 here and old enough to be your dad, OP. No, not gonna stop. It’s just too damn common.

And it’s not at our expense. It’s using their hypocrisy against them.

Stop saying homophobes are just closeted gays.

Armoured Closet Gay

He’s the strongest, toughest, manliest man in the sports team. He might hate gays and be vocal, or even violent about it. He will remind everybody that he is completely, 100% straight. That is, during the daytime. When night falls, you can find him Where Everybody Knows Your Flame with the Club Kids and Gym Bunnies. He’s the self-loathing gay guy who hides behind a macho façade.

Perhaps the most common variant of You Are What You Hate. See also Gayngst if the character is particularly self-tormented about it. Not to be confused with Straight Gay, who is out of the closet but just non-flamboyant, or Gym BunnyManly Gay, also out of the closet and macho all the same.

Polar opposite of Gay Bravado – acting gay to affirm your heterosexuality – unless it’s a double bluff, of course.Sometimes overlaps with GayngsterIrrational Hatred of gays.

Armoured Closet Gay

Beyond the Closet: Writing Gay Characters

As an out writer in a large writing community, I sometimes get questions from fellow writers about writing gay characters. Typically, there’s some low-level anxiety about “getting it right.” I love these questions. It means that the writer has or is considering adding gay characters to their novels. This pleases me.

June is Pride Month, so what better time than now to review some common perceptions about the gays and some realities writers can use to add more dimensions to all those gay characters that are just waiting to bust out of the writing closet.

Disclaimer: This list is by no means comprehensive. I occupy only one letter of LGBTQIA*, and I’m white and female. That’s a narrow perspective**. Also, for this post, I’m using gay as a catch-all term for simplicity.

Beyond the Closet: Writing Gay Characters

Gay Celebrities Who Never Came Out

This list contains information about gay celebrities who never came out, loosely ranked by fame and popularity. Many successful Hollywood actors are gay. These days, it’s common for celebrities to publicly come out as gay in the media, but that wasn’t always the case. Several famous gay celebrities remained in the closet throughout their entire lives.

Who is the most famous gay celebrity who never came out of the closet? Cary Grant tops this list. Though he was married five times to five different women, many people believed that Cary Grant was actually gay. He lived with actor Randolph Scott on and off for over a decade and he was also rumored to have hired male prostitutes.

Despite his flamboyant stage presence, Liberace never officially came out as gay. He even went so far as to sue a publication for libel when they printed that he was gay. Liberace’s friend, Betty White, has stated that the musician was, in fact, homosexual. Other secretly closeted movie stars include Rock Hudson, Anthony Perkins, and Robert Reed. 

Are you surprised that any of these LGBT celebrities never publicly announced their homosexuality or bisexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments section about why famous gays or lesbian celebs might keep their sexuality a secret. 

This list contains information about gay celebrities who never came out, loosely ranked by fame and popularity. Many successful Hollywood actors are gay. These days, it’s common for celebrities to publicly come out as gay in the media, but that wasn’t always the case. Several famous gay celebrities remained in the closet throughout their entire lives.

Who is the most famous gay celebrity who never came out of the closet? Cary Grant tops this list. Though he was married five times to five different women, many people believed that Cary Grant was actually gay. He lived with actor Randolph Scott on and off for over a decade and he was also rumored to have hired male prostitutes.

Despite his flamboyant stage presence, Liberace never officially came out as gay. He even went so far as to sue a publication for libel when they printed that he was gay. Liberace’s friend, Betty White, has stated that the musician was, in fact, homosexual. Other secretly closeted movie stars include Rock Hudson, Anthony Perkins, and Robert Reed. 

Gay Celebrities Who Never Came Out

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Did you scroll all this way to get facts about closeted gay? Well you’re in luck, because here they come. There are 505 closeted gay for sale on Etsy, and they cost US$14.23 on average. The most common closeted gay material is metal. The most popular color? You guessed it: rainbow.

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  I’m a closet lesbian and a judgemental bitch, which means that I have Gaydar.

Bonus Advice You Didn’t Ask For.

There are so many elements that make up a gay life. It’s impossible to put them all in one post. But while I have your attention: Gay people know when you’re uncomfortable with our gayness.

If you’re uncomfortable, it’s going to come out in your writing. If your main character feels discomfort toward a secondary or minor gay character, that gay character will likely have a response because they are (presumably) a human being and not a robot. Also, if your protagonist feels discomfort toward one of your gay characters, ask yourself why. Does your character feel uncomfortable, or are you letting your own discomfort and bias shine through?

How the gay character reacts to the discomfort is up to you, the writer. Again, not robots. Humans.

Whenever you’re thinking of writing a gay character and you are not a gay person, always ask the same question you would of your straight characters: Does this action/perception make sense for the character? Does it move the story along? Does it give the reader some insight into who this character is? No? Then, consider why it’s there and how you can enhance your LGBTQIA characters without erasing important parts of who they are.

The Biggest Closet Gay Ever!

lol, it was dress up like an elf day at school or do the girl tho.

You got a lot of pictures of this guy sure he ain’t you?

Why not? Stereotypes are the easiest way of generalizing people!

OMG, he does his eyebrows and eyelashes and he’s got makeup on and he looks like a woman in that shot. Yep, he’s gay.

Desert Punk of the NG /A/|My VA Demo Reel|Audio Portal|

He looks more feminine then the girl. If he isn’t gay, he is the most metrosexual guy I’ve ever seen.

Hmm…judging his facial hair, his eyes, lips, and body.

Bonnie looks like Clyde, and Clyde looks like Bonnie…

Hey want do you got agianist this handsome young lad sir. He may look homosexual in the pictures you provided but it doesn’t prove he is totally gay. Yeah I would tap that ass anyway because I am a huge faggot.

Yes I think suicide is funny and I am sick of pretending its not.

____________________________Bel-Air remixes! You must listen!____________________________

And for the Julio, is not attractive, even for a guy IMO.

My fucking gaydar is going off like a car alarm. It’s so obvious.

Twitter / Tumblr / < - Mr. C (Since June 7th, 2001)

Robert Reed

Though those closest to him knew that he was gay, Robert Reed hid his sexuality from the public. He was HIV positive at the time of his death, though he died of colon cancer.


This guy is my best friend and I hate to see him struggle. Ya he hates being called gay, and he makes it a point to tell me that he is not gay about twice every time I see him; which is everyday. Last night he was over. He wanted to watch the lunar eclipse with me. So we did. It was pretty cool. Idk we could just be great friends but the way he looks at me and always wants to be around me tells me otherwise. I do believe that if he is gay he will come out to me on his own terms. Either way I got an amazing friend.


Any heterosexual man would get defensive if someone asked him if he was painfully shy heterosexual men don’t date at all but are completely heterosexual .I am not sure how you define “effeminate“,I don’t think mannerisms can give an accurate picture of sexuality .Michael Jackson had many effeminate mannerisms at least by how I define it [extremely softspoken,very sensitive]but he was completely topic is kind of irrelevant anyway “closet gay“ most people don’t care ..I mean they may speculate if someone’s sexuality is not obvious but it’s not going to affect how they treat the the OP ,your friend said he was straight ,questioning that says more about you than it does about him him alone.


I’ve never come accross that,mentioning a girl is hot could be the reaction of a very shy man . men often dismiss when it may be obvious to everyone else that a girl is flirting with him . don’t have enough self confidence to actually believe that the girl is interested in him gay people I know do not shout out to the world that they are gay but they certainly don’t deny it like the friend of the OP .


there is a guy i know at school, that is probably a 10 on the looks scale. He dumped a girl friend because „she wanted to have sex“. also, he went on a few dates with a really hot girl and he broke it off because „her hair is too short and she is annoying and they werent compatible“. He also flirts with me by saying stuff like „what did you think i would do with you?“ „were you tryin to get me alone?!?“ and „i want u to put it in my butt“. he will blatantly say stuff like „meagan fox is so hott!!“ he also will say if you ask him why he wont hook up with girls „im not that kind of guy!“ and „i need to be dating for a month before i will even kiss“. I have seen him looking at me longingly and i have also seen him looking at my butt. once he bent over (too far i guess haha) and he stood up really quick and said „im glad no one came up behind me and said ‚im gonna give it to u good‘!!! also, he looks at hot guys and if u catch him he will say something like „hes to tall to play baseball!!“ also, he said i needed to have my sideburns reshaped. a friend heard this and said „so you can look better for him? ***“. he also has commented about my eyes „i bet your green eyes save u“ and „are your eyes turqoise?“ a friend overheard this and said „i dont wanna hear about how pretty u think his eyes are“ and he said „i dont personally think his eyes are pretty!!!“ good saves haha. he cites religious reasons and no sex before marriage as to why he wont take it farther with girls.


He could possibly just be very comfortable with his sexuality therefore he’s open with his actions and comfortable with a guy. He also sounds picky with whom he dates. Maybe he’s curious but I think a lot of guys are at some point. You could try continuing to flirt with him, stepping it up a notch each time and see how he goes with it. If he gets weirded out then just back off, especially if he knows you’re out because he will know you’re looking for something more. If you present yourself as being straight, then he’s not going to read into any of your signs of flirting because guys (sexually secure guys at least) do what he does all the time. It’s becoming more widely acceptable among straight men to act this way.

Speaking from a psychological and personal standpoint, I feel like someone who is deeply in the closet deals with not being sure/comfortable with their sexuality through anger and get very defensive when people question their sexuality. I met a guy this summer and he immediately struck me as gay not just because I wanted him to be, but from the moment I met him I just got this vibe that he wasn’t straight because I saw a lot of how I used to behave in him. We’re both young, but he’s about 2 years younger than me. I was a little farther past how he is now at his age but not by too much. If someone ever questioned my sexuality, I would lash out and get defensive. I would feel insecure and as soon as they started questioning me, I would talk about girls to deter them from the thought. However I would never say that I was straight, I just couldn’t find those words ever coming out of my mouth. I would beat around the bush. When guys gave me attention, I liked it secretly. When girls did, I was oblivious and didn’t give them the time of day (although I dated many.) I even signed an anti-gay marriage petition. I thought I was supposed to end up with a wife and kids because that’s what the world views as being the „norm.“ Took me a while to get over that.

I think the real signs of a closet gay can be seen in how they react to people questioning their sexuality. If they are insecure and their insecurities are brought to the surface, they will obviously do what they can to fight and mask them. Overcompensation is a big thing. I was getting extremely close with this guy that I was talking about earlier to the point where we would talk day in and day out, even if we knew we were seeing each other in class the next day. He knew I was gay and he knew that I had feelings for me. He let me touch him and flirt with him and he would just laugh/blush and smile. He never talked about girls. One day I decided to jokingly ask if he was bi/bicurious and it took him a while to answer back but he just laughed and said I’m funny. What happens the very next day during the break in class? He brings out his phone and starts showing me pictures of „hot girls“ that he was going to hang out with. He also started using the words gay and ****** for insults. Just the other day I asked him SERIOUSLY if he was straight and it turned into a full-blown fight. He never answered the question, just fought me to prove that every one of my points were wrong. I believe that I’m the only person to hit close to home with him on the matter and he got really scared, especially when I told him I saw a lot of how I was in him. He’s not ready to accept it himself.


Well I am a closeted gay guy. I don’t really think that anyone could tell I was gay. I work on a ranch as a cowboy, I don’t fit into any of the gay stereotypes. I don’t date girls and always have a pretty good excuse when asked why; haven’t found the right one, too busy, dating just doesn’t work. Idk I have never been asked if I am gay nor do I think that anyone even suspects. As far as things that I do that might tip someone I like off; I sometimes stare at them not in a creepy way I just look at them a little longer than most straight guys would. When I pat them on the back or something that requires physical contact I keep my hand there longer than normal. But other than that I can’t really think of anything that might tip you off as to your friends orientation. Although I do disagree with some previous posts, if someone asked me if I was gay I would say no, but that doesn’t mean that I want to be „left alone“ about the subject. Maybe your just asking in the wrong way. If you let him know somehow that you were attracted to him he would probably be a lot more willing to admit that he is.


it’s hard to define if someone is closeted…i’ve had a lot of personal experience with closeted guys…frustrating as hell!.. more so for them i are plenty of guys dating girls, sleeping with them and having long term relationships with them that are into does it mean they are just closeted? No. They could be bisexual as well. You’ll know though because if they’re really frustrated then they are probably batting for the wrong guy i’ve met at university just gives it away ’s nervouse, blushes bright red when he talks to me, stares at me in even followed me around the he’s this jock who will never come out i has this group of friends through whom he met his all hang out together and its hard for guys like that to give up the „life“ they’ve got even if its based on a would probably become outcasts or fear they would and have to start ‚t believe in 2013 this is still happening..

Perception: Everyone comes out as a teenager.

Nope. Some people come out later in life. Some people never come out. Some people are very, very quiet about their sexuality and you’re left guessing. Some people, like me, are pretty clueless in general.

Even though I’m gay, I have to research what it’s like for gay teenagers because I was not one. I guess somewhere deep inside my brain I was a gay teenager, but I never realized it until after college, after I left the South, when my friend dragged me to a basement in Allston to watch a bunch of metal bands play. One of the guitarists was, I thought, a handsome dude. Turns out it was a handsome woman. I’ve been gay ever since.

The Young Adult writer community is doing a fabulous job with bringing diverse representation — including LGBTQIA, people of color, gender diversity, people with disabilities, and ethnic, cultural, and religious minorities — to the forefront. These campaigns and The Trevor Project give me hope that the kids are either all right or they will be.

This is where you come in: Those kids are going to grow up and need some new reading material that features adults living fabulous gay lives. Or they’re going to need to read secretly on their e-Readers or under the covers until a time when they can leave the nest. Do not deny the children. The children are our future.

Perception: Gay sex is gross.

But gay sex is not always awesome and is often awkward, even for those who have been at it a while. The same as straight folk. Think about your worst sexual experience. Now imagine it as a gay person. Same. And like straight folks, some gay folks have deep, dark angst to work out that prevents them from feeling okay about their bodies or intimacy. And some people are just not that into sex, if at all. No judgment.

Pro tip: if you really want to know how gay sex works, please don’t ask your gay friends. Do yourself and others a favor and purchase The Guide to Getting it On. Your characters, readers, and your present and possibly future sex partner(s) will thank you!

Perception: Sex is all gay people think about.

The gays have jobs and hobbies that prevent us from thinking about sex all the time, too. LGBT lives are similar to hetero-normative lives: People are happy. People are sad. People have sex. People don’t have sex. No one is perfect. People fuck up. If a focus on sex is the only thing that distinguishes your gay character, then you should take a step back to consider why. Or you could consider making sex the primary focus of all of your characters. Then publish that, because fun!

Perception: If you’re [insert letter of LGBTQIA], then you must only like [insert letter of LGBTQIA].

Self identification is helpful to some folks. Others don’t really think about it. For many, sexuality exists on a wildly varying spectrum. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why we fall for who we do (there may be a scientific article out there somewhere about this, but…)

Recently, I visited my cousin in San Diego. Any time I sat on the couch, her dog, Ricky Bobby, sidled next to me and ultimately ended up humping my leg. No matter how many times my cousin told him to stop, he came back for more. For Ricky Bobby, I possess an animal magnetism that he can’t get enough of.

I understand Ricky Bobby. If I were to run across Timothy Olyphant in real life, I would hump his leg.

You don’t have to understand it. I barely do. But my girlfriend not only accepts this infatuation, she supports it by making me photos and gifs of him.

Perception: All LGBT couples want to get married.

For some, the push for marriage equality is more about being seen as equal in the eyes of the law and having the same rights and benefits as heterosexual citizens*** vs. an opportunity to do the Electric Slide with family members who totally don’t appreciate the chicken and asparagus you so carefully selected from the caterer’s menu.

Also, if one of your straight characters asks of a same-sex couple, “Which one of you is the bride?” then your gay character is going to have a response, either verbal or non-verbal. And that says a LOT about the character asking.

Regardless of marital status, if you have more than one gay character in a book, they should get individual personalities. Often, gay couples or gay friends in novels are one and the same, their personalities indistinguishable. Please give them individual personalities. They can be two-faced, but not two-headed — unless they actually are. In that case, please write that novel because it sounds amazing.

Perception: All LGBT couples want to reproduce.

Some of us are happily child free because we like sleep, quiet rooms, dinner that doesn’t grow cold, and the flexibility to stay out late or go to bed early if we so choose.

But if your gay characters do want a family, don’t forget that there are these amazing, realistic places called fertility clinics and doctors’ offices that eliminate the need for your gay characters to find some hapless other-gendered person who can impregnate them or host their gay fetus.

Perception: Gay people can magically transform your personal style.

All my t-shirts have stains on them and my jeans have crotch holes from my thighs rubbing together. I refuse to buy new jeans because blue jean iron-on patches are super affordable. I haven’t brushed my teeth or hair, and I haven’t put on a bra. But I did scarf down a bowl of refried beans mixed with rice pilaf and green salsa in about five seconds. Now I’m going to put on some cargo shorts and Luke Bryan and scrub the toilet.

Perception: I have a gay character, I must add a hate crime!

Hate crimes are very real and very dangerous, especially for transgender women of color.

I’d be an asshole to say stop writing about that because awareness of the issue is important. But fiction allows us to not only reveal realities, but change perceptions. It’s a well-known trope that if a character is gay, they will die. When that’s the primary representation the gay community sees in books and in films and in the news, it’s fucking depressing.

If your gay character must die, please kill off some other people, too. But why not be brave and let your gay characters live?

And if you must torture your characters (because that’s what we writers are told we must do), remember that there are other micro-aggressions (more here) the gay community encounters that inform how we move about the world. We don’t “just happen to be gay.” We are gay. It affects how we are perceived and how we perceive others.

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Edit Locked

A character is LGBTQ, and doing their best to hide it, either due to potential consequences such as a Homophobic Hate Crime, or Gayngst over whether they’ll be accepted for who they are.

May involve The BeardSecretly-Gay ActivitySecret RelationshipFlying Under the Gaydar, or any number of tropes pertaining to Coming-Out Story, or being Forced Out of the Closet.

Bonnie Waltch

Great post, Kelly! I unfortunately did have to kill off a gay character in my original draft — but only because she was an extra character, the aunt of my protagonist who really didn’t have enough to do with the story to keep, especially when the story moved abroad. I hope to bring her back in a future novel because she was a really cool, hotshot lawyer and when I do, I will definitely take this advice!


Very much Truth in Television of course, especially in highly religious countries. There are still places where you can be executed for your sexual orientation.

NOTE: Do not confuse this with tropes such as But Not Too GayGet Back in the Closet has to be coy about a character’s orientation. This is where the character is explicitly trying to hide who they really are as a plot point.