How to Get a Man (for Gay Men)

This article was co-authored by Marissa Floro, Ph.D.. Dr. Marissa Floro, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and Instructor at Stanford University’s Weiland Health Initiative and adjunct faculty at the University of San Francisco. Dr. Floro received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University Chicago, focusing on the intersections of race, attraction, and gender. Dr. Floro’s continued clinical, teaching, and advocacy work focuses on sexual and gender diversity, racial identity and belonging, and liberation from oppressive systems and structures. There are 23 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 25 testimonials and 100% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 1,788,416 times.

Finding a good man can be a struggle for a lot of guys. You have to figure out where to meet them, how to approach them, and then how to gain and keep their attraction. For people that don’t naturally have good social skills, it can be like solving a puzzle. Luckily, there are techniques you can use and things you can do to not only get a man but maintain a strong and healthy relationship for the long run.

How to Pick Up Gay Men

This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. ‚NYC Wingwoman‘ offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. There are 22 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 1,266,989 times.

Meeting gay guys is hard. First you have to determine if the guy you’re interested in is gay or straight. Then you have to approach him and strike up a conversation. And that’s assuming you have the confidence to walk up to an attractive stranger. Take some time to build up your confidence, and before you know it walking up to that cute guy at the bar won’t be a problem.

How to Pick Up Gay Men

The best gay sex positions: How do gay men have sex?

As anyone who’s ever had gay sex, thought about gay sex or watched gay sex will know there are endless combinations possible gay sex positions. But where to start? What feels best? How do you gay men have sex?

This guide to the four most accessible – and we reckon most pleasurable – gay sex positions will help get you started.

Before we get stuck into how to stick it in, we’d always condone safer sex and recommend you read our guide to PrEP, and always use condoms when having sex.

The best gay sex positions: How do gay men have sex?

To Be a Gay Man by Will Young – out and proud

The Pop Idol winner writes with humour and passion about homophobia’s impact on his life

The Mail on Sunday had told Will Young they would reveal it, whatever he thought. It had already run a piece suggesting he’d soon be “whooping it up… at one of Elton John and his lover David Furnish’s intimate little all-star soirees”, adding a “colourful rumour” about Young’s school friends being involved in the “homosexual intimidation of younger boys”. Young didn’t sue, which remains one of his “biggest regrets”, he writes. “I chose my career over the chance of being massacred.”

These were the horrendous conundrums people in his position had to deal with then. But the Mail on Sunday didn’t succeed: Young spoke out on his own terms to the News of the World, a day before the other paper’s “scoop”. “Those fuckers must have been furious,” he adds, with palpable pleasure. It was a landmark revelation at the time, coming only six months after the openly gay Brian Dowling had won Big Brother; pop culture was vital in changing attitudes to homosexuality in the early 2000s. Dowling’s win was also a big thing for Young. “Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone,” Young writes. “His being gay was not always the main topic of conversation. This allowed me to see that a gay man could be accepted as a person; not some kind of monster.”

To Be a Gay Man is a book about gay shame, Young explains, in his chatty introduction, and his journey to try and rid himself of it. As you read, you realise what a tough subject that must have been to approach, as well as to explore. The first chapter’s first line says it all: “Imagine being born into a world where, from the beginning, your true nature is under attack and ridiculed from the second you enter life.” The book begins in early childhood, when Young learned quickly he didn’t conform to the “usual gender norms”. At eight, he realises he fancies Bobby Ewing on Dallas. “I was clearly, as a young boy, meant to be attracted to his wife. It’s interesting to me now how this had already started to become a hugely internalised thinking process.”

Young writes with the likable fizz he’s kept revealing throughout his successful pop career (his latest album, 2019’s Lexicon, got to No 2 in the charts), and on the podcast he co-hosted, . His style is sweetly curious and he colours his vulnerabilities with humour. He recalls finding gay porn online at home in the 1990s (“I’d have to put a towel over the router because it would make a noise like a fax machine… I cannot explain to you how excruciating those 30 seconds were”). He recalls a scene from A Room With a View featuring a naked Rupert Graves that he would watch, frame by frame, covertly as a teenager. Years later, they recorded a radio play together. “I chose not to share this information with Rupert Graves, which, I think, was probably for the best,” he revelations, however, are anger-inducing. It’s shocking how Chris Moyles got away with a homophobic impression of Young on primetime Radio 1 in 2009. Days before the Pop Idol final, Young also recounts discovering the word “FAGGOTS”, scrawled in chalk, near where the contestants were preparing to go on stage and demanding a towel to wash it away. “We never did find out who’d written it,” he adds.”

But more recent moments offer hope. He celebrates the welcoming attitudes from the rural community he lives near in Cornwall, and how conversations with the musician Skin from Skunk Anansie have made him realise that “giving people a minute” may help with them if they’re displaying a lack of understanding or open-mindedness. “I could get outraged every minute of every day,” he adds, before making clear that this book is part of his mission to direct his anger in positive ways. How brilliant it is that he’s written it. Let’s hope there’s more to come.

To Be a Gay Man by Will Young is published by Virgin (£16.99). To order a copy go to . Free UK p&p over £15

To Be a Gay Man by Will Young – out and proud

Louisiana Man Indicted for Attempted Murder of a Gay Man and Plot to Kidnap and Murder Other Gay Men

A Louisiana man was indicted and charged today in federal court in the Western District of Louisiana on six counts, including hate crime, kidnapping, firearm and obstruction charges.

Chance Seneca, 19, of Lafayette, was charged by a federal grand jury on March 18 based on his attempted murder of a gay man and his overarching scheme to kidnap and murder gay men whom he met online. 

The indictment alleges that on June 19 and 20, 2020, Seneca attempted to kidnap one man and successfully kidnapped two other men through his use of Grindr, a dating application for gay and bisexual men. The indictment further alleges that the defendant attempted to murder one of these men because of his gender and sexual orientation, and that the defendant intended to dismember and keep parts of the victim’s body as trophies, mementos and food. The indictment further alleges that the defendant possessed a firearm in furtherance of the hate crime, and that he tried to cover up his actions by deleting communications between himself and the victim of the attempted murder. 

The statutory maximum for the hate crime, kidnapping and firearm offenses is life imprisonment. The statutory maximum for the attempted kidnapping and obstruction offenses is 20 years. The statutory minimum for the gun charge is five years.

The indictment was announced today by Acting U.S. Attorney Alexander C. Van Hook for the Western District of Louisiana, Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General Pam Karlan of the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division and FBI New Orleans Special Agent in Charge Bryan Vorndran.

The FBI conducted the investigation. This case is being prosecuted by Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Abendroth of the Western District of Louisiana and Trial Attorney Thomas Johnson of the Civil Rights Division. 

An indictment is merely an accusation, and the defendant is presumed innocent unless proven guilty.

For more information and resources on the department’s efforts to combat hate crimes, visit .

Louisiana Man Indicted for Attempted Murder of a Gay Man and Plot to Kidnap and Murder Other Gay Men

Coming out means valuing your „difference“ more than others‘ approval.

So many gay men grow up believing there is something “wrong” with us because we are different from other supposedly “normal” males. We expend considerable energy hiding our genuine selves from everyone around us—including those who care about us and, too often and most insidiously, from ourselves.

We project an image we believe will let us fit in with those whose approval we seek. It’s not surprising that a term like “straight-acting” shows up so often in gay men’s online personal ads. It presumably means the advertiser considers himself a “real” man—real, that is, according to a standard of masculinity he doesn’t attribute to other gay men.

American males of all sexual orientations are raised in a culture that insists the only way to be a man is to be “manly,” which typically requires denying our loneliness, tenderness, and need for love, and projecting an attitude of invincibility. Harvard psychologist William Pollack calls it the “Boy Code,” the messages instilled in a million ways from our youngest age telling us that “real” boys must keep a stiff upper lip, not show their feelings, act tough, and be cool.

Pollack writes in his book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, that “perhaps the most traumatizing and dangerous injunction thrust on boys and men is the literal gender straitjacket that prohibits boys from expressing feelings or urges seen (mistakenly) as ‘feminine’—dependence, warmth, empathy.” 

So many gay men learn we are different from other boys by having the fact pointed out and ridiculed by bullies during our young, most impressionable, years. Our young peers become pint-size enforcers of the Boy Code—using shameconformity to the absurd notion that every male is heterosexual and expresses his maleness only within a limited, permitted range of emotions and behaviors. 

As every gay man knows who has been insulted or assaulted for his actual or perceived sexual orientation, there are steep penalties for violating the Boy Code as there are for anyone who is “different” from the presumed (typically white, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How does a gay kid survive the trauma he suffers for being different in a culture that still condemns his difference as something bad or “less-than” and wants to mold him into the same shape it tries to mold every boy?

Robert Pollack says the most important thing a family can do to support their gay son is to keep loving him, “to convey to him, as soon as he shares his feelings, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientation will not in any way diminish how much he is admired and respected. These are the things a boy needs most to hear.”

What a man most needs to hear—from others, but most importantly from himself, in his own mind—is that he is okay just as he is. He needs to know that it’s okay not only to be gay if that’s what he is, but to be a man who chooses what being a man means for himself.

Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted definitions of masculinity and created lives that expressed their understanding of themselves and how they choose to express their identity as men who don’t necessarily fit traditional molds.

The late Harry Hay often called „the father of the modern gay movement,“ founded the Mattachine Society in Los Angeles in the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponder the questions Hay had long been asking: Who are gay people? Where do gay people come from? Where have gays been throughout history? 

Hay didn’t intend the Mattachines to be a political organization per se, but a group that would come together to enhance their self-understanding and explore the contributions gay people had made to the human race through the ages. The group was named after the secret male societies in France that in the Middle Ages dressed as jesters and used dance and comedy—a kind of camp humor—to mock the king and ridicule society’s false pretenses. 

In a 1987 essay titled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come,” Hay described homosexuals as “spirit people,” who, throughout the ages, had served society in their roles as “messengers and interceders, shamans of both genders, priestesses and priests, imagemakers and prophets, mimes and rhapsodes, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tinkers and tinkerers, searchers and researchers.”

Hay believed that gay people had something special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. He postulated that “gay people represent a genetic mutation of consciousness whose active fostering is now required for human survival.”

Hay believed that gay men are different from heterosexuals and that those differences go much deeper than mere sexual attraction to other men. He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggressive, noncompetitive, oriented toward sharing and inclined to develop what Hay called “subject-subject” love relationships of equals. 

In a 1990 interview for the Washington Blade, Harry Hay told me our calling as gay men “is not only to accept our uniqueness, but to affirm it, make it joyous.” 

For gay men, learning to accept our “different” sexual orientation as a positive aspect of ourselves is only part of our “coming out.” For all men, regardless of sexual orientation, the bigger challenge is to embrace the things about ourselves that make us unique—even when they don’t comport with the prevailing notions of what it means to be a man.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), the American essayist, lecturer, philosopher, poet, champion of individualism and opponent of conformity, put it so well, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

About This Article

As a gay man, it can be a struggle to find someone special, but you can up your chances by putting yourself out there and approaching guys you’re interested in. Attend LGBTQ events in your area, since this will make it easier to find someone who is passionate about causes you care about. When you’re looking for a guy, make sure to exude confidence by having good posture, smiling, and making eye contact. If you’re in a public place and want to grab someone’s attention, make eye contact with them and if they smile back, go introduce yourself! While the fear of rejection might hold you back from making an introduction, push yourself to say “Hello.” Even if you get rejected, at least you made an effort! For more help, like how to keep your man once you find one, scroll this summary help you?YesNo

About This Article

Picking up a gay man can be intimidating, but if you play it cool, act confident, and be yourself, you’ve definitely got this! Approach guys who interest you with a simple “Hello” or a smile to get a conversation started. After you’ve introduced yourself to a guy, make small talk to get to know him a bit. When you’ve met someone you like, be honest and tell him that you’re into him. If you’re unsure whether he likes you, see if he makes eye contact, which is a sign he’s into you. Once you feel confident he likes you, be direct and ask whether he wants to do something together, like dancing in a club or meeting for coffee. Don’t forget to ask for his phone number so you can stay in touch. For tips on how to follow up with a guy after you’ve got his number, read on!Did this summary help you?YesNo

Another Night at Bars?

You are a gay man who has been single far too long. You are good looking and smart, have a great set of friends, and take care of yourself: A “real catch,” you tell your buds. But something deep inside is telling you that the way you have been going about finding a man isn’t working.

As you check yourself in the mirror before getting ready to hit the bars again, you think, “There has got to be a better way than the gay bars! I keep going week after week and no luck. Will it happen tonight? Oh crap, is that a pimple?”

Seriously, being a gay man and trying to find someone to date is a real chore. There are tons of hurdles to overcome that can make it feel like the deck is stacked against us. One major barrier can be figuring out where to meet someone. While bars can be a fun place to hang out with our friends, they are not always conducive to romantic connections. And let’s face it—as time goes on, the inability to meet a quality person can take its toll on our confidence.

After speaking with a number of formerly single gay men who are now happily partnered, I will now reveal seven places to find your next boyfriend that are not a bar.

7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not a Bar

What follows are seven suggestions for places for gay men to meet a potential boyfriend that do not include a bar or nightclub.

You’ll find suggestions you’ve heard before, some of that are unconventional, and others that may even be silly. But if you’re trying to break out of the bars, you may want to give them all a chance. I will add that this list is by no means exhaustive—please feel free to add ideas in the comment section at the end of this article.

You have tried everything else–so what else do you have to lose? Okay—let’s look at the list!

1. Dating Apps and Web Sites

You may be thinking that using apps and websites seems silly, but many gay men have met the guy of their dreams by using these types of platforms. Popular ones include OKCupid and Gay.

Others that are not as well known but nonetheless effective include the apps VGL Gay, Mister, and Tinder. Some of these are free while others cost a small amount (or charge a nominal fee for premium services). The great thing about apps and websites is that most all of them nowadays allow the user to input certain search criteria or filter out folks based on user preferences. You can also check Gay Outdoors.

Some report feeling “desperate” using apps and websites for dating purposes. If you are one of those people, you need to rethink this and do so quickly. According to recent research, there are 41 million people in the US who are currently looking to meet that special someone online. This statistic does not speak to the number of single gay men specifically, but we make up a fair amount of that number.

If you have tried dating using apps and sites before with no luck, consider using a different app. Scroll through your smartphone’s options and pick something new. The idea here is to create change. Remember, dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself out there in order to make it happen.

And here is one final point on this suggestion—while Grindr, Scruff, and other apps are great tools for meeting people, keep in mind that some of these platforms are more sexually charged than others. There is nothing wrong with this but if your goal is to date, using the right app is important.

2. Facebook

Keep reading this, and don’t skim because it is important. Reflexively, some may turn their nose up at the thought of using Facebook to “mine for dates,” but here is the thing you may not know: there are tons of gay people on this social media platform. We are talking millions! There are a number of fan pages and groups on Facebook that are specifically designed for gay men who are single and relationship-ready. Type “gay single dating” into Facebook’s search box and see what comes up–lots! Remember, the people who are putting themselves out there are doing so with the same motivations that you are–to connect with someone for romance.

Did you know you can search Facebook for people on your friends list that are single? You sure can! Just punch in “single friends” or “my single friends” in the search box and see what comes up. You might be surprised. Of course, identification as single on Facebook depends on what the user indicates in their profile. But using this approach does allow you to see potential candidates. If they are an acquaintance, why not consider going out for a coffee? Later on the both of you might figure out that was your „first“ date. Again, what do you have to lose?

3. LGBQ Events and Fundraisers

As a population, we gays are very giving. Plus, many of us like to get all dolled up and go to events, like fundraisers for the different causes we support. Some examples include cancer-related events, HIV/AIDS-related causes, civil rights galas, and the list goes on. And if you are thinking that you won’t go to one of these events if it means having to go alone, please reconsider! Many gay men make the mistake of bringing a +1 to an event because they are embarrassed to be alone. The problem is that your +1 may be sending a glitchy signal to your potential next man that you are “with” someone. Get rid of the wing-man. Why confuse folks?

Several gay men have reported that they met the guy of their dreams by offering to be a “Table Captain” for a given event. In this capacity, you help to fill the table by soliciting people for donations. As captain, you have control over who is seated at your table—which is a huge advantage for you! Plus, you get to network with others who may be single and thereby expand your circle of available men.

Go to the fundraiser with the mindset of supporting the cause you care about, but be open to meeting someone new. Attitude is everything. It was the famous French philosopher Renee Descartes who said, „I think –therefore I am.“ What do you think?

4. Local Community Classes

This particular suggestion has worked well for many gay men who were formerly single. Do you like photography? What about painting, fitness, biking, aviation, cooking, horticulture, and so forth? One of the great things about about taking a class is the built-in advantage of a shared interest! Many classes are free or at little cost. You can find them by doing a Google search using your hometown or county in the search terms and seeing what pops up. Throw in the word “gay” as part of your search and refine your choices even more.

Chose a community class you are genuinely interested in and not just one where you think all of the hot men will be. We gays come in variety of shapes, ages, and sizes and we aren’t as cookie-cutter as many of the stereotypes people sometimes believe. Remember, it is only a shared interest if it is genuine.

5. Volunteer

This particular suggestion is a twofer when you think about it. First, you get the benefit of giving the gift of yourself to a cause you care about. Second, you will undoubtedly meet new people. More than a few happily partnered gay men have reported that they met their man through this approach. And so if you care about the environment for example, why not contact your local Greenpeace? If your passion is supporting your local LGBT community center, why not call them to see how they can use your gifts?

Some people worry about the time commitment required to volunteer for an organization. This is a very valid concern. It helps if you are up front about what you can and cannot do when you speak to the volunteer coordinator. Even if you can only be a greeter for an annual event or work the coat check, for example, it is something. And hey, a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.

6. Professional Organizations

Yep, you read that right! A professional organization to which you may already belong likely has a chapter dedicated for LGBT members.

The point here is that whatever you do for employment, there is likely a professional organization with a gay-focused subdivision. Almost all of them hold events, including socials, mixers, and fundraisers. If you belong to one of these associations, great—your work is half done. If not, why not look for one that fits your particular background?

Use your professional organization’s LGBT subchapter as a way of networking and expanding your circle of available, single gay men. It is completely okay to let people know you are “on the market,” so to speak. As mentioned earlier, dating is a numbers game. But if you don’t play it, you can’t win. It’s all about attitude and knowing what you want, right?

7. Local Gay-Friendly Church or Spiritual Center

Some may recoil at this suggestion, but guess what? Many partnered men have reported meeting their husband at their local gay-friendly church or spiritual center. There are a lot of gay men who are deeply spiritual—and not just the bat-crap, self-loathing types that we often hear about, either.

If you have a local place of worship or other community-based venue for spirituality and you identify with what is offered, why not give it a try? More and more, religious organizations are recognizing that LGBT folks have spiritual needs. You might be surprised at what you find when you do a quick Google search on “gay + spiritual” in your area.

If you are one of those people who are not sure what you believe in, consider taking the Belief-o-Matic self-assessment. It’s free and you will likely learn something about yourself that perhaps you did not know before. Did you know there are gay communities of Agnostics, Quakers, Pagans, Humanists, and so forth? There sure are! And there are gay atheists who congregate, as well. Take the self-assessment to see where you fit in.

Obviously, going to a local gay-friendly church or spiritual center should be about your spiritual nourishment and well-being. Think about this first before you decide which venue for spirituality is best for you. However, this does not mean you can’t also meet new people, enjoy deeply meaningful connections, and perhaps bump into your new boyfriend!

Final Thoughts

The dream that one day, you will meet the guy of your dreams is a wonderful thing to dream about. But fantasizing and doing something to make it happen are two different things.

If you want to meet your next boyfriend, then you will have to take control of the process. The Promethean spark of love only happens if there are two available people who happen to be at the right place at the right time.

Gay bars are great but let’s be real–you are over them and have been for a long time! That’s why you read this article, isn’t it? Why not try something new? Tomorrow could be a great day!

Comments

im 29 need a white guy to be my patner for long time of piriod

im black single lady looking for nice whith guy or indian or blackwith love to spend the rest of my life going me.082 224 0719

I am retired Air Force and classic car guy. Looking to find someone to share my life with.

Being agay is not something you should be affaid of cause we are many and most especailly church but am single and searching in uganda

Hello. I’m not here to judge anyone. We’re all sinners without a doubt.

But, as a Christian I can’t move past this post without saying that the act of homosexuality is purely wrong. I don’t hate people from the LGBTQ community, but I do not support what they do, because it goes against Biblical teachings.

Unintentionally fell for my best friend. He’s [without a doubt/proven to be] 100% straight. At present I choose NOT to act on my feelings except as a best friend/metaphorical older brother and love him as such. Though Lust [just on my end] is involved, I respect his, sexuality, personal space and boundaries. Unfortunately suppressing such powerful feelings and desire on his behalf is proving way too heavy a burden . I NEED to meet someone else soon so I can finally release the waters.

I am older but no troll or pedo, I prefer young guy for actual friend who is gay to. For real friend.

I’m a gay white male. Looking for a gay male 18 to 40. White, or Hispanic. I’m 58. I love men that are younger than me. I live in Lafayette Louisiana.

I am gay i am zach i need a boyfriend and a relationship with a younger guy. emails

Just a little way up Martin St to the north east of Trafalgar Square or by the steps in Oxford Street east of Ox Circus after London Pride and top end of Kensington Park Rd at Notting Hill Carnival. Excellent pick up points for younger gay men. .

So happy I found ‚Dat247gy‘ in Google. Does anyone know something like that?

I want a boy who are loking sexy have six packs abs and a gentleman

Looking for for mate or partner to share my life with me. Been single and still a virgin

I am 63 yrs old and having difficultly in finding a gay/bisexual man in east texas. I am white, want to stay within my race and around the same age. I am average build, d&d free,non smoker. Looking for fun 3-4x a month or more.

i would like to fina a older man, as i am. to enjoy life together…nothing out of the ordinary but lot’s of affection and caring. If there someone in his 70’s or 80’s and can still be to meet that person

More suggestions such as Volunteering, Spiritual or taking a class are great ideas.

I do find the same situation with on line and aps as the bars. That tends to be just as disappointing as the bars.

I’m looking for boyfriend I am 45 years old Latino and leave by monaco Mexico

older guy for friends and if it is to be a bf , I am into younger guys.. friends can be anyone.. bf slim to avg, 18-35, bttm . looking more for compationship , might be a young guy that needs a place to stay and we go from there.. lets chat..

I’m new closet. Not looking for bf but rather sexual friend. For bedroom fun… Bf stuff not for me I like dressing up as a girl n getting !!!!!!for as long as possible. As often as possible . Thnx guys

Social media and dating sites won’t do you much good if you’re over 30. After your name and zip code the next registration question is always your age (date of birth) and then they plaster your age right below your photo. Ageism is a real problem in meeting people and I confess I’m as irrationally age prejudiced as the next guy. It’s a data point that really should not be discussed unless you’re dead set on finding a friend within 7 years of your real age. In my book, appearance is more relevant than real age. I’ve seen dudes 25 who look 65 and v 65s who look 35. My experience with churches as been mixed. Lots of people who are already coupled. Many have various “life trauma” issues or the “Let Jesus Take the Wheel” mentality of taking no responsibility for their own life. It may be worth a try, but the odds are against you. The other suggestions are better. Borrowing from another article on this topic aimed at helping straight women find quality men, that writer suggested self-improvement, business seminars proved to be a winner. She also liked high-end special interest groups (wine tasting, museum tours, boating, etc.)

Soren So from Bangkok, Krung Thep on August 12, 2019:

Hey, I’m Soren from Thailand as a gay I found it difficult to find life partner here, i wish to find one too.

I’m 27yrs Educated person, have good job. I have tan skin, 5’6″ 160lbs

I’m looking for someone special to share special things in life with.

I don’t do drug, not a host, not money boy so if you’re looking for serious relationship send me message and lets see.

I’m real and hope you’re real too. Welcome any age over 30.

Hi Guys here i am waiting for you 41y old med built loveing caring guy

Been trying dating apps. (desperate move) but what i only are got here in the philippines scammers, scammers, posers, posers,Massuers And most of all lots of choosy are looking for potential partners, but hey look at their profiles, Doesnt like chubby, not tall, not good looking. Effiminate. Good want a perfect, celebrity looking boyfies.=O… sad thing on gayworld

Oh,Iwould love to meet a sexy gay Asian male.P.S.I am a gay man.

Phuminnaris Wongsawat from Thailand on June 27, 2019:

Welll I am living at Thailand and so hard for find someone but still looking in everyday hope can get to know in someday

My name Gunni if you want to know more Please say hi to my email

cant find a boyfriend in the state of arkansas around springdale and fayetteville anymore. used to be all over the place now all the bars clubs and parks are closed. im afried to go up to a man and ask him for a date in fear of getting my face punch. what is a guy to do just to get a men now. im 59 and want any where from 45 to 55 to date and have a serious relationship. is there anyone that can help me.

Looking for a bi-sexual or gay man in this redneck town is tough! Any suggestions???

Looking for gay man that lives in mitchelles Plain portlands

I’m an older man well 47 – not that old yet and I love young studs

My problem was that I did not know how to approach them without seeming like a creepy old dude

Plus I didn’t know how to spot the younger gay man or if he was bi-curious – so I was out of confidence because I was afraid of meeting a homophobic dude and get a punch on the face if was brave enough to go talk to him.

Luckily I rolled into this video course a few weeks ago and the difference is huge – I recently I started dating a hot guy and things are going great – I wanted to share this course with you

I am looking for a nice boyfriend hows got a nice personality and a good sence of humpur and is careing and friendly and honest and good looking and down

Hi michael here iam a gay man and looking for a nice boyfriend but no luck so far can you help me look for a nice boyfriend iam 58 year old and a adult wanker

Great article! There are indeed wonderful gay men out there- it’s just time consuming trying to find them. I am a gay matchmaker and have been for 8 years- and believe me, it’s a full time job. This article is right – Facebook can be a good tool as you can see mutual friends and you can have your friend vouch for the person. This is essential- we need to be able to vouch for everyone we work with at The Echelon Scene, so we screen and meet everyone in person. BUT, ask your friend to be as unbiased as possible- and ask your friend to contemplate if you have complementing values. This is key!

I am very much interested to know you and hopefully become your friend. I have nothing much to say but i know how you feel. And i understand where you’re coming from. I hope this simple message of mine will touch your loving heart. Its really hard and difficult to find people you want to share your heart and soul these days, but who knows..

I still believe that somewhere there..someone will be our good and better partner in life.. God bless.

Thanks CBJ. It seems that the search for love knows no boundaries. I live in a small, conservative town, and no gay bars or clubs. So, I don’t have to try to avoid them. I do enjoy visiting gay clubs when I travel to larger cities, and have met some nice people and remain friends with a couple I met in a club in Atlanta several years ago. I’m a 60 year old man, searching for a partner. As I have aged, I’ve come to understand that the man I hope to meet is not a supermodel but is emotionally available, mature and kind. And, I remain optimistic that I’ll meet him. In the meantime, I try to stay healthy, active and social. My friends and my family mean so much to my happiness, and I plan to invite my partner to that group.

Many probably won’t want to hear this, but this sagely advice is still true: You can’t love someone until you can love yourself. A problem in the gay community is we often have high expectations with little room for flexibility. Curbing idealizations is key to finding sustainable partnerships.

There’s no doubt the conventionally hot, bearded, chiseled man is yummy, but these men represent a small subset of the gay community; prioritizing the Adonis (who has his own problems and insecurities, too, mind you) won’t get you into a loving relationship. The proclivity of gay men to value physical attractiveness over emotional intelligence and communication is short-sighted. Good looks WILL fade; the foundations you’ve built with someone who’s been with you through your deepest lows is what makes a relationship.

My advice is to work on yourself. Always work on yourself. Know what makes you happy and build relationships and communities based on those factors. A few of my key „rules“:

2. Be vulnerable; honesty is not synonymous with weakness.

4. Be kind and forgive yourself and those who have hurt you often.

Looking for love is hard—online and off. If you’re older and looking for someone younger, know it’s probably not going to be easy for you. If you’re a person of color who only wants to date white men, deal with your internalized racism (I’m Asian and trust me, loving other men of color is incredibly empowering). If the beginning of your dating profile reads: „Looking for [insert sex position], attractive, fit, etc…“ you’re looking for sex, not love, so be real about that because longterm relationships are not built on who tops and who bottoms.

looking for love in all the wrong places // wanting to start out in the back seat.

Hello White Beautifull Hairless Cute Virgin Teen Age under 19 Years Old Bottom guys Meet me For Love fun and Marriage

Firstly, I want to know how many people actually sign up at community colleges to „meet“ people. Not to COST MONEY!!! Should I mention how many millennials are in debt for college loans. Who the f*** has time or the money to take an arbitrary course hoping to meet „the one“.. yea, needless to say I don’t need to „try“ this scenario to know how unlikely it is.

Next….Volunteer? Have you been to the rural south? Sure I can volunteer at Walmart. Or volunteer at a local though I already work there. But these are hardly two places I’d imagine meeting a compatible match. I’ve seen these advice tips given all over the internet and I’m convinced thise that are giving them live in either New York, LA or some other multimillion populous. For guys like me, stuck in the really are only two options. ;t get me started. Or driving an hour to a gay bar since there aren’t even any of those around. And these alliance groups? Seriously? I’ve searched everywhere for a local chapter of any of these organizations and not 1 to be found anywhere near where I live. And I sure your next suggestion will be to relocate, and while that may be the best ;s still frustratingly inconvenient and to mention the risk and time wasted if it all goes to shit. Why is it that only gay men that live in places like NY or LA seem to have such wonderful lives? Are the rest of us just suppose to deal with it or join you? All in ;s a shit deal, high risk with very low reward, constant solitude and perpetual stereotypes….I’d rather have Cancer quite personally.

Thanks for knowing this but I wish to know exact religious place.

I am mature, Italian, tan, gray bottom but versatile looking for a fit masculine top who is versatile but likes to take charge. I enjoy men with nice size packages – not small ones. I host on the southshore mid suffolk county, Long Island. Locals preferred. All ages who are fit & masculine are good.

The last relationship i was in lasted 9 years but there were signs day one he brought items from his last marriage and told me he could not get ride of them wedding picture i still stayed faithful until he sleeping with my best friend and i did not find out until he had died from aids and i never touch my partner and got tested my test came back neg. I was hurt i am ok but still single do not want my nexts partner to be controling or hurt me i have faith

Well, this is a helpful article … I’m still single and I really can’t tell if these venues for meeting guys really work … but I do hope I find the right one.

Think more of the problem is gay culture itself. Finding men that are men that know what they want out of life takes time. Shallow is the thing that runs rampant in the culture and it just gets old. Main thing, you have to be true to yourself and what you seek and stay away from all the unnecessary drama and bull. In bigger cities, these are options, where I live, things to do or clubs to join are pretty much non-existent. Just have to remain positive and realize you don’t need someone in your life to be happy…although it is nice to have someone to share things with.

I am a married man who is craving for a fwb only i am bi

A little about me I currently live in sunny Arizona. Love it here yes it’s hot but our winters are beautiful. I’m blk 145 slim and trim I’ll be 52 next month look 36 get carded often. I’m totall into movies I can binge watch movies all day. I go to as many Festivals here in the valley as much as I can. I write poetry script writing I love the Art galleries here in the valley. And also quite times at the house, I’m not looking to have sex with anyone I want a Relationship no one nightstands here. If your living in the valley hit me up.

Lookingfor lovefun loving serious like 18 to 30 im 70 love to kiss and cyddle

The problem that I have is often on dating sites there are a lot of effeminate men and not men’s men.

am so bi been for a long love to be with the right guy…

Hi I’ve looking for someones who s care me and love

I need a guy whom Is serious . I will love him as a husband and treasure him. Please anyone there?

available during business hours only. east city. prefer to be a bottom, but flexible. (really)

not lookin for something to serious wright now but what ever happens should stay with you and me.

I like boys and around cleveland,ohio im 19 years old im gay and proud

very hard to meet decent loyal real down to earth guys in a bar i hate the bar scene where do you go to meet others they say try a church or a group or some kind of acrivity groups

Looking for a steady partner. I am loyal and want to be in a relationship. Please

I begin think I,ve tried them all so far seems the game playing makes one wonder about men to ,or are they just over grown boys

older single in Washington state , looking for relationship

I hate going now to bars there use to be good quality guys there but not any more.I use to meet good quality men at a straight gym . I find the gay community in the gay village are real snobby „if you are not a typical gay activists or look a certain way they want nothing to do with you.

I’m 18 live near London, England and want a nice loyal bf with great personality

I am trying to find my true love its a gay life I guess..

I would like to just talk to you and I hope you can help I have been looking for someone with a good persanoite I can’t seem too find any one

65 years looking for tops men sny age but preferred around my age

I’d like clarify something in regard what dating websites generally dont and is because places like OLCupid, albeit free and with many men options, by being free anybody can use it, couples looking for a third for fun or love, bored men browsing and looking to find, simply guys looking for and because of there’s a lack of „quality men“ we found ourselves going on dates that don’t workout (if they don’t flake on you the very day of the date…)

For those of you who are SERIOUS and commited to find a partner, you need to chose more discretionary websites that usually comes with membership costs (they vary based on different factors but all aimed to pair you with the right candidates). No one who pays money (even top money) for dating online services unless seriously invested and a great gatekeeper for bored couples or gossipy flakey men.

Got the same problem can’t find some one to have fun with surly it can’t be that hard

I am looking for cars & to love me want I am I want to love good man I don’t car want age you are.

Hello age 27 am looking for a nice guy to date with please help me am single, from Southern Africa Zambia. Someone who is mature and good to me

Perhaps I’m single because of my personality. I’ve been told that I am peculiar and quirky. I wish I were somewhat average sometimes. Deep down there I am still that shy and lonely guy who dreams about a little home for me and a man to protect me and love me. Nonetheless, I try to remain strong and confident. Well, that’s life. Life is a mess. Life is a bitch, but this doesn’t mean you have to be one. I’m not.

Hi..I think the problem is all this social media hype and a radical overuse of technology. Most people dont really want to be labelled or have to fit into defined groups in order to meet other people. My advice and i have never been alone for more than two or three months in all my 65 years is go out, or as my mother used to say, join clubs. Nothing changes only that the powers that me want to control us better for their own nefarious purposes.

Im looking for someone i could share the hardship and joy of life. Someone with whom i could take pride in each of our victories and put my backs and tears behind each of our struggles. Someone who would see the virtue of a knight instead of madman. Someone with whom i could strive for greatness. The one who would forgive my trespasses for i too am still learning to love. Someone who does not give up on words and promises but are willing to go through pain and wrong while building something and perhaps the only thing that really matters. Is out there another madman another man of chivalry? Or have all days of glory passed in favor of cheap hedonism?

David from 4 months ago…14 years is a long time. I’ve been in a relationship for 30 ;s also a long time. I’m not sure monogamy is the answer either. I think we need variety. There is no easy answer, unless you meet your soul mate.

Happy new year 2017 hope we can share love and life

Anal sex positions

Most of these gay sex positions are anal sex positions, but there are some non-penetrative sexual positions at the end too.

If you’re after more anal sex reading, here’s another general guide on how to have anal sex that covers douching, communication, lube and some other stuff.

Top, bottom or versatile?

We’re going to look at gay sex positions from the point of view of a top and a bottom.

If you’re versatile (and we encourage you all to be), lucky you, you can do both. In some gay sex positions the top leads the action, and in some the bottom takes the lead.

Interested in finding out why some guys are top and some are bottom? Here’s a scientific study from 2017 that talks about it.

Try the gay missionary position first

This gay sex position may sound boring, but it’s not, we promise. It’s one of the easiest positions for a top, and not especially difficult for a bottom.

During gay sex, if you’re engaging in foreplay and sucking his cock while he’s laying down, keep licking, kissing and sucking as you move your mouth down towards his balls.

Then go further, toward his perineum (the bit between his balls and his ass) and then his butthole.

Bottom: if you’re enjoying this, give him a few moans and wriggle your asshole a bit closer to where his tongue is.

If he’s keen, keep eating his ass. Open his ass cheeks and get in there deep with your tongue. If you can, and body shapes and sizes depend on this, lift his ass up a bit.

Seeing eye to eye

The gay missionary position is good for maintaining eye contact and clear communication during anal sex.

You can penetrate your partner slowly and carefully, keeping an eye on the target. You can build up a momentum that you’re both comfortable with. And it’s easy to get back in if you slip out, because you can see everything clearly.

Now try riding a guy’s cock

If you’re new to getting f**ked, or nervous about taking a big dick, this gay sex position could be good for you, because as a bottom, you’ll have the control.

It’s a good one for gaining confidence when it comes to taking cock – if it starts to hurt, you can slow down, and lower yourself onto him at your own pace.

You need a certain amount of athleticism to be able to ride your man. You want to be going up and down, and slightly back and forth, at the same time. A bit like riding a horse.

If you’re bigger built than your top, or if you’re a bigger guy in general this one can be tricky as gravity is against you. Be careful not to crush the chap under you or he’ll be at risk of losing his erection.

Gay Men Kissing: How To Make Out With a Guy!

The one feature of a gay kiss that separates it from other types of romantic acts is the experience involves two men. As a result, gay kissing tend to be more intense.

But isn’t that to be expected when two guys lock lips?

When done right, a hot gay kiss will send shivers down your man’s spine. But when done wrong, it can ruin the possibility of future encounters.

Ask most gay men and they will tell you if the guy doesn’t know how to kiss, any possibility of something more happening; like a relationship, is pretty much dead.

Gay Kissing Ultimate Guide

We created this guide on gay kissing to help you learn the basics of locking lips. The truth is, there’s a whole lot more involved than you might think!

For example, if you are kissing a man with a beard, your approaching might be different than someone with a smooth face. And if the guy is taller than you, the way you approach the lip lock may be different than someone who is shorter.

What follows is a comprehensive, ultimate guide on gay kissing that we’re confident will give you useful, practical insight on how to make out with a man like a pro.

We’ve broken this guide into three parts. Read them all because each are vitally important to a successful outcome.

Gay Kissing TV and Movies

If you are into guys kissing guys, there’s plenty of male celebrities who have been involved in same sex smooches. Below are but a few examples of actors who have done a gay kiss scene.

If you want to learn more, see our guys kissing guys on TV and movies page.

Do Straight Guys Ever Kiss?

When a guy identifies as straight, he will usually shy away from intimate contact, like making out. However, there are occasions where a straight man will be open to a gay experience, such as a passionate kiss.

Related: Top 10 reasons straight men go temporarily gay

Gay Kissing Final Thoughts

Kissing another man is an art form. The truth is, most of us were never given a blueprint for how to do it right.

Hopefully, this guide has allowed you to learn more about gay kissing so that you feel more confident when the time comes. If you found this page to be helpful, please Like us on Facebook!

Related Reading

If you are interested in more topics related to gay life, consider one of our other handy guides:

Health issues for gay men and men who have sex with men

Understand important health issues for gay men and men who have sex with men — from sexually transmitted infections to depression — and get tips for taking charge of your health.

All men face certain health risks. However, gay men and men who have sex with men have some specific health concerns.

Although your individual risks are shaped by many factors beyond your sexual orientation and practices — including family history and age — it’s important to understand common health issues for gay men and steps you can take to stay healthy.

What does gay chastity mean, and what’s the difference between a chastity belt and chastity cage?

1. Flirt Before Gay Kissing

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to lunge at your guy and starting kissing on him. Instead, allow the opportunity to flirt a little. This helps to create anticipation: the buildup for what’s to come. Here are some suggestions:

2. Eye Contact is Important with Gay Kisses

During the flirting stage, it’s important to make eye contact. This can be a bit tricky because you don’t want to come off as creepy by staring too long. To master this step, you may need to practice confidence building in advance.

Tackle depression

Gay men and men who have sex with men might be at higher risk of depression and anxiety.

If you’re reluctant to seek treatment, confide in a trusted friend or loved one. Sharing your feelings might be the first step toward getting treatment.

Address body image concerns

Gay men are more likely to experience body image problems and eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia nervosa, than are their straight counterparts.

One potential explanation is that, as a result of growing up with images of slender and effeminate gay men or men with muscular bodies, some gay and bisexual men worry excessively about their weight.

If you’re struggling with body image concerns or an eating disorder, get help. Talk to your doctor or a mental health provider about treatment options.

Seek help for substance abuse

In the U.S., gay men are more likely to smoke than are heterosexual men and gay men are more likely to deal with alcoholism than is the general population.

If you have a substance abuse concern, remember that help is available. Local lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender health, mental health, or community centers often provide substance abuse treatment. Organizations such as the GLMA also might provide referrals.

Recognize domestic violence

Domestic violence can affect anyone in an intimate relationship. Gay men might be more likely to stay silent about this kind of violence due to fear of discrimination and a lack of facilities designed to accommodate them.

Staying in an abusive relationship might leave you depressed, anxious or hopeless. If you don’t want to disclose your sexual orientation, you might be less likely to seek help after an assault. Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action — the sooner the better.

If you’re a target of domestic violence, tell someone about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, loved one, health care provider or other close contact. Consider calling a domestic violence hotline and creating a plan to leave your abuser.

Make routine health care a priority

Don’t let fear of homophobia or the stigma associated with homosexuality prevent you from seeking routine health care. Instead, take charge of your health.

Look for a doctor who puts you at ease. Identify yourself as gay or bisexual, and ask about routine screenings recommended for men in your age group — such as blood pressure and cholesterol measurements and screenings for prostate, testicular and colon cancers.

If you’re not in a long-term, mutually monogamous relationship, schedule regular screenings for sexually transmitted infections. Share any other health concerns you might have with your doctor as well. Early diagnosis and treatment help promote long-term health.

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In 2014, Joe Castle – a gay man – had a stoma fitted.

He says that having a stoma has dramatically changed his sex life.

Joe, 28, had a stoma formed due to gastro paralysis with colitis. He had contracted the flu when he was nine, which paralysed his entire digestive system.

Due to being so unwell, he spent most of his life in and out of the hospital. He was given an ileostomy, which is where the end of the small bowel is pulled out to the outside of your abdomen, to allow waste to be collected in a stoma bag, after suffering with rectal bleeding and sickness that became so debilitating that had his condition deteriorated any more, he would have died.

He also has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome that affects his collagen and connective tissues, and mast cell activation.

Joe, from Essex, had only been with his partner, Dean, 42, for a year when his stoma was formed. Joe says that Dean has always been ‘super supportive’, and totally supported Joe’s agreement to have a stoma bag.

Hairdresser Joe says that at first, his stoma bag didn’t bother him when it came to his sex life, as he still had his large bowel, meaning anal sex was possible, and still comfortable.

As Joe describes himself as the ‘receiver’ in the relationship, it meant that, though Joe struggled with his body confidence following the procedure, his sex life wasn’t impacted.

But over the space of a year, his condition deteriorated to the point there was no other choice than to remove his remaining large bowel. He was left with a tiny bit of his rectum – something he pleaded with doctors to keep so that his sex life wasn’t over forever.

Joe tells ‘Dean and I had a good chat about it all and we just knew that my health comes first before any sexual activity, and we would just have to deal with the outcome.

‘Dean was fine with it and he sat and spoke to my surgical team about it himself. We decided we would leave a small amount of bowel so that I can still experience a small amount of sex, even if very gently.’

He continues: ‘My sex life has changed a lot. I’m not able to just rip Dean’s clothes off and have full anal sex.

‘Now, if we are going to do it, we have to take our time and go really slow and gentle. We can’t go deep as I don’t have enough bowel to be able to do this.’

Joe says while he has accepted his bag, the steroids he has to take have made him feel unconfident.

‘They have changed my body and made me gain weight, and I get the dreaded “moon face” as I’m on them long-term,’ he have no idea when I can stop taking them.

‘When I first had my bag I hated it and thought “What have I done? Why did I agree to this?”, I hated my body.’

Joe got through this with the help of his mum, who changed his bag, his dad, who also had a bag for a short period of time, and the support of Dean.

He says being receiving anal sex in bed is ‘hard right now’, due to only having 5mm of bowel left.

He said: ‘Intercourse isn’t the easiest thing to do. It can cause me to bleed, so I have to take it super slow.

‘When we can, it’s great. But I have to take it so slow and watch for any pain and bleeding.

‘But sex doesn’t have to be about anal – there’s loads we can do. The world has come on loads nowadays; there are toys and kinky stuff. And then there’s oral.’

Joe says that while he and Dean did have sex much more frequently before his stoma, it hasn’t totally stopped his sex life.

‘I would say we did have sex more before, it was all the time,’ he tells us. ‘Now it’s more like once or twice a week, but some weeks it can be every day.’

Due to the stoma bag being full of stool, it can sometimes leak. This has actually happened to Joe during sex – but he and Dean just get on with things.

‘I have leaked during sex, but I’m lucky that me and Dean just laugh it off’, he says.

‘We wash the sheets and jump in the shower and then carry on.’

While Joe’s bag is permanent, he has completely accepted it and is now couldn’t imagine life without it. His relationship is still a happy and fulfilled one – even if they’ve had to get used to a change in the bedroom.

Joe says: ‘It’s okay to be scared. A stoma bag doesn’t mean it’s the end of your life – or your sex life. There is loads you can do; just be inventive and make sure you have a good support system for the mental side of things.

‘My relationship since the bag is great, it hasn’t changed much between us. Dean knows everything about how I feel – we’re really open and talk about everything.

‘I think we miss being able to just bend over and have sex. It’s not like that now.